Say hello to idiosa dartellum 7,
or the ID-7 virus.
Nasty-looking little fucker, huh?
For the uninitiated,
the ID-7 strain makes stress hormone levels rise,
blocks neural paths, essentially attacking our ID
and throwing off a very important balance
in our brains...
The balance between emotions and reason
that keep us from doing stupid shit,
thinks like punching your boss in the face when angry
or fucking your date in public when horny.
That balance is temporarily severed,
causing inhibitions to drop
and basic instincts to rise to the surface
as the infected fall victim
to what experts call emotional hijacking.
Social media has tagged it the red-eye virus
for obvious reasons.
So in a nutshell,
basic human dignity takes a sick leave.
The first reported case of the red-eye virus
18月前 发生在爱荷华州首府 得梅因
occurred 18 months ago in des moines, Iowa,
and quickly spread around the world.
Since then, there have been over 1,000 confirmed outbreaks
reported globally, over half of which
are in the United States alone.
The CDC is optimistic they can contain the virus immediately
through mandated quarantines,
and the nation will be virus-free
by the end of the year
as antibodies are being aggressively tested.
They also state the virus isn't lethal,
which is technically true.
But while the virus can't kill, the infected, or redders, can.
Introducing Mr. nevil Reed,
the first redder to be officially cleared for murder.
His legal defense alleged
that those infected with the ID-7 strain
can't control their emotions
and therefore are not liable for the resulting actions.
And thanks to a loophole, the case was dismissed.
So nevil lost his shit,
stabbed a co-worker repeatedly in the face till dead
and walked thanks a doctor's note.
God bless the justice system.
Welcome to the home of towers & Smythe consulting,
the corporate scumbags hired by the bigger corporate scumbags
in the landmark nevil Reed case.
TSC公♥司♥ 贪得无厌 口是心非 道德败坏
Tsc is a firm fueled by greed, duplicity, and moral decay,
a place that ironically screens their job applicants
他们自称"诚实 忠诚 正直"
for honesty, loyalty, and integrity.
Qualities I had in spades when I was fresh-faced
and ready to take on the world my first day here.
And here's me six months later --
加夜班 不尊重 烂咖啡
late nights, no respect, the bad coffee,
all the shit that comes with paying your dues.
But none of it could slow me down.
I was striving for the success my family never had,
a seat at the big kids' table with all the fixings,
all while paying back those goddamn student loans.
But the higher I rose,
the more I felt like I was losing myself in the process.
And after discovering that loophole that won the Reed case,
the requisite promotion quickly followed.
But by then, it didn't matter
that I thought he was guilty as fuck.
I just wanted the corner office.
And for my sins, they gave me one.
What a dick.
Towers and Smythe.
I mean, how fucking stupid can you get?
抱歉 - 抱歉就行?
I'm sorry. I -- -oh, you're sorry?
我付钱给你 不是用来抱歉的 珍妮
I don't fucking pay you to be fucking sorry, Jenny.
早安 - 现在不行 德里克
Morning, hey. Morning, hey. -Not now, Derek.
Dude, you got to see this. You got to see this.
过来 - 怎么了?
Come over here. -What's up?
I just got this today.
Oh, man, last year's Christmas party.
That looks like you.
Yeah. That's you.
Where'd you get that?
Oh, I googled "a small-dick douche
makes assistant work hard for fake promise of a raise,"
and it was just, like, top search result, like, number one.
Listen, leave her alone or I'll sell this to your wife
for half of the half she'll get from your divorce.
It's a good talk, bro.
May not be much... Morning, miles.
...but I'll take whatever goodwill I can pillage
to sleep better at night.
Thank god for coffee, right?
Your 9:00 A.M. is in meeting room three.
我的咖啡杯在哪里? - 不知道 还有我...
Where is my coffee cup? -Don't know. Also, I --
do you know who took it?
No. But I can get you another one.
I don't want another mug. I want my mug.
Yep, David from vanda corp.
干嘛? - 大卫 一号♥线
What? -David, line one.
Okay. Put him on.
David, I was just about to call you.
David? Who the hell's David?
Miles, this is my sister.
It is so hard to get you on the phone.
I just wanted to see if you were coming up
for my birthday next month.
No, actually. I'm so sorry.
I will not be able to make it to your birthday.
But I will totally make it up to you.
Well, if you're not gonna show up,
at least paint me something cool.
How do you know i started painting?
Miles said you're pretty good.
是吗? - 是的
Oh, did he? - Yeah.
You should sign up for art classes or something.
I don't have time for art classes.
Yeah. You don't have time for anything.
Yes. You are correct.
I do not have time for anything.
I don't have time for this conversation.
但我非常爱你 - 等等 德里克 我...
But I love you very much. - Wait, Derek. I just --
我想和你谈谈 - 非常感谢您的来电
i wanted to talk to you more. -Thank you so much for calling.
我得走了 我爱你 拜
I got to go. I love you. Bye.
What's my 9:00?
Good morning. Pat Sorenson's office.
这边走 先生 - 好极了 谢谢
Right this way, sir. -Great. Thanks.
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