[ Choir vocalizing ]
上帝对诺亚说 我要消灭世上的人类
God said to Noah, "l am going to put an end to all people
因为他们让世界充满暴♥力♥
"for the Earth is filled with violence because of them.
你要把每一种生物的 一对公母带上方舟
"You are to bring into the ark two of all living creatures
to keep them alive with you."
[ Crunching ]
换句话说
In other words, life is hard,
日子很苦，你最好找到 能够同甘共苦的另一半
so you better find someone who will be your partner.
艾利特阿诺的故事 跟诺亚方舟很像
Eliot Arnold's story is a lot like Noah's,
只是艾利特的故事 发生在迈阿密
except Eliot's story takes place in Miami.
新鲜的玉米脆片最好吃
You just can't beat these when they're really fresh.
[ Crunching ]
反正呢
Anyway, Eliot should probably tell you exactly what happened,
这故事应该让艾利特自己说
because I was locked in the trunk of a police car for part of it.
因为有一段时间 我被锁在警车后车厢
这故事应该让艾利特自己说
because I was locked in the trunk of a police car for part of it.
因为有一段时间 我被锁在警车后车厢
我叫帕奇，我住在树上
My name's Puggy, and I live in a tree.
因为有一段时间 我被锁在警车后车厢
我叫帕奇，我住在树上
My name's Puggy, and I live in a tree.
希望我没破坏你的兴致
I hope I didn't ruin anything for you.
[ Crunching continues ]
Man: I look at this ad,
我看这张海报 上面没有写鱼钩牌啤酒
and it doesn't say "Fish Hook Ale" to me,
逊毙了
This sucks.
老布，我的想法是… 你知道我做生意的哲学吗？
Bruce, what I'm trying to do --
Do you know what my business philosophy is?
不知道，是什么？ 我的生意哲学是
No, Bruce, what is it?
My business philosophy
世上有很多人
is that there a lot of people in the world.
那倒是真的 他们都想得到什么
That certainly isn't --
And all these people want something.
你知道是什么吗？
Do you know what they want?
Well, I --
他们要得到快乐，你了不了？
They want to feel good. You know what I mean?
我了 才怪，你一点都不了
Yeah, well, I --
No, you don't know what I mean,
你把我给你的好点子 弄成这张狗屁不通的垃圾
because I gave you the perfect concept,
which is not this piece of shit here!
（丑鱼，好啤酒） 这算什么？
What the hell is this?!
Why are you saying "ugly"?!
你干么用一条丑鱼？
I don't want to see ugly!
我不要一只丑鱼 这不是我要的感觉
That's not the feeling I want!
老布，我只是用幽默感 带出反差的效果
Bruce, W-What I'm doing here
is -- is contrast in a humorous fashion.
“鱼钩啤酒，愿者上钩” 这才是个好点子
"Get hooked on Fish Hook" -- that's the concept!
你去拍一个男人 身边有一个美女
You got a guy and a boat and a girl.
最好是穿比基尼的波霸美女
The girl's in a bikini, She has big tits,
他们坐着船 很满足地喝鱼钩啤酒
They're on a boat, getting shitfaced, drinking Fish Hook Ale.
美眉是个大♥波♥霸
The girl has really big tits!
这才有钓马子的感觉
The feeling of this ad is somebody's going to get laid,
我给你最好的点子 你却弄来一只丑鱼
It's perfect. I gave you the perfect concept.
And you give me ugly?!
好啦，老布
All right, all right, Bruce, I'll try --
我再试一次 不…
No, no, Don't tell me "try, " I hate the word "try, "
别说再试一下，我最恨这字眼
我再试一次 不…
No, no, Don't tell me "try, " I hate the word "try, "
别说再试一下，我最恨这字眼
窝囊废才会再试一下
"T ry" is for losers.
别说再试一下，我最恨这字眼
窝囊废才会再试一下
"T ry" is for losers.
给我听好 你不是唯一的广♥告♥公♥司♥
Listen to me, you are not the only ad agency in this town!
一年前我有金屋和娇妻 和一个我热爱的工作
Eliot: A year ago, I had a nice house,
a beautiful wife, and a job I really loved.
现在这家伙却说我是窝囊废
Now I was being called a loser by this guy.
For 1 8 years, I wrote a column for The Miami Herald --
我替迈阿密前锋报 写专栏写了十♥八♥年♥
For 1 8 years, I wrote a column for The Miami Herald --
我替迈阿密前锋报 写专栏写了十♥八♥年♥
老板都说我写的文章很有趣
funny stories the higher-ups referred to as "offbeat."
我替迈阿密前锋报 写专栏写了十♥八♥年♥
老板都说我写的文章很有趣
funny stories the higher-ups referred to as "offbeat."
狄柏要见你
Deeber wants to see you.
因为我靠这些文章 赢了两次普立兹奖
Eliot: Because I'd won two Pulitzer Prizes for my offbeat stories,
所以我没受到干扰 也蛮受尊重的
I was pretty much left alone
and treated with a great deal of respect...
直到肯狄柏的出现
until Ken Deeber came.
[ Knocking ]
艾利特，约翰柯顿说 你还没交出托儿所那篇报导
-- [ Sniffs ] -- Eliot,,,
John Croton tells me you still haven't turned anything in
on the day-care crisis.
