善地第二季第一集

The Good Place S02E01

Part1

2020年2月16日 09:30

《善地》前情提要
"死后世界"里
In the afterlife,
有"善地"和"恶地"之分
there's a good place and there's a bad place.
欢迎一切安好
你在"善地"
You're in the Good Place.
埃莉诺你是我的灵魂伴侣
Eleanor, you are my soul mate.
奇迪不管发生什么你都会帮我吧
Chidi, you'll stand by my side no matter what, right?
当然了
Of course I will.
我不该来"善地"
I'm not supposed to be here.
慢着你说啥
Wait, what?
埃莉诺奇迪
Eleanor, Chidi,
认识一下塔哈妮和剑宇
I would like you to meet Tahani and Jianyu.
-你刚刚点了我的鼻尖 -是啊
- You booped me. - I did.
他真名叫杰森
His real name is Jason.
来自弗罗里达是个DJ毒贩子
He's a drug-dealing DJ from Florida.
你好啊兄弟
What's up, homey?
"善地"的祸端就是我
The problem in the neighborhood... is me.
你们来到「善地」之后都做过坏事
You have all done bad things since you arrived here.
"恶地"目前缺两个人
The Bad Place is owed two people.
你们自己决定
You can decide.
我顶你喵的心肝脾胃肺啊
Holy motherforking shirtballs.
这里就是"恶地"
This is the Bad Place.
除了你们四个
Except for you four,
所有的居民都是我们的人
everyone in this neighborhood is one of us.
你了解生前的我们
You saw us all on Earth...
一个自私鬼一个缺心眼DJ
a selfish ass, an idiot DJ,
一个饱受煎熬的学者一个虚伪的美丽千金
a tortured academic, a hot, rich fraud.
你原以为我们会彼此折磨
You thought we would torture each other.
你只做成功了一件事
The only thing you succeeded in doing
那就是让我团结起来了
was bringing us all together.
我想到了
That's it!
我最大的错误就是
My big mistake was
将你们配成灵魂伴侣以及邻居
having you be soul mates living next to each other.
下一次我会将你们分开慢慢折磨
Next time, I'll spread you out so it's more of a slow burn.
我会消除你们的记忆
I'm gonna erase your memories,
做些改动再重新来一次
make a few changes, and start over again.
希望老大能同意吧
Just gotta get the boss-man to sign off.
如果这次再脱离剧本
If this thing goes sideways again,
你就完蛋了
you are done.
放马过来吧
Do your worst.
我们识破了一次就能识破第二次
We figured it out once, we can do it again,
珍妮特张嘴
Janet? Open up.
因为迈克尔
Because you know what, Michael?
你不上档次...
You basic...
你埃莉诺·谢尔斯卓普已经去世了
You, Eleanor Shellstrop, are dead.
欢迎一切棒极了
-了解 -我是你的灵魂伴侣
- Cool. - I'm your soul mate.
不管发生什么你都会帮我吧
You'll stand by me no matter what, right?
等一下
Hold that thought.
我可以先去健身吗
Is it okay if I go work out?
我得保持身材我就是这样的人
I gotta stay jacked. It's... who I am.
-回见 -你好
- See you soon. - Hi there.
我是珍妮特
I'm Janet.
这应该是你的
I think this is yours.
我被重启后我在嘴里发现了这个
After I was rebooted, I found it in my mouth.
埃莉诺找到奇迪
他喵的"奇迪"是什么东西
What the fork is a "Chidi"?
我怎么说不出"他喵的"了
Why can't I say fork?
第二季第一集&第二集
好了来吧
Okay, here we go.
要自信些小迈
Confidence, Mikey.
拿出自信来
Project confidence.
最近好吗老大
There he is! How's it going, boss-man?
没时间闲聊了
Enough chit-chat.
-第二场戏都准备就绪了吗 -是滴
- Is everything in place for version two? - Yup!
第一场戏中折磨他们的道具都留下了
We're keeping everything from version one that made them miserable,
又增加了一些新的磨人小玩意儿
adding a bunch of new stuff that they'll hate.
比如
For example,
咖啡都是那种即时咖啡包
all the coffee is from those little pods.
特别坑爹
Diabolical.
另外当然都给他们配上新的灵魂伴侣了
Plus, they will all have new soul mates, of course.
这回你得信我啊老大
You gotta trust me on this, boss.
