极品老妈第四季第十九集

Mom S04E19

Part1

2020年1月3日 22:31

大家好我是克丽丝蒂酒瘾者
Hi, Christy, alcoholic.
你好克丽丝蒂
Hi, Christy.
我知道我以前分享过这个...
I know I've shared about this before...
知道啦我是个不称职的妈妈
Yeah, yeah, I was a crappy mom.
别再提了
Let it go.
我说的是单身
I'm talking about being lonely.
好继续吧
Oh, great, carry on.
总之我们学校有个帅哥
So, anyway, there's this cute guy at my school,
我们互相微笑调情
and we'd been doing the smiley, flirty thing
好几周了
for a couple of weeks,
有一天我厌倦了
and one day I just got tired of waiting
等他主动约我于是给了他电♥话♥
for him to make a move and I gave him my number.
他看起来很兴奋
He seemed really excited,
说他会给我打电♥话♥ 所以痴傻的我竟然信了
said he was gonna call, so, crazy me, I believed him.
我是说他开着普锐斯
I mean, he drives a Prius.
普锐斯等于真诚人人都知道
Prius equals sincere, everybody knows that.
不过布拉德他叫这名字再没有打电♥话♥
Except Brad-- that's his name-- never called.
所以我假定他是无辜的
So I give him the benefit of the doubt.
也许他爸妈死了一个也许他死了
Maybe a parent died, maybe he died.
我希望是他死了
I was hoping he died.
然后今早
And then this morning
他出现了
there he was,
在校园里闲庭信步所以他没死
Walking across campus, so not dead.
那一刻我明白了
And that's when it hit me,
我会单身一辈子
I'm gonna be alone forever.
我戒酒快四年了
I have been sober for almost four years,
没错我生活更好了
and, yes, my life is better for it,
但是没人告诉过我健康的生活
but nobody told me that leading a clean life
意味着把私处束之高阁
meant putting my vagina up on blocks.
谁能把自己的手♥机♥或振动棒关一下吗
Would the owner of the phone or vibrator please turn it off?
是你的手♥机♥
It's your phone.
什么
What?
对不起
Oh. Sorry.
但你确实会做出来这种事
But it is something you would do.
我只是想说在爱情上
I'm just saying that when it comes to love,
戒酒对我没任何帮助
sobriety isn't doing me any good at all.
我还不如...
I may as well be a...
天啊
Oh, my god,
是布拉德的短♥信♥
It's a text from Brad.
他丢了手♥机♥ 刚找到
He lost his phone, he just found it,
他很抱歉想带我去吃晚餐
he's really sorry, and he wants to take me to dinner.
总之戒酒很棒谢谢
Anyway, sobriety's amazing, thanks.
极品老妈第四季第十九集
好了宝贝我要回家了
Okay, babe, I'm gonna head home.
你真的有必要每次过夜都把那些东西
You really need to drag all that back and forth
搬来搬去吗
every time you spend the night?
可怜简单的男人
Oh, you poor, simple man.
你以为这是凭空出现的吗
You think this just magically happens?
这需要设备
This requires equipment.
比如什么
Such as?
除了衣服内衣鞋
Forgetting about clothing, underwear, shoes,
事前内衣事后运动裤
lingerie for before, sweatpants for after,
还有身体乳
there's also body lotion,
面霜磨砂膏夜间修护霜
face lotion, exfoliant, night repair,
眼霜化妆品那下面还有很多分支
eye cream, makeup, which is a whole subcategory.
然后是卷发棒吹风机
Then you've got your curling iron, blow dryer,
洗发水护发素
shampoo, conditioner--
顺便说那是两样东西
which by the way, is two separate things,
不管你用的那一大罐
no matter what it says on that big jug
工业垃圾上怎么说
of industrial crap you use.
我有吹风机的
I have a blow dryer.
你真可爱
Aw, you're so cute.
你那是男童吹风机
You have a boy blow dryer.
只能吹蛋蛋
It's only good for drying your balls.
你看到了啊
You saw me?
很不幸是的
Unfortunately.
你为什么不把那些东西留在这里
Why don't you just leave all that stuff here?
看在上帝的分上
Oh, for god's sakes,
那样我家里就没东西了
because then I wouldn't have my stuff at home.
我负担不起再买♥♥一套
I can't afford to double up on everything.
也许这样来回跑行不通
Well, maybe all this going back and forth isn't working.
也许我们需要改变
Maybe we need to make a change.
我们要分手吗
Are we breaking up?
因为我警告你
'cause I should warn you,
有很多人在农民相亲网上对我感兴趣
I've been getting a lot of hits on farmers only.
真的吗
Have you now?
真的你知道为什么吗
Yeah, you want to know why?
因为城里人不懂
'Cause city folk just don't get it.
我想说的是
What I'm trying to say is...
也许你应该考虑一下跟我同居
...maybe you'd consider moving in with me.
天啊
Wow.
这会实际得多
It'd be a hell of a lot more practical.
实际
Practical.
让我狂跳的心停下吧
Be still my beating heart.
你现在不用回答
You don't have to answer now.
我只是提议一下
I'm just putting it out there.
好吧
Okay, well...
感谢邀请
Thanks for asking.
我需要时间静静
I'm gonna need some time to get quiet
好好想想
and... give it some thought.
好
Cool.
记得告诉我玛乔丽怎么想
Let me know what Marjorie says.
我会的
I will.
好
All right,
我来问大家都想问的问题
so I'm gonna ask the question that's on everyone's mind,
你昨晚的约会有多糟
how bad was your date last night?
其实非常好
It was actually really good.
-你们有没有... -没有他是个绅士
- So, did you guys...? - No, he was a gentleman.
我就不听了
Eh, well, I just tuned out.
很奇怪他问了我很多问题
It was weird-- he asked me all these questions
倾听我的回答
and listened to the answers
记住了它们然后晚些时候又提起来
and then remembered them and mentioned them later.
基佬警报
Gay alert.
他带你去了哪
So where'd he take you?
一家叫芽笛的素食餐馆
A vegan restaurant called the Sprouted Flute.
他带他老公去了吗
Did he bring his husband?
玛乔丽让她停下
Marjorie, make her stop.
无视她继续说
Ignore her, go on.
食物其实很好吃
The food was actually great.
布拉德说人体
Brad says that the human body
本不该摄取肉类
isn't really designed to consume meat.
如果上帝不想让我们吃肉
If the good lord didn't want us to eat meat,
他为什么发明小牛肉
why'd he invent veal?
他对环境食物和政♥治♥了解很多
He knows so much about the environment and food and politics.
你们知道
Did you know that,
在世界某些地方...
in some parts of the world...
大新闻亚当要我搬去跟他住
Big news, Adam has asked me to move in with him.
你们怎么看
What do you guys think?
我觉得非常...
Well, I think it's a really...
你不介意的话我想听玛乔丽说
If you don't mind, Marjorie?
这是一大步邦妮
It's a big step, Bonnie.
我也想这么说
That's what I was gonna say.
我担心的是
Here's what has me worried.
我们现在相处很好但是
We're getting along great now, but,
这就像可♥卡♥因♥ 前几条线
you know, it's like cocaine-- the first couple of lines,
一切都很棒然后突然之间
everything's good, next thing you know,
你在抢劫自助洗衣店鼻中隔都没了
you're robbing a laundromat with no septum.
所以你不打算同居吗
So you're not gonna do it?
等等温蒂玛乔丽
Hang on, Wendy. Marjorie?
邦妮我觉得这是个私人决定
Well, Bonnie, I think it's a personal decision
-你需要等等 -喂