(东方快车)
四年前,尼克和奥黛丽斯皮茨
Four years ago, Nick and Audrey Spitz
侦破本世纪倍受关注的几起谋杀疑桉
solved some of the most high-profile murders of the century.
天啊!
Oh my God! Oh my God!
-要拔出来吗? -不行,这刀有30公分
Should we pull it out? - No, it's a foot-long knife.
-我插回去
I'll put it back in.
-不要
Don't put it back.
遵循一炮而红的惯例
Like many overnight success stories,
尼克和奥黛丽立刻辞掉工作
Nick and Audrey immediately quit their jobs
他们投入毕生积蓄
and poured their life savings
想在私家侦探界闯出一片天
into pursuing a career as private investigators.
-对 -失陪一下
Yeah. - Would you excuse me?
好,没问题
Mm. Yes, not a problem.
你是有多爱吃洋芋片?
Are you kidding me right now with those potato chips?
妳敢讲我?我看妳嗑掉两份鲜虾盅
Are you seriously yelling at me? I watched you eat two shrimp cocktails.
别再干扰我了,好吗?
Stop distracting me. Okay?
不幸的是,转职过程并不顺利
Unfortunately, it's not going very well.
男人到了某个年纪...这跟妳没有关係
Men get to a certain stage in their life. It's nothing to do with you.
有些男人不会
Not all men.
-对,可是... -别拿我出气
No, but-- - Don't get mad at me for this.
罗恩,听说你在偷吃
You've been cheating on me, Ron.
不会吧?我们结婚25年了
Really? After 25 years?
宝贝
Baby...
我最近一个人出门 是要安排结婚纪念日的惊喜
I've been going out on my own so I could plan a surprise wedding anniversary.
-好贴心喔 -这...
No, that's so sweet! - That's...
-别这样，我爱妳-对不起
Come on. I love you. - I'm so sorry.
不好意思,插个话
Excuse us, you guys.
麻烦付一下帐单
If you don't mind just paying this bill,
我们就不打扰你们亲热了
we'll be out of your lovebuggin' hair.
-帐单?你们要她付钱? -不行
A bill? You're billing her? - Yeah, no.
-我们说好了...
We made a deal--
-是妳勾引我
You were hitting on me!
-我是在卧底 -假装勾引你
I was undercover. -Pretend--
越来越扯了
This keeps getting better and better.
生意每况愈下
With business struggling, Nick and Audrey
尼克和奥黛丽只能祈求天降奇蹟...
could only pray for a miracle...
快跑
You better run!
...希望身边有人
...that someone close to them
被做掉
would be killed.
《夺命鸳殃 2》
天啊
Oh God!
老公
Honey, honey, honey. Hey!
不能放海浪或悦耳的声音吗?
Can't you put on beach waves or something nice?
听鲸鱼的声音,我比较好睡
The whale noises help me fall asleep.
-妳没收了我的安眠药 -你知道为什麽吗?
You took away my Ambien, so... - You know why?
记得你上次吃完怎麽样吗?
Remember the last time you took Ambien?
你梦游走到大厅
You went sleepwalking into the lobby
穿着我的内裤,在沙发上浇水
wearing my underwear, and then you started watering the couch.
我不记得那件事
I don't remember doing that.
你看,门房♥拍了照片 我拿来当萤幕保护程式
Look. Doorman took a picture. It's my screen saver.
-那是别人 -好吧
Uh, that's somebody else. - Okay.
听我说 宝贝 如果你睡不着
Listen, baby, if you can't sleep, um,
我们可以
we could try to, uh,
一起看完一章
knock out a chapter together.
我看了几页
I read a few pages.
那个人根本在乱讲
That guy doesn't know what he's talking about.
老公,考题是这个人出的
Honey, this is the guy that wrote the test.
你要考过才能取得执照
The test you need to take to get licensed.
我当过警♥察♥
I was a real cop.
不需要一张纸来证明我的能力
I don't need some piece of paper telling me I know what I'm doing.
我知道我在干嘛
I know what I'm doing!
但我们都认同
But we both agreed that it would help our business
这套课程对生意有帮助
if we just, you know, took the course.
妳真的觉得生意不好是这个原因?
Do you really think our business is struggling because of that?
我们都有执照 应该会有比较好的客户上门
I think we would get better clientele if both of us were licensed.
懂得行销,才会有好的客户
Only way to get better clientele is better marketing.
懂得行销?例如你的牙线名片?
Better marketing? Like your floss business cards?
-对 -不会吧?天啊
Yes. - Seriously? God!
这叫颠覆性行销
It's called "disruptive marketing."
这没有颠覆,人家会搞溷 我们不是牙医,我们...
