偷♥窥♥者
特德斯基搬家公♥司♥
感觉像签了卖♥♥身契一样
Feels like I’m signing my life away.
不准涂漆 不准在墙上打洞 不准在天花板上悬挂任何东西
No paint, no holes in the walls and nothing can be suspended from the ceiling.
窗帘呢
Curtains?
托马斯 业主不是什么人都租的
You know, Thomas, the owners don’t rent to just anyone.
-美梦成真了 -皮帕 别动
This is happening. Wait, Pippa, don’t move.
能帮我们拍张照吗 谢谢
Can you please take our picture? Thank you.
-火鸡 -小鸡
-Hey, turkey. -Hey, chicken.
-最近好吗 -没什么特别的 你呢
What’s up? Nothing much. What’s up with you?
所以我们真的要这么做了 是吗
So, we’re really gonna do this, huh?
-看起来是的 没错 -是的
-Seems that way. Yeah. -Yeah.
-迈出了很大一步 -是巨大的跨越
-It’s a big step. -Huge step. Ooh.
真的很大的跨越 如果最后不行的话…
It’s really big, and if this doesn’t work out...
-哎呀 -那一定会很惨
-Ooh, woof. -It’s gonna suck.
也许我们应该现在放弃
Maybe we should just call it off now.
-不如趁着还没出问题就打住吧 -该死…是啊
Oh, yeah, maybe just, like, -quit while we’re ahead? Yeah. -Just-just, yeah.
-很高兴见到你 -聊天愉快
-Nice meeting you. Yeah, ni... -Nice-nice-nice talking to you.
-我会拿走我那半的东西 -我拿走另一半
I’ll take half of my stuff. And I will take the other half of the stuff.
是的 很合理
-Yep. That make sense?
宝贝 这是我们的家
Babe...this is our home.
我可以住在这里 跟你一起
I get to live here with you.
不行
暂时还不行
Not yet.
对哦 抱歉
Right. Sorry, sorry.
租户签名
-这是什么 -叶绿素水
Oh, what is this? -It’s chlorophyll water.
-什么 -叶绿素水
-What? Chlorophyll water.
长寿秘方
It’s the secret to a long life.
我还是继续喝我的琼瑶浆吧
I will stick to my gewürztraminer, thank you very much.
好啊 喝你的琼瑶浆
Okay, well, stick to your "ga-ga-bosh-bana-miner."
好吧 等等
Okay, wait.
我知道我们刚刚开始同居 但我们能谈谈孩子的事吗
I know we just moved in together, but can we talk about kids?
-孩子 -是的
-Kids? -Yes.
我们先把这件事说清楚比较好
Like, it’s really important that we have this conversation right now. -Okay.
我们能不能至少四年内不要孩子
Can we...not have kids for at least four years?
-好啊 老天 没问题 -真的吗
-Yes. Geez...Yeah? -Yes. Hell yes.
-别这种反应… -差点被你吓死
-Hey, don’t act so... -You scared the shit out of me.
等等 但说真的 我一直在想
Wait, but seriously, I was thinking about how
我这辈子基本上都是在学校度过的 对吗
I basically spent my entire life in school, right?
从我认识你开始
As long as I’ve known you.
而你二十出头的时候 都混迹在乱糟糟的朋克俱乐部
Yeah, like, you spent your early 20s playing in some shitty punk clubs
-天知道你在那都干了些什么 -嗑药
and doing God knows what. Drugs.
而我那时候却在某个 不通风的医学图书馆的角落里
And I spent mine in the corner of some stuffy
-一直学习到凌晨两点 -是的
medical library studying till 2:00 a.m. -Right.
所以我不想拖着一个黏糊糊的小婴儿
-So I don’t want some gooey toddler to come along
让我最后仅剩几年的叛逆时光也被剥夺
and just mess up the last few years of being rebellious.
是的 你知道吗 我也一直在考虑叛逆这件事
Yeah. You know what, I-I’ve been thinking about rebellion, too, in my own way.
你要开始说蠢话了
You’re about to say something stupid right now.
没有 我…好吧
No, no, I...Well,
你也许会觉得我有点疯
you might think I’m un poco loco,
但我在考虑捡起手风琴
but I was thinking about taking up the accordion.
-不 真的吗 -你当时是怎么说的
No. Really? What-what are you talking about, then?
我想在周日早晨宿醉的难受中醒来
I want to wake up Sunday morning with an awful hangover
想起前一天晚上所做的糟糕决定
that reminds me of all the terrible decisions I made the night before.
我是这么说的
That is what I’m talking about.
我会帮你的 你值得拥有
I’m here for it. Hey, you deserve it.
全世界所有的宿醉 皮帕
You deserve all the hangovers in the world, Pippa.
-确实 -是的 你值得
-I do. -You do. -I do. -Yes, you do.
敬美好的糟糕决定
To making wonderful, terrible decisions.
