每次都是同一个梦
lt's always the same dream.
我光着身体在迂回的走廊上晃荡
l'm wandering, naked, in this strange maze of hallways,
总觉得厄运即将降临
and l feel this creeping sense of impending doom,
有可怕的事要发生
like something terrible is about to happen.
我经过我的室友、我妈
l pass my roommate, my mom,
死党史黛拉等等生命中重要的人
my best friend, Stella, basically every significant person in my life,
他们像是在看展览品似的盯着我
and they're all just staring at me like l'm some kind of museum display behind glass.
然后是两个陌生人
Then l see two people l've never met before.:
一个神秘、美若天仙的女人
a mysterious, unearthly, beautiful woman
和一个红发女孩
and this red-haired girl.
她们引导我更往前走
And they both seem to be leading me deeper into the corridor.
这时我发现一扇黑门
This is when l notice the black door.
我隐约知道我得看看门后有什么
And l'm not sure why, but somehow l know that l've got to find out what's behind it.
于是我转动门把开门，发现…
So l grab hold of the knob, open the door, and discover...
一个大型垃圾箱
a dumpster.
我上周搬进宿舍后每晚做这个梦
l've had this same bizarre fucking dream every night since l moved into the dorms last week.
现在我清醒无比
So now l'm wide awake.
身为18岁的热血青年
And being 1 8 and perpetually horny,
只要有5分钟空档
any time l have five idle minutes,
我的右手就会“项补空档”
my right hand automatically takes over
彷佛它自有意志
like it's got a will of its own.
抱歉，我有尽量小声
Sorry. l was trying to be quiet.
反正也热得睡不着
lt's too hot to sleep anyway.
派对好玩吗？
How was the party?
超赞，我醉翻了
Rad. [chuckles] l'm wasted.
很好
Nice.
你应该一起去的
You should have come with, dude.
每个人都很high，脱衣服、游泳
Everyone got crunked, took their clothes off, swam.
水好暖和…
The water was so warm.
我可以坐下吗？
You mind if l sit?
可以问个问题吗？
Can l ask you something?
你问
Sure.
你是同志吧？
You're, like, gay, right?
我算是未公开
Uh, l'm more... undeclared.
那是什么感觉？跟女生不一样吧
What's it like, exactly? l mean, l imagine it's different from being with a girl.
差多了
lt's way different.
比较…生猛…激烈…
lt's more...raw. Physical.
因为基本动作都熟
And because you're intimately familiar with the plumbing,
比较不必花脑筋去猜
there's less mystery and guesswork.
你知道该怎么做…是什么感觉…
Like, you know exactly what to do and how it feels.
你们会接吻吗？
Do you, like, kiss and stuff?
当然会
Of course.
我没有…
l've never...
就是…亲过男人
you know, kissed another guy before.
感觉很棒喔
Well, it's pretty fucking awesome.
别吵到我室友
Shh! My roommate.
插♥我♥！用你的大屌♥插♥我♥
Plow me, stud! Plow me with your monstrous tool!
没错，我有个很辣、很直的室友
So...yeah. l have an excruciatingly hot straight roommate.
(7天前）
你好，我是索尔
What's up? l'm Thor.
就是“雷神索尔”
Like the comic. Yep.
他真的就叫索尔
And his name really is Thor,
跟那个拿大铁锤的漫画英雄同名
as in the superhero god of thunder with the giant hammer.
我都裸睡，希望不会吓到你
l sleep naked. l hope that doesn't weird you out.
真是折磨啊！
lt's like perpetual torture.
而且他玩冲浪，笨的像木头
Plus, of course, he's a surfer, dumb as a box of rocks,
完全是我的菜
AKA, exactly my type.
我很迷“跑车浪漫旅5”
So l'm like really into Gran Turismo 5.
之前是迷“海豹特遣队”
And before that, l was into SOCOM.
还有…对了！“杀戮地带”
And, oh, yeah, Kill Zone.
我有时会跟男生在一起
l get with guys sometimes.
我是指上♥床♥
Sexually, l mean.
我还喜欢冲浪，你冲浪吗？
And l also like to surf. Do you surf, dude?
听起来是个屁蛋
The guy sounds like a fucking ass-tard.
这是跟我一国的史黛拉
My partner in crime, Stella.
我们在9年级认识
Stella and l first met way back in ninth grade.
我拒做这个作业
l refuse to do this assignment
你这个性别歧视的逊咖根本在唬烂
'cause you're a sexist loser who has no fucking clue what you're talking about.
而且爱上直男的戏码超老梗的
And really, Smith? Another lurid ''in love with the oblivious straight boy'' fixation?
