好了 宝贝 沙滩伞你想要什么颜色的？
All right, baby. So, what color do you want for your beach umbrella?
我选了靛蓝色 可恶 我根本不知道靛蓝色什么样子
I picked indigo. Shit, I don't even know what indigo is.
还有 你看 关于我们的情侣按♥摩♥ 你是想找男技师还是女技师？
Also, look. Do you want a girl or a guy for our couples massage?
其实我不想跟你一起去做情侣按♥摩♥
Ooh. I don't actually think I want a couples massage with you.
为什么？
Why not?
宝贝 因为你总是会在呻♥吟♥叹息 嘴里还咕囔着
Well, baby, because you're always moaning and groaning and saying stuff like,
对 那说明我在享受按♥摩♥
Yeah. I be into it, man.
若他们按对地方 我总是情不自禁 想让他们知道我有多舒服
When they touching the right spot, can't help but let 'em know how good it is.
技师们会很有成就感
The masseuse likes that.
而且 宝贝 我的肌肉真的很痛
And plus, I have so much tension, baby.
如果你不总是在讲电♥话♥ 或许就不会那么痛了
Maybe you wouldn't have so much tension if you weren't always on your phone.
宝贝 我在同时运作四个项目
Baby, I'm working on four projects at the same time.
得在全市用四个不同的建筑商
We gotta use different builders all across the city.
要知道…
You know--
但你知道吗？你说得有道理
But you know what? You're right. -Hmm.
我会把手♥机♥收好 度假期间再也不接电♥话♥
I'ma put this away, and no more phones for the rest of this vacation.
等一下
Oh, hold up.
嗨 爸爸 不 没关系 我们刚落地
Hi, Daddy. No, this is fine. We just landed.
对 马库斯 他在那里
Yeah. Marcus, there he is.
度假伙伴
对 爸爸 旅途很顺利 对 我跟马库斯一起来的
Yeah, Daddy. The flight was fine. Yeah, I'm here with Marcus.
还是他 我们聊过这件事的
Still. We have talked about this.
爸爸 我知道 我真的爱他
Daddy, I know. I do love him.
这里是前台
Front desk.
能帮我接一下毛里利奥吗？
Can you connect me with Maurillio?
我就是毛里利奥 帕克先生
Speaking, Mr. Parker.
你怎么知道是我？
How'd you know it was me?
这么说吧 咱俩通过八♥九♥次电♥话♥后
Uh, let's just say after eight or nine calls,
我已经对你的音色非常熟悉了
I become very much acquainted with the timbre of your voice.
我只是打给你 确认一下所有事情 都按我们商量的办好了
I'm just calling you to confirm you set up everything we discussed.
是的 都是我亲自办的
Yes. Yes, yes. I have personally seen to it.
唐培里侬香槟王、床上的玫瑰花瓣
The Dom Pérignon, the rose petals in the bed,
比尔·威瑟斯歌♥单 《经典热门歌♥曲 主打好歌♥》
the Bill Withers playlist "Greatest Hits: No Deep Cuts."
先生 如果这一通操作后 她拒绝了你 那我会嫁给你
Sir, if she says no after all this, I will marry you.
好了 毛里利奥 别…别你也…
All right, Maurillio. Not-- Not you too--
先生？你的声音好小
Sir? You trailed off.
好了 谢谢
All good. Gracias.
宝贝 你看那俩人
Oh, baby, look at those two.
什么？那俩疯子吗？ -什么？才不是
What? These lunatics? -What? No.
他们貌似玩得很开心 我们也该体验一下
They look like they're having fun. We should try that.
你觉得那个好玩？ -对
That looks fun to you? -Yes.
所以半身不遂的黑人才很少见 你知道原因吗？
That's the reason why you don't see a lot of Black paraplegics. You know why?
因为我们不会做那种蠢事
'Cause we don't do stupid shit like that.
瞧瞧他们 他们冲来冲去 一副没有保险的样子
Look at 'em. They riding around like they got no insurance.
老天 就是这家酒店吗？
Oh, my God. This is the hotel?
或许现在在机场旁边的 最佳西方酒店订间房♥ 还不算太晚
Maybe it's not too late for us to get a room at the Best Western by the airport.
帕克先生 你一定就是艾米莉了 我是酒店经理毛里利奥
Mr. Parker! And you must be Emily. I'm Maurillio, the manager.
请两位品尝番木瓜雪糕
Please help yourselves to a papaya paleta
上面可是撒了酒店独家烘焙的 瓜希柳辣椒可可粉
powdered in our house-roasted guajillo-cacao rub.
虽然我不知道这是什么 但干杯了
Oh. I don't know what this is, but cheers!
你们肯定迫不及待去套房♥了
You must be very eager to get to your suite
那里说不定没有 也说不定会有惊喜在等着哦
where there may or may not be a surprise waiting for you.
惊喜？
A surprise? -Hmm.
我不知道 去看看好了
I don't know. Let's find out.
好
Hmm. -Okay.
艾米莉 我想跟你说件事
Now, Emily, I want you to know something.
你身边的这个男人 他非常爱你
This man right here, he loves you very, very much.
对 可不是
Yes, he does.
但你怎么会知道？
But how do you know that?
这么说吧 我有一种直觉
Let's just say I have a feeling.
女士优先
Ladies first.
如果真有什么的话 你或许会是第一个看到的人
So that you may be the first one to see what awaits, if anything.
也有可能什么都没有
There could be nothing.
你脑子进水了吗？ -怎么了？
What the fuck is your problem? -What is it?
