Does your ex have a beautiful young wife
and an okay-looking child?
No. She's dating another bald cop
who could stand to lose 20 pounds.
What was wrong with me?
I'm done being on Team Sad.
I been through all four stages of grief:
大吃 大哭 大喝 吸毒
eating, crying, drinking, snorting.
I been down that path.
Got stuck on eating.
Want a bite?
I'm not eating bread, cheese or meat right now.
Watch your fingers.
Hey, what are you doing?
I was watching... whatever that was.
I want to watch the weather.
We live in California.
Here's your five-day forecast: Nice.
等等 你想看诺拉 这样你就能告诉她
Oh, wait. You want to watch Nora so you can tell her
how much you love the way she points at things.
Did I get a text saying how much she loved my chili?
Yes, I did.
She even asked how my day was going.
Is that the sound of the ice queen cracking?
I think so.
Are you gonna ask questions and also answer them?
Is that your new thing?
Is it? I don't know.
Shh, shh! My new bestie's on.
Ah, thanks, Rob!
And I agree, that is some tie.
Well, looks like we might need
to break out the sweaters, folks.
Temperatures will be cooling down this week
thanks to winds coming in from the west.
Hey, you and your chili just got a shout-out.
Winds coming in from the west
Winds coming in from the west
Winds coming in from the west...
The minute I saw this, I said,
"Let's make a YouTube video."
And Christy's all,
"No, we can't humiliate my sponsor."
Once again, my daughter holds me back from greatness!
I feel sorry for her.
Okay, when did you let one rip?
High school talent show.
I was playing the flute, but not nearly loud enough.
Move over, sex with Abe Lincoln.
That is now number one on my time machine list.
Man, poor Nora.
Let's watch it again.
Seriously, there's a 5% chance they're laughing at Wendy.
We both know who they're laughing at.
Here's your Tupperware.
I'm so sorry.
Well, don't be.
Am I feeling a little embarrassed? Absolutely.
I'm human and I frickin' farted on TV.
And do you want to talk about that?
Not with you.
I'll bring it to my sponsor, who, by the way,
I'm also not buddies with.
Thank you for the coffee. I got to go.
Right. Well, maybe we should--
Okay. All right. Bye!
Marjorie, give me my phone back.
How did you get from farts to cat videos?
Our friendship is dead, and here's the murder weapon.
I just don't get what the big deal is.
We all do it.
打嗝 放屁 大笑的时候尿出来
We burp, we fart, we pee when we laugh,
which only makes us laugh more, which makes us pee more.
Circle of life.
Ooh, motion sensor alert.
Aw, look. Andy's bringing in my mail.
How long you gonna keep him around?
I don't know. He makes me feel safe.
And he's a lot of fun.
We stayed up all night just gabbing.
He told me stories about being a Marine.
He really knows how to take care of business.
Yeah? Did he take care of your business?
While you were gabbing all night?
He's a great guy, but you met him;
he's not my type.
I don't know. He brought in your mail.
Yeah, he did.
Wendy, it's not working.
Okay, here are the keys to your new locks.
Motion detectors are up, cameras are working,
and I think the squirrels got married.
How can you tell?
They're just eating in silence next to each other.
You sure you can't stay one more night?
At this point, I'd just be taking your money. You're safe.
I don't know how to thank you.
Promise me one thing.
I know, I know. I got to use that big fancy grill.
I was gonna say please be sure to set your alarm,
I will sleep better at night knowing you finally
tossed a rib eye on that magnificent bastard.
- Bye. - Bye.
Let's just start watching the movie.
- I think we just watched one. - Mm-hmm.
A little romantic comedy
about the lonely rich girl and her bodyguard.
Will always love you-ooh-ooh...
All right, knock it off.
I told you, he's not my type.
You're right. You only date super handsome,
emotionally unavailable jerks.
Mmm. Just hearing that turns me on.
Maybe it's time for a change.
No one's gonna judge you.
就算他们评判了 谁在乎啊 你快乐了
And if they do, who cares? You're happy.
Yeah. Hey, I had a type, too,