- Balls. - You need to get a job.
实际上 我有个可以解决一切问题的计划
Actually, I have a plan that can fix everything.
真的吗 说说吧
Really? Do tell.
你提到了卢克 这让我开始思考
Well, you mentioned Luke, and it got me thinking...
你是说翻汉堡 套套都买♥♥不起的卢克吗
You mean burger-flipping, can't-work-a-condom Luke?
不再是了
Not anymore.
我看了他的脸书主页 上面写着
I checked his Facebook page, and it says
他单身 有份好工作
that he's single and has a good job.
所以我给他发了段我做瑜伽的视频
So I texted him a video of me doing yoga.
像是下犬式 但更高雅
You know, like, downward dog, but tasteful.
我让你猜三次这对话的走向
I'll give you three guesses where this is going.
不需要
Don't need 'em.
你跟卢克和好了
You're back together with Luke.
是的 我要搬去跟他住
Yep. I'm moving in with him.
我获得了什么
What do I win?
新的外孙
It's a new grandchild!
他来了
Oh, that's him.
别提单核细胞增多症
Don't mention the mono.
-嘿 -好啊 宝贝
- Hi. u202d- Hey, baby.
她比我俩都有种
She's got bigger balls than both of us.
现在她抓住了他的蛋蛋
And now she's got his.
卢克现在赚很多钱了 告诉她们
And Luke's making a lot of money now. Tell 'em.
我现在赚很多钱了
I make a lot of money now.
不 告诉她们是怎么赚的
N-No, tell them how.
我为一家很酷的公♥司♥设计电子游戏
Oh. I help design video games for this really cool company.
他们的休息室里有大♥麻♥和MM豆
Um, they have weed and M&M's in the break room.
他还买♥♥了自己的公♥寓♥
And he bought his own condo.
是写的你的名字吗
Is the condo in your name?
-是的 -很好 保持那样吧
- Yeah. u202d- Good, keep it that way.
这太虚幻了 一周前我还在想
It's so trippy, like, a week ago I was thinking to myself,
卢克 你的生活完整了
"Luke, your life is complete,
你有想要的一切
you have everything you've ever wanted."
而你明智地决定要做出改变
And you wisely decided to shake things up.
我在iWatch上看见维奥莉特的性感小屁屁
I did when I saw Violet's hot booty twerking
摆动时就决定了
on my iWatch.
哪个妈妈不想听见这话呢
Oh, what mother doesn't want to hear that?
走吧 我们去拿我的东西
Come on, let's go get my stuff.
好
Okay.
我想说
You know, I just got to say,
很高兴再次成为你们的家人
it's great to be part of the family again.
很高兴见到你 卢克
It's very nice to see you, Luke.
你这个可怜无知的混♥蛋♥
You poor, clueless bastard.
好了 这事定了
Okay, it's official.
我不喜欢她
I don't like her.
是啊 她真可怕
Yeah. She's horrible.
我以前也利用过许多男人
I mean, I used a lot of guys in my day,
但我是陷入其中的
but I just sort of fell into it.
跟他们喝酒 上♥床♥
Drink with them, sleep with them,
也许得到一些毒品和一个免费的麦满分
maybe get some blow and a free McMuffin out of it.
但我从来没定过计划
But I never went into it with a plan.
你一直想让你的孩子们
Well... you always want your children
比你做得好啊
to do better than you did.
天啊 她的确做得更好
Oh, God, she is doing better.