我没有孩子的监护权。- 我没有得到监护权。
I don't have custody of the kids. - I don't get custody.
我的遭遇太可悲了！
It is pathetic what I've had to go through.
现在，现在她根本不知道孩子在哪。
Right now, she doesn't know where the kids are.
你没资格对身为母亲的我说什么。
Do not talk about me as a mother.
他们在家？他们在你姐妹那里?- 听到你说我不是一个好母亲我就恶心透顶！
Are they home?They at your sister's? Where...- I'm so sick to death of you talking about me as a mother!
还有你对我的吹毛求疵 -他们可能正呆在消防站或其他什么鬼地方。
and what I've done wrong! -they're probably at a firehouse somewhere.
而她很可能扔下他们与消防员潇洒去了，知道吗？ - 少放屁！
She'd just drop 'em off with a fireman, you know? - Do not talk about that!
老是我是个不称职的母亲，我听够了！
I am sick of you accusing me of not being a good mother!
他们在家吗？在家吗？ - 七年了，我一直是个好母亲！
Are they at home? Are they at home? - Seven years I've been a good mother!
你是个好妈妈？ 我居然得不到监护权
A perfect mother? I can't have custody.
想想当初我们一起谈恋爱的时候... 想想你是怎么...
Just remember when we went out. Just remember how you...
就现在，就现在告诉我 他妈的提姆在那里？
Right now. Where is Tim right fucking now?
不要再说我是个母亲 （然后把责任都推给我），我恨死你了
Don't you talk about me being a mother. I hate you!
嘿，我有个主意，不如你来亲亲我 左边的那颗睾丸吧
Hey, I got an idea. Why don't you just kiss my left nut?
我说吧，这是个烂主意 - 知道吗，肯？
I told you this was a bad idea. - You know what, Ken?
把这事儿再拖上一年
A bad idea would be to let your client walk outta here today and drag
浪费更多的时间和钱，那才是烂主意
this thing out for another year, wasting more time and wasting more money.
明智的做法是让我跟约翰来帮你们调解
The only good idea is to let me and John do our job
快刀斩乱麻！ - 听听我的？
and mediate this thing right here. - You wanna hear the crazy thing?
虽然事情看上去不尽人意， 但事实上已经有了进展
I know it doesn't feel like it, but we're making progress.
嗯... - 在车子归属问题上已有了定论
Mm-hmm. - We settled the deal with the cars.
如果能解决里程回报 我们就大功告成了！
Let's see, that takes us to frequent flyer miles. We're flying!
那些属于我 - 是我的
Those are mine. - I want them.
这样吧，你们对半分
You know what we're gonna do? We're gonna split 'em right down the middle.
怎么样，克罗格先生？ - 门都没有！
How'd that be, Mr. Kroeger? - It would be no-not good at all!
这些里程是我坐飞机赚来的 - 是啊，你坐飞机去丹佛...
I earned those miles! - Yeah, you earned them flying
看你的婊♥子♥去了 - 喔，上帝！
to Denver to meet your whore. - Oh, Lord.
我的解释是， 她只不过不介意表现得性感些...
Well, she's not afraid to express herself sexually
如果你骂她婊♥子♥是这个意思的话 - 天知道，她是个跳脱衣舞的
if that's what you mean. - She's a stripper, for God's sake!
她不是的！ - 她名字叫切斯特（意为贞操）
She is not! - Her name is Chastity!
一个贱白鬼，就像你一样
She is white trash! Same as you.
乡巴佬
Hillbilly!
噢，又来了，又要表演晕倒？
That's it, go comatose for me, baby.
和我说话时给我闭嘴！
You shut your mouth when you're talkin' to me!
打住，我有点糊涂了
Hold it. This is getting confusing.
你们从一开始就讨厌对方吗？
You didn't always hate each other.
恋爱的时候难道没有 一些美好的时光吗？
There had to be some nice moments, during the courtship, maybe?
结婚的时候呢？ - 结婚一定是很开心的
Or the wedding? - The wedding had to be fun!
两个家庭欢聚一堂 - 你们还一起装♥修♥新房♥
You have your families together. - You have your decorations.
大家和睦相处， 多么美好的时光啊
Families coming together. That's a nice moment.
你们婚礼上吃的什么？ - 蟹肉蛋糕
What'd you have to eat? - Crab cakes.
