极品老妈第五季第十五集

Mom S05E15

Part1

2020年1月3日 21:59

我的未婚夫
Oh, and my fiancé--
我喜欢说"未婚夫"
I love saying that--
我们一直在讨论婚礼的宾客名单
we've been talking about the guest list for our wedding.
虽然我们很想邀请所有人
While we'd love to invite everyone,
但我们必须做出一些艰难的决定
we're gonna have to make some hard choices.
暗示一下好的婚前礼物有助于增加受邀几率
hint, a good pre-wedding gift could be the bump you need.
任何苹果产品
Any Apple products
都能让你坐到前五排
gets you in the first five rows.
她真以为会很抢手啊
Does she really think this is gonna be a hot ticket?
恭喜你进入了候补名单玛乔丽
Welcome to the waiting list, Marjorie.
烤饼机能让我得到好座位吗
Would a waffle iron get me a good seat?
能让你进入大楼
It'll get you in the building.
我来分享克丽丝蒂酒瘾者
I'll share. Christy, alcoholic.
克丽丝蒂
Hi, Christy.
名单的事她没有开玩笑
You know, she is not kidding about that list.
我觉得我都没上名单
I don't even think I made the cut.
总之我男友本周末来城里过生日
Anyway, my boyfriend is in town this weekend for his birthday,
我攒了足够的钱请他去吃饭
and I saved enough money to take him to dinner,
给他买♥♥个旅行杯
buy him a travel mug, and...
做个专业蜜蜡除毛
get professionally waxed.
所以不会再扎人了
So no more bristly patches.
人们说的对
It's true what they say:
如果你坚持戒瘾人生会变得更广阔美好
if you stay sober, your life gets bigger and better
和光滑
and... smoother.
谢谢
Thanks.
你当然受邀参加婚礼了
Of course you're invited to the wedding.
我需要某人在我小便时帮我拉着裙子
I'm gonna need someone to hold up my dress while I pee.
好时间还够一个人说
All right, we have time for one more.
我们的新人想分享吗
Uh, would our newcomer like to share?
我是吉尔酒瘾者
Hi, I'm Jill, alcoholic.
吉尔
Hi, Jill.
称自己为新人很奇怪
It's weird to call myself a newcomer,
但我就是新人
but that's what I am.
有第一天纪念牌可以证明
Got the one-day chip to prove it.
但我总是复喝所以我有大概十个牌子了
'Course I keep slipping, so I got about ten of these things.
顺便问句我该回收利用吗
By the way, should I be recycling 'em?
放一分钱拿一分钱
you know like give a penny, take a penny?
总之
Anyhow...
我很难坚持戒瘾
I've been having a hard time staying sober,
但今早我感觉不同我在洒水器洒水之前
but this morning felt different. I got up off the lawn,
从草地上起来了
before the sprinklers went off this time.
我进了屋
I went inside,
给自己倒了杯咖啡
poured myself a cup of coffee
只加了奶油没有伏特加
with just cream, no vodka,
然后说早安世界
and said "Morning, world!
这是全新的一天
It's a brand new day."
还有如果我给你们发了一个
Also, if I sent you a video of myself
我裸体唱凯莉·安德伍德的视频能删掉吗
singing Carrie Underwood naked, could you please delete it?
谢谢
Thanks.
回家以后我给你看
I'll show it to you when we get home.
准备好迎接第二个生日惊喜吧
Get ready for your next birthday surprise.
赶紧看因为会很快脱掉的
Look quick, 'cause it's coming off fast.
我没想到你能超越那个旅行杯
Wow, I did not think you could top that travel mug.
-光滑 -我知道
- Smooth. - u202dI know!
拜托告诉我那是你床头柜里
Oh, please tell me that's something in your bedside table
我们稍后会用到的东西
that we're gonna use later.
-我会关掉的 -好
- I'll turn it off. - u202dOkay.
天啊是我朋友吉尔
Oh, God, it's my friend Jill.
我不想这样做但我必须走了
I hate to do this, but I got to go.
现在吗不度过精彩的十分钟再走吗
Now? Not, like, ten glorious minutes from now?
抱歉是急事
Sorry, it's an emergency.
怎么了
W-What's wrong?
她试图坚持戒瘾
