♬呜呼♬
♪ Whoo -hoo ♪
♬Yee -hoo♬
♪ Yee -hoo ♪
♬呜呼♬
♪ Whoo -hoo ♪
-好吧… -谢谢你邀请我们 黛比
- Okay, well... - Uh, thanks for having us, Debbie.
-再见 -嗯
- Bye. - Mmm.
-你扑克牌打得真烂 -是的
- You're so bad at poker. - Yeah.
其实我还擅长其他事情
I'm actually good at other things.
哦?
Oh?
等等 现在我明白了
Wait, now I get it.
嗯
Mmm.
嗯!
Mmm!
我真不敢相信……太酷了你有自己的房♥子
I can't believe... That's so cool. You own your own house.
哦,是的
Oh, yeah.
我存了一段时间的钱来付首♥付♥
Well, I saved up for the down payment over, you know, some time.
经过仔细的计算 我把钱存起来了
I put money away through careful calculations.
很好很神奇的
Nice. Amazing.
当我毁了自己的生活 我能搬去和你住吗?
When I destroy my life, can I move in with you?
-交易! -神奇的!
- Deal! - Amazing!
-哇!看看这些书! -是的 我是个大读者
- Whoa! Look at all those books! - Yeah, I'm a big reader.
是吗?太好了我…是啊 总有一天我会成为大作家的
Are you? That's great. I... Yeah, I'm gonna be a big writer one day.
-什么? -我想当
- What? - I want to be.
好吧 我打赌你会的
Okay, I bet you will be.
你是怎么变得这么厉害的?
How did you get to be so awesome?
你知道你什么都不必说吗?
You know you don't have to say any of this?
-反正我也要跟你上♥床♥ - - - - - -难以置信!
- I'm gonna sleep with you anyway. - Unbelievable!
我早上会把我的短篇小说发给你
I'm gonna send you my short stories in the morning.
太好了
Great.
嗯我想你会喜欢的
Mmm. I think you'll like them.
-嗯 嗯 好吧 -好吧 我不说了…
- Mm -mmm. Okay. - Okay, I'll stop talk...
-现在安静点 是的 -对不起
- Just be quiet now. Yeah. - I'm sorry.
♬呜呼♬
♪ Whoo -hoo ♪
-♬Yeah♬ -♬Yee -hoo♬
- ♪ Yeah ♪ - ♪ Yee -hoo ♪
-我已经写了23篇短篇小说 -天啊 别说了
- I've actually written 23 short stories. - Oh, God, just stop.
早上好
Good morning.
早上好
Good morning.
生日快乐 年轻很多的人
Happy birthday, much younger person.
什么?我们同龄
What? We're the same age.
不是在女人的年纪
Not in lady years.
在女人的年龄里 我是个老妪
In lady years, I'm a crone,
不知怎么的 你70岁了还会被认为性感
and somehow you'll still be considered sexy at, like, 70,
不管你多皱多秃
no matter how wrinkled and bald you get.
-是的 -恭喜你
- Yeah. - So congratulations.
我承认这是一个很好的交易
I'll admit it. It's a good deal.
我给你准备了最棒的生日礼物
Oh, I got you the greatest birthday present.
你给我买♥♥了辆保时捷?一个356 ?
You got me a Porsche? A 356?
不是 紫色的911 对吧?
No, the 911 in purple, right?
你要咖啡吗?
Do you want coffee?
是的 谢谢你
Uh, yeah, thank you.
你知道吗?我过会儿打给你
You know what? Let me call you back.
你说你在纽约不需要我带任何东西给你
You said you didn't need me to bring you anything in New York,
但是你有草药吗?
but do you have any herb plants?
什么?
What?
你知道的 草本植物?没关系 我去买♥♥一些
You know, herb plants? Never mind, I'll just pick some up.
你把它们放在窗台上 然后你就有了新鲜的罗勒或薄荷
You pop them in the windowsill and then you have fresh basil or mint
任何时候你都可以用它做饭 吃它 或者闻它
anytime you need to cook with it, or eat it, or just smell it.
黛比 拜托别把土带进我的公♥寓♥我求你了
Okay, Debbie, please do not bring soil into my apartment. I'm begging you.
令人震惊的是 你早上听汽车乐队的歌♥
Big shocker, you listen to The Cars in the morning.
-早上 中午和晚上 -我想说的是
- Morning, noon, and night. - Oh, I wanted to mention,
我去你家的时候 如果你想请人过来
when I'm at your place, if you wanna have somebody over,
你想让我让开 我可以 所以你可以…
and you want me to get out of the way, I can do that, so you can...
好吧 现在我感觉不舒服了
Okay, now I'm feeling uncomfortable.
拜托 我见过你裸体
Oh, please, I've seen you naked.
-总是怪怪的 -这太奇怪了
- Never stops being weird. - Which is so weird.
谢谢你！我想我能控制自己一个星期
Thank you. I think I can control myself for one week.
你……谁知道呢 也许你在这里会遇到什么人
You... You never know, maybe you'll meet someone while you're here
我们会在这里开一场盛大的性♥爱♥派对
and we'll have a big ol' sex party up in here.
-呃 呕吐? -是啊 对不起 太恶心了
- Uh, barf? - Yeah, I'm sorry, that was gross.
总之 我不可能认识什么人
Anyway, no chance of me meeting anybody.