没开玩笑吧？蟹肉蛋糕...
Are you kidding me? Crab c... how could you not have a good time
没蟹肉蛋糕也叫婚礼？我最爱吃了 - 蟹肉蛋糕，我最爱吃蟹肉蛋糕！
eating crab cakes? I love 'em. - Crab cakes, I love crab cakes.
好吃极了, 食品中的极品 - 有请乐队吗？
They're phenomenal. - And did you have a band?
请了，演出怎么样？ - 不错
Did you have a band? Good or bad? - Yeah.
谁来管这么多啊？演得好，演得差， 只要有音乐不就行了？就像比萨...
Who gives a shit? It's a great band, it's a bad band, it's like pizza, baby.
不管怎么弄都是美味 - 那倒是. 你让他们...
It's good no matter what. - That's true. You got them...
到处弥漫着音乐！ - 弹奏“尖叫”，而你却不喜欢
There's music in the air! ...playing "Shout" and you hate it.
也，喔...嘿... - 现在更柔软了
Yeah. ♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-hey ♪ - ♪ A little bit softer now ♪
喔...嘿... - 一起唱，一起跳, 一起叫
♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh, hey ♪ - ♪ Shout now, jump up and shout now. ♪
多么好的时光啊， 懂我的意思吗？
It's a good time, do you know what I mean?
是啊 - 一群年轻人在一起
Yeah. - Rubbin' up against each other,
在激♥情♥中开诚布公地寻欢作乐， 就是这样
just a couple of kids who like to fuck, trying to make it honest. I get it.
朋友们，你们的敌人是 这个失败的婚姻
Guys, the real enemy here is the institution of marriage.
这不切实际，这样做很蠢！ 嘿，不要把为了别人而做决定
It's not realistic, it's crazy! Hey, don't do this
多为你自己想想
for the other person. It's about saying yes to yourself
为将来打算打算 - 同意吧
and saying yes to your future. - Say yes.
给自己一个机会，相信...
And have some opportunities for yourself. I'm sure you'd love
你也想过无拘无束的生活。 想想，找个南美小伙子...
to be free, maybe go out and meet some Latin guy that can dance,
一起跳舞, 一起亲近，体会那种夹杂 危险而又安全的罪恶感
grind up on you, make you feel dangerous but also safe.
那么你呢？难道你不想 跟切斯特在一起...
And how about you? Don't you want to get inside Chastity
又不用提心吊胆被人发现吗？
without having to wonder if everyone's gonna find out?
老天，那不是很好吗？ - 那不是个对大家都有益的决定吗？
God, wouldn't that be sweet? - Wouldn't that be nice?
找个为你着迷的南美小伙子...
And have some Latin guy sweating all over you,
他会用你不熟悉的语言和你聊天
talking to you in languages you don't understand,
接近你，拥抱你，占有你... - 我们想说的是
needing you, wanting you, taking you? - All we're trying to say is,
放下你们的架子
put your swords away for a second.
把这事了结了，开始新的生活
Let's finish this and let's move on.
走出阴影，寻找新的伴侣
Get out there and get some strange ass.
能先给她杯水吗？ 让她把药吃了
Could you give her a glass of water so she can take that?
嘿，约翰，真奇怪 这杯水看上去半满的
Hey, John, that's weird. That glass looks half full to me.
喔，你这么一说，现在看来 （不是半空）而是半满
Wow, now that you mention it, it is half full.
里程回报给他吧
He can have the miles.
亲爱的，还是给你吧
Nah, sweetie, you take the miles.
好极了，好极了， 那么签字吧，搞定了！
Great. Great! Let's sign the paperwork and we are done!
虽然是这么说的，但你们要分点飞行里程 给我们的话
This is just semantics. If you guys want to throw a couple miles at us,
我们会接受的...最关键的是大家 放下包袱向前走了
we'll take a couple. The big this is, is that we're all movin' on.
你们俩能别再说话吗？
Could you two just not talk anymore?
太好了，你把它拿来了 是100％的鹅毛吗？
Oh, good, you got it. Is it 100%/% goose down?
是的，你需要这个？ - 确定？
Yes. Why do you need this? - Are you sure?
每次约翰生日，我都睡他家
I sleep over at John's house every year for his birthday.
喔, 没什么好奇怪的...
Okay, that's not creepy.
