2006年
Woman, you know you're a woman
You got to be...
你来了 嗨 -你们好
There she is. Hey. -Hi, guys.
好 宝贝女孩 你来
All right, baby girl. You go, baby girl.
宝贝女孩 你来
You go, baby girl. You go, you go get it.
耶
Yes!
你是我的宝贝
You're my baby... -Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba...
不 不 别进去
No, no, no, don't make it.
噢 -该死的
Oh! -Damn it!
噢 耶
Oh... Yes!
不 我绝对... -我来
Nope. I absolute... -I got this. I got this.
我绝对不行 -来吧 杰西
I absolutely can't do it. -Come on, Jess!
但记住 这只是个庸俗的男生会传统
But remember, this is a stupid frat boy ritual, so...
是啊 但要打败他们
Yeah, but kick their ass!
对 打败他们 -嘿
Yeah, fuck 'em up! -Hey.
我俩是情侣 -不
We're together. -No.
好 好
Cool, cool, cool.
好
Yes.
好 加油 杰西
Yeah, go, Jess!
兄弟
Dude!
天啊 天啊 杰西
Oh, God. Oh, God, Jess.
只剩两杯了
Only two cups left.
不 只有一杯 你是看成重影了
No, there's one cup. You're just seeing double.
天啊 只剩一杯了
Oh, God! There's only one cups left.
我不行 压力太大了 -什么
Oh, I can't do it. It's too much pressure. -What?
我不行 杰西 -听着
I can't do it, Jess. -Look...
看着我 看着我
Look at me. Look at me. -Mmm-hmm?
我们的车没了玻璃 少了个轮胎
You got us through the Wendy's drive-through
你依然开过了温迪路边店
when my car had no windshield and three tires.
没你做不到的
You can do anything.
可大家都在看着我
Yeah, but everybody's watching me,
而我汗流浃背
and I'm sweating like crazy.
我看起来像个公主 但闻起来像个农夫
I look like a princess, but I smell like a peasant.
快点吧 足疗妹
Let's go, foot job girl!
拜托 她是有名字的 叫艾丽丝
Excuse me, she has a name! It's Alice.
她是我的好友 温柔善良
And she's my best friend, and she's good and kind.
对
Yeah!
谢谢你 但我确实用我的脚给他的室友撸管了
Thank you, but I did jerk off his roommate with my feet.
我 我知道
I... I know.
关键是 只用右脚摩擦一会
The key is, right foot only for, like, a while.
让他求着你用... -用左脚 我知道 专心点
You know? Make him beg for... -The left one. I know. Focus!
如果我们赢了 我们将是唯一赢得万圣节比赛的女生
If we win this, we will be the only girls to ever win the Halloween tournament.
我们一定要做到
We've got to do this.
为了女人
For womankind.
别挑逗我了 扔球吧
Stop making me horny, and shoot!
Everybody in this bitch gettin' tipsy...
我们做到了 我们做到了
We did it! We did it! We did it!
我想上去 我想上去 -你配得上
I want up! I want up! I want up! -You deserve it.
你挣来的
You've earned it.
开始了 好 好
Here we go. All right. All right, yes!
我是世界之王
I'm the king of the world!
噢
Oh!
又来？
Oh. Again?
天啊 -杰西
Dude. Oh, God. -Jess?
你没事吧
Are you all right?
天啊 你没事吧 -来 来
Oh, my God, are you okay? -Dude. Come on. Come on.
我没事 妈妈 -天啊
I'm fine, Mom. -Oh, my God.
怎么回事
What happened?
说实话 都不知道我们为啥要去那些无聊的派对
Honestly, I don't even know why we go to these stupid parties.
我只想跟你们一起玩
I just want to hang out with you guys.
是啊 我也有同感
I know. I feel the same way. -Yes!
大学里其他人都是懒散、恶俗
Everyone else at this college is sloppy and gross.
水 -等等 过来
Water. -Wait, come here.
哦
Oh.
不错
Ugh! -Mmm. Not bad.
谁更恶俗？
Who's grosser?
什么声音
What is that?
什么声音 -咋回事
What is that? -What's happening?
是我的振荡器 它会随机的打开和关闭
Oh, it's my vibrator, it randomly turns on and off.
天啊 下个学期我会很想念你们的
Oh, my God, you guys, I'm gonna miss you so much next semester.