搞什么？你在泄露线索 -没关系的
What the fuck? You giving out clues. -It's fine.
有关系 -没关系的
It's not fine! -It's fine.
不 有关系 -走吧
No, it's not! -Come on.
终于到了 -谢谢
Ah. We have finally arrived. -Thank you.
好
Ahhh. -Okay.
女士 愿你永远记住这一刻
Señora, may you always remember this moment.
余生都不会忘记
For the rest of your life.
好吧 -我们可以拍张照
Okay. -Ooh. We could take a picture of this.
我怎么道歉都不为过
I cannot apologize enough.
貌似在你们楼上住总统套房♥的客人
It seems the guests in the Presidential Suite
给按♥摩♥浴缸加了太多水
above your room overfilled the Jacuzzi.
所以 这说明你要给我们 换一个房♥间 对吧？
So, that means you're gonna put us in another room, right?
对 当然了
Oh, yes, yes, of course.
如果还有空房♥ 肯定安排你们住
If there was room available, it would be yours.
只可惜 酒店都订满了
Sadly, the hotel is fully booked.
既然你早就知道没有空房♥了 刚才怎么还说“当然”？
Why would you say "of course" if you knew you didn't have another room?
你知道这话多有误导性吗？
You know how misleading that is?
你能联♥系♥一下附近的酒店吗？
Can you just check with any of the other hotels nearby?
当然 我们跟其他五星酒店都有联♥系♥ 没问题
Of course. We have relationships with all of the five-star hotels. No problem.
请稍等
Just a second.
我顺便也查查四星级酒店吧
Well, let me go ahead and also check for four-star hotels.
说起来 很多人不喜欢三星级酒店
Ah. You know, a lot of people have issues with three-star hotels,
但其实它们跟五星级酒店一样好
but they are just as good as five-star hotels.
对 凌晨三点之后会太过吵闹 对吧？
Yeah, after three, it's, like, too much, you know?
找到了
And there you have it.
机场最佳西方一星级酒店 有一间不错的房♥间
One-star hotel with a great room at the Airport Best Western.
你是在跟我开玩笑吗？
Are you fucking kidding me?
先生 根据这里的信息 它是这一带最好的西方酒店了
Well, according to this, sir, it is the best Western in the area.
你给我听好了 我的行程都是安排好的
Let me tell you something, okay? I had an itinerary planned.
我们要去看鲸鱼 要去品尝龙舌兰
We was gonna go whale watching, we was gonna go tequila tasting.
我还在海滩上预定了夕阳晚餐 -毛里利奥
I booked a dinner at sunset on the beach! -Maurillio!
那个狗♥娘♥养♥的在哪？ -对
Where is that son of a bitch? -Yes!
毛里利奥 我的朋友
Maurillio! My amigo.
非常感谢你帮我们联♥系♥水上摩托车
Thank you so much for that Jet Ski hookup.
老天 我们第二次破浪时 那些浪简直无敌
Man, we felt some killer waves on the second break.
老天 然后我们嗑到爽歪歪 -没错
Oh, my gosh. Then we got high as shit. -We did.
所以我们不得不跳下摩托车 直接赤手冲浪
So we literally had to jump off and go body surfing.
对 但我们一转身 摩托车不见了
Yeah, but we turned around and the Jet Ski was gone.
但别慌 我们丢下摩托车的地方 我拍了一张照片
But don't freak out because I actually took a photo of exactly where we left it.
你肯定很容易就能找到它
You are gonna have no problem finding it.
她比较聪明
She's the brains.
好的 谢谢你 女士
Okay, okay. Thank you, señora.
不客气
You're welcome.
打扰一下 手♥机♥装在破三明治袋子里的 这位女士
Excuse me, lady with the phone in the goddamn sandwich bag.
嗨 你们好吗？
Hi. How are you guys?
你们刚才是在谈话吗？
Were you guys having a conversation?
因为你们以为毛里利奥没在跟其他人谈话
'Cause you assumed that Maurillio wasn't already talking to somebody.
你俩就快活地走进来 打断了我
You just walk your happy ass in here and cut me off.
听着 我不是想生气 但现在情况复杂
Now, look. I don't mean to snap. It's a lot going on right now.
我有点压力山大 -没关系
I'm a little stressed out. -It's okay.
我只想赶紧冲他发通火 可以吗？
I just wanna holler at him real quick. Can I do that?
对 祝你们今天愉快 -谢谢
Yeah. You enjoy your day. -Thank you.
尽情享受这美好的天气
Enjoy this gorgeous weather.
毛里利奥 你知道 这趟旅行对我们来说有多重要
Maurillio. You do know how important this trip is to us, man.
对 当然了 我们希望你的求婚完美无瑕
Yes, of course. We want your proposal to be perfect.
求婚？ -可恶
Proposal? -Oh, shit.
宝贝 -不 我来解决
Baby. -No, no. I will fix this.
艾米莉
Emily.
抱歉 我解决不了 -去你的 毛里利奥
I am sorry. I cannot fix it. -Fuck you, Maurillio!
是我活该
That's fair.
宝贝 过来这里 我想跟你聊聊
Babe, come over here. Let me talk to you.
好 可以 -祝你俩聊得开心
Okay. Yes. Yes. Yes. -You guys have a good one.
她回你短♥信♥了吗？ -还没有
Did she text you back? -Nah, not yet.
抱歉一切都没像我计划的那样进行
I'm sorry this didn't go as I planned it.
听着…
Look, um…
老天
Oh, my God.
我还是正式点吧