没错，肯，我觉得 已经有五名记者去采访了
Yeah, Ken, listen, I figure with five people
already working on the day-care crisis story,
读者应该对托儿所危机很了解
our readers pretty much know there's a crisis in day care.
这是你被分配的工作
-- Eliot, you were given an assignment. -- I know that,
我知道
The pelican story?
你在调查鹈鹕？
Right. No one else has it.
对，没有人在查这件事
This old Cuban guy is training pelicans --
有个古巴老人专门训练鹈鹕
对，没有人在查这件事
This old Cuban guy is training pelicans --
有个古巴老人专门训练鹈鹕
让它们空投炸♥弹♥ 我没听过这么蠢的事
To drop bombs -- the most asinine thing I ever heard.
有个古巴老人专门训练鹈鹕
让它们空投炸♥弹♥ 我没听过这么蠢的事
To drop bombs -- the most asinine thing I ever heard.
他想利用一只笨鸟 刺杀卡斯楚
Come on. He tried to kill Castro with a bird!
我派给你的工作就要做
Eliot, I gave you an assignment, and you will do it,
否则怎样？
Or what, Ken?
你想继续在报社上班 就要脚踏实地做事
Well, if you want to continue working at this newspaper,
you will put something in here before you go home.
我现在就踏给你看
Why don't I put something in there right now?
我挑错日子发飙了
Eliot: Deeber picked the wrong day to be a jerk.
[ Glass shatters, electricity crackles ]
那天早上我发现 我老婆跟网球教练搞外遇
Earlier that day, I had found out
my wife was having an affair with her tennis instructor.
[ Clunking ]
早知道我就写托儿所危机 不去开什么广♥告♥公♥司♥
In retrospect,
I should have written the day-care crisis piece
and never opened Eliot Arnold Advertising.
如果你还想要我付钱 门儿都没有
And if you think I'm gonna pay for this stupid shit,
you can forget it!
I'm not paying for ugly! I can get ugly for free!
这种垃圾不用花钱就有
It goes without saying, Bruce.
你说得对，老布
这种垃圾不用花钱就有
It goes without saying, Bruce.
你说得对，老布
[ Telephone rings ]
[ Clears throat ] Eliot.
我是艾利特
Dad, I need to borrow the Geo tonight.
爸，今晚我要借开你的车子
Hello, Nigel. How's London?
奈吉，伦敦好玩吗？
Nigel?
奈吉？ 雾很大
Foggy. [ Chuckles ]
等一下，奈吉，稍等一下
Ah, could you hold on, Nigel, just for a moment?
这很重要，长途电♥话♥ 我明天就要，你最好别搞砸
This is a really important call -- long-distance.
Listen, I want to see it tomorrow, and it better be right!
安啦，明天一定行啦
All right, Bruce. I think we got it, uh, well on its way!
那就好
-- Good! -- [ Door slams ]
麦特，你好吗？
Hey, Matt, how you doing?
我到底能不能借那辆烂车？ 我和安卓要去暗♥杀♥一个女生
Dad, can w-we borrow the stupid Geo tonight or not?
Because me and Andrew have to kill a girl.
正确的说法是“安卓和我”
"Andrew and I have to kill a girl."
谢谢哦
Thank you,
Yes, you can borrow the Geo tonight,
你可以借我的车
but I need it back at my apartment at, uh, 1 0:30, okay?
不过十点半 就要开回我的公♥寓♥
你可以借我的车
but I need it back at my apartment at, uh, 1 0:30, okay?
不过十点半 就要开回我的公♥寓♥
好啦 我要你答应我一定要…
-- Okay, -- And I want you to promise me that you'll drive --
不过十点半 就要开回我的公♥寓♥
好啦 我要你答应我一定要…
-- Okay, -- And I want you to promise me that you'll drive --
[ Click, dial tone ]
[ Receiver hangs up ]
小心开车
...carefully.
麦特不是气我离婚 他是不爽我买♥♥了一辆吉优
Eliot: Matt wasn't mad at me because of the divorce.
He was mad because I bought a Geo.
这辆车挺便宜的 你刚离婚吗？
Sweet little vehicle.
Just get divorced?
你管我
Ah, it doesn't matter.
一加仑跑42哩、收音机 我顺便帮你上底漆
42 miles to the gallon, am/fm radio.
I'll even throw in the undercoating.
你们还想知道什么吗？
Anything else you'd like to know?
有，这能坐几个小丑？
Yeah. How many clowns can it hold?
Eliot: To Matt, the Geo was a 48-mile-per-gallon symbol
对麦特来说，这辆吉优
Eliot: To Matt, the Geo was a 48-mile-per-gallon symbol
Eliot: To Matt, the Geo was a 48-mile-per-gallon symbol
代表了我的霉运 错误的决定和错失的良机
of my bad luck, wrong choices, and missed opportunities.
[ Jet engine roars ]
我并不知道我的良机 正从纽奥良抵达迈阿密
Little did I know that my shot at a second chance
had just arrived in Miami
onboard Flight 57 from New Orleans.
那只箱子被夹在 四分之一吨♥的冷冻小龙虾
The suitcase was sandwiched between
a quarter-ton of frozen crawfish
和一只生了 十七只小狗的大麦町中间
and a dalmatian that gave birth to a litter of 1 7