Hey. How's my little buddy doing?
Well, he's still got that goop in his eye, but otherwise, fine.
I meant Tammy. I miss her.
Oh, please. You miss her doing your job for you.
Yeah, exactly. So when do I get her back?
抱歉 宝贝 塔米正在帮我准备
Sorry, babe, Tammy's really helping me get things ready
- for our grand opening. - Isn't she a beaut?
Hold on a second, Bon...
Hey, really nice.
I'll be in the men's room.
- Good choice. u202d- Oh, hey.
You looking for high arc,
low arc, straight shot?
He trusts me. Sweet!
Oh, my God, you've got her installing toilets?
That's so degrading.
Yeah. What do you need her for?
装厕所 爱你 拜拜
Installing a toilet. Love you. Bye.
If my fiancé didn't have oral sex down to a science
I would've left him a long time ago.
So, this is my mother, Bonnie.
Mom, this is Stacy.
Nice to meet you. Ooh, I should probably wash my hands first.
I've been pulling rats out of traps all morning.
- We're studying, Mom. - Got it.
Hey, Stacy, is that your motorcycle out front?
- No. u202d- It's really cool.
Sweet shade of blue, real vintage-y vibe.
Still not hers, Mom.
Good. 'Cause I was gonna say,
you're a little small for a big bike like that.
She drives a Prius, Mom.
Prius, huh? Do strangers just hop into your back seat
thinking you're an Uber driver?
- 'Cause on the news, they say that happens a lot. - Mom!
It's okay. I have one of those, too.
Oh, you don't have one of those.
No one's got one of those.
Do you listen to that podcast, The Mother of All Problems?
No. What is it?
This woman tells these crazy-ass stories about her mother.
It'll make you grateful for the mom you have.
I'm stranded on the bowl!
Need another roll!
Oh, I love it when this happens.
Sometimes I get a whole hour.
Welcome to my podcast, The Mother of All Problems.
I'm your host, Violet.
Violet? My Violet?
The holidays are around the corner,
so great time to dive into horror stories
about growing up with a drunken stripper
who I unfortunately had to call Mommy.
Wait, I'm the Mother of All Problems?!
So, when does Adam's bar open?
One week from today.
I can't believe our dream is finally coming true.
Wait a minute-- your dream?
You've been complaining since he bought it.
That's not how I remember it.
You said Adam has no experience,
no business plan, and I quote, "He's so stupid,
I can't believe how stupid he is."
I said, "That's not how I remember it."
My daughter has a podcast
about what a terrible mother I am.
Oh, my God.
Tell us everything.
Well, I was bitching to my study partner
about what a horrible mom you are,
and she told me about this podcast that would cheer me up.
It did not.
Violet never mentioned it to you?
We haven't spoken in over a year.
She asked for space, and, being the healthy mother in recovery that I am,
I knew it was important to respect her wishes.
And she changed her number.
How bad is it?
Really bad. Couldn't be worse.
She tells the truth.
What? The irony of this is delicious.
I remember this one night
my mom barged into my room, drunk off her ass,
and started yelling at me for stealing her car.
Turned out she left the car at a 7-Eleven,
which I figured out while cleaning up the Slurpee
she threw up in my closet.
Wild cherry, if anyone was wondering.
So, cheer up, Lisa from Portland,
your mom's minivan getting repossessed
might be a good thing.
- Our next e-mail is from Dan in Tex... - Turn it off.
I have to move.
Are they sending people to Mars yet?
Honey, I know this is hard.
I remember how humiliating it was
when my son brought a picture of me
to school for show and tell.
What's wrong with that?
It was my mug shot.
Okay, that's bad.
But Violet is telling thousands of people
every awful thing I ever did.
Hundreds of thousands.
The episodes have clever titles.
Let's listen to "Jell-O Shots and the Truth About Santa."
That's enough. We're done listening.
- Thanks. Ooh! - There's one called
"My Grandmother, the Life Preserver."
Well, maybe we have time for one more.
No. Please don't tell the school bus story.
Only one of my boobs popped out!
Still going, huh?
I can't stop. I keep thinking,
"Maybe in the next episode she'll say something nice."
Quit torturing yourself.
Easy for you to say-- she calls you the Life Preserver.
I know. It's so sweet.
Adorable. I just wish Violet would hate me to my face
and stop venting for the world to hear.
Look, you've got two choices.
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