Oh, great.
看来他喜欢同一种女人啊
Well, it appears he has a type.
或者是咱俩喜欢同一种男人
Oh. Or you and I do.
好吧
Okay.
你怎么来了
So, what brings you by?
告诉你一声
And just so you know,
我已经在手♥机♥上按了91
I've already pressed nine-one on my phone.
别紧张 如果我想揍你
Relax. If I wanted to rough you up,
我会在里面等你的
I would have waited inside.
顺便说一句 你对家具的品味不错
You've got great taste in furniture, by the way.
你进去了吗
You broke in?
我得尿尿
I had to tinkle.
我们得谈谈
And we need to talk.
我跟你没什么好说的
I have nothing to say to you.
我只是想知道你是不是想跟亚当复合
I just want to know if you're trying to get back with Adam.
那不关你的事
That is really none of your business.
那就是想
So, yes.
说完了吗
Okay, are we done?
我们才刚开始呢
Oh, we're just getting started.
实际上我只有一个问题了
Actually, I only have one more question,
我们就快说完了
so, yeah, we're almost done.
-你们为什么分手 -你为什么不问他
- Why'd you two break up? - Why don't you ask him?
因为我尊重我在乎的人的界限
Because I respect the boundaries of people I care about.
你刚闯进了我家
You just broke into my house.
我又不在乎你
I don't care about you.
你真的爱他 对吧
You really love him, don't you?
当然 不然我为什么膀胱满满时
Of course I do. Why else would I risk
冒险挤进你的狗洞里
squeezing through your doggy door with a full bladder?
你可能只是疯了呀
It is possible that you're just insane.
是啊 记好了
It is. Keep that in mind.
那发生了什么事 他出轨了吗
So, what happened? He cheat on you?
-没有 -你出轨了吗
- No. - You cheat on him?
他怎么跟你说的
What did he tell you?
没你说的多
Not as much as you just did.
好吧 现在说完了吗
Okay, now are we done?
快了 为了光明正大点
Almost. Just to keep things on the up and up,
给你一元钱
here's a dollar.
我等你时给自己做了个英式松饼
While I was waiting, I made myself an English muffin.
天啊 我喜欢她
Oh, God help me, I like her.
你去哪里了
Hey, where you been?
我去见亚当的前妻了
I went to see Adam's ex-wife.
我走了
I'm out.
冷静 没人受伤
Calm down. Nobody got hurt.
发生了什么事
What happened?
她出轨了 所以他们才分手
She cheated on him. That's why they broke up.
天啊
Oh, God.
我觉得就因为这 那男人亲我时
And I'm thinking that's why he flipped out
他才那么失控
when that guy kissed me.
有道理
Makes sense.
她想跟他复合吗
She trying to get back together with him?
是啊
Oh, yeah.
所以她还没在离婚文件上签名
Explains why she hasn't signed the divorce papers.
但她会小心的
But she'll watch her step.
她知道我知道她的英式松饼放在哪里
She knows that I know where she keeps her English muffins.
抱歉 什么
I'm sorry. What?
等等
Hang on.
是亚当
It's Adam.
出来 带一碗水
"Come outside. Bring a bowl of water."
那是什么意思
What does that mean?
英式松饼是什么意思
What does "English muffins" mean?
为什么之前我的大拇指在你嘴里
And why did you have my thumb in your mouth?
我觉得你们是时候见面了
I thought it was about time you two met.
参孙 这是我跟你说的疯女人
Samson, this is the crazy woman I was telling you about.
你好 参孙
Hello, Samson.
给你
Here you go.
它真可爱
Oh. He's so sweet.
是啊
Yeah, he sure is.
我们是14年的好兄弟了
We've been buddies for about 14 years.
它在狗年里是800岁了吗
Wow. So he's, like, 800 in dog years?
差不多吧
Something like that.
我坐上轮椅时
When I ended up in this chair,
只有它没用不同的眼神看我
he was the only one that didn't look at me differently.
我现在没法照顾它 这真是让我心碎
Breaks my heart that I can't take care of him now.
我懂
I get it.
我们要去慢慢散步了
We were about to go on a very slow walk.
也许你也想来
Maybe you'd like to come?
我很乐意
I'd be honored.
等等 让它喝完
Well, hang on, let him finish.
我以前也是这样喝伏特加的
You know, I used to drink vodka like that.
-这么快吗 -不 躺在地板上从碗里喝
- That fast? - No, lying on the floor out of a bowl.
好吧 不能喝了
All right, I'm cutting you off.
来吧 伙计
Yeah, come on, boy.
来吧 来吧
Come on. Come on.
下次你想给我前妻惊喜时 记住
Oh, by the way, next time you think of surprising my ex-wife, keep in mind
她是军队里的轻武器教员
that she was a small-arms instructor in the Army.
-真搞笑 -不是开玩笑
- Ha-ha, very funny. u202d- Not a joke.
50英尺外她能把你嘴里的烟打掉
She can shoot a cigarette out of your mouth at 50 feet.
-真的吗 -她就是这样让我戒烟的
- Really? u202d- That's how she got me to quit smoking.
你说慢慢散步时没开玩笑啊
When you said slow walk, you weren't kidding.
是啊 这时候狗链只是个形式了
Yeah, the leash is really a formality at this point.
你们怎么认识的
So, how'd you guys meet?
实际上 我在路边的一个盒子里发现了它
Actually, I found him in a box on the side of the road.
它还只是只小狗狗
He was just a puppy.
所以是你救了它啊
Aw, so you rescued him?
其实是它救了我
Mm, he kind of rescued me.
好了 散完步了
Okay, I think we're done walking.
我们要怎么做
So, what do we do?
我们等它站起来
We hang out till he gets up.
听起来不错
Sounds good.
我觉得它喜欢我
I think he likes me.
我也这么觉得
I think he likes you, too.
如果你想跟它共度更多时光
You know, if you wanted to spend a little more time with him,
它可以偶尔过来跟我住
he could stay with me every now and then.
你确定吗 照顾它很累的
You sure about that? He's a lot of work.
它有关节炎
He's got arthritis,
失禁 半聋
he's incontinent, he's half-deaf.
没事 30年前我就答应克丽丝蒂要养狗
That's okay. I promised Christy a dog about 30 years ago.
我不想让她失望
I hate to disappoint her.
这跟让我远离丹妮尔没关系吗
So this has nothing to do with keeping me away from Danielle?
拜托
Oh, please.
谁是你的新妈妈
Who's your new mommy?
我是你的新妈妈
I'm your new mommy.
能听见吗
Can you hear me?