Do your thing.
- I am freaking out. - What's wrong?
I think Yuri wants to have sex with me tonight.
I haven't dated in a long time.
Remind me, why is that bad?
Because I've been in prison for seven years
and so has my... you know.
Well, what are you afraid of?
I'm afraid we do it and then he dumps me,
or we do it and it's terrible,
or it's amazing and then we fall in love
and then he dies.
It happened to you.
Yes, I remember.
It's okay, sweetie.
If you're not ready, just tell him.
Wow, you say stuff that's so obvious,
but it always makes me feel better.
Ooh, I got to go.
Here he comes with the tacos.
Wait, it's just a guy who really looks like him.
不 就是他 再见
Oh, no, it's him. Bye.
Hey, Wendy. What's going on?
I'm about to go into surgery and I just want
to call and say hi so you don't get lonely.
Oh, thank you, I'm good.
- Happy operating. - Oh, I don't operate.
I just hand stuff to the person who does.
Well, happy handing.
Now it sounds like you're minimizing.
You take the next call.
Look at that: the couple that got engaged
just got a free chocolate soufflé.
Hey, after dinner, get on your knee and ask me to marry you.
No, you've already been proposed to.
You propose to me.
Fine, but you better say yes.
You know what?
I would love to pretend to get engaged.
Because I know it's never gonna actually happen.
Oh, come on.
I'm fine with it.
I have an amazing group of friends,
I'm gonna have a kick-ass career.
And between us,
sex with myself has never been better.
So you're just giving up on love?
Well, if I'm being honest,
I don't know if I've ever been in love.
That makes me sad.
'Cause it's kind of your fault.
My fault? What's that supposed to mean?
I was kidding.
Tell me more about the Peace Corps.
No, I'm not rewarding you
with fascinating stories about the Orient.
You know, I thought we were past you blaming me for everything.
That's why it's something we can joke about.
Every joke has a kernel of truth.
Not this one.
It's just funny.
Ha-ha, hee-hee, hoo-hoo.
The hostess swears we're "Totally" Next
and she's "Totally" Sorry, but between you and me,
I don't "Totally" Believe her.
Oh, it's fine.
I'm actually having fun waiting with you.
How. Are. You?
What. Is. Happening?
Oh. Andy, this is my friend Vivian from the club.
Vivian, this is Andy.
Oh, nice to meet you. u202dHi.
The only club I belong to is Costco.
Eh, eh? All right.
Uh, you know what? I'm gonna go flash my badge
- and get us our table. - Okay.
So he's a cop?
Yeah, my house got broken into,
so I hired him for private security.
Okay, that makes much more sense.
- What's so funny? - Well, for a second, I thought
you guys were on a date.
Oh, God, no.
So, uh, lunch?
-天啊 才不是 -什么
- "Oh, God, no"? u202d- What?
No, it's just, I-- you know, I heard what you said
说的话了 天啊 才不是
to your friend: "Oh, God, no."
I am so sorry.
That came out wrong. I didn't mean it.
她爱评判人 爱八卦 不会懂的
It's just, she's very judgy and gossipy and wouldn't understand.
Wouldn't understand what?
No, no, it's not that she wouldn't understand,
there's nothing to understand, it's just that...
She's used to me being with a certain type.
All right, uh, well, um... how about this?
You enjoy your Diet Coke,
and if your type comes along, tell him I said good luck.
Your table's totally ready.
You know that chicken isn't me.
Are you sure?
It's small and skinny and a little bitter.
-你能别闹了吗 -还问我 明明是你
- Will you stop? - u202dMe? You're the one
who ruined mother-daughter Valentine's Day.
-拜托 -干嘛 我开玩笑
- Come on. u202d- What? I'm kidding.
There was a kernel of truth.
I do think it's your fault I've never been in love.
I knew it. You're unbelievable.
I take you to a nice restaurant to cheer you up,
and you still find a way to make me the bad guy.
One nice dinner doesn't make up for a sucky childhood.
Look, even if I was a perfect parent...
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