极品老妈第四季第二十二集

Mom S04E22

Part1

2020年1月3日 22:31

*祝你生日快乐亲爱的克丽丝蒂*
*Happy birthday, dear Christy*
*祝你生日快乐*
*Happy birthday to you*
*岁岁有今朝*
*Keep coming back.*
这是什么
What's that?
爵士手势
Jazz hands.
这不是爵士手势
Those aren't jazz hands.
这才是爵士手势
These are jazz hands.
不好意思我参加过舞蹈夏令营
Excuse me, I went to dance camp.
这才是爵士手势
These are jazz hands.
我可以吹蜡烛了吗
Can I blow out my candles now?
吹吧
Yeah, yeah, go ahead.
说两句
Speech.
-对说两句 -说点什么
- Yeah, speech. - Say something.
好的
Okay.
谢谢大家
Thank you, guys.
我真的不敢相信我已经戒瘾四年了
Ugh. I really can't believe I've been sober for four years.
想想看
I mean, think about it.
没有呕吐的情况下四年还挺漫长的
That's a long time to go without puking.
你曾经得过肠胃炎
You did have a stomach flu.
不吐出易燃物的呕吐都是开心的
Any puke that's not flammable is a happy puke.
总之我真的感恩自己戒瘾了
Anyway, I'm really grateful to be sober,
感恩拥有我深爱的朋友
and I'm really grateful to have friends who I love so much.
我看到你了
Yeah, I see you there.
克丽丝蒂我真为你骄傲
Christy, I'm so proud of you.
你成长了许多
You've grown so much.
谢谢你有大部分的功劳
Thank you. You've been a big part of it.
各位我想告诉大家
Hey, everybody, I just want you to know,
晚餐和甜点我请
dinner and dessert, it's all on me.
-妈你太客气了 -谢谢你邦妮
- Mom, you didn't have to do that. - Thanks, Bonnie.
也是时候了
About friggin' time.
我也成长了
Hey, I have grown, too.
我有份好工作恋情稳定
I've got a good job, I'm in a stable relationship,
门铃响起时我不再躲进通风管里
when the doorbell rings, I no longer hide in an air vent.
她像老鼠
She's like a rat.
鼻子能进去身体就能过
If her nose can get in, she can get in.
抱歉卡被拒刷
I'm sorry, your card got declined.
真意外啊
Quelle surprise.
等等显然你没刷对
Hold on, you've obviously screwed this up.
你不如赶紧回去再刷一次
How about you skedaddle back and run it through again.
事实上照规矩卡是要被剪掉的
Actually, they told me to destroy it,
但我很客气你这个不懂感恩的长颈鹿
but I was being nice, you ungrateful giraffe.
显然我是身份盗用的受害者
Well, clearly, I am the victim of identity theft.
得了还有谁的人生悲催到宁愿成为你
Oh, please. Whose life is so sad they'd rather be you?
极品老妈第四季第二十二集
好的
Uh-huh. All right.
明白了
Well, that clears it up.
谢谢也祝你今天愉快
Thanks. You have a nice day, too.
好的我知道为什么我的卡被拒刷了
Okay, I know why my card was declined.
要我们猜吗
Are we supposed to guess?
不是什么大事
It's not a big deal.
这里面放了芝士吗
Did you put cheese in these?
-她开玩笑吗 -她转移话题
- Is she kidding? - She's deflecting.
她害怕时会这样做
She does that when she's scared.
我没害怕你才害怕
I'm not scared, you're scared.
味道像杰克芝士
Mmm. Tastes like Monterey Jack?
告诉我们
Tell us!
好的国税局冻结了我的账户
Fine. Apparently, the IRS put a lien on my account.
妈
Oh, Mom.
你欠了多少钱
How much money do you owe?
差不多一万吧
Ten grand, give or take.
-这是什么意思 -一万八
- What does that mean? - 18.
什么
What?
怎么会这样的
How does that happen?
我们免费住这里因为我是大楼管♥理♥员♥
We live here rent free 'cause I'm the building manager.
显然这个要算作收入
Apparently, that counts as income.
