极品老妈第六季第十一集

Mom S06E11

Part1

2020年1月3日 20:49

这叫圣诞树塔米
It's called a Christmas tree, Tammy.
用德语说是"圣诞树"
Or in Germany, a Tannenbaum.
我知道这叫什么大酱
I know what it's called, Big Sauce.
我只是很久没见过了
I just haven't seen one in a long time.
监狱里没圣诞树吗
Don't they have Christmas trees in prison?
没有他们不赞成快乐
No, they kind of frown on joy.
我们很高兴你今年和我们一起过亲爱的
We're glad you're with us this year, honey.
既然大家都在
Hey, since everyone's here,
我们何不抽签决定谁给谁当秘密圣诞老人
how about we draw names for Secret Santa?
我不知道今年要复兴
Huh. I didn't think ol' "Socks and a candle"
袜子和蜡烛的老传统
would be kick-starting it this year.
你说过你喜欢的
You said you liked them.
客气是我送你的礼物
And that was my gift to you.
告诉你个消息
Hey, I got news for you.
今年我会赢得秘密圣诞老人
This year, I am winning Secret Santa.
这不是比赛
Not a competition.
玛乔丽说的对
Marjorie's right.
这是表达我们爱的仪式
It's an expression of our love for each other...
克丽丝蒂恰好每次都输
that Christy always loses.
我们能至少提高上限吗
Can we at least up the limit?
我是说 25美元
I mean, $25?
我能给你们买♥♥什么一袋土吗
What am I supposed to buy y'all, a bag of dirt?
25美元对我来说有点多
Ooh, 25 bucks, that's a little steep for me.
不那只是上限塔米
No, that's just a ceiling, Tammy.
-你也可以做东西 -比如炖鹿肉吗
- You can even make something. - Like venison stew?
可以
Sure.
那就做炖肉了
Ooh! Stew it is.
秘密秘密
Oh! Secret, secret!
天啊我圣诞要吃小鹿斑比了
Lord, I'm getting Bambi in a bowl for Christmas.
好了各位
All right, everyone.
请用一只手抽闭上眼
Please pick with one hand, eyes closed.
如果你抽到了自己的名字
If you choose your own name,
-你必须... -我们知道规则温蒂
- you must... - u202dWe know the rules, Wendy.
是吗去年你抽到自己名字时
Do we? 'Cause last year you picked
给了自己现金
your own name and gave yourself cash.
我知道我喜欢什么
I know what I like.
提示再来一次我还喜欢现金
Hint I'd like it again.
呕
Ugh.
你知道你抽的人在屋子里吧
You do know whoever you picked is in the room?
"呕"不一定是贬义
Well, "Ugh" Isn't always a bad thing.
呕毛衣真好看
Ugh, that's a lovely sweater.
该死我想要邦妮谁抽到了邦妮
Damn it, I wanted Bonnie. Who's got Bonnie?
圣诞快乐
Merry Christmas.
我们能别炖鹿肉吗
Any chance we could, uh, 86 the venison stew?
当然可以你喜欢麋鹿肉吗
Oh, sure. Where do you stand on elk?
喂
Hey. Hey, hey.
不准提要求
No requests.
重点是利用自己的想象力
The point is to use your imagination
想着你要送礼物的亲爱朋友
and think about the dear friend you're buying a gift for.
呕
Ugh.
极品老妈第六季第十一集
混♥蛋♥
Son of a bitch.
这才是普兰科特家的圣诞精神
There's the Plunkett Christmas spirit.
我堕入了秘密圣诞老人地狱
I'm in Secret Santa hell.
-你抽到了谁 -我不说
- Who'd you get? - I'm not telling.
看着我
Look at me.
温蒂
Wendy.
你怎么做到的
How do you do that?
那次被外星人绑♥架♥让我有了超能力
That brief alien abduction left me with some powers.
真尴尬
It's embarrassing.
我们和温蒂做了很多年朋友
We've been friends with Wendy for years
我只知道关于她的三件事
and I only know three things about her.
她是个护士她1米6
She's a nurse, she's five foot three...
两件事
Two things.
不是为了刺♥激♥你但我被
Not to rub it in, but I got blessed
秘密圣诞老人上帝保佑了
by the Secret Santa gods.
