这
This...
不是我的生活
is not my life.
我的生活是这样的
But this is.
有些人叫我阿夫雷姆
Some people call me Avraim,
也有人叫我易卜拉欣
some people call me Ibrahim
或者亚伯拉罕
or Abraham.
我喜欢他们叫我亚博
I prefer Abe.
没什么理由 就是喜欢
I really just prefer Abe.
有些孩子喜欢车 名牌衣服
Some kids like cars, expensive clothes,
自♥拍♥ 钱 花里胡哨的音乐家或名人
selfies, money, fancy musicians, celebrities.
而我喜欢美食
I found out I enjoy food.
我就是馋得忍♥不住
I just can't resist it.
你要问我暑假有什么计划
Summer plans?
在布鲁克林探店拔草美食
Chase flavors in Brooklyn, New York.
Di Fara's披萨
Di Fara's Pizza.
大家说他的手已经练成铁砂掌 不怕被烤箱烫了
People say his hands don't feel the heat of the oven anymore
因为他一直在做披萨
because he's been doing it for so long.
声入人胃
Music to my stomach.
除了美食 我更喜欢什么呢
Only thing I like more than food?
烹饪
Cooking.
我对此已经略知一二了
I already know some tricks in the kitchen.
做饭这件事儿
Cooking is way better than talking with
可比线下聊天容易多了
offline human beings.
不是因为我没有朋友
It's not that I don't have friends.
我认识很多网友
I do. On the Internet.
我从来不和他们面基 但是谁在乎呢
I never met them offline, but who cares?
好了 我们还是来看看我的生日蛋糕吧
Okay, let's focus on my birthday cake.
我不想给他们任何机会
I don't want to give them any reason
争论那些有的没的
to open their mouths about, you know, whatever.
那你想让他们怎么办
But what you want them to do?
他们就是那样
I mean, they're... That's what they are.
他们老了 脾气暴躁 还让我们为难
They're old, grumpy, they give us a hard time,
但我们是一家人 我们爱他们
but they're our family, and we love them.
你在做什么
What's that?
- 蛋糕 - 蛋糕吗
- It's a cake. - Wait. A cake?
你要自己做生日蛋糕吗 太厉害了吧
You did the cake on your own birthday? That's amazing.
对啊 我想尝试一下
Yeah, I mean, I want to.
家里没有发酵粉吗
There's no baking powder?
在那儿
Mm.
我找过了 只有小苏打
I checked. There's only baking soda.
一样的
That's the same thing.
不一样 妈妈 小苏打是纯碳酸氢钠
No, Mom. Baking soda is pure sodium bicarbonate.
说英语 谢谢
Speak English, please.
我听不懂你在说什么
I don't understand what that means.
没关系 有塔塔粉
Oh, here we go. Cream of tartar.
我把这个放到小苏打里面 就有发酵粉了
I can add this to baking soda and make baking powder.
算了吧 我觉得这没用的
Oh, no, I don't think that's good.
不会的 妈妈 肯定可以
No, Mom, it's fine.
这是酸 小苏打是碱
This is the acid, and baking soda is the base.
混合后加入液体
When you mix them and add liquid,
产生二氧化碳 就是气泡
it makes carbon dioxide, which are bubbles,
就能让蛋糕发酵蓬松了
which is what you need to make the cake rise.
基础化学
Basic chemistry.
你是绝命毒师吗
We're raising Walter White.
等下 你真的确定有用吗
Wait, are you actually sure about that?
不可能成功的吧
That is never gonna work.
好吧 我就用小苏打好了
Okay, I'll just use the baking soda,
但是我觉得这没法发酵
but I don't think it'll rise.
- 嗨 - 嗨 老爸
- Hello! - Hi, Dad.
欢迎
Hi. Welcome.
没人知道巴勒斯坦人到底怎么想的
The Palestinian perspective is largely untold.
我的专栏文章提到了这一点
My op-ed speaks to that.
这是假的
Simply not true.
因为你只相信你看到的
That's because you only see the truth you want to see.
除了美国
Israel is the only country, besides the U.S.,
以色列是唯一一个以军事占领其他民族的国家
that militarily occupied another people.
五十年啊 本杰明 五十年过去了
Fifty years now, Benjamin. Fifty years.
你的文章就是断章取义
Your article does not have the whole story.
