♪ Whoo -hoo ♪
♪ Yee -hoo ♪
♪ Whoo -hoo ♪
-好吧… -谢谢你邀请我们 黛比
- Okay, well... - Uh, thanks for having us, Debbie.
- Bye. - Mmm.
- You're so bad at poker. - Yeah.
I'm actually good at other things.
Wait, now I get it.
I can't believe... That's so cool. You own your own house.
Well, I saved up for the down payment over, you know, some time.
I put money away through careful calculations.
When I destroy my life, can I move in with you?
- Deal! - Amazing!
-哇!看看这些书! -是的 我是个大读者
- Whoa! Look at all those books! - Yeah, I'm a big reader.
Are you? That's great. I... Yeah, I'm gonna be a big writer one day.
- What? - I want to be.
Okay, I bet you will be.
How did you get to be so awesome?
You know you don't have to say any of this?
-反正我也要跟你上♥床♥ - - - - - -难以置信!
- I'm gonna sleep with you anyway. - Unbelievable!
I'm gonna send you my short stories in the morning.
Mmm. I think you'll like them.
-嗯 嗯 好吧 -好吧 我不说了…
- Mm -mmm. Okay. - Okay, I'll stop talk...
-现在安静点 是的 -对不起
- Just be quiet now. Yeah. - I'm sorry.
♪ Whoo -hoo ♪
-♬Yeah♬ -♬Yee -hoo♬
- ♪ Yeah ♪ - ♪ Yee -hoo ♪
-我已经写了23篇短篇小说 -天啊 别说了
- I've actually written 23 short stories. - Oh, God, just stop.
Happy birthday, much younger person.
What? We're the same age.
Not in lady years.
In lady years, I'm a crone,
and somehow you'll still be considered sexy at, like, 70,
no matter how wrinkled and bald you get.
- Yeah. - So congratulations.
I'll admit it. It's a good deal.
Oh, I got you the greatest birthday present.
You got me a Porsche? A 356?
不是 紫色的911 对吧?
No, the 911 in purple, right?
Do you want coffee?
Uh, yeah, thank you.
You know what? Let me call you back.
You said you didn't need me to bring you anything in New York,
but do you have any herb plants?
你知道的 草本植物?没关系 我去买♥♥一些
You know, herb plants? Never mind, I'll just pick some up.
You pop them in the windowsill and then you have fresh basil or mint
任何时候你都可以用它做饭 吃它 或者闻它
anytime you need to cook with it, or eat it, or just smell it.
Okay, Debbie, please do not bring soil into my apartment. I'm begging you.
Big shocker, you listen to The Cars in the morning.
-早上 中午和晚上 -我想说的是
- Morning, noon, and night. - Oh, I wanted to mention,
when I'm at your place, if you wanna have somebody over,
你想让我让开 我可以 所以你可以…
and you want me to get out of the way, I can do that, so you can...
Okay, now I'm feeling uncomfortable.
Oh, please, I've seen you naked.
- Never stops being weird. - Which is so weird.
Thank you. I think I can control myself for one week.
You... You never know, maybe you'll meet someone while you're here
and we'll have a big ol' sex party up in here.
-呃 呕吐? -是啊 对不起 太恶心了
- Uh, barf? - Yeah, I'm sorry, that was gross.
Anyway, no chance of me meeting anybody.
As you know, my heart is a cold, hard little stone.
I'm so glad you're not being dramatic about it.
By the way, I am so proud of you
for being cool about leaving Jack for a whole week.
I'm not being cool about it, I'm having a panic attack.
He's my baby. I've never left him for that long.
-嗨 啊 那怪物醒了!
- Hey. - Ah, the creature awakens!
- Morning. - Morning.
-我能吃这个吗? -是的 它是无麸质的
- Can I eat this? - Yes, it's gluten -free.
-还有 跟彼得打个招呼 -怎么了 彼得?
- Also, say hi to Peter. - 'Sup, Peter?
Hey! 'Sup, Jack -O' -Lantern?
- What? - Oh, I'm working on nicknames. No?
No, he didn't like it.
-那就从头再来吧 -看看他 他不是婴儿
- Go back to the drawing board on that one. - Look at him. He's not a baby.
All right? He's gonna be fine.
It's not like you're leaving him with a dog bowl and a chew toy.
Right? Scarlet's gonna be there. You... You want my opinion?
Just you saying that, I know exactly what your opinion is.
听着 他不是我的孩子 但我觉得杰克可以用一下
Look, he's not my kid, but I think Jack could use the space.
All right, notes on parenting
from a guy whose only pet was a goldfish that died in a bong fire.
好吧 听着 我只是说说就像直升机式育儿
Okay, look, I'm just saying. There's, like, helicopter parenting,
there's snowplow parenting.
What you're doing?
This is Saran Wrap parenting.
You're so tightly wrapped around this kid, you're suffocating him!
是的 我可以追踪一个隐喻 谢谢
Yes, I can track a metaphor, thanks.
Okay, how excited are you
that you and I are gonna be in the same city for a whole week?
When's the last time we hung out that long?
I don't know, 2008? When you left LA because you were scared of earthquakes.
The Chino Hills Temblor was no joke!
不管怎样 我知道你要去上班了 我想把你的礼物给你
Anyway, I know you have to go to work and I want to give you your present
before you go. So I was cleaning out this drawer...
You clean things out?
Occasionally, I clean things out.
And look what I found!
I know you hate mementos.
Yeah, no, I hate mementos above all mentos.
Okay, hold on. Here's your present. Look.
I put this in the end table the night you stayed over,
因为 我不知道 我以为这是纪念品
because, I don't know, I thought it would be a keepsake
at our wedding or something. That's how dumb I was in my 20s.
- You weren't dumb. - I was a little bit dumb.
Anyway, the best part of the whole night was when I took all your money!
That was the best part?
我是说 这掩盖了性♥爱♥的部分 因为你第二天就逃跑了
I mean, it overshadowed the sex part, because you fled the next day.
-等等 等等 我后来给你打过电♥话♥ -是啊 你后来给我打电♥话♥了
- Wait, hold on. I did call you later. - Yeah, you did call me later.
When you said that you couldn't date me or anybody else
because you were, "an unknowable piece of shit"?
Uh, mmm, there's the writer in me right there.
Now that's a beautiful turn of phrase.
And I'm the dramatic one?
Anyway, 20 years of friendship. 20 years! Can you believe it?
You've had the best best friend in the entire world.
Back at you.
Have a great birthday, Peter.
I will. You're awesome.
Okay, I'll see you in a couple days.
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