*Happy birthday, dear Christy*
*Happy birthday to you*
*Keep coming back.*
Those aren't jazz hands.
These are jazz hands.
Excuse me, I went to dance camp.
These are jazz hands.
Can I blow out my candles now?
Yeah, yeah, go ahead.
-对 说两句 -说点什么
- Yeah, speech. - Say something.
Thank you, guys.
Ugh. I really can't believe I've been sober for four years.
I mean, think about it.
That's a long time to go without puking.
You did have a stomach flu.
Any puke that's not flammable is a happy puke.
Anyway, I'm really grateful to be sober,
and I'm really grateful to have friends who I love so much.
Yeah, I see you there.
Christy, I'm so proud of you.
You've grown so much.
Thank you. You've been a big part of it.
Hey, everybody, I just want you to know,
dinner and dessert, it's all on me.
-妈 你太客气了 -谢谢你 邦妮
- Mom, you didn't have to do that. - Thanks, Bonnie.
About friggin' time.
Hey, I have grown, too.
I've got a good job, I'm in a stable relationship,
when the doorbell rings, I no longer hide in an air vent.
She's like a rat.
If her nose can get in, she can get in.
I'm sorry, your card got declined.
Hold on, you've obviously screwed this up.
How about you skedaddle back and run it through again.
Actually, they told me to destroy it,
but I was being nice, you ungrateful giraffe.
Well, clearly, I am the victim of identity theft.
Oh, please. Whose life is so sad they'd rather be you?
Uh-huh. All right.
Well, that clears it up.
Thanks. You have a nice day, too.
Okay, I know why my card was declined.
Are we supposed to guess?
It's not a big deal.
Did you put cheese in these?
- Is she kidding? - She's deflecting.
She does that when she's scared.
I'm not scared, you're scared.
Mmm. Tastes like Monterey Jack?
Fine. Apparently, the IRS put a lien on my account.
How much money do you owe?
Ten grand, give or take.
- What does that mean? - 18.
How does that happen?
We live here rent free 'cause I'm the building manager.
Apparently, that counts as income.
Oh, relax. I've got no money.
They can't get blood out of a rock.
Yeah, but they can put the rock in jail.
No, they wouldn't do that to me.
I am a nice sober lady now.
I'm a card-carrying member of AARP.
So you'll enjoy the senior discount
at the prison commissary.
Okay, you guys are kind of freaking me out.
You should be freaked out.
I don't want to go to jail again.
When I'm gay, I want it to be on my terms.
How can you just sit there and stuff your face with ice cream?
I wanted a snack before I walk the Green Mile.
Look, Adam offered to lend you the money.
Why don't you just take it?
No, 'cause we both know what happens then.
Every time I sleep with him, I'm trying to pay it off.
Who needs the lockjaw?
Now you decide to have standards?
You need a lawyer.
Yeah, but then they're gonna send a bill,
and I'm down on my knees again.
I bet Steve would do it pro bono.
It means "For free."
Oh. That's a thought.
I slept with him pro bono, so he actually owes me.
Hey, Steve, it's Bonnie.
Hey, stranger, long time.
Yeah, haven't seen you in a while.
Where you been hiding out?
What's that supposed to mean?
I'm just making small talk.
Oh. Be careful with that.
Is everything okay?
Yeah, everything's fine.
I, uh, lost a case and the kid went to jail.
That's too bad.
No, he should be in jail.
He's a monster.
The bad part is that his uncle is a Mexican drug lord,
kind of a vindictive guy,
so I thought it prudent to leave the country.
Smart move. Where'd you go?
I can't believe I slept with this guy.
So why'd you call?
Well, it's a little embarrassing,
but the truth is I butt-dialed you.
Oh, so a happy accident.
Hello to your butt.
Want to hear some irony?
Turns out, I'm allergic to pinto beans.
So, bottom line, I need a good tax attorney.
Maybe somebody I can work a trade with.
You know, house-sit, paint the garage.
All I have is an adoption attorney and a divorce attorney.
Oh, and a malpractice guy
for when I had to have my boobs re-jiggered.
That's not gonna do it.
I have a patent attorney.