It's not disruptive. It's confusing. We're not dentists. We're--
我可以讲得比睡眠机大声
I can talk louder than the sound machine.
老公,不要这样
Honey, come on!
好啦,算了
Fine. Forget it.
你不想当侦探了吗?
Do you not wanna do this anymore?
我想,我想当侦探
I do. I wanna do this. It's just...
只是,我们都只聊工作
It's all we ever do is talk about work.
有一起工作又相处愉快的夫妻吗?
Do you know any couples who also work together that actually get along?
怪奇比莉和菲尼亚斯
Billie Eilish and Finneas.
他们是兄妹
They're brother and sister.
宝贝,我知道 这跟我们当初想的不一样
Look, baby, I know this isn't what we pictured when we got into this--
(王公)
那是什麽声音?
What the hell is that?
是我的手机
Uh, it's my phone.
王公,有礼了,什麽事?老兄
Yo! Rajah! Namaste. What's up, my brother?
尼克兄,在干嘛?
[Maharajah] Yo! What are you doing, Nicky Nick?
你在割草吗?那是什麽声音?
Are you mowing your lawn or something? What do I hear right now?
我在骑水上摩托车啦,老哥!
Yo, I'm chillin' on a Jet Ski, dog! [laughs]
一边骑水上摩托车,一边讲电话?
On a Jet Ski and on the phone at the same time?
尼克,哥儿们,我的好兄弟
[Maharajah] Yo, Nick. Broski. My brosephus.
王公要结婚了!
The Maharajah is getting married!
太棒了
Oh, that's incredible!
我跟奥黛丽讲奥黛丽!
Let me tell Audrey. Audrey!
他要结婚了
He's getting married.
-什麽? -对
What? - Oh yeah.
维克!恭喜,我们很替你高兴
Vik! Congratulations! We're so happy for you!
谢谢!她是巴黎的大美女
Thank you! She's a dime piece from Paris.
就是有艾菲尔铁塔的鬼地方
You know, where the Eiffel Tower is and shit.
週末我要在新买的私人岛屿结婚
I'm getting married this weekend on my new private island.
妳和尼克都要来,钱都我出
I want you and Nick to come, all expenses paid.
我要看你们两位贵宾 在舞池手♥淫♥足蹈!
I need to see you two ballers out on the dance floor busting a nut!
是“手舞足蹈”
"Busting a move," you mean.
不是,老兄,我有...
Nah, dude, I got...
妈的!
Oh shit!
怎麽了?
What's happening?
妳有听到钱都他出吗?
Did you hear "all-expenses-paid"?
-我们週末要工作 -我真的需要去度个假
We have to work this weekend. - I gotta say, I could use a getaway.
老公,记得上次度假发生什麽事吗?
Remember what happened last time we went on a getaway?
记得,有些人死了
Yeah, some people died.
不是有些人,是很多人
Not s-- A lot of people.
死五个人算很多?
You think five people dying's a lot?
好,等一下,我想一下
All right. Hold on. Just gonna think for a second.
-她要让步了 -好,所以...
She's caving in. - Okay, so...
-她要让步了 -等一下
She's caving in. - Just wait.
好,说吧
No. Go ahead.
好,我同意
Okay, I do agree.
我们应该可以休息一下
I think we could both use a little bit of a break.
-休息? -远离这些
A break? - From all this.
-只是放鬆一分钟 -不...
Just no work for a minute, you know? - Not--
不对,至少放鬆一个週末
It's-- - No. For at least a weekend.
一整个週末,我们不能...
The whole weekend. We can... Let's not... Let's just...
我们...我们的大脑需要休息一下
Our minds need the no work.
-别聊这件事 -我起鸡皮疙瘩了
I can't talk-- - I got chills! Goosebumps!
因为我们要去度假吧?
'Cause we're gonna do this, aren't we?
-真好... -好决定
Wow. How about that. Mm-hmm. - Such a good decision.
喜欢这个风景吗,屎渍夫妇?
You like the view, Mr. and Mrs. Shitz?
不好意思,抱歉,是...
Oh. You know what? Excuse me. I'm so sorry. It's...
我们是尼克和奥黛丽斯皮茨,是...
We're Nick and Audrey Spitz. It's, um...
不过,对,风景非常漂亮
But, yes, it's a gorgeous view.
想听音乐吗,屎渍夫妇?
Would you like some music, Mr. and Mrs. Shitz?
是斯皮茨,不是屎渍,好吗?
We're the Spitzes not the Shitzes. Okay?
对,有嘻哈斗牛梗和泰勒屎渍
Yes, I have some Pitbull or, uh, Taylor Shitz.
好,他很坚持屎渍