极品老妈第五季第二十集

Mom S05E20

Part1

2020年1月3日 22:00

好我们去互助会了
All right, we're off to the meeting.
好好享受或哭吧做你们平常做的事
Have fun or cry, or whatever you guys do.
我很享受弄哭别人
I have fun making other people cry.
找到你的钥匙了吗
Did you find your keys yet?
找到了十分钟前
Oh, yeah. Ten minutes ago.
现在我只是爬来爬去找零食
Now I'm just crawling around looking for snacks.
我告诉你无数次了
I told you a million times,
-如果你把钥匙放在同一个地方 -啦啦啦
- if you put your keys in the same... - Bup-bup-bup.
也许我放在楼上了
Maybe I left them upstairs.
今晚某些时候在冰球打架的间隙
At some point tonight, between hockey fights,
你能丢掉从中午就放在那的金枪鱼三明治吗
could you throw away your tuna sandwich that's been sitting there since lunch?
-我会的 -你会吗
- I'll get to it. - Will you, though?
因为"我会的"成了你最近的座右铭
'Cause "I'll get to it" Has kind of been your motto lately,
但你从没处理过
only things never actually get got to.
既然你这么介意何不自己收拾
If it bothers you so much, why don't you do it?
因为我让你收拾了
'Cause I told you to do it.
我本来打算收拾的
I was actually gonna do it,
但你搞严重了
but... you just made it a thing.
之所以变严重
It's only a thing
是因为你搞严重了小题大做狂
'cause you made it a thing, thing maker.
找不到我发誓回家以后
Couldn't find them. I promise I will put everything
我会把所有东西都放回壁橱里
back in the closet when we get home.
最好立刻就放不然就严重了
Better do it right away, or it could become a thing.
妈妈你能开车吗
Mom, can you just drive?
难以置信你找不到钥匙
Unbelievable-- you can't keep track of your keys,
给我添了麻烦
so I get inconvenienced.
看我找到你钥匙了
Oh, look-- I found your keys.
为什么在你身上
Why do you have them?
我借了你的车开去了商店
I borrowed your car to go to the store
因为我找不到我的钥匙总之...
when I couldn't find my keys. Anyway...
你开车
you drive.
而且你快没油了
Oh, and you're on empty.
我会尽量不杀她
I'll try not to kill her.
生死有命
Whatever happens, happens.
好样的你让我们迟到了
Nice work-- you made us late
现在温蒂坐了我的位子
and now Wendy's in my seat.
那不是你的位子
It's not your seat.
拜你所赐今天不是
Yeah, not today, thanks to you.
我要找我的互助对象
I need my sponsor. I need my sponsor.
你绝对猜不到我妈妈刚做了什么
You will never guess what my mother just did.
你知道你平常打招呼都用这句话开头吧
You do realize that's how you say hello.
抱歉你好
I'm sorry. Hello.
你好
Hi.
你绝对猜不到我妈妈刚做了什么
You will never guess what my mother just did.
在跳入熟悉的似海深仇之前
Instead of diving into that all-too-familiar pool of resentment,
让我问你一件事
let me ask you something.
你四十岁了是吧
You're 40 years old, right?
在陌陌上不是
Not on Tinder.
你有工作
You have a... A job?
是的
Yes.
你妈妈快逼疯你了
And your mother drives you absolutely bananas.
是的
Oh, yeah.
那你为什么还和她住一起
So why do you still live with her?
-温蒂你好像坐到东西了 -什么东西
- Wendy, I think you're sitting on something. - Oh, what?
我的椅子
My chair.
你看到你妈妈刚做了什么吗
Did you see what your mother just did?
我知道我为什么还和她一起住
I know. Why the hell do I still live with her?
极品老妈第五季第二十集
今天怎么回事现在是你偷了我的座位
What is happening today? Now you're stealing my seat?
我坐中间
I am middle.
这有关系吗
What does it matter?
坐中间能吃到任何人点的薯条
