I'll shove my whole head in it.
我要一个哑剧演员牧师
I want our officiant to be a mime.
-唬人 你怕哑剧演员 -我不怕
- Bluffing. You're afraid of mimes. - I am not.
真好笑 够了
Very funny. That's enough
停下 说真的 停下
Stop it. Seriously, stop it.
谢谢 周年快乐
Thank you. Happy anniversary.
老吝啬鬼
Cheap old bastards.
克丽丝蒂 你去哪
Christy, where are you going?
我服务完最后一桌了 我走了
My last table just left. I'm out of here.
不不不 辛迪刚生病回家了
No, no, no, no. Cindy just went home sick.
我要你今晚服务她的桌子
I need you to cover her tables for the rest of the night.
什么 不不不 不行 这是我第一周
What? No, no, no, I-I can't. It's my first week...
法学院第一周 我知道 我们都知道
First week of law school, I know. We all know.
我说的没那么频繁
I haven't talked about it that much.
麦克斯 克丽丝蒂最近忙啥呢
Max, what's new with Christy?
上法学院 向左看 向右看 真可怕
Law school, look left, look right, very scary.
确实很可怕
Well, it was scary.
今晚我要啃的书山
And so is the mountain of reading
也很可怕 明天见
I have to do tonight. See you tomorrow.
克丽丝蒂
Christy!
克丽丝蒂
Christy...
我现在没心情应付你
I do not have the emotional capacity to deal with you right now.
我的婚姻正在我面前崩塌
My marriage is crumbling right in front of me.
很抱歉 我不知道
Oh, I'm-I'm sorry. I didn't know.
因为我不会给每个人吹嘘我老公
Because I don't blab to everyone about the flight attendant
在辛辛那提返航航♥班♥上遇到的空少
my husband met on the way back from Cincinnati.
好吧 但我真的...
Okay, but I really...
你必须留下 去看六号♥桌
You are staying. Go check on table six.
我会去办公室做仰卧起坐
I'll be in my office doing crunches,
为40岁老单身汉的生活做准备
preparing for my new life as a single 40-year-old man.
这在同性恋里相当于85岁
That's 85 in gay years!
是你问我的
You asked me.
我是克丽丝蒂 我今晚
I'm Christy. I will be your server
将服务你们
for the rest of the evening.
我知道我看起来压力大 不开心
I know I look stressed and unhappy,
但别让这毁了你们的用餐体验
but don't let that diminish your dining experience.
该死
Damn it!
你怎么能这样
How could you?
邦妮 醒醒 你在做梦
Bonnie, wake up. You're dreaming.
-你这个混♥蛋♥ -怎么了
- You son of a bitch. - What?
你出轨了
You cheated on me.
你在做梦
You were dreaming.
跟谁出轨啊
Who with?
好像你不知道一样
As if you don't know.
我真不知道
I-I really don't.
乔氏超♥市♥的路易丝
Louise from Trader Joe's.
我抓住你时 你只是耸了耸肩
And when I caught you, you just shrugged
说"有什么大不了的"
and said, "What's the big deal?"
你不能因为我在你梦里做的事怪我
You can't blame me for something I did in your dream.
那你看好了
Watch me.
像一对中年兔子一样
Going at it like a couple of middle-aged bunnies
在一堆水洗生菜上亲热
right there on top of the prewashed lettuce.
你怎么没睡
What are you doing up?
-亚当出轨了 -什么
- Adam's cheating on me. - What?
是在梦里 但感觉依然很真实
It was in a dream, but that doesn't make it any less real.
你为什么回家这么晚
Why are you home so late?
我给另一个服务员顶班
I had to cover for another waitress.
我十点前服务完了她的所有桌子 除了一桌
I got rid of all of her tables by 10:00 except for one.
他们喝了咖啡 我正准备放单子
They had their coffee, I'm about to drop the check,
然后那个混♥蛋♥单膝跪地
and this douche gets down on one knee
向他的傻女友求婚了
and proposes to his stupid girlfriend.