敬美好的糟糕决定
To wonderful, terrible decisions.
过来
Come here.
-我爱你 -我也爱你
-I love you. -I love you, too.
看看那两个人
Oh, check out those two.
他是做什么的 摄影师之类的
What is he, like, a photographer or something?
应该是吧
Looks like it.
你可以清楚地看到对面
You can see right in.
这地方真不错…
It’s a nice pla...
亲上了
Oh, oh, kissy kissy.
他们很相爱
Aw, they’re in love.
越来越劲爆了
Mm, it’s getting spicy.
那男人脱掉了她的衣服
Oh. Oh. Oh, that man is taking off her clothes.
-托马斯 -开干了
Um, Thomas...That is happening.
-托马斯 -怎么了
Thomas. -What?
我们不该偷♥窥♥邻居
I don’t think we should spy on our neighbors.
我们这不是偷♥窥♥
No, we’re not spying.
我们只是看向窗外 他们刚好出现在视野中
We’re just...looking outside our window, and they happen to be in our field of vision.
好吧 得让他们知道 在别人看来一览无余
O-Okay. They have to know that people can see in.
没错
Exactly.
-必须让他们意识到这一点 -是的
-Like, they have to know that. Have to know. Have to know.
他是要做我在想的那件事吗
Is he about to do what I think he’s about to do?
没错
Yep.
真是大饱眼福啊
That is some good content.
好吧
Okay.
托马斯 我们正式成为一对变♥态♥了
Thomas, we’re officially being creepy weirdos.
-你不觉得吗 -不 什么 他们想让我们看
-Don’t you agree? -No. What? They-they want us to look.
但我们就此打住 听你的
But we’ll stop because you want me to.
谢谢 这是我们搬家的第一晚
Thank you. -It’s our first night.
-是啊 -给我们的邻居一点隐私吧
-Right, right. Let’s give our new neighbors some privacy.
他们开干了 好吧
Oh, they’re fucking now. Okay.
托马斯 别看了 变♥态♥
Thomas, come on, perv.
好啦
Okay, okay, okay.
加油啊 操翻她 兄弟
Go get it. Go get it, boy.
所以…
So...
我给你准备了一点…
I got you a little...
托马斯
-Thomas?
宝贝
Babe?
托马斯
Thomas.
托马斯
Thomas.
做♥爱♥
Sex.
要恭喜了
So, congratulations are in order.
-我做什么 -你 什么都不用做
What’d I do? You, nothing.
而我呢 今天是我戒断社交网络的第三天
Me, I’m on day three of a social media blackout.
不上照片墙 不上推特
No Insta, no Twitter.
我和乔尼发誓要戒上一个月
Joni and I pledged to go an entire month.
祝你好运 阿里
Mazel tov, Ari.
我读到减少屏幕时间的情侣
I just read that couples who decrease their amount of screen time
每个月的性♥爱♥时间会加倍
can double or triple the amount of sex they have a month.
是吗
-Yeah?
那他们打飞机的时候看什么呢
Uh, but what do they look at when they masturbate?
天啊 我忘问了 同居生活怎么样
Oh, my God, how is cohabitation going?
昨天晚上发生了一件超级奇怪的事情
The weirdest thing happened last night.
一对情侣 我们对面的邻居
-This couple, our neighbors across the way, -Mm-hmm.
他们在做♥爱♥ 我们正好能看得很清楚
they were totally doing it, and we could see right in.
我的妈呀 他们一定很丑吧
Oof magoof. How ugly were they?
没有 他们是俊男美女的组合
They’re not. They were, like, gorgeous.
所以 你搬了把椅子 炸好爆米花
So, you pulled up a chair, popped some popcorn,
架上望远镜…
broke out the binoculars?
-没有 -有何不可
-No. -Why not?
就算有人愿意让你旁观他们的生活
Just because someone is allegedly allowing you
也不代表偷♥窥♥是没问题的
to look in on their lives doesn’t mean it’s okay to watch.
这你就错了
Mm, you are 1,000% wrong about that.
偷♥窥♥是完全可以的
It is entirely acceptable to look.
-听上去他们像是暴露狂 -我表示怀疑
I mean, it sounds like they’re exhibitionists. Doubtful.
如果他们真是暴露狂
If they are exhibitionists, then watching them--
那偷♥窥♥才是礼貌的做法
it’s, like, the polite thing to do, Pippa.
午饭时见 再见了 变♥态♥
I’ll see you at lunch. So long, creep.
治疗后你的视力会有很大改善
You’re gonna see so much better after this.
放松 好吗
Just relax, okay?
过去的二十年里 我每周要做40台这样的手术
I’ve done 40 of these a week for the past 20 years,
有超过一半的患者被治愈了
and well over half of them have gone right.
我开玩笑的 导管 谢谢
Just kidding, of course. Cannula, please.