我已经面面俱到了
I've thought of everything.
-我不会让你失望 -肯定会
- I won't let you down. - I think you will.
我觉得你这个愚蠢的计划必定会失败
I think this entire project of yours is stupid and doomed to fail.
你一定会退休
I think you're going to be retired,
灵魂将灰飞烟灭
eliminated from existence
散落在无尽个炙热的太阳上灼烧
and burned on the surface of a billion suns.
我坚信
And I have no doubt that
你和这个可笑的计划将以惨败收场载入史册
you and your cockamamy experiment will go down in history
遗臭万年
as colossal failures.
-我觉得... -下线啦
- You know, I think if... - Toodle-oo.
好了第二场各位
Okay, take two, folks.
重新开始之前大家有什么问题吗
Any last questions before we start up again?
-说 -问清楚了
- Yes. - Just so I'm clear:
这次不把他们配在一起了吗
we're not pairing them up this time?
没错
Correct.
显然最终目的是让他们彼此折磨
Obviously, the eventual goal is to get them to torture each other,
但我们先针对个人制♥造♥一些困境
but first we're going to create some nice, individual torment.
第一场戏中
In version one...
让他们成为灵魂伴侣
making them soul mates,
我们有点贪多嚼不烂了
we probably bit off more than we could chew.
本来可以咬他们吗
We could bite them?
我都不知道还可以咬他们啊
I didn't know we were allowed to bite them.
那只是个比喻查克
That's an expression, Chuck.
说吧薇琪
All right, go ahead, Vicky.
关于我的新角色我有几个问题
Yeah, I have some questions about my new character.
我能理解"正牌埃莉诺"这个角色
I feel like I got Real Eleanor...
我能完美演绎出来
like, I got her, you know?
但这个新角色丹妮斯
But this new character, "Denise"... I mean,
她是个什么人我把握不好
who is she? I don't get her.
她是好闺蜜乖宝宝人设呢
Is she a quirky best friend type,
还是蛇蝎美人
or more of a femme fatale,
以美色制胜那种类型呢
"sexuality is her weapon of choice" type?
两者皆有吧
Both... both those things.
我对自己的角色也有些疑问比如
I have some questions about my character too. Like...
-能咬他们吗 -不能
- can he bite them? - No.
记好了今晚最重要的事就是
Okay, reminder: the most important thing tonight...
头等大事
and this is crucial...
就是要在迎新宴上灌醉埃莉诺
you need to get Eleanor drunk at the welcome party,
这样她才会发酒疯做出不得体的事
so she will say and do a bunch of bad stuff.
然后我们利用这些事
And then we take that stuff
制♥造♥出明早街区大乱的景象
and use it to build our chaos sequence in the morning.
举个例子
For example,
你们还记得上次
you remember last time,
她偷走了所有基围虾
she stole all the cocktail shrimp,
我们制♥造♥了漫天飞舞的噩梦般巨虾吗
and we made giant nightmare shrimp fly through the sky?
就是这些细节
See, it's those details
让她意识到自己处于被人识破的险境
that make her realize she's in danger of being found out.
我知道如此庞大的骗人计划
I know that this kind of large-scale deception
非你们所愿
is not what you were trained to do.
你们肯定有
There are gonna be days
厌倦跟这些可憎人类待在一起的时候
when you're just sick of being around these disgusting humans,
瞧他们粗俗不堪的嘴巴
with their weird, gross little mouths,
大破胳膊肘
and their stupid elbows.
你会想说
You're gonna be tempted to say,
"老子不干了
"Screw it.
不能就回总部
Can't we just go back to HQ
按以前的套路来吗
and do this the old-fashioned way?
拔拔手指甲把他们扔进强酸坑
Pull out some fingernails, toss someone in an acid pit,
燃着那个旧的'小鸡鸡'碾平机吗"
fire up the old penis flattener?"
没错确实听起来不错
And sure, sure, that sounds nice.
但也太容易了