Oh, and my fiancé--
I love saying that--
we've been talking about the guest list for our wedding.
While we'd love to invite everyone,
we're gonna have to make some hard choices.
hint, a good pre-wedding gift could be the bump you need.
Any Apple products
gets you in the first five rows.
Does she really think this is gonna be a hot ticket?
Welcome to the waiting list, Marjorie.
Would a waffle iron get me a good seat?
It'll get you in the building.
我来分享 克丽丝蒂 酒瘾者
I'll share. Christy, alcoholic.
You know, she is not kidding about that list.
I don't even think I made the cut.
Anyway, my boyfriend is in town this weekend for his birthday,
and I saved enough money to take him to dinner,
buy him a travel mug, and...
get professionally waxed.
So no more bristly patches.
It's true what they say:
如果你坚持戒瘾 人生会变得更广阔 美好
if you stay sober, your life gets bigger and better
Of course you're invited to the wedding.
I'm gonna need someone to hold up my dress while I pee.
All right, we have time for one more.
Uh, would our newcomer like to share?
Hi, I'm Jill, alcoholic.
It's weird to call myself a newcomer,
but that's what I am.
Got the one-day chip to prove it.
'Course I keep slipping, so I got about ten of these things.
By the way, should I be recycling 'em?
you know like give a penny, take a penny?
I've been having a hard time staying sober,
but this morning felt different. I got up off the lawn,
before the sprinklers went off this time.
I went inside,
poured myself a cup of coffee
with just cream, no vodka,
然后说 早安 世界
and said "Morning, world!
It's a brand new day."
Also, if I sent you a video of myself
singing Carrie Underwood naked, could you please delete it?
I'll show it to you when we get home.
Get ready for your next birthday surprise.
Look quick, 'cause it's coming off fast.
Wow, I did not think you could top that travel mug.
- Smooth. - u202dI know!
Oh, please tell me that's something in your bedside table
that we're gonna use later.
- I'll turn it off. - u202dOkay.
Oh, God, it's my friend Jill.
I hate to do this, but I got to go.
Now? Not, like, ten glorious minutes from now?
Sorry, it's an emergency.
She's been trying to get sober,
and now she's drunk and freaking out.
I promise I'll make it up to you.
If you get hungry, there's chocolate sauce in the nightstand.
Can you believe this?
I know, we were just getting started.
Oh? We were done.
Yeah. We've been together a while.
We got it down to three essential moves.
I can't believe it.
I went to the market to get some almond milk,
and I ended up buying two fifths of vodka.
Ugh. You drink almond milk?
More coffee and cookies. May I go home now?
Yeah. I'm sorry about your shoes.
Thank you for aiming down this time.
-晚安 -谢谢你 索莱达
- Good night. - u202dThank you, Soledad.
Why does this keep happening?
Oh, honey, it's a cunning and baffling disease.
That's the best you got?
Give me a break. It's late.
I'm not wearing a bra.
The important thing is that you called us.
And that Soledad took the scissors away
before you gave yourself a mullet.
I really do want to get sober.
You're gonna get this.
Just call us before you go to the market next time.
- We love you. - u202dYeah.
We're here for you.
Oh, my God.
This cookie is giving me my second orgasm of the night.
Oh, yeah, you're totally gonna get this.
So they just don't come home all night,
and that's normal?
Oh, you can't get hung up
on what's normal around here.
Be happy they left us milk and toilet paper.
Looks like the highlight of my birthday weekend
will be more time with my dickweed brother.
You call it your birthday,
I call it the 54th anniversary of you stealing my mother.
You still eat Captain Crunch?
First of all, dude,
it's pronounced "Cap'n."
And you disrespect his service to the Crunch Navy
if you say it any other way.
-男孩们 我们回来了 -在这里
- Boys, we're back. - In here.
Hey, how's Jill?
Ah, she yelled,
she tried to make out with Wendy,
she took a swing at Marjorie-- nothing we haven't seen before.
Now she's sleeping it off, which is what I want to do.
Caring about other people is exhausting.
I am never doing it again.
You seem pretty beat.
Me? No. No.
I have a whole day planned for us.
We're gonna go for a hike and...
see that documentary on bees you keep talking about and, uh...
then we're gonna have a-a fabulous dinner.
So, happy birthday.
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