也许有点怪异
I guess it is a little creepy
这个独生子，在小时候...
when a young man who happens to be an only child
某个生日的前一个月
loses both of his parents in a tragic accident
在一场悲惨的 意外中失去了父母...
one month before his birthday
而他最好的朋友，就此发誓...
and then has a best friend make a vow
永远不会让他孤零零地过生日
that he will never spend his birthday alone again.
或许这算是件奇怪的事吧
Maybe that would fall under the category of creepy.
天哪，真对不起
Oh my God. I'm so sorry.
没关系 - 不，不，你真的很体贴
That's okay. - No, you're really sweet.
我认识个非常好的女孩， 可以介绍给你
I've got the perfect girl for you.
贾尼斯，很道歉， 我实在对一段被迫...
Janice, I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager
而令人尴尬的所谓亲密关系 没什么兴趣
to jump into a forced, awkward intimate situation
人们喜欢把那叫做约会， 对我来说那很别扭
that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling.
你就坐着，直担心， “我脸上有食物吗？
You're sitting there, you're wondering, "Do I have food on my face?
我该吃这东西吗？我会不会话说太多了？ 我该说些什么吗？这个话题我感兴趣吗？
Am I eating? Am I talking too much? Are they talking enough? Am I interested?
我真的不感兴趣。 该装得感兴趣吗？
I'm not really interested. Should I play like I'm interested?
可我实在不感兴趣， 但她或许对话题感兴趣
But I'm not that interested, but I think she might be interested.
强迫自己产生兴趣？ 她现在对这个话题又不感兴趣了
But do I want to be interested? But now she's not interested."
那么，结果我慢慢开始产生兴趣了
So now, all of sudden I'm... I'm starting to get interested.
我该什么时候吻她呢？ 该等到她家门口吗？
And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door?
这样会很尴尬，那就像是说: “喔，晚安！”
'Cause then it's awkward, it's like "Well, good night."
你要问她要个拥抱吗？就像这样的... 你们互相...
Do you do like the ass-out hug? Where you like... you hug each other like this,
撅着屁♥股♥拥抱， 这样子两人就不会靠得太近了
and the ass sticks out because you're trying not to get too close.
你想要直接吻她的唇吗？ 还是根本别考虑去吻她？
Or do you go right in and just kiss 'em on the lips or don't kiss 'em at all?
女人心，海底针， 很难去觉察你们的进展，
It's very difficult trying to read the situation and all the while
你会一直想， 也许我们会过于兴奋,做出些蠢事
you're just really wondering, "Are we gonna get hopped enough to make
或许玩个小游戏，“等我的暗示”
some bad decisions?" And perhaps play a little game called "Just the Tip."
就一小会，就体会那种感觉
Just for a second, just to see how it feels,
或者，喔，你在抚摩我的头发 - 是这样...
or "Ouch Ouch, You're on My Hair." - Okay.
好啦，你能...你能帮我放到那里吗？ 那样他就看不到了
Okay, can... can you... can you put that so he... he can't see it?
谢谢，贾尼斯。 和你这样谈谈好开心
And thank you. Hey, Janice. Great talk.
约翰？
John?
马上来见我， 有些要事
I gotta see you right away, it's important.
什么事？
What's going on?
我们将会度过三个星期的快乐时光...
We've got three really big weeks ahead of us.
又到了婚礼的季节，兄弟！
It's wedding season, kid!
做得好...他妈的太爽了
You sandbagging son of a bitch!
我已经找到了17个
I got us down for 17 of them already.
喔，那么，有几个不是免费的？
Okay, now, how many of 'em are cash bars?
好问题，你还很清醒嘛，有二个的确是的
Great question, love where your head's at, and two of 'em actually are.
但...我已经搞定了
But... I got us covered.
紫心勋章（军烈属勋章）， 足以让我们彻夜痛饮了
Purple hearts. We won't have to pay for a drink all night.
好极了
Oh yeah, perfect.
我们会有成堆的， 和漂亮女孩子交往的机会
We are gonna have tons and tons of opportunities to meet gorgeous ladies
她们充满了对婚姻的憧憬
that are so aroused by the thought of marriage,
早已把矜持抛在脑后
that they'll throw their inhibitions to the wind.
而谁能赢得她们的芳心？
And who's gonna be there to catch 'em?
快拿起网来抓蝴蝶 她们是我们的猎物了！
Grab that net and catch that beautiful butterfly, pal!