我不想谈这事 -很伤感
I don't want to talk about it. -It's sad.
不 不 不
No, no, no, no. -Dude,
艾尔.戈尔是下学期的客座教授
Al Gore is guest-lecturing next semester.
也许你不想去澳大利亚
Maybe you don't want to go to Australia. I don't know.
是啊 -不过到我21岁生日
Yeah. -On my 21st birthday, though,
我爸要把直升机给我们
my dad's getting us the chopper.
我说了我不想谈
I said I don't want to talk about it.
所以我不知道怎么回事
So I don't know what's happening.
我根本不想去 只不过
I don't even want to go. I just...
这个政♥治♥学项目很难得
It was so hard to get into the political science program.
而且我的体育课是蹦极
And plus, my gym class is bungee jumping, so...
天啊 要戴个好文胸
Oh, my God, wear a good bra.
我们大四那年还会在一起
Well, look, we'll have all of senior year together,
而且以后一辈子都会在一起 所以没什么
and then we'll have the rest of our lives together, so it's fine.
是啊 -你保证？
Yeah. -You promise?
各位 我们的孩子们会在一起玩
You guys, our kids are gonna play together.
天啊 -天啊
Oh, my God! -Oh, my gosh!
我们真幸运 -过来 过来
We're so lucky! -Get in here! Come here.
噢
Oh. Mmm!
好了 这是第二个振荡器 -是的 我有好几个
Okay, that is a second vibrator. -Yeah, I have a few.
关了
Just... Just, yeah.
不行 -珍妮 不行
No! -Janine, no!
不行 -珍妮 出去
No! No! No! -Janine, get out!
拜托 -珍妮
Come on. -Janine!
天啊 停
Oh, my God! Stop!
卫生间就在隔壁 -真不敢相信
Bathroom is next-door! -Cannot believe!
每个周末都这样 -她已经开始尿了
Every damn weekend with this! -Stop! She's already peeing.
珍妮
Janine!
Whoo!
What! What!
10年后
嗨 我是杰西·塞耶 我正竞选州参议员
Hi. I'm Jessica Thayer, and I'm running for state senate.
犯罪 教育资♥金♥短♥缺♥ 污水处理
Crime, underfunded schools, sewage.
这是我们社区面临的真正问题
These are real problems that our community is facing.
期待11月3日能投我一票
Looking forward to your vote on November 3.
谢谢
Thank you.
很好 -但60%的受访者
It's great. -Well, 60% of the focus group
说你不大可能把这段发出去
did say that it seemed like you wouldn't put out.
什么 为什么问他们这个问题
What? Why are they being asked that?
不知道 但60%可是不少
Don't know, but 60% is, like, a lot.
我们依然很接近
Yeah. -We're still so close.
我不明白 韦森在推特上发了一张鸡鸡的照片
I don't understand, Wesson literally tweeted out a dick pic.
他道歉了
He apologized.
是的 他说 对不起 不是这根鸡鸡的照片
Yes. He said, "I'm sorry, wrong dick pic,"
然后发了另一张鸡鸡照片
and then he tweeted out another one.
如果韦森赢得选举 他会砍掉所有
Look, if Wesson wins, he's literally gonna cut every single program
对人们有益的项目
that actually helps people.
我们知道这一点
We know that. Right?
但人们希望投票给能产生共鸣的人
But people want to vote for someone they can relate to.
他们和韦森一起有安全感
They feel safe with Wesson.
想跟他一起喝啤酒
They want to have a beer with him.
恐怕没人想跟这样的人一起喝啤酒
I'm not sure anyone wants to have a beer with that.
嘿 艾丽丝
Hey, Alice.
嘿 我很期待这次旅行
Hey. I am so excited for this trip.
为了去迈阿密 我把我的节育环都取出来了
I got my IUD taken out for Miami.
这是好主意吗
Um, is that a good idea?
是的 这可是你的婚前周末
Uh, yeah. It's your bachelorette weekend.
杰西 韦森又发了一张鸡鸡照片
Jess, Wesson tweeted out another dick pic,
已经被转发1万次了
and it's already got 10,000 retweets.
艾丽丝 我先挂了
Alice, I... I got to call you back.
图卢姆 把她的电子书还给她
Tulum, give her back her Kindle!
每天都这样
Every fuckin' day.
嗨 -嗨