大家好 我是克丽丝蒂 酒瘾者
Hi, Christy, alcoholic.
I know I've shared about this before...
Yeah, yeah, I was a crappy mom.
Let it go.
I'm talking about being lonely.
Oh, great, carry on.
So, anyway, there's this cute guy at my school,
and we'd been doing the smiley, flirty thing
for a couple of weeks,
and one day I just got tired of waiting
for him to make a move and I gave him my number.
He seemed really excited,
说他会给我打电♥话♥ 所以痴傻的我 竟然信了
said he was gonna call, so, crazy me, I believed him.
I mean, he drives a Prius.
Prius equals sincere, everybody knows that.
不过布拉德 他叫这名字 再没有打电♥话♥
Except Brad-- that's his name-- never called.
So I give him the benefit of the doubt.
Maybe a parent died, maybe he died.
I was hoping he died.
And then this morning
there he was,
Walking across campus, so not dead.
And that's when it hit me,
I'm gonna be alone forever.
I have been sober for almost four years,
and, yes, my life is better for it,
but nobody told me that leading a clean life
meant putting my vagina up on blocks.
Would the owner of the phone or vibrator please turn it off?
It's your phone.
But it is something you would do.
I'm just saying that when it comes to love,
sobriety isn't doing me any good at all.
I may as well be a...
Oh, my god,
It's a text from Brad.
He lost his phone, he just found it,
he's really sorry, and he wants to take me to dinner.
总之 戒酒很棒 谢谢
Anyway, sobriety's amazing, thanks.
Okay, babe, I'm gonna head home.
You really need to drag all that back and forth
every time you spend the night?
Oh, you poor, simple man.
You think this just magically happens?
This requires equipment.
除了衣服 内衣 鞋
Forgetting about clothing, underwear, shoes,
lingerie for before, sweatpants for after,
there's also body lotion,
面霜 磨砂膏 夜间修护霜
face lotion, exfoliant, night repair,
眼霜 化妆品 那下面还有很多分支
eye cream, makeup, which is a whole subcategory.
Then you've got your curling iron, blow dryer,
which by the way, is two separate things,
no matter what it says on that big jug
of industrial crap you use.
I have a blow dryer.
Aw, you're so cute.
You have a boy blow dryer.
It's only good for drying your balls.
You saw me?
Why don't you just leave all that stuff here?
Oh, for god's sakes,
because then I wouldn't have my stuff at home.
I can't afford to double up on everything.
Well, maybe all this going back and forth isn't working.
Maybe we need to make a change.
Are we breaking up?
'cause I should warn you,
I've been getting a lot of hits on farmers only.
Have you now?
Yeah, you want to know why?
'Cause city folk just don't get it.
What I'm trying to say is...
...maybe you'd consider moving in with me.
It'd be a hell of a lot more practical.
Be still my beating heart.
You don't have to answer now.
I'm just putting it out there.
Thanks for asking.
I'm gonna need some time to get quiet
and... give it some thought.
Let me know what Marjorie says.
so I'm gonna ask the question that's on everyone's mind,
how bad was your date last night?
It was actually really good.
-你们有没有... -没有 他是个绅士
- So, did you guys...? - No, he was a gentleman.
Eh, well, I just tuned out.
It was weird-- he asked me all these questions
and listened to the answers
and then remembered them and mentioned them later.
So where'd he take you?
A vegan restaurant called the Sprouted Flute.
Did he bring his husband?
Marjorie, make her stop.
Ignore her, go on.
The food was actually great.
Brad says that the human body
isn't really designed to consume meat.
If the good lord didn't want us to eat meat,
why'd he invent veal?
He knows so much about the environment and food and politics.
Did you know that,
in some parts of the world...
Big news, Adam has asked me to move in with him.
What do you guys think?
Well, I think it's a really...
If you don't mind, Marjorie?
It's a big step, Bonnie.
That's what I was gonna say.
Here's what has me worried.
We're getting along great now, but,
you know, it's like cocaine-- the first couple of lines,
everything's good, next thing you know,
you're robbing a laundromat with no septum.
So you're not gonna do it?
等等 温蒂 玛乔丽
Hang on, Wendy. Marjorie?
Well, Bonnie, I think it's a personal decision
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