极品老妈第四季第十五集

Mom S04E15

Part2

2020年1月3日 22:27

or how to take a little boy...
去购物
shopping.
但如果我的孩子不听话或者表现不好呢
But what if I get a child that doesn't listen or misbehaves?
很多领养孩子都有严重问题
You know, a lot of these foster kids have some serious issues.
如果我没法约束他们呢
What if I can't discipline them?
这不像对付我的管家
It's not like with my housekeeper,
我可以威胁要把她驱逐出境对吧
where I can just threaten her with deportation, right?
难以置信
Unbelievable.
你不该在开会的时候发短♥信♥
You know, you really shouldn't text during the meeting.
你不该留本·富兰克林的发型
You really shouldn't have Ben Franklin's haircut,
但你还是留了
but here we are.
原来是他啊
That's who it is.
他还没正式离婚
He's not officially divorced.
你们能信吗
Can you believe that?
他只字未提
He never said a word.
你什么时候开始在意男人是否离婚
Since when do you care if a guy's divorced?
自从我爱上这个瘫痪的鸡麻开始
Since I fell in love with this paraplegic dickweed.
-够了 -你做什么
- Okay, you're done. - What are you doing?
-开完会后再还你 -给我
- You'll get it back after the meeting. - Give it to me.
温蒂接住
Wendy, catch.
-给我 -玛乔丽给你
- Give it. - Marjorie, here.
你们坐好别出声
You girls sit still and be quiet!
瞧瞧
Huh, look at that.
我可以当妈妈
I can be a mom.
你是世界上最不微妙的人
You are the least subtle person alive.
抱歉我吵醒你了吗
Oh, I'm sorry, did I wake you?
说吧
Just spill it.
我在楼下跟亚当在一起
I was downstairs with Adam and--
我对你倾诉心声时
You're going to the bathroom
你要去卫生间吗
while I'm pouring my heart out to you?
我又不通过耳朵尿尿
I don't pee through my ears.
-我觉得我无法再信任他了 -为什么
- Well, I don't think I can trust him anymore. u202d- Why?
我刚发现他明天要见前妻
I just found out he's seeing his ex-wife tomorrow.
至少他告诉你了
Well, at least he told you.
成熟点他没告诉我是我偷看了他的手♥机♥
Oh, grow up. He didn't tell me. I broke into his phone.
你怎么做到的联调局都做不到
How'd you do that? The FBI can't do that.
很容易你就跟他做♥爱♥ 做到他睡着
It's easy. You just have sex with him till he falls asleep.
然后把他大拇指按在Home键上
Then you press his thumb onto the home button of his phone.
如果他醒来了呢
What if he wakes up?
你就把他的大拇指放进嘴里重新开始
You stick his thumb in your mouth and start over.
你不洗手吗
You don't wash your hands?
我又没碰什么
I didn't touch anything.
总之他明天要和她见面了
Anyway, he's seeing her tomorrow.
你为什么不问他呢
Why don't you ask him about it?
因为那样他就知道我偷看了他的手♥机♥
'Cause then he'll know I broke into his phone
他就再也不会信任我了
and won't trust me anymore.
他不该信任你
He shouldn't.
是啊但他不知道
Yeah, but he doesn't know that.
也许和亚当的恋爱对你来说不合适
Maybe this relationship with Adam isn't good for you.
你们在一起只做两件事
You guys only do two things together,
这两件事都会吵到邻居
and both of them disturb the neighbors.
隐士苏
Well, Solitary Sue,
有人称这样是谈恋爱
some people call that being in a relationship.
好吧躁郁症贝蒂
Okay, Bipolar Betty.
但你不是"有人"
But you're not "Some people."
你不能一直在没发生糟糕事情的情况下
You can't keep swinging from high to low
就情绪波动
without something bad happening.
我担心你会喝酒
I'm worried you're gonna drink.
我想告诉你我听到了你的话
I want you to know I hear you.
好
Good.
那你打算做什么
So what are you gonna do?
我想如果我真对这段感情认真
Well, I guess if I'm really committed to this relationship,
我就得偷看他的邮件了
I'm gonna have to hack into his e-mail.
是啊听起来一切尽在你掌握之中
Yeah. Sounds like you got this.
谢谢亲爱的你总是让我脚踏实地
Thanks, baby. You always bring me back down to Earth.
-晚安 -晚安
- Good night. - Good night.
