就是你上出租车 给司机看胸
That's when you get in a cab and you show the driver your boobs
而不是付钱
instead of paying.
米奇在哪
Where's Mitch?!
他欠我钱
He owes me money!
你为什么跟他上♥床♥
And why are you sleeping with him,
你这个烂货
you nasty skank?!
怎么成了这样[怎么过来的]
How'd we get here?
我跟你说过了
I told you!
靠胸
Boober!
对不起
I'm s-- I'm sorry.
萨姆布卡酒让我很刻薄
Sambuca makes me mean.
你想来点吗
You want some?
轻点 轻点
Easy, easy.
这毛衣要1200美元呢
It's a $1,200 sweater.
你从未戒瘾 是吧
You were never sober, were you?
我戒过
Sure, I was.
在我九岁的时候
When I was nine.
你跟我们参加互助会了
You went to a meeting with us!
你为什么撒谎
Why'd you lie?
我希望你喜欢我
I want you to like me.
起作用了吗
Is it working?
这件毛衣是斯坦利·图齐送我的
Stanley Tucci gave me this sweater!
图图
The Tooch!
拉里说你没收那些人的酒钱
Larry said you didn't charge any of those people for their drinks.
你在干什么
What are you doing?
听我说 听我说
Listen to me, listen to me.
听我说
Listen to me.
-我们在听呢 -我有个点子
- We're listening! - I have an idea.
我去过布拉格的一家酒吧
I was in a bar in Prague,
里面有妓♥女♥
and they had hookers.
人们似乎很喜欢
And people seemed to like it.
真棒 酒吧的第一次斗殴
Oh, great. My first brawl.
我只是说
I'm just saying,
没人会在有妓♥女♥的酒吧里斗殴
no one fights in a hooker bar.
米奇 你这个可悲的混♥蛋♥
Mitch, you miserable prick!
你伤了我的心
You broke my heart!
那不是米奇
That's not Mitch!
我不是米奇
I'm not Mitch.
你不是米奇
You're not Mitch.
她怎么来了
What's she doing here?
她来了我们家找米奇
She showed up at our apartment looking for Mitch.
我想着如果我带她过来
I figured if I brought her down here,
她就不再是我的问题了
she'd cease to be my problem.
别管米奇了
Forget about Mitch.
我现在喜欢你
I like you now.
各位 我喜欢这个不是米奇的人
Everybody, I like Not Mitch!
现在她是他的问题了
And now she's his problem.
我感觉好安全
Oh, I feel so safe here.
我们在喝什么
What are we drinking?
难以置信我又信了
I can't believe I fell for this again.
公平地说
Well, to be fair,
我是好莱坞级别的骗子
I am a Hollywood-level liar.
我该知道的
Well, I should know better,
因为我比好莱坞还烂
because I'm whatever's worse than Hollywood.
没什么比好莱坞还烂
Nothing's worse than Hollywood.
虽然我现在很想勒死你
As much as I want to strangle you right now,
但我做不到 因为我就是你
I can't, because I am you.
我曾是你
Well, I was you.
一阵喝醉的龙♥卷♥风♥ 破坏人们的生活
A drunk tornado ripping through people's lives.
他们想让我导演《鲨卷风3》
They wanted me to direct Sharknado 3.
闭嘴
Shut up!
我在发扬好作风 你这个有毒的粪坑
I'm taking the high road, you toxic cesspool!
我想说的是
What I meant to say was...
只要你在喝酒
...as long as you're drinking,
我就不希望你进入我们的生活
I don't want you in our lives.
别打电♥话♥ 别发邮件 别发短♥信♥
No calling, no e-mailing, no texting.
那焚后即阅呢[米奇喝醉了 说反了]
What about Chapsnatch?
什么都不行 不要联♥系♥
Nothing. No contact.
但如果你真的想要人帮忙
But if you ever sincerely want help...
我会陪着你
I'll be here for you.
我明白是怎么回事了
I see where this is going.
谁是漂亮的小马
Who's a pretty pony?
亚当
Adam.
你总是好人
You were always the good one.
我为什么不再跟你上♥床♥了
Why'd I stop sleeping with you?
那我们呢
What happened to us?
稍等一会 她会回来的
Give her a minute. She'll come back.
你叫什么
What's your name?
琳恩 你得放开我
Leanne, y-you got to get off me.
我未婚妻脾气很大
My fiancée has a temper.
亚当
Adam!
邦妮打了我
Bonnie hit me!
瞧
See?
米奇
Mitch!
琳恩
Leanne?!
她为什么打了你
Why'd she hit you?
没什么原因
No reason.
真的吗 我们都该打他
Seriously? We should all be hitting him.
你这小可怜
You poor thing.
就是啊
I know, right?
我想你
I miss you.
我爱你
I love you.
我也爱你
I love you, too.
我们造小孩吧
Let's make a baby.
这是真爱
It's true love.
我有什么毛病啊 居然嫉妒他们
What's wrong with me that I'm jealous of them?
《时尚》 你又做到了
Cosmopolitan, you've done it again.
随你信不信 这次是
Believe it or not, this time,
《红皮书》
Redbook.
-真的吗 -是啊
- Really? u202d- Yep.
就在一篇关于冬季大乱炖的文章旁边
Right next to an article about one-pot winter meals.
我爱你
I love you.
我也爱你
I love you, too.
米奇的支票被拒了
Mitch's check bounced.
再来一次
Go again.