我不得不拍照
I had to take pictures,
她哭了 给她认识的所有人打电♥话♥
and she had to cry and call everyone she's ever met.
太恶心了
It was disgusting.
她现在也许开心 但等戒指上手以后
Well, she may be happy now, but as soon as that ring goes on the finger,
他们就开始出轨了
that's when they start cheating.
在你梦里
In your dream.
我们听你说梦说了五年
Hey, we had to hear about your dream for five years.
为什么不能听我说五分钟呢
How about we talk about mine for five minutes?
我没时间说了 我得去学习
I don't have time for this. I got to study.
-天啊 -怎么了
- Oh, God. - What?
我的背包 我没拿背包
My backpack. I don't have my backpack.
-你放车里了吗 -不 在餐厅里
- Did you leave it in the car? - No. It's at the restaurant.
-我的书都在里面 -那回去拿啊
- All my books are in there. - So go back and get it.
打烊了 我没钥匙
It's closed. I don't have a key.
-好吧 我去穿衣服 -你要干什么
- Fine, I'll get dressed. - What are you gonna do?
我要用发夹打开餐厅门
I'm gonna break into the restaurant with a couple of bobby pins.
还"钥匙" 你怎么了
"Keys." What happened to you?
你干什么呢
What are you doing?
我在躲开监控摄像头
I'm trying to avoid the security cameras.
老板的老婆看见
They disconnected those
他和女服务生抵着那个垃圾箱做♥爱♥后
after the owner's wife saw him having sex with a waitress
监控摄像头就被切断了
up against that Dumpster.
那女服务生是你吗
Was it you?
我们不是来聊过去的事的
We are not here to talk about the past.
您能赶紧吗 汉堡神偷
Now, can you just move it along, Hamburglar?
鲍德温插锁 2.75英寸锁心
Okay, Baldwin mortise lock with a 2 3/4-inch cylinder.
干脆用胶带把门贴着得了
Huh. Might as well just tape the door shut.
快点 我上午八点要上课
Hurry, I've got class at 8:00 A.M.
别紧张 交给我吧
Relax. I got this.
搞 定 了
There... it... is.
瞧
Voilà.
鲍德温真的进步了
Well, Baldwin's really stepped up their game.
你开玩笑吗 你说你可以开锁的
Are you kidding? You said you could do this.
你还说我们不是来聊过去的事的呢
Yeah, and you said we weren't here to talk about the past.
好吧 帮我爬到窗户那里
Fine, just help me get up to that window.
这叫气窗
It's called a transom.
如果你跟我一起看了《地♥产♥兄弟》
If you watched the Property Brothers with me,
你就会知道
you'd know that.
我不在乎它叫什么 快把我推过去
I don't care what it's called. Just push me through it.
推过哪里
Push you through what?
气窗
The transom.
这是新鞋吗 很好看
Are those new shoes? They're really cute.
专注点
Focus!
妈妈 帮我下来
Mom! Help me get down!
你逃跑了吗
Did you run away?!
是的 但我回来了
Yeah, but I came back.
这是进步
That's progress.
厉害了 给你加分哦
Yeah, points for you.
跳下来 我接着你
Jump. I'll catch you.
真棒 你完全错过了我的胳膊
Nice going. You completely missed my arms.
皮尔森诉波斯特
Pierson v. Post.
事实是什么
What are the facts?
普兰科特女士
Ms. Plunkett?
你说皮尔森诉波斯特啊
Pierson v. Post, you say?
是的
I did say.
我要说实话
I-I'm gonna be honest.
我没时间读案例
I didn't have time to read the case,
但我有很好的解释
but I have a very good explanation.
-我的书包被锁在 -我不需要解释
- My backpack is locked up... - I don't need explanations.
我只需要你读案例
I just need you to do the reading.
我保证我今晚会读的
I promise I will read it tonight.
现在就读
Read it now.
现在吗
Now?
我们等着
We'll wait.
好吧
Okay.
我需要书
I need that.
皮尔森和波斯特是人
Ah. Pierson and Post are people.
很好
It's very good.
20分钟
20 minutes.
他们看我读了20分钟