Previously on Mom...
I got a job.
I'm gonna be a blackjack dealer.
Wait a minute.
You're moving to Lake Tahoe?
Yeah, my friend Lindsay's dad is a pit boss
and he hooked us up. We're gonna share an apartment,
and go to dealer school. It'll be a blast.
But what about finishing college?
Making something of your life.
I am making something, money.
When people win at blackjack, they give you a tip.
So I figure all I got to do is make sure that they win.
Oh, God, she'll be stripping in a month.
- May I step in? - Have at it.
That sounds like a terrific plan, Violet.
That's how you step in? Step out.
What? She's an adult.
Maybe college isn't the right thing for her now.
So you'd rather have her deal blackjack?
不 那是个糟糕的主意 但是让她自己发现
No, it's a terrible idea, but let her find out for herself
that she's an idiot.
Someone thinks she's having sex tonight.
I better be having sex tonight.
It's been 14 months.
I think I might be a virgin again.
So who's gonna be working the jaws of life?
His name's Paul.
I met him in the Wednesday morning meeting.
他40岁 建房♥子 没结过婚 援救狗狗
He's 40, builds houses, never married, rescues dogs.
Checks all the boxes.
Yep, just one more to go.
You take care of business down there?
Are you kidding me?
I'm waxed like a ballroom floor.
unless I take off his pants and find a store-bought vagina,
this guy's getting the ride of his life.
Oh, God, please don't be cancelling,
- please don't be cancelling. - It's your daughter.
-转语♥音♥信箱吧 -小维 是外婆 什么事
- Let it go to voice mail... - Hey, Vi, it's your Grandma, what's up?
Ooh, you don't sound so good.
- How sick? - u202dHow sick?
Have you seen a doctor?
Okay, okay, don't cry.
Of course I'll come take care of you.
I'll be there as soon as I can.
Just not the way she hoped.
我的天 保罗 你准时来了
Oh, my God, Paul, you're on time.
Another box checked.
Wow, you look great...
I'm sorry, I can't go out tonight.
I'll text you why from the car.
Short version, mono.
不是我 是我女儿 我很干净
Not me, my daughter, I'm clean.
Big sloppy rain check coming at you.
She's serious, you're as good as done.
Wow, you just blew past a Maserati.
Just a rich douche bag who doesn't know how to drive.
Yeah, good point, y-you still might want to slow down.
My daughter's sick. She needs me.
She just has mono.
That's what she admitted to over the phone.
For all I know, she's riddled with... Ebola.
Well, if that's the case, then there's no hurry.
By the time we get there, she'll be 90 pounds of soup.
Why are you making yourself crazy?
You used to get sick all the time
when you were a kid, I never panicked.
Just put on I Love Lucy and gave you a big glass of Tang.
And that's why I still buy my pants at Gap Kids.
Hey, don't put that on me.
Your father was a lawn dwarf.
Oh, you got to be kidding me.
Pull up over here.
Damn, damn, damn.
Look at the bright side,
you're gonna crush the breathalyzer.
Do you know why I pulled you over?
知道 我超速了 但我的女儿
Yes, I was speeding, but my daughter's
up in Lake Tahoe and she has mono.
I have to get there. She's all alone.
I'm sorry to hear that, but...
You don't understand, she was never there for me
so I'm trying to break the cycle of neglect.
Yeah, that's not really what this is about...
告诉他 妈 告诉他
Tell him, Mom, tell him.
I was a horrible mother, Officer.
She was one step away from being a feral cat.
License and registration.
You been drinking?
Not since May 14, 2013.
I can prove it. I have a chip.
That's all right.
Oh, God, I can't afford a ticket.
There is a way to get out of it.
Don't even think it.
You're all waxed, you should use it
before you get five o'clock shadow.
Why don't you do Officer Handsome?
'Cause I look like ZZ Top down there.
Oh, hey, look,
the Maserati finally caught up to us.
And they're giving us the finger.
Not you, Officer.
I can't believe it, a $200 ticket.
Just throw it away.
They never follow up on those things.
That's jury duty.
I don't think so.
25, 26, 27.
Wait, where's 28?
Violet's in 28.
I don't see a 28.
It has to be here.