The thing is, Adam and I were perfect together,
and I ruined it.
You know why?
Because I destroy everything I love.
I mean, look at the hopeless mess I made of my daughter.
My heart is broken.
I just feel like I want to die.
真的吗 温蒂 鸭子叫
Really, Wendy? "Quack, quack"?
My niece changed it, and I don't know how to change it back.
好的 我的时间到了 多谢
Okay, well, I'm out of time, so thanks.
why do I sabotage all of my relationships?
Like when I was eight and Davey Yoder told me he liked me.
So what did I do?
I bit his nose.
Then when I was 19,
my boyfriend took me to a KISS concert,
then later, I had to explain
why I had clown makeup all over my thighs.
But that was nothing compared to...
How do I stop her?
I hate being the timer.
Oh, who am I kidding, I love it.
If I skip dinner, I can have one more lick.
If I do hot yoga, I can have two licks.
Well, wheels are off now.
Time to break out the fat pants.
77, 78, 79.
79 ceiling tiles. Plus that half.
Wonder if it goes all the way through to the other room
and it's a full tile?
Got to check that out.
That was such a good Blue Bloods last night.
Sometimes I wonder what would've happened
if I had joined the Navy that day.
Oh, my God.
At what point are we just being held hostage?
Anyway, I'm, I'm still not really ready to talk about this.
Thanks for letting me share.
I said thanks for letting me share.
Okay, we only have time for one more.
大家好 我是玛丽 我是酒瘾者
Hi, I'm Mary, and I'm an alcoholic.
Well, I have just had the worst week of my life...
I'm sorry, one last thing.
I miss the way Adam smells.
I hope this bitch gets hit by a car.
The first time I had coffee with Adam
was at that table right over there.
Oh, isn't that nice?
Why don't you go sit over there?
I'm sorry, I thought this was a safe place to express my emotions.
That's at the meeting.
Here, we use each other's weaknesses to make ourselves feel better.
Hey Kmart Pants, pass me the salt.
They're from Target, Fake Nose.
Bonnie, you're a strong woman.
You'll get over this,
and in time you'll meet someone else.
No I won't. I'm too old,
I'm too selfish, I'm too tall.
Ugh, I got to pee.
That's another thing, I got to pee all the time.
I am telling you guys, I am close to snapping.
What can we do to help?
Take her out to the desert, throw a ball,
when she chases it, drive away.
I could take her out to lunch somewhere this week.
Great. How about Portugal?
I can bring her to my improv class.
That's right, I'm funny.
We can go for massages, that way I still get the credit,
but I don't have to be in the same room with her.
You guys are the best.
Oh, we're glad to do it. And don't worry.
She'll snap out of this soon.
Uh, I would not be too sure about that.
You know, I feel like I've really turned a corner.
Well, good, I'm glad.
You see that dog with no back legs,
rolling around on that little cart?
A week ago, he would've reminded me of Adam
and I would've fallen apart.
- And now? u202d- And now...
he looks just like Adam.
Oh, I'm sorry, Bon,
but can you speed up a little?
We're gonna be late for our massages.
Hang on just a minute.
What are we doing?
I just need to pull myself together.
Oh, Lord, which one is his building?
Oh, the sexy one with the wheelchair ramp.
Oh, my God.
How am I ever gonna get over this?
I've loved and lost,
and it taught me an important life lesson.
It's gonna take you five penises to get over this guy.
First three are sacrificial,
the fourth one gets you through the holidays,
and number five gets you all the way to "Adam who?"
You know what?
You're totally right.
I'm gonna go touch his mailbox.
You're back early.
You're supposed to be out with my mother.
Why aren't you out with my mother?
You're horrible at improv!
Get off the floor.
Hey, you on your way?
Bad news, Christy.
No, it's your day.
You have to take her to lunch.
Victor stepped on one of the cats and twisted his ankle,
so I'm gonna see if I can get the vet to treat them both.
Can't they just stay home
and lick themselves till you get back?
Oh, my God, she's coming.