问题就是我不确定他有多直
That's just it. l'm not sure how straight Thor really is.
你刚说他昨晚上了个傻B
You just said he was putting a load in some pinhead's dryer last night.
跟女人做不代表他直，我是实例
Yeah, but doing it with women doesn't necessarily make him straight. Case in point.
你偶尔上女生
The fact that you randomly sometimes stick it in a girl
只代表你喝酒得节制了
does not mean anything beyond you need to monitor your drinking.
但索尔有些行为让我纳闷
There's just things Thor does that make me wonder.
又来了
Here we go.
他跟一般直男一样邋遢粗鲁
Okay, so he's your typical straight guy, right, when it comes to sloppiness and manners
当众抓蛋蛋
and scratching his balls in public
吃别人吃剩的披萨
or, like, eating half a piece of pizza off someone's coffee table.
但是他也会…
However, he also does stuff like,
他每天擦止汗剂
he wears deodorant every single day,
还每晚用电动磨皮器认真去角质
and he exfoliates every night, religiously, with one of those vibrating dermabrasion things.
而且他太在意身材
Plus, he's a little too into his own body,
超过直男健身自满的程度
like, beyond a normal ''straight guy who works out admiring himself'' kind of way.
讲完了吗？
Are we done? - No.
还没，最怪的来了
l saved the weirdest thing for last.
他每天穿夹脚拖，很直男的选择
He wears flip-flops, like, almost every day, right? Very hetero, very dude choice.
但是他有一整柜夹脚拖
Except for the fact that he has a whole collection of them,
按颜色摆得整整齐齐
which he keeps in a color-coordinated row in his closet.
除了放女神卡卡的歌♥然后让你吹
Well, next to putting a dick in your mouth with Lady Gaga playing in the background,
最gay的就是这个
that's about as gay as it gets.
我就说吧
See? l told you.
史密斯，我开玩笑的
Smith, l'm kidding.
15岁纠结这个很可爱
This was all cute and fun when we were 1 5,
但我们都成年了，进大学了
but we're legal adults now, in college.
好了，我要去上课了
Anyway, l got to get to class.
我也是，你是什么课？
Me too. Where are you headed?
“想像论”
lmagination Theory.
进创意学院念艺术
l'm beginning to wonder if being an art major in the College of Creative Studies
连我都觉得太嬉皮了
is a little too hippy-dippy even for me.
是吗？
Gee, you think?
两位好啊
Hey, dudes.
弥赛亚，24小时“开饭”的舍监
The Messiah, our pothead R.A. who's ''baked Alaska'' literally 24/7.
在忙什么？
What's going on?
我们正要去上课
We were just on our way to class.
很好
Oh, that's cool.
我昨晚做了个怪梦
l had a really freaky dream last night.
我们很想听，但是…
We'd love to hear all about it, but--
梦里有你们两个
Both of you were in it.
然后全世界在可怕的核灾中爆♥炸♥
And the whole world blew up in a horrible nuclear catastrophe.
很好，谢了，再见
Great. Thanks, Messiah. Bye-bye.
主修电影研究是我一辈子的梦想
Majoring in film studies is something l've wanted to do all my life,
虽然有点过时
even though it is a little anachronistic,
毕竟电影这个形式搞不好会消失
considering there's real doubt as to whether cinema as we know it will even exist anymore in the next few years.
感觉就像研究濒临绝种动物
lt's kind of like devoting your life to studying an animal that's on the verge of extinction.
大学是高中和后半生的中场休息
Smith, college is just an intermission between high school and the rest of your life.
是做♥爱♥、犯错和增长体验的4年
lt's four years of having sex, making stupid mistakes, and experiencing stuff.
是中点，不是基♥督♥复临
lt's a pit stop, not the Second Coming of the Messiah.
弥赛亚早上说的话有点怪
Speaking of, that was sort of bizarre, what The Messiah was saying this morning.
就是啊
No kidding.
他是怎样？起码都30岁了
What's that guy's deal? He's got to be, like, 30 at least.
我最近也常做怪梦
Yeah, l've been having weird dreams lately too. [scoffs]
你想这代表什么？
What do you think it means?
做梦只是大脑忙完一天在拉屎
lt's a well-known fact that dreams are just your brain taking a dump at the end of the day.
没有任何意义
They don't mean anything.
史密斯
Yo, Smith!
老弟
Hey, dude.
我来猜
Let me guess.
我是索尔，你好
Thor. What's up?
我的死党史黛拉，他是索尔
Thor, this is my best friend, Stella. Stella, Thor.
可以加入你们吗？