奥斯汀保威 神秘情报员
于1967年冷冻
在90年代解冻
对抗他的死敌邪恶博士
他阻止邪恶博士毁灭地球之后
将他驱逐到外太空
然后和新婚太太凡妮莎
过着幸福美满的日子
他想得美
休士顿 这是秃鹰号♥
Houston, this is Condor.
我们要进行任务
We are doing an E.V.A. of the payload.
我们正准备把器材...
We are about to present the module with...
搞什么?
What the...
我的老天爷
Oh, my gentle Jesus.
休士顿... 出了问题
Houston... we have a problem.
开始发射程序
Launch procedure commence.
这时候...
好棒 好棒哦... 奥斯汀正在忙
老天呀
Oh, God!
我累毙了
And I'm spent.
完事后你抽(冒)烟吗?
Do you smoke after sex?
不晓得 我没去看
I don't know, baby. I never looked.
噢 奥斯汀!
Oh, Austin!
现在做什么?
What shall we do now?
我有个点子 再来一次如何?
Well, I've got an idea. Why don't we shag?
-再来一次? -当然 宝贝!
-Again? -Sure, baby.
性♥爱♥宝典才做到第十一章
We're only up to chapter eleven in the "Kama Sutra."
你不想试老汉推车...
Don't you want to try the wheelbarrow...
倒浇蜡烛...
or the praying donkey...
或是饿马奔槽吗?
or the Chinese shag swing?
我去倒香槟 超级猛♥男♥
I'm going to get us some more champagne, jungle boy.
我去倒香槟 超级猛♥男♥
I'm going to get us some more champagne, jungle boy.
你还好吧?
Are you OK?
我好得不得了 奥斯汀
I've never felt better, Austin.
那就好
All right, then.
我要看一部电影
I'm just gonna go watch a movie.
我最爱的电影"时空贱谍"
"In Like Flint." That's my favorite movie.
凡妮莎
Vanessa.
你是怎么了?
What's going on?
你在说什么? 奥斯汀
I don't know what you mean, Austin.
我很正常...
I'm the same Vane...
你一定是...
You must be...
"法语"
Tu imaginacion esta jugando con ti, querido.
我的天呀
Oh, my God!
凡妮莎 你是女机器人
You're a fembot!
你才知道呀 天才
No shit, Sherlock!
木阑机关枪
Machine gun jubblies?
我怎么没看到?
How did I miss those, baby?
下次你最好来点前戏
Perhaps next time you should try foreplay.
好的 天啊
Right. Oh, my God!
这是你的结婚礼物 保威先生
Here's your wedding present, Mr. Powers.
劲爆新娘...
A kamikaze bride from me...
邪恶博士送你的
Dr. Evil.
谢天谢地
Oh, thank God.
凡妮莎...
I can't believe Vanessa...
我的最爱...
my bride...
我今生的新娘...
my one true love...
驯服我这颗狂野的心的女人...
the woman who taught me the beauty of monogamy...
一直都是一个女机器人
was a fembot all along.
等一下
Wait a tick.
我恢复单身了
That means I'm single again!
棒呆了
Oh, behave!
好耶 宝贝
Yeah, baby, yeah!
站住
Halt!
好耶 宝贝
Yeah, baby, yeah!
看!
Look!
你好吗?
How are you?
很高兴看到你
Good to see you.
那是什么?
What's that?
不错 好样的 伙计
Yes. Yeah, that. Good one, man.
这儿发生什么了?
What's goin' on here?
很高兴见到你 伙计
Good to see you guys.
很高兴见到你
Good to see you.
拉比 你们好
Rabbis, how are you?
肉不错哦
Nice meat.
摆姿势
Photo op.
干杯
L'chaim!
好耶 宝贝
Yeah, baby.
北约监看中心 关岛
留意科索夫的情况
Keep a close eye on that Kreplachistan situation.
是 长官
Yes, sir.
傑利... 傑利...
Jerry! Jerry!
谢谢
Thank you.
非常感谢
Thank you very much.
今天的主题是...
If you just joined us, today's topic is...
想要统治世界的邪恶老爸
My father is evil, and he wants to take over the world.
请欢迎史考特邪恶
OK, let's meet Scott Evil.
史考特 欢迎
Hi, Scott. Nice to have you with us.
谈谈你老爸
Tell us about your father.
我老爸是邪恶集团的首脑...
My dad is the head of a worldwide evil organization...
他想要统治世界
with aspirations of world domination.
听起来很可怕 他人在哪儿?
Pretty serious stuff. Where is he now?
他被冷冻起来
He's, like, cryogenically frozen...
绕着地球转
orbiting the earth or something.
话别说得那么早
That's what you think.
我要给你一个惊喜
We have a surprise for you.
大家掌声欢迎斯科特的父亲 邪恶博士!
Let's bring out Scott's father Dr. Evil!
"邪恶博士想要统治世界"
什么?
What?
将军 出了状况
General, we've got a situation here.
什么事?
What is it, Sergeant?
你好 史考特
Hello, Scott.
老爸回来了
Daddy's back.
你害我在全国电视上出糗
How could you do this to me, on national television?
别这么激动 好吗?
Well, throw me a frickin' bone here, Scott.
你为什么抛弃我?
Why'd you run out on me?
因为你不够邪恶
Because you're not quite evil enough.
真的嘛
Well, it's true.
你只是半路出家的邪恶
You're quasi-evil.
你只有一半的邪恶
You're semi-evil.
你只是表面邪恶
You're the margarine of evil.
你邪恶程度和健怡可乐一样
You're the Diet Coke of evil.
只有一卡路里 不够邪恶
Just one calorie. Not evil enough.
你是畸形吗?
What are you, some kind of freak?
－你给我闭嘴... －好 来吧
-Shut up, you... -OK, come on.
我要海扁你... 一顿
I'll kick your... punk.
给我拿着...
Bring it on, skanky...
来呀 臭家伙
All right, come on.
没有人可以欺负我儿子
No one talks to my son like that. It's OK, Scott.
你这狗♥娘♥养♥的...
You mother...
没卵蛋的孬种...
You were born in your mother's...
傑利... 傑利...
我没事
I'm OK. All right.
你这娘娘腔...
You were born in your mother's...
我要宰了你们
I'll kill you both!
就这样了!
There you go!
太好了
Great!
我抢到你的头罩
I got your hood!
冷静点
Settle down.
好了... 够了...
It's OK.
这只是电视节目 冷静一下
It's only a television show. Calm down.
我没事了你们不必干架
I'm all right. I'm easy.
-没事了吗? -没事了
-Everything OK? -OK.
把这混球赶出去
Get this jerk out of here.
臭四眼田鸡...
I'll give you...piece of...
他咬我
He's biting me!
...他咬我
The... is biting me!