天啊所以我醒来时大拇指在她嘴里
Oh, God, that's why I woke up with my thumb in her mouth.
给双面煎鸡蛋你喜欢的
Here you go. Over easy, just the way you like 'em.
谢谢你昨晚真的好棒
Thanks. You were really something last night.
我就做那些事来证明我有多爱你
Aw, I just do those things to show how much I love you.
真的吗看上去你只是为了让我累得睡着
Really? Feels like you do them just to put me to sleep.
可以有两个原因嘛
I could have two reasons.
那么
So...
你今天要做什么
What you got going today?
实际上我要去跟前妻吃午餐
Actually, I'm gonna see my ex-wife for lunch.
骗子
Liar!
等等什么
Wait. What?
她会带着我的狗过来
Um, um, she's coming over with my dog,
我们得谈谈一些事
and we got some stuff to talk about.
你昨晚怎么不告诉我
Well, why didn't you tell me last night?
因为你在做那些事我不蠢
'Cause you were doing those things, and I'm not stupid.
好我们捋清楚
Okay, just so we're clear.
你还没离婚的前妻
Your ex-wife, who you're not really divorced from,
要过来聊天还有一只狗
is coming over to chat, and there's a dog.
首先我们没离婚
Okay, first of all, we're not divorced
是因为她还没抽时间在文件上签字
because she hasn't gotten around to signing the papers,
我跟你说过我的狗的事
and I told you about my dog.
-是啊山姆之子 -是参孙
- Yeah, yeah, Son of Sam. - Samson.
差不多啦
Close enough.
那是另一回事
And that's another thing.
如果这是你的狗怎么跟她住
If it's your dog, how come he lives with her?
因为它年纪很大了我坐着轮椅
Because he's really old, and it's hard for me
很难照顾它
to take care of him in this thing.
合情合理
That checks out.
但为什么要聊天
But why the chitchat?
我们有一些共同拥有的投资产业
We have some investment property that we co-own.
也许是时候卖♥♥掉了
Might be time to sell.
什么你都能解释啊
Wow, you just have answers for everything.
放松邦妮
Oh, just relax, Bonnie.
昨晚过后就算安吉丽娜·朱莉
After last night, I couldn't cheat on you
一♥丝♥不♥挂♥ 吊着绳子落到我身上我也不会出轨
if Angelina Jolie was buck naked and lowered onto me by ropes.
休息了一晚上再加一个滑轮系统
Uh-huh. So with a little rest and a pulley system,
你就想搞一搞安吉丽娜·朱莉
you'd take a whack at Angelina Jolie?
是啊你也会的
Yes! And so would you!
再说一次什么你都能解释
Once again, you have answers for everything!
天啊我为什么爱她
Oh, my God, why do I love her?!
我们不知道
We don't know!
我们说话的这会儿我男友和他的半前妻
So, as we speak, my boyfriend and his semi ex-wife
在他的公♥寓♥里吃浪漫午餐
are having a romantic lunch in his apartment.
还有他的老狗
With his very old dog.
亚当养狗啊什么品种的
Aw, Adam has a dog? What kind?
我想是"闭嘴吧温蒂"品种的
I think it's a "Shut the hell up, Wendy" Doodle.
重点是这婆娘在密谋让他回心转意
The point is, this broad's plotting to get him back.
前妻会这样的
Ex-wives'll do that.
隆个胸煎几块牛排
They'll get their boobs redone, cook up a couple of steaks,
邀请男人过去夜泳
invite the guy over for a little night swimmin'.
或者相同性质的事情
Or stuff of that nature.
邦妮如果你和亚当还有希望
Bonnie, if there's any hope for you and Adam,
那你得学着信任他
you got to learn to trust him.
我信任他我担心的是她
Oh, I trust him. It's her I'm worried about.
瞧这就是你的问题所在
See right there, that's your problem.
想控制你无能为力的人地点和事情
Trying to control people, places and things you can't do anything about.
你需要做的是列出你害怕的东西的清单
What you need to do is write down a list of all your fears,
然后将其交给你的上帝他...
and then just turn them over to your higher power, who's...
玛乔丽她又走了
Marjorie, she's gone again.
但你说得太好了
But again, dynamite stuff.
有什么能帮忙的吗
Can I help you?
你是丹妮尔·贾尼考斯基吗
Are you Danielle Janikowski?
是的你是哪位
I am. And you are?
邦妮·普兰科特
Bonnie Plunkett.
真好