It's a 30-hour drive.
Wear a diaper, go straight through.
Thanks for sharing your room with me.
Mm. No problem.
This is sort of like we're sisters.
Oh, my God. That would make Bonnie my mom.
Oh, I wish Bonnie was my mom.
When I was a kid, I would say the same thing.
Girls, it's late.
Keep it down or invite me in.
- We'll be quiet. - u202dCome on in!
Well, how you holding up?
Well, I'm okay, I guess.
I'm just sad that when my daughter looks back on this Christmas,
all she's gonna remember is that I wasn't there.
Or worse, she'll remember the years I was.
I know it's hard to imagine right now,
but one day, you guys might be able
to look back and laugh at this stuff,
even the most painful parts.
We do it constantly.
Ooh, remember that time when I was 11?
You're gonna have to be more specific.
This one goes out with her new boyfriend of 48 hours
to buy a few last-minute presents.
Oh, come on now. Not that story.
No, it's funny, it's funny, it's funny.
Turns out, there's a bar right next to the Toys "R" Us,
and I wake up Christmas morning in an empty house.
Around noon, the phone rings. It's a collect call,
so I'm thinking she's in jail again,
but no. No, no. No, she got into a fight with Dad of the Week,
and needs me to go pick her up at the park where she passed out.
So, I drive over and get her.
In my defense, she was an excellent driver.
- Still is. - u202dThanks.
On the way back home, we stopped at a gas station
where I bought my own Christmas presents--
two Milky Ways and a Teen Bop magazine
with a fold-out poster of Kirk Cameron.
I believe there was also a Yoo-hoo involved.
Yes, yes, yes. Yoo-hoo.
Nothing says Christmas like chocolate milk
that doesn't need to be refrigerated.
好了 这很有趣 但如果我不睡觉
Okay, this has been fun, but if I'm not asleep
when Adam comes home, he'll want to talk about his day.
I forgot the best part.
那天晚上 她又喝醉了 吃了我的银河糖
That night, she gets drunk again, eats my Milky Ways
and then puts her chocolatey fingers all over my magazine.
声明一下 我没又喝醉 我是嗑嗨了
For the record, I didn't get drunk again. I got high.
Your mom is awesome.
I feel like everyone who lives in my gingerbread house is really happy.
Now they're all dead.
I'm thinking they got out okay.
No, they're all pinned under the rubble,
and the cell service is bad.
Something bothering you, Patty?
My mom won't even let me talk to Erica on the phone.
If it makes you feel any better, my daughter won't talk to me,
and my son chose to live with his father.
That's so sad.
I know. I was trying to cheer you up to my level,
but I depressed myself down to yours.
好 五号♥候选人 凯蒂
Okay, candidate number five-- Katie.
She went to high school with Andy,
still lives in town, not married.
Okay, look at the fingers.
Are they too stubby?
Enough with the fingers.
Jill, why aren't you participating
in this time-consuming, supposedly fun yuletide ritual?
I am. But as in real life,
I hired a contractor to build my house for me.
How's it going over there, Tam?
I'm building an 18th century English country house.
I think you're gonna like it.
I just have to redo these gables.
What happened to Bonnie?
She went to get a sweater.
That was, like, an hour ago.
It was? Wow. Time sure flies
when you're building a historically accurate
representation of a house out of cookies.
Be right back.
Ooh. Forget stubby fingers.
Look at candidate number six.
-天啊 给他打电♥话♥吧 -什么
- Oh, my God, just call him! u202d- What?
You've got a great boyfriend who loves you,
so stop inventing drama!
If you got a question, just call him and ask,
or get ready to sit home with me every Saturday night and knit socks!
I guess I could give him a call.
Hey, Wendy, if you're making socks,
I'm a size ten and a half, and I like the ones
with little toes like foot mittens.
I'm prepared to sit here all night.
What do you want me to say?
The holidays are hard for me.
Oh, you're the one.
Christy told an...
awful story about me last night.
I've heard it a thousand times,
I've always laughed, but for some reason,
now I want to punch myself in the face.
...very ashamed of who I was.
And that is not how I roll.
You're right where you're supposed to be.
What, hiding in my room crying about something
that went down 30 years ago?
What's happening to you is very common.
You've got almost five years,
and you're starting to see your past through sober glasses,
and that can be painful.
Why during Christmas?
We don't get to schedule when it happens.
It just, it comes up when it comes up.
I once made a flight to Detroit very, very uncomfortable
for my seatmates.
Why were you in Detroit?
It's the National Cat Show.
Is that why you were crying,