大家好
Hi, everyone.
我是佐伊·史蒂文斯
I'm Zoey Stevens,
今天 我要同时担任两个角色 既是伴娘
And today I am multitasking as the maid of honor
又是新娘的女儿
And the daughter of the bride,
所以可能你们
So you will be receiving
得接受我的两次祝酒
two toasts for the price of one.
首先 我想说我非常高兴的是
First off, I just want to say how happy I am
我的妈妈终于又找到了真爱
that my mom has finally found love again.
她是我所见过的最乐于奉献的人
She is the most giving person I know,
我们俩时不时会一起做些事
And we've been together, just us, for some time now,
她不仅仅是我的妈妈 更是我最好的闺蜜
So she's not only my mom, but she's my best friend.
我爱你 妈妈
I love you, mom.
而在这次结合中
And one of the...
最值得庆幸的
Blessings of this union
就是我们多了几个共同住在一起
Is that we now have a new collection of people
的家庭成员
we're living with.
有泰德
There's ted...
噢耶
Boo-yah!
和他的儿子们
And his sons,
亚当
Adam...
各位好
Hi.
扎克
Zack...
大家好
Hello!
和本
And Ben...
我母亲常说
My mom always says
挑战同时代表着机遇
that "change" is another word for "opportunity."
嗯 机遇不就来了嘛
And, well, this is an opportunity.
和四位男生住在一起
To live with four guys.
四个男生啊
Four guys
并且他们的神奇之处在于
And their mysterious odors
他们总会把责任推到狗上
That they always blame on the dog.
哦 对
Oh, that's right.
差点忘了
I almost forgot,
那狗叫汉弗莱
There's Humphrey.
汉弗莱也是公的
Humphrey is also male.
总计就有五个了
So that's five.
五位男神和我住在一起
Five males that I am living with.
不好意思 扯远了
But I digress.
让我们一起举杯
Will you all join me in raising a glass
这杯酒要敬
As we toast--
汉弗莱
Humphrey!
到这儿来
Come here, boy!
噢 不 不 不要
Oh, no, no, no...
好 我稳住它了
Okay, I got it.
-汉弗莱 不要 - 快回来 别跑
- Humphrey! No! - Come here, boy! Come here!
好了 我们逮到狗了
It's okay, we got him!
我们没事儿
We're cool!
敬我的新家庭
To my new family.
一周以后...
起床时间到
It's go-time!
六点三刻了 同志们
6:45 am, boys!
起来 快起床 别偷懒
Up! Up! Up! Up! Up!
行动起来 抓紧时间
Let's get it moving! Let's get it moving!
就像这样 各位 快
That's it! Everybody, move!
别磨磨蹭蹭的 都给我动起来
Keep it moving, people! Keep it moving!
我们必须赶上校车
We gotta get that bus!
我们一定要赶上 没错 一定
We're gonna get it! Yes, we are!
给我动起来
Let's keep it moving!
嘿 小子 早上好
Hey, morning, sport.
我说的是
I mean...
早上好 姑娘
Hi, girl.
把那东西给我 快给我
Give me that, give me that.
美女
Gal?
早上好 漂亮姑娘
Hi, girl gal!
汤普森先生 这是怎么回事
Mr. Thompson, what is going on?
我们家被入侵了嘛
Are we being invaded?
不不 这只是上学的日子我们叫孩子们起床的
No, no, just a little wake-up ritual we do here
例行公事罢了
On school days.
还有 拜托 我们现在是一家人了
And please, we're a family now.
叫我老爸呗
Call me "Dad!"
呃 抱歉
Uh, excuse me.
我已经站在这里了
I'm in here already,
在用洗手间
Using the bathroom?
你应该知道这房♥子里只有两间洗手间
You know there's only two bathrooms in the house.
我们得分享
We gotta share.
这是什么 用来刷鼻子的吗
What's this? A nose brush?
这是我的睫毛膏 谢谢
That is my mascara, thank you.
祛痘遮瑕霜
"Acne spot concealer?"
把东西放下
Put that down.
那这个
And...
好厉害
Cool!
这东西能喷烟雾耶
This makes smoke!
真要这样嘛
Seriously?
难以置信
Unbelievable.
额 这屋子里的人上厕所都不会瞄准吗
Ugh, doesn't anybody in this house aim?
好脏 好恶心
Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.
汉弗莱 你不能吃那东西
Humphrey, you can't eat that.
那是铅笔
That's a pencil.
这样吧 给你吃橡皮吧
Here. Eat this eraser instead.
我的篮球在哪里 噢 找到了
Where's my basketball? Oh, there it is.
还有我的战术手册呢
And my playbook?
我的皮带又在哪儿
Ooh, and my belt?
还有我的钱包呢
And my wallet?
我貌似还是忘记了一些东西
I'm forgetting something.
你的裤子
Your pants.
对 我的裤子呢
Yes! My pants!
我的裤子在哪里
Where are my pants?
小裤裤 你快给我出来吧
Where are my pants? Where are my...
好吧 打扰一下
Okay, excuse me,
我们定几个基本准则 好吗
Can we just establish a few ground rules, here?
第一
One,
如果你没穿着裤子
If you are not wearing pants,
那就请你离我的私人空间远一点 好嘛
Please stay out of my personal space bubble, okay?
第二 如果女生已经占用了卫生间
And two, if a girl is in the bathroom,
那么那位女生理应独自享用卫生间
The girl should be allowed to remain alone in the bathroom.
听着 佐伊 早上我有篮球训练
Look, Zoey, I have morning basketball practice,
然后有队员会议
And then a players' meeting,
接下来还有队长会议
And then a captains' meeting,
还有好多好多要练习
And then even more practicing,
这些可只是上课前的安排 懂吗
And that's all before class even starts, okay?
我想说的是
My point is,
家里已经有套制度
We have systems in this house--
我们在一起奋斗 就像上好油的机器
We work together, like a well-oiled machine.
你也许不能这么奢侈地
You're probably not going to have the luxury
自己享用卫生间 所以
of much alone time in the bathroom, so...
哟 今天吃煎饼
Hey, it's pancake day!
咬他 好狗狗
Sic him, boy!
你显然没有充分了解狗
You clearly lack a fundamental understanding of dogs.
科学证明
It's a known scientific fact
狗不会背叛自己的本能
that they never betray their own instincts
更不会背叛自己的主人
or turn against their own pack.
人人皆知
Everybody knows this.
如果你愿意我可以给你推荐点读物
I can recommend some reading if you'd like.
不用了
I think I'm good.
谢谢
Thanks.
加上鸡蛋
Add the egg.
加根腌黄瓜
Add the pickle.
嘿 准备好吃早餐了吗
Hey! Are you ready for some breakfast?
呃 这是什么
Um, what are those?
高蛋白煎饼
Protein pancakes!
蕴含了我的独门秘方