老天
Oh, God.
放轻松我没钱
Oh, relax. I've got no money.
他们没办法从石头中吸血
They can't get blood out of a rock.
对但他们可以把石头送进监狱
Yeah, but they can put the rock in jail.
不他们不会这样对我的
No, they wouldn't do that to me.
现在我是戒酒的好女人
I am a nice sober lady now.
我是退休协会的正式会员
I'm a card-carrying member of AARP.
很好
Great.
在监狱用品供应部
So you'll enjoy the senior discount
你可以享受老年人折扣
at the prison commissary.
你们吓着我了
Okay, you guys are kind of freaking me out.
你本来就应该害怕
You should be freaked out.
我不想又去坐牢
I don't want to go to jail again.
我想按自己的意愿当同志
When I'm gay, I want it to be on my terms.
你怎么能坐在这里吃冰淇淋
How can you just sit there and stuff your face with ice cream?
送我上刑场前我要先来点零食
I wanted a snack before I walk the Green Mile.
亚当主动借钱给你
Look, Adam offered to lend you the money.
你为什么不接受呢
Why don't you just take it?
不因为我们都知道以后会怎样
No, 'cause we both know what happens then.
每次和他上♥床♥ 我都会额外卖♥♥力
Every time I sleep with him, I'm trying to pay it off.
谁想落一个牙关紧闭症
Who needs the lockjaw?
真的吗
Really?
现在你决定拥有道德标准吗
Now you decide to have standards?
你需要律师
You need a lawyer.
是但他们也会寄账单来
Yeah, but then they're gonna send a bill,
我又得跪下了
and I'm down on my knees again.
我想史蒂夫愿意提供无偿服务
I bet Steve would do it pro bono.
意思是不收费
It means "For free."
这个可以啊
Oh. That's a thought.
我在床上为他提供无偿服务他欠我的
I slept with him pro bono, so he actually owes me.
你好
Hola.
史蒂夫我是邦妮
Hey, Steve, it's Bonnie.
陌生人好久不见
Hey, stranger, long time.
有段时间没见了
Yeah, haven't seen you in a while.
你躲到哪里去了
Where you been hiding out?
这是什么意思
What's that supposed to mean?
只是闲聊
I'm just making small talk.
小心说话
Oh. Be careful with that.
你还好吗
Is everything okay?
对很好
Yeah, everything's fine.
我输了官司有个人去坐牢了
I, uh, lost a case and the kid went to jail.
太遗憾了
That's too bad.
不他应该坐牢
No, he should be in jail.
他是禽兽
He's a monster.
不好的地方在于他的叔叔是墨西哥大毒枭
The bad part is that his uncle is a Mexican drug lord,
为人记仇
kind of a vindictive guy,
所以我想离开美国是明智的
so I thought it prudent to leave the country.
明智你去了哪里
Smart move. Where'd you go?
墨西哥
Mexico.
真不敢相信我和他上过床
I can't believe I slept with this guy.
你为什么打电♥话♥找我
So why'd you call?
有点尴尬
Well, it's a little embarrassing,
手♥机♥放屁♥股♥口袋里误按了你的号♥
but the truth is I butt-dialed you.
快乐的意外
Oh, so a happy accident.
跟你的屁♥股♥问好
Hello to your butt.
想听听讽刺的事吗
Want to hear some irony?
原来我对斑豆过敏
Turns out, I'm allergic to pinto beans.
总之我需要一个好的税务律师
So, bottom line, I need a good tax attorney.
我可以以身抵律师费的
Maybe somebody I can work a trade with.
照看♥房♥♥子刷车♥库♥
You know, house-sit, paint the garage.
我只有领养律师和离婚律师
All I have is an adoption attorney and a divorce attorney.
还有医疗事故律师
Oh, and a malpractice guy
我隆胸时请的
for when I had to have my boobs re-jiggered.
不行的
That's not gonna do it.
我有专利律师
I have a patent attorney.
对我发明了什么