《极品老妈》前情提要
Previously on Mom...
我找到工作了
I got a job.
真的吗 在哪里
Really? Where?
哈拉斯赌场
At Harrah's.
我要做二十一点发牌员了
I'm gonna be a blackjack dealer.
等等
Wait a minute.
你要搬去太浩湖吗
You're moving to Lake Tahoe?
是啊 我朋友林赛的爸爸是赌台经理
Yeah, my friend Lindsay's dad is a pit boss
他帮我们找的工作 我们要一起住一间公♥寓♥
and he hooked us up. We're gonna share an apartment,
去上发牌训练学校 那会很棒的
and go to dealer school. It'll be a blast.
那念完大学
But what about finishing college?
有所成就呢
Making something of your life.
我赚钱了呀
I am making something, money.
二十一点中人们赢钱时 就会给小费
When people win at blackjack, they give you a tip.
所以我想着我只用确保他们赢钱就行了
So I figure all I got to do is make sure that they win.
天啊 她一个月内就会去跳脱衣舞
Oh, God, she'll be stripping in a month.
-要我插手吗 -请便吧
- May I step in? - Have at it.
这计划听起来很棒 维奥莉特
That sounds like a terrific plan, Violet.
祝你好运
Good luck.
你就是这样插手的吗 走开
That's how you step in? Step out.
怎么了 她是成年人
What? She's an adult.
也许大学现在对她来说不合适
Maybe college isn't the right thing for her now.
所以你宁愿让她在二十一点中发牌吗
So you'd rather have her deal blackjack?
不 那是个糟糕的主意 但是让她自己发现
No, it's a terrible idea, but let her find out for herself
她是个傻瓜吧
that she's an idiot.
谢谢 外婆
Thanks, Grandma.
现在
某人觉得自己今晚有性福哦
Someone thinks she's having sex tonight.
有性福最好
I better be having sex tonight.
已经14个月了
It's been 14 months.
我想我的处♥女♥膜又长回来了
I think I might be a virgin again.
那今晚用救生钳剪开膜的人是谁
So who's gonna be working the jaws of life?
他叫保罗
His name's Paul.
我在周三早间会议上认识他的
I met him in the Wednesday morning meeting.
他40岁 建房♥子 没结过婚 援救狗狗
He's 40, builds houses, never married, rescues dogs.
援救狗狗
"Rescues dogs."
所以勾都打上了
Checks all the boxes.
对 还有一项
Yep, just one more to go.
下面的事情处理好了吗
You take care of business down there?
开什么玩笑
Are you kidding me?
脱毛后光得像舞厅地板一样
I'm waxed like a ballroom floor.
说真的
Seriously,
除非脱掉他裤子后发现有个人造阴♥道♥
unless I take off his pants and find a store-bought vagina,
否则这家伙今晚将拥有人生最爽的一次
this guy's getting the ride of his life.
我的天 拜托别是取消
Oh, God, please don't be cancelling,
-拜托别是取消 -是你女儿
- please don't be cancelling. - It's your daughter.
-转语♥音♥信箱吧 -小维 是外婆 什么事
- Let it go to voice mail... - Hey, Vi, it's your Grandma, what's up?
你听起来不好
Ooh, you don't sound so good.
她病了
She's sick.
-有多重 -有多重
- How sick? - u202dHow sick?
单核细胞增多症
Mono?
什么
What?
你看过医生了吗
Have you seen a doctor?
好了 别哭
Okay, okay, don't cry.
我当然会去照顾你
Of course I'll come take care of you.
我会尽快赶过去
I'll be there as soon as I can.
妈妈马上就到
Mommy's coming.
只是不是她希望的那种"到"
Just not the way she hoped.
我的天 保罗 你准时来了
Oh, my God, Paul, you're on time.
又打了一个勾
Another box checked.
你真美
Wow, you look great...
好吧
Okay.
对不起 我今晚不能出去了
I'm sorry, I can't go out tonight.
我在车上发短♥信♥告诉你原因
I'll text you why from the car.
长话短说 单核细胞增多症[接吻病]
Short version, mono.
