I had all these plans about becoming a lawyer...
and I was doing so good...
then last night I went online
Oh, for God's sake, you're like a cat
trying to cough up a hairball!
Then I found out how much it's gonna cost!
For two more years of college
and three years of law school, I need two... h...
Poor thing. No wonder she's crying.
All night. I had to make her sleep downstairs.
Where am I gonna get that kind of money?
I'm a waitress.
People are gonna have to leave me thousand-dollar tips.
And I'm not that good a waitress!
She's really not.
Anyway, I know I'm supposed to end...
on an up note, so, um...
I'm grateful to be sober...
Clap. Put her out of her misery.
How's the peach pie? Is it worth it?
I think so. You want some?
Just a nibble.
Oh! So worth it.
Would you pass me the sweetener?
Ladies, can we please show a little compassion for our friend?
Hey, I showed compassion for 22 hours.
Right now this is just white noise.
Sweetie, how much is it gonna cost
for just one semester of college?
Okay, then you don't need $200,000,
you just need that.
Yeah, I guess.
You have to start looking for scholarships, student loans,
anything you can get your hands on
to help you pay for the first semester.
Okay. I could do that.
There you go.
One step at a time.
You always know how to calm me down.
And didn't you tell me you had some money set aside?
$4,000. But I spent it on my daughter's wedding dress,
and now she's not getting married!
Nice. She's sleeping at your house tonight.
- Feeling better? - Yeah.
I just got to take this one step at a time,
roll with the punches.
Oh, hey, you're home early.
Are you kidding me?!
What's her problem?
Think about it.
For how long?
You did this to me.
What did I do?
I'm talking to the dress.
Ah. It's not talking back, is it?
How can she afford pot?
How can she afford anything?
I just told her,
if she's gonna live here, she has to get a job.
Great. She can be the budtender at the pot store.
Actually, uh, that's not an entry level job.
You know I'm gonna have to pay for her school, too.
-谁说的 -我说的 如果我不帮我女儿
- Says who? - Says me. What kind of mother
would I be if I didn't help my daughter get an education?
I didn't help you-- does that make me a bad mother?
It's one of the things, yeah.
Okay, let's try this another way.
How much more money are we talking about
for her to go to school?
Same as me, I guess.
Eight, nine grand a semester.
All right, so what's the first thing you need to do?
There's only one thing I can do.
Hey. Size two, gettin' married?
Let me show you something.
Never been worn.
Pay cash, and I'll throw in the shoes.
Just doing as I was told, trying to find scholarship money anywhere I can.
Question: do we have any Native American blood in our family?
Ah. I did have a Paiute boyfriend
right around the time you were born.
The Beer Distributors of America give out a scholarship?
是的 如果有谁该获得 那就是我
Yes. And if anybody deserves it, I do.
"Napa Valley Trial Lawyers Association."
Yeah, that's a good one.
But I got to go to a banquet and give a speech
on why I want to practice law.
Really? Let's hear what you wrote.
- Yeah? - Sure.
"Good evening and thank you.
"Ever since I was a little girl,
I've wanted to help people in trouble."
Oh, screw you!
Oh. Almost forgot.
The Bonnie Plunkett Scholarship--
no boring speech necessary.
Oh, my God. Where'd this come from?
You're not selling fake ecstasy again, are you?
没有 但我得说句 我从来没说那是摇♥头♥丸♥
No. But for the record, I never called it ecstasy,
I just walked around Coachella
and offered people $20 gummy bears.
That money's from Violet's wedding dress.
You sold the gown of shame?
Not only did I sell it, I got invited to the wedding.
You could be my plus-one.
- How much is here? u202d- $500.
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