That way I can have fries no matter who orders them.
好吧
Fine.
等等我要小便起来
Wait, I have to pee. Get up.
所以我喜欢坐你旁边
That's why I like sitting next to you--
你有骆驼的膀胱
you have the bladder of a camel.
以及更美动物的皮囊
And the outsides of a much more attractive animal.
你们觉得我依然和妈妈住很奇怪吗
Do you guys think it's weird that I still live with my mother?
她问了所以我们能回答对吧
I mean, she's asking, so we can answer, right?
她打开了门走进去吧
She opened the door-- walk on through.
好这就像你讨厌松饼
Okay, it's kind of like if you hated muffins,
但决定住在松饼厂里
but you decided to live in a muffin factory.
我真想住在松饼厂里
Oh, I'd love to live in a muffin factory.
松饼厂是什么只是面包店吗
What is a muffin factory? Isn't it just a bakery?
"面包店"意味着里面也有面包
"Bakery" Implies that there'd also be bread.
我们时间不多
We don't have a lot of time!
是的你和妈妈住很奇怪
Yes. You living with your mother is weird.
非常奇怪
Really weird.
人们议论纷纷那种奇怪
Like "People talk about it" Weird.
但我们不议论
But not us.
你怎么看
What do you think?
你们一起戒瘾时说得通
Well, when you were both getting sober, it made sense.
但那时已经过去了
But, uh, time has passed.
过去很久了
A lot of time has passed.
-你要搬出来吗 -我不确定
- Are you moving out? - u202dI'm not sure.
诺拉让我想想我有什么选择
Nora told me to figure out what my options are,
但我太穷没什么选择
but I think I'm too poor for options.
克丽丝蒂
Christy...
我看到你在引诱我们提出邀请了
I see you fishing for an invitation,
我爱你就像爱甜茶
and I love you like sweet tea,
但是同居总会摧毁友谊
but living together always ruins a friendship.
就像孩子会摧毁婚姻一样
You know, the way children ruin a marriage.
我家房♥间够多
There's plenty of room at my house.
对啊去她家
Oh, yeah, do that.
我的一个室友要搬走了
One of my roommates is moving out
因为她坠入了爱河
'cause she "Fell in love."
我说不好
I don't know.
也许搬家的坏处比好处多
Maybe moving is more trouble than it's worth.
巨怪回来了
Fee-fi-fo-fum.
起来
Up.
该死我忘给咪表充钱了再起来
Oh, damn it, I forgot to put money in the meter. Up again.
我会有自己的洗手间吗
So, would I get my own bathroom?
快点邦妮
Hurry up, Bonnie!
完美需要时间
Perfection takes time.
你知道吗在你等的时候
You know... while you were waiting,
本可以丢掉三明治
you could have thrown away that sandwich.
本可以
Could have.
但没丢
Didn't.
你打算穿衣服吗
Are you gonna get dressed?
我已经穿了
I am dressed.
你穿着T恤
You're wearing a T-shirt.
还有裤子和鞋走吧
And pants and shoes and... let's go.
知道对我来说这T恤上面写着什么吗
You know what that T-shirt says to me?
"我的女人不值得我穿正装"
It says "The woman I'm with isn't worth buttons and sleeves."
对我来说
To me, it says
上面只写着"北达科他大学"
the "University of North Dakota."
我希望你换一下
I'd like you to change.
换衣服还是换个性
My clothes or who I am?
都换
Both.
不可能
Not happening.
那我就没心情吃饭了
Well, then I am no longer in the mood for dinner.
但我饿坏了
But I'm starving.
去吃你的三明治啊
Then eat your sandwich!
克丽丝蒂
So, Christy,
你觉得这里如何
what'd you think of the place?
我很喜欢
I love it.
有很多光照和
There's so much light and...
希望
hope.
我们不会为此多收费的
We won't charge extra for that.
还有更好的今晚是彼得做饭
It gets better-- it's Peter's night to cook,
他做了意面