如你所知 我的心是一块冰冷坚硬的小石头
As you know, my heart is a cold, hard little stone.
我很高兴你没有小题大做
I'm so glad you're not being dramatic about it.
顺便说一句 我真为你骄傲
By the way, I am so proud of you
因为你对离开杰克一整个星期很淡定
for being cool about leaving Jack for a whole week.
我一点都不冷静 我恐慌症发作了
I'm not being cool about it, I'm having a panic attack.
他是我的宝贝我从没离开过他那么久
He's my baby. I've never left him for that long.
-嗨 啊 那怪物醒了!
- Hey. - Ah, the creature awakens!
-早上 -早上
- Morning. - Morning.
-我能吃这个吗? -是的 它是无麸质的
- Can I eat this? - Yes, it's gluten -free.
-还有 跟彼得打个招呼 -怎么了 彼得?
- Also, say hi to Peter. - 'Sup, Peter?
嘿!你好吗 杰克灯?
Hey! 'Sup, Jack -O' -Lantern?
-什么? -我在想外号♥呢没有?
- What? - Oh, I'm working on nicknames. No?
不 他不喜欢
No, he didn't like it.
-那就从头再来吧 -看看他 他不是婴儿
- Go back to the drawing board on that one. - Look at him. He's not a baby.
好吧?他会没事的
All right? He's gonna be fine.
你又不是要把狗碗和咀嚼玩具留给他
It's not like you're leaving him with a dog bowl and a chew toy.
对吧?斯嘉丽也会去的你……你想听听我的意见吗?
Right? Scarlet's gonna be there. You... You want my opinion?
只是你这么说 我很清楚你的想法
Just you saying that, I know exactly what your opinion is.
听着 他不是我的孩子 但我觉得杰克可以用一下
Look, he's not my kid, but I think Jack could use the space.
好了 关于育儿的笔记
All right, notes on parenting
他唯一的宠物是一条死于烟枪火灾的金鱼
from a guy whose only pet was a goldfish that died in a bong fire.
好吧 听着 我只是说说就像直升机式育儿
Okay, look, I'm just saying. There's, like, helicopter parenting,
还有扫雪机式育儿
there's snowplow parenting.
你在做什么?
What you're doing?
这就是保鲜膜育儿法
This is Saran Wrap parenting.
你把这孩子缠得太紧了 快让他窒息了!
You're so tightly wrapped around this kid, you're suffocating him!
是的 我可以追踪一个隐喻 谢谢
Yes, I can track a metaphor, thanks.
好吧 你有多兴奋
Okay, how excited are you
你和我要在同一个城市待整整一周?
that you and I are gonna be in the same city for a whole week?
我们上次出去玩那么久是什么时候?
When's the last time we hung out that long?
我不知道 2008年?你离开洛杉矶的时候因为害怕地震
I don't know, 2008? When you left LA because you were scared of earthquakes.
好的,嘿!
Okay, hey!
奇诺山地震可不是闹着玩的!
The Chino Hills Temblor was no joke!
不管怎样 我知道你要去上班了 我想把你的礼物给你
Anyway, I know you have to go to work and I want to give you your present
在你走之前我在清理这个抽屉…
before you go. So I was cleaning out this drawer...
你打扫干净了吗?
You clean things out?
我偶尔会清理一下东西
Occasionally, I clean things out.
看看我找到了什么!
And look what I found!
我知道你讨厌纪念品
I know you hate mementos.
不 我最讨厌纪念品了曼妥思
Yeah, no, I hate mementos above all mentos.
好的 稍等这是你的礼物看
Okay, hold on. Here's your present. Look.
你在我家过夜的那晚 我把这个放在茶几里
I put this in the end table the night you stayed over,
因为 我不知道 我以为这是纪念品
because, I don't know, I thought it would be a keepsake
在我们的婚礼上我20多岁的时候就是这么傻
at our wedding or something. That's how dumb I was in my 20s.
-你不傻 -我有点笨
- You weren't dumb. - I was a little bit dumb.
总之 整晚最棒的部分就是我拿走了你所有的钱!
Anyway, the best part of the whole night was when I took all your money!
这就是最棒的部分吗?
That was the best part?
我是说 这掩盖了性♥爱♥的部分 因为你第二天就逃跑了
I mean, it overshadowed the sex part, because you fled the next day.
-等等 等等 我后来给你打过电♥话♥ -是啊 你后来给我打电♥话♥了
- Wait, hold on. I did call you later. - Yeah, you did call me later.
当你说你不能和我或其他人约会时
When you said that you couldn't date me or anybody else
因为你是"一坨未知的屎"吗?
because you were, "an unknowable piece of shit"?
嗯 我的作家气质就在那里
Uh, mmm, there's the writer in me right there.
这句话说得真漂亮
Now that's a beautiful turn of phrase.
我是戏剧性的那个?
And I'm the dramatic one?
不管怎样 20年的友谊20年!你能相信吗?
Anyway, 20 years of friendship. 20 years! Can you believe it?
你有了世界上最好的好朋友
You've had the best best friend in the entire world.
你也一样
Back at you.
祝你生日快乐 彼得
Have a great birthday, Peter.
我会的你太棒了
I will. You're awesome.
好吧 过几天见
Okay, I'll see you in a couple days.
嘿
Hey.
天啊 我还以为你和黛比会一直唠唠叨叨呢