你抽到了玛乔丽吗
You got Marjorie?
-我们能换吗 -不可能
- Can we trade? - u202dNo way.
实际上
In fact...
猫咪枕头
"Cat pillow.
加入购物车
"Add to cart.
确认周二送到
Confirm." Ah, she'll be here Tuesday.
不你告诉司机应该是
No, you tell the driver it was supposed to be
三箱龙舌兰不是六箱
three cases of tequila, not six.
太多了
That's more than enough.
早
Morning.
有意思一听到龙舌兰
Amazing. I hear the word "Tequila"
我立刻想吃莎莎酱薯片
and I immediately want chips and salsa
脱掉衣服
and to take my clothes off.
我听到龙舌兰就想吸海♥洛♥因♥
I hear "Tequila" And I want heroin.
我们脑回路也太怪了吧
Isn't it funny how our brains work?
提醒一下我要给婚礼乐队
Oh, just a heads-up, I got to get a deposit check
开一张支票
to the wedding band.
好你知道支票簿在哪
Yeah, well, you know where the book is.
反正你签我名比我更像
You sign my name better than I do, anyway.
是的但我不先问一句会感到很卑鄙
Yeah, but I feel dirty when I don't ask first.
才没有
Not really.
好我走了
All right, I'm out.
好亲爱的去让人们喝醉吧
Okay, honey. Go get people drunk.
你继续奇怪地接受这点吧
And you continue to be strangely cool with that.
简短说一句克丽丝蒂和我在聊
Hey. Real quick, Christy and I were talking.
你想出去过平安夜
Do you want to go out for Christmas Eve
还是待在家里跟亲人过
or do you want to do it here family style?
关于这个嘛
Oh, yeah. About that...
告诉我你平安夜不工作
Tell me you're not working Christmas Eve.
对不起那晚对酒吧很重要
I'm sorry, it's a big night for bars.
一些人很抑郁因为他们没家人
People are depressed 'cause they don't have families.
另一些人也很抑郁因为他们有家人
Others are depressed 'cause they do.
而且那天有突袭者队的比赛所有人都会抑郁
Plus, the Raiders are on and that'll depress everyone.
但欢迎你加入那个庆典
But you're welcome to join in on the festivities.
很好所以我的选择是
Great, so my choices are
与女儿或去酒吧过平安夜
spend Christmas Eve with my kid or in a bar.
什么都没变
Nothing ever changes.
你给假释官准备了礼物吗
You got your parole officer a Christmas present?
是的胡安很好
Oh, yeah. Juan's been great.
我给他买♥♥了一瓶须后水
I got him a bottle of aftershave.
八美元还附赠爽足粉
Eight bucks and it comes with foot powder.
好开始吧
Okay, let's get started.
这不是胡安
That's not Juan.
你们谁是塔米
Which one of you is Tammy?
-我 -你是谁
- Me. - u202dAnd who are you?
我开车送她胡安不介意我出席
I'm her ride; Juan's cool with me hanging out.
胡安被调走了
Juan's been reassigned.
我介意
And I'm not cool.
等等胡安走了
Wait, Juan's out?
我通过这种方式才知道吗
And this is how I'm hearing about it?
真是给老娘裆部来了一脚
That's a kick in the lady pants.
我是伊芙·弗格森我负责你的案子
I'm Eve Ferguson, I'm in charge of your case.
你去走廊里等着
You can wait in the hallway.
好
Oh. Okay.
你得靠自己了
Guess you're on your own.
-我就在外面 -好
- I'll be close. - O-Okay.
这是什么
What is that?
这是给胡安的须后水
Oh, just some aftershave for Juan.
你收下也没关系
Which you are very welcome to have.
送给你男人
For your fella.
或你女人
Or your lady.
或你自己如果你想散发海之味的话
Or yourself if you like to smell like the sea.
-附赠爽足粉 -闭嘴
- It comes with foot powder... - Oh. Stop talking.
好我看到你有住处
Okay, I see you have a place to live
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