She's been trying to get sober,
现在她喝醉了非常恐慌
and now she's drunk and freaking out.
我保证我会弥补你的
I promise I'll make it up to you.
如果你饿了床头柜里有巧克力酱
If you get hungry, there's chocolate sauce in the nightstand.
你能相信吗
Can you believe this?
我知道我们刚开始
I know, we were just getting started.
我们刚结束
Oh? We were done.
是的我们在一起很久了
Yeah. We've been together a while.
我们压缩成了三个基本动作
We got it down to three essential moves.
极品老妈第五季第十五集
我不敢相信
I can't believe it.
我去超♥市♥买♥♥杏仁奶
I went to the market to get some almond milk,
结果买♥♥了两瓶伏特加
and I ended up buying two fifths of vodka.
恶心你喝杏仁奶吗
Ugh. You drink almond milk?
更多咖啡和饼干我能回家了吗
More coffee and cookies. May I go home now?
可以对不起弄脏了你的鞋
Yeah. I'm sorry about your shoes.
感谢你这次向下吐
Thank you for aiming down this time.
-晚安 -谢谢你索莱达
- Good night. - u202dThank you, Soledad.
这种事为什么总发生
Why does this keep happening?
亲爱的这是一种狡猾而令人困惑的疾病
Oh, honey, it's a cunning and baffling disease.
这就是你最好的表现吗
That's the best you got?
放我一马吧很晚了
Give me a break. It's late.
我还没戴胸罩
I'm not wearing a bra.
重要的是你给我们打了电♥话♥
The important thing is that you called us.
而且在你给自己剪长发背头之前
And that Soledad took the scissors away
索莱达拿走了剪刀
before you gave yourself a mullet.
我真的很想戒瘾
I really do want to get sober.
没事的
It's okay.
你能克服的
You're gonna get this.
下次去超♥市♥之前给我们打电♥话♥
Just call us before you go to the market next time.
-我们爱你 -是的
- We love you. - u202dYeah.
我们支持你
We're here for you.
天啊
Oh, my God.
这饼干让我今晚第二次高♥潮♥了
This cookie is giving me my second orgasm of the night.
对你绝对能克服的
Oh, yeah, you're totally gonna get this.
所以她们一晚上都不回家
So they just don't come home all night,
这正常吗
and that's normal?
你不能太纠结于
Oh, you can't get hung up
这家里什么算正常
on what's normal around here.
她们留了牛奶和厕纸知足吧
Be happy they left us milk and toilet paper.
看起来我生日周的精彩时刻
Looks like the highlight of my birthday weekend
将是与我的鸡麻哥哥共度更多时光
will be more time with my dickweed brother.
你称之为你的生日
You call it your birthday,
我称之为你偷走我妈妈的54周年纪念日
I call it the 54th anniversary of you stealing my mother.
怎么了
What?
你是认真的吗兄弟
Seriously, dude?
你依然吃嘎嘣脆队长吗
You still eat Captain Crunch?
首先兄弟
First of all, dude,
应该叫"船长"
it's pronounced "Cap'n."
任何别的称呼都是不尊重
And you disrespect his service to the Crunch Navy
他对嘎嘣脆海军做出的贡献
if you say it any other way.
-男孩们我们回来了 -在这里
- Boys, we're back. - In here.
吉尔怎么样了
Hey, how's Jill?
她大喊大叫
Ah, she yelled,
她试图和温蒂亲热
she tried to make out with Wendy,
她给了玛乔丽一拳老样子
she took a swing at Marjorie-- nothing we haven't seen before.
现在她在睡觉养神我也想睡
Now she's sleeping it off, which is what I want to do.
关心其他人太累了
Caring about other people is exhausting.
我再也不会这样做了
I am never doing it again.
晚安
Good night.
你看起来很累
You seem pretty beat.
我吗不不
Me? No. No.
我为我们计划好了一整天
I have a whole day planned for us.
我们要去徒步
We're gonna go for a hike and...
看你一直说的那个蜜蜂的纪录片
see that documentary on bees you keep talking about and, uh...
然后我们要吃很棒的晚餐
then we're gonna have a-a fabulous dinner.
所以生日快乐
So, happy birthday.
耶
Yay.
好的要么不徒步了