那完整的故事是什么
最新的猫咪视频是什么
What's the latest in cat videos?
吃饭的时候不谈政♥治♥ 现在开始 行吗阿巴
Politics off the table... now. Okay, Aba?
生日快乐 宝贝
Happy birthday, sweetheart!
干杯 干杯
Cheers! Cheers, cheers, cheers.
开吃吧 多吃点
All right, eat up, eat up, guys.
这都是亚博烧的
Abe has been working on this all day.
- 都是你做的吗 太强了 - 没错
- You made all this? Ooh! - Yes!
厨房♥基本由他掌勺了 对吧孩子
He's basically taken over the whole kitchen, right, bubbe?
希望你们喜欢
I hope you guys like it.
真是个犹太人 她都不烧饭
当然喜欢
Yeah.
这个奇奇怪怪的意面三明治也太好吃了
These crazy noodle sandwiches are the shit.
这是拉面玉米卷
It's a ramen taco.
就是这个
Of course it is!
你已经十二岁了 明年生日可是个大日子
You are twelve. Next year is a big one.
如果你明年举♥行♥成人礼的话
If you do your bar mitzvah next year,
你就是个大人了
you will be a man!
真正的大人
One hundred percent.
好了阿巴 坐下吧
All right, Aba, sit down, all right.
我没想干涉你们 但是时候了
Well, I don't mean to interfere, but it's the time.
是的 多谢你不干涉我们
Yeah, no, thank you so much for not interfering.
我真的很感激
I really appreciate that.
严格来说 因为你妈是犹太人 所以你也是
Technically, you are a Jew from your mother.
严格来说 因为他的父亲是穆♥斯♥林♥ 所以他也是
Technically, he is a Muslim because of his father.
不好意思 无神论是随母的还是随父的
I'm sorry, is Atheism matrilineal or patrilineal?
- 我不知道 - 严格来说 我忘了
- I don't know. - Technically, I forgot.
是啊 那我们现在就别谈这个了
Yeah, so why don't we take this off the table for now?
行吗 这个对话已经结束了
Okay? We're done with this conversation
这个话题也结束了
and this topic, okay?
母亲的想法很重要
What the mother wants is important.
我想试试
I want to.
- 想干嘛 - 什么
- Want to what? - What?
我想举♥行♥成人礼
I want to do the bar mitzvah.
- 亚博 亚博 亚博 - 等一下
- Abe, Abe, Abe - hold on here.
穆♥斯♥林♥乐队也不错
And the Muslim band.
先冷静一下
Just relax for one second.
我认识的所有人都要举♥行♥成人礼
And everyone I know is doing their bar mitzvahs.
或者去清♥真♥寺之类的
And like go to mosque and stuff.
绝对不行
Okay, that's hell to the no.
这两个我都可以做
I can do both things.
宝贝 你可以都尝试一下 但你不能信两个教
Habibi, you can try both, but you cannot be both.
对的 你得选一个
Mm. You have to choose.
你得为你的成人礼准备一个现场乐队
You gotta get a live band for you bar mitzvah
- 还有一个超大的巧克力喷泉 - 别说了 艾瑞叔叔
- and a huge chocolate fountain! - Uncle Ari!
抱歉 各位 他不必做选择
I'm so sorry, guys. He doesn't have to choose...
因为我们帮他选好了 这两个他都不会参加
because we chose for him, and we chose nothing.
- 没错 他什么都不干 - 真的吗
- Yeah, we chose nothing. - Really?
是的
Yeah, really.
该吃蛋糕了
It's time for cake!
祝你生日快乐
♪ Happy birthday to you
大家都说完了吗
Everyone good? You got all that out?
好了 生日快乐 亚博
Okay? Happy birthday, Abe.
生日快乐！
Happy birthday!
生日快乐 易卜拉欣
Happy birthday, Ibrahim.
生日快乐 阿夫
Happy birthday, Avra.
许愿吧 孩子
Make a wish, bubbe.
妈妈 怎么许 对着想象中的蜡烛吗
Well... with what? Imaginary candles, Mom?
不 我们去拿蜡烛 然后再唱一遍生日歌♥
No, we'll go candles. We'll do the song again.
先唱希伯来语
We'll do a Hebrew one first, song...
你得先冷静一下
You need to leave the table.
抱歉 我出去透透气
I'm sorry. I-I need some air.
我受够了
I'm sorry. I'm done.