Michael designs the new neighborhood.
The Bad Place gets to choose the four new humans.
The other residents will be Janet Babies.
You know, if we pooled our resources,
we could be done in two shakes of a lamb's Derek.
When you fail, the four humans will be tortured for all eternity.
But guess who's going to be doing the torturing?
We built a Michael suit.
I can't do it. It's too scary.
你好 约翰 我是建筑师 请进
Hi, John, I'm the architect. Come on in.
The Bad Place didn't pick the worst people.
They picked the people who would be the worst for us.
You need to erase my memory and reboot me.
你好 奇迪 我是埃莉诺 请进
Hi, Chidi, I'm Eleanor. Come on in.
Wow! Just... wow!
It's perfect. Everything is just perfect.
I am so, so happy.
I'm glad you like it.
It's so quaint, it feels cozy,
but also vibrant and limitless.
I can't believe how... how utterly, completely,
100% perfect everything is...
You know, let's keep this moving.
Here is your new home,
complete with two of your favorite things:
floor-to-ceiling bookshelves and--
Reading lights! I love reading lights.
They are great for reading.
And... check this out. Hold out your hand.
And think about a book.
I can summon philosophy books like Thor's hammer.
This is literally my number one dream.
Well, I have a lot to attend to.
Welcome to the Good Place, Chidi.
Thank you so much.
And I'm-- I'm sorry.
This has been so overwhelming, I-I forgot your name.
- Eleanor. - Eleanor, right.
抱歉 埃莉诺 埃莉诺
Sorry. Eleanor, Eleanor, Eleanor.
-我永远不会忘了 -这可说不准[你已经忘记我了]- Now I'll never forget. - Well, you might!
Okay, can we not...
Eleanor, you did a brave thing
and I am embracing you and I shall not let you go.
And I'm also embracing you
because this feels warm and my hands are cold.
Guys, I'm good. Honestly.
Wasn't even as bad as I thought.
姐心大 不记得我名字 又怎样
I mean, who cares if he doesn't remember my name?
I mean, cool.
Good save, bud.
Let's just concentrate on the next resident,
who gets here in... six minutes.
Wait. I need to say something.
I know this seems bleak and it feels like we're all doomed
and therefore humanity is doomed.
You needed to say that?
The point is, I believe that we're destined to succeed.
There is nothing that the Bad Place can throw at us that we can't handle,
because we are an incredible,
inspiring, brilliant group of...
戾气满满 混♥蛋♥至极 人见人恨的贱精
Supercharged, d-bag, ass-wiping maniacs.
I mean, look at you.
各个人面兽心 丧心病狂 真给我争气
I am so proud of how disgusting and cruel you all are.
You all suck donkey butts.
塔哈妮 冰雪聪明 见多识广
Tahani-- so, so smart, and sophisticated.
She was the only one who was able to talk me out of that goatee.
我嘴皮都磨破了 也没说动小罗伯特[钢铁侠]Well, I lost that battle with Robert Downey Jr.,
and I'll be damned if I lose it with you.
Bambadjan-- such an unbelievable dingus.
Who's a bigger skidmark than Val?
Maybe your mom.
We have Janet,
who can do literally anything.
She made all the other people in the neighborhood.
We have me,
who had a momentary setback, but I'm feeling great now.
And that was awhile ago.
Most of you don't even remember it, probably.
We have Jason,
And marching us into battle,
无畏的领袖 亚利桑那州 凤♥凰♥城之骄傲
our fearless leader, the pride of Phoenix, Arizona,
Technically, the pride of Phoenix
is a life-size statue of Alice Cooper made from cigarette butts.
It's outside City Hall.
But thank you for the kind words.
With this team,
there's no problem we can't solve.
There is no problem we can't create.
And believe me, we are gonna create some a-problems.
So let's kick things off with our official Bad Place song.
♪ 1-877-KARS for Kids ♪
♪ K-A-R-S, Kars for Kids ♪
-大合唱吗 -闭嘴 格伦
- Are we singing? - Shut up, Glenn.
I think you look great.
A proper team leader.
It does make me feel authoritative,
like that chick from "Law and Order."
looks like we got ourselves an SVU.
I've never seen the show.
Okay, who we got next?
Linda? Come on in.
So you, Linda Johannsen,
are in the Good Place.
I know this can be a little overwhelming,
but you'll get used to it.
Do you have any questions?
Is there a fitness center?
There can be,
另外 你想要什么 都可以有
plus literally anything else you could possibly wish for.
Just in case we weren't clear,
this is the Good Place.
A state of eternal happiness.
I like that.
So the Bad Place sent Simone to mess with Chidi,
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