12 years old, and he's smoking pot in a Jacuzzi
像是个小说唱歌♥手一样
like some kind of itty-bitty rapper.
别看他
Don't look at him.
最糟糕的部分是
And the worst part is,
他是从他爸爸那里偷来的大♥麻♥
he stole the weed from his father,
他当着我的面撒谎说他戒了
who lied to my face about quitting
因为他精♥子♥数量很低
because of his pathetic sperm count.
是的
And yes,
我知道我不该八卦这事 但我不在乎
I know I shouldn't be gossiping about that, but I don't care.
希望他这辈子都得颠倒着跟那巫婆做♥爱♥
I hope he has to keep banging that witch upside down forever.
总之
Anyway,
我觉得真正让我困扰的是
I think what's really bothering me is
我很害怕我儿子最后
I'm just so scared that my son's gonna wind up
也会参加戒瘾会
in one of these rooms one day,
但是 不戴耳机
but, you know, without headphones.
别看着他
Don't look at him.
我想就这样吧
I guess that's it.
谢谢你们让我分享无尽的粪风暴
Thanks for letting me share the endless turd storm
那就是我的生活
that is my life.
好了 还有谁要来
Okay. Anyone else?
大家好 邦妮 酒瘾者
Hi. Bonnie, alcoholic.
你好 邦妮
Hi, Bonnie.
我也懂有孩子参加戒瘾会的感受
And I, too, know what it's like to have a child in these rooms.
别看着她
Don't look at her.
巴克斯特靠边停车了
Baxter just pulled up.
好吧 计划是什么
Okay, what's the plan?
很简单 我来杀了他
Simple. I'm gonna kill him,
你来抛尸灭迹
you're gonna dispose of the body.
好玩的事总轮不到我来做
I never get the fun part.
真希望我觉得这一切很好玩
I wish I thought any of this was fun.
可以啊 你有没有花时间
Can be. Have you taken a moment
想过你现在有多少筹码
to consider how much leverage you have right now?
你什么意思
What are you talking about?
你知道他对他妻子撒谎了
You know that he lied to his wife.
你也知道没了她 他就没工作 无家可归了
And you know that without her, he's jobless, homeless
只能继续卖♥♥精♥子♥ 而我们都知道那没用了
and back to selling his sperm, which we now know is worthless.
考虑到这一点
So with that in mind,
如果你建议 为了换取你的沉默
what if you were to suggest that in exchange for your silence,
他得送你和你妈妈
he might want to send you and your mother
去夏威夷玩一个星期
to Hawaii for a week for the low price
旅游城网打折 每人只要一千七哦
of $1,700 per person courtesy of Travelocity?
-考艾岛 花♥园♥岛屿 -嗯
- Ooh, Kauai, the garden island. u202d- Mm-hmm.
瞧 赠送的烤猪宴
And look, a complimentary luau
他们会在土里烤猪
with a pig they cook in the ground.
我从来没吃过脏猪呢
Mmm. I've never eaten a dirty pig.
我听到了
Yes, I heard it.
你怎么看
So what do you think?
不行 这事的重点是我儿子的健康
No, this is about my son's well-being.
不是在喜来登波伊普海滩酒店待六天七夜
Not about seven days and six nights at the Sheraton Poipu Beach.
你晒黑后会是个更好的妈妈
You're a better mother when you're tan.
不行
No.
拜托
Oh, come on!
我们可以跟海豚一起游泳呢
We can swim with the dolphins!
罗斯科准备好走了吗
Hey. Roscoe ready to go?
稍等一会 他在洗我的车
Hang out a minute. He's washing my car.
聪明
Ah, that's smart.
做点体力劳动 以示惩罚
A little manual labor as punishment?
能锻炼他的人格
Builds character.
是啊 闭嘴坐下
Yeah, shut up and sit down.
-什么 -你听到了她说的话
- What? - u202dYou heard her.
好吧
Okay.
一切还好吧
Everything all right?
罗斯科告诉了我们他找到了你的存货
Roscoe told us he found your stash.
不可能
That's impossible.
根本就没有存货 我说了我戒了
There is no stash. I told you I quit.