不是我 是我女儿 我很干净
Not me, my daughter, I'm clean.
大大的"补炮"等着你
Big sloppy rain check coming at you.
她是认真的 炮前工作全做完了
She's serious, you're as good as done.
极品老妈 第四季第五集
你刚超了一辆玛莎拉蒂
Wow, you just blew past a Maserati.
只是一个不会开车的有钱人♥渣♥而已
Just a rich douche bag who doesn't know how to drive.
有道理 但你还是得慢点
Yeah, good point, y-you still might want to slow down.
我女儿病了 她需要我
My daughter's sick. She needs me.
她只是得了单核细胞增多症
She just has mono.
那只是她在电♥话♥中承认的
That's what she admitted to over the phone.
她说不定感染了埃博拉病毒
For all I know, she's riddled with... Ebola.
如果是这样 就没必要快了
Well, if that's the case, then there's no hurry.
等我们到了 她就成90磅的汤了
By the time we get there, she'll be 90 pounds of soup.
不好笑
Not funny.
你为什么这么疯
Why are you making yourself crazy?
你小时候总是生病
You used to get sick all the time
我从来没慌过
when you were a kid, I never panicked.
只是给你看《我爱露茜》 喝上一杯果珍
Just put on I Love Lucy and gave you a big glass of Tang.
所以我的裤子依然得买♥♥童装
And that's why I still buy my pants at Gap Kids.
别怪我
Hey, don't put that on me.
你♥爸♥是个小矮人
Your father was a lawn dwarf.
开什么玩笑
Oh, you got to be kidding me.
停在那边
Pull up over here.
该死的
Damn, damn, damn.
往好的一面看
Look at the bright side,
酒精呼吸测试你肯定过
you're gonna crush the breathalyzer.
知道我为什么叫停你吗
Do you know why I pulled you over?
知道 我超速了 但我的女儿
Yes, I was speeding, but my daughter's
在太浩湖 得了单核细胞增多症
up in Lake Tahoe and she has mono.
我必须赶到 她一个人
I have to get there. She's all alone.
很遗憾是这样 但是
I'm sorry to hear that, but...
你不懂 她从来没陪过我
You don't understand, she was never there for me
我只是想打破忽视的怪圈
so I'm trying to break the cycle of neglect.
这不是真正的...
Yeah, that's not really what this is about...
告诉他 妈 告诉他
Tell him, Mom, tell him.
我曾是个可怕的母亲 警官
I was a horrible mother, Officer.
她差一点就成了野猫
She was one step away from being a feral cat.
驾照和行车证
License and registration.
是 警官
Yes, sir.
你喝酒了吗
You been drinking?
2013年5月14日后就没喝过了
Not since May 14, 2013.
我有证据 我有戒酒天数纪念牌
I can prove it. I have a chip.
没事
That's all right.
在这等着
Wait here.
老天 我交不起罚金
Oh, God, I can't afford a ticket.
有办法逃脱的
There is a way to get out of it.
想都别想
Don't even think it.
你都把毛脱干净了 在那里长出毛茬之前
You're all waxed, you should use it
你要派上用场
before you get five o'clock shadow.
你为什么不去搞"帅气警官"
Why don't you do Officer Handsome?
因为我下面看起来像大胡子合唱团
'Cause I look like ZZ Top down there.
看
Oh, hey, look,
玛莎拉蒂终于超过去了
the Maserati finally caught up to us.
他们居然竖中指
And they're giving us the finger.
人♥渣♥
Douche bag!
不是说你 警官
Not you, Officer.
真不敢相信 200块的罚单
I can't believe it, a $200 ticket.
扔掉吧
Just throw it away.
他们不会追踪这些事的
They never follow up on those things.
对待陪审员义务邮件才是这样
That's jury duty.
我想不是的
I don't think so.
25, 26, 27.
28在哪里
Wait, where's 28?
维奥莉特在28
Violet's in 28.
我没看到28
I don't see a 28.
应该在这里的
It has to be here.
我们肯定在4号♥楼2单元吗