你的意思是你儿子是个骗子咯
So you're calling your son a liar?
我想是吧
I, uh... I guess.
做个男人吧 你这个没精♥子♥的奸人
Oh, man up, you sperm-less weasel!
告诉我真♥相♥
Tell me the truth.
好吧 是我 很抱歉
Okay, it was me! I'm sorry!
你让我感觉是我的错
You made me feel like it was my fault.
当然啦 我是个没精♥子♥的奸人
Of course I did! I'm a sperm-less weasel!
好 你要这样做
All right, now here's what's gonna happen.
你要跟坎迪斯打电♥话♥ 告诉她真♥相♥
You're gonna call Candace and tell her the truth.
不行 她会把我赶走
I can't do that. She'll throw me out.
好吧 那我告诉她
Fine, then I'll tell her.
告啊
Go ahead.
她不会信你的 她讨厌你
She's not gonna believe you. She hates you,
而我是她勉强接受的人
whereas I'm the man she's settling for.
那也许是真的
That might be true.
来看看吧
Let's find out.
好啊
Let's.
解锁手♥机♥
Unlocking my phone.
浏览联♥系♥人
Scrolling through contacts.
选择"红发大噩梦"
Selecting "Big Red Nightmare"
"手♥机♥"
"Mobile."
-电♥话♥响了 -告诉她我打了招呼
- And it's ringing. - Tell her I said hi.
你好 坎迪斯
Hi, Candace.
-我是克丽丝蒂 -停停停
- It's Christy... - Stop, stop, stop! Stop, stop, stop, stop!
给我一点时间解释
Just give me a second to explain.
我知道你俩都觉得我
I know both of you think that I'm...
天啊 她打过来了
Oh, my God, she's calling back.
喂
Hey!
我会给你买♥♥新手♥机♥
I'll buy you a new phone!
很抱歉我让你背了黑锅
Look, I am sorry that I threw you under the bus,
但你得明白我的生活现在是怎么回事
but you have to understand what my life is now.
我得假装一整天喜欢卖♥♥♥车♥
I pretend all day long to like selling cars,
然后回到高雅的家里
then go to my tastefully decorated home
假装喜欢烤鱼
and pretend to like barbecuing fish.
如果那还不够糟糕的话
And if that's not bad enough,
我还得假装喜欢在做♥爱♥期间听阿黛尔的歌♥
I have to pretend to like listening to Adele during sex!
没有大♥麻♥人家做不到啊
I can't do all of that without pot!
请别夺走我的大♥麻♥
Please don't take it away from me.
那是唯一真实的东西了
It's the only thing that's real!
除了你对你的儿子的爱
Besides the love you have for your son.
当然 那太有魔力了
Yeah, of course. That's magical.
请不要告诉她
Please don't tell her.
我发誓 我什么都肯做
I'll do anything, I swear.
赶紧啊
Aloha?
好 听好了
Okay, listen up.
你要把大♥麻♥拿出你家
You are gonna get your pot out of the house--
这次全拿走
all of it this time.
然后放进带密♥码♥的保险箱里
Then you're gonna put it in a lock box with a combination,
然后给我发一张保险箱的照片
and then you're gonna send me a picture of that box.
没问题
You got it.
今晚红发大噩梦看《娇妻》时我就去做
I'll do it tonight when Big Red's watching Real Housewives.
就这样吗 我们没事了吗
Is that it? Are we good?
我是没事了 妈妈
One of us is good. Mom?
-大胆去做吗 -是的
- Go for it? u202d- Go for it.
我去拿笔记本 你拿信♥用♥卡♥
I'll get my laptop. Get out your credit card.
你跟坎迪斯有麻烦了吗
Are you in trouble with Candace?
和平常差不多
No more than usual.
你跟妈妈有麻烦了吗
Are you in trouble with Mom?
和平常差不多
No more than usual.
你生我的气吗
Are you mad at me?
你开玩笑吗 当然没有
Are you kidding? Of course not.
其实我该向你道歉呢
If anything, I should be apologizing to you.
我在听
I'm listening.
罗斯科 你知道我抽大♥麻♥
Roscoe, you know I smoke pot.
是的
Yeah.
你也许觉得那很酷