Pick up! Tables 12, 4, 11.
Hey,when you get a second,stop looking at my boobs.
Hi, what can I get ya?
We need some...
Is that annoying?
Is that obnoxious and rude?
Would you find it distracting if someone did that to you while you were working?
Oh, you don't have a job.Sorry.
Damn, dude,she burned you.
Do not think we're on the same team. We have nothing in common.
I wear knit hats when it's cold out.
You wear knit hats'cause of coldplay.
You have tattoos to piss off your dad.
My dad doesn't know he's my dad.
And finally, you think...
This is the sound that gets you service.
This is the sound that dries up my vagina.
The other waitress disappeared, the Russian one.
We need horseradish.
That, ladies, is how you treat a waitress.
Oh, so... so good, oh...
oh, sorry, I didn't realize you were on break.
I just need some horseradish.
Here. Oh, cool.
Excuse me,where's my waitress?
I made your favorite,red velvet.
My little cupcake brought me a cupcake.
Let me pay you for that.
Oh, no, no.It's on the house.It's your birthday.
不用啦 我请客 今天是你生日嘛
How old are you gonna be?
Oh, Earl, if you were just three years younger.
噢 厄尔 如果你再年轻三岁的话，咱们就成了
Max, Max, big news.
麦克斯 麦克斯 大新闻
The new boss fired that Russian waitress, Paulina.
Turns out Chesty Kournikova was Vladimir Puttin' it out.
Hello today.I have paycheck for you.
I need to talk to you.You fired Paulina, Han?
我要跟你谈谈 你把Paulina开除了是吗 Han
I am no longer Han Lee.
I have new American name to go with changing neighborhood.
To go with the changing neighborhood.
You need to remember this for your immigration exam.
Correct. To go with the changing neighborhood.
Bryce? Your name is Bryce Lee?
Bryce吗 你的名字是Bryce Lee
Wait, wait,um, um, um...
等等 嗯 呃 额
Don't hire a new waitress,okay?
I've been doing all the work anyway,and I really could use the extra money.
You need help.
No, I don't. Everyone need help sometimes.
不 我不用 每个人都有需要帮助的时候
I don't. I've been waiting my whole life, okay?
I've waited on tables,I've waited in bars,
I've waited on home pregnancy tests.
I already hire new waitress.
She work in all top restaurants in Manhattan.
I gave her Paulina's uniform.
Hi.Mr. Lee,not to complain,
嗨 Lee先生 不是我抱怨
but I think someone wore this uniform before me,
like right before me.
Is it possible that I could get another one?
Maybe one that's a little less moist.
Also this mustard color doesn't really go with my skin tone,
neither do the mustard stains...
And these various other stains,and smells.I hope that's clam chowder.
I think it'd be better for everyone,including my immune system,
if I just keep on wearing what I'm wearing,
and not the apron,cause this is chanel.
So thank you,and let's waitress.
Whatever that is
it does not belong in this diner.
It belongs in a show on Bravo.
But she blonde hair so shiny
good for business.
Where do you even find these people?
The Russian hooker the one before that was a meth addict.
You train her I am boss.
Fine but make her wear the uniform.
Are you sure we can't get the meth addict back?
She was really good at cleaning.
But her teeth fall out.
You are really judgmental you know that?
I'm only gonna say this once so pay attention.
I'm Caroline by the way. And you're Max?
我是卡洛琳 你叫麦克斯 对吗
Don't get attached.
This is the Williamsburg diner owned by Han Lee
Who just changed his name to Bryce Lee
because I guess he wants people to take him even less seriously.
Eight months ago he bought it from the Russian mob.
Clientele used to be all eastern bloc criminals and crack whores
but then he took it over and ruined it.
Hey sexy woman.
You look so pretty today.
You look so beautiful I forgot how bad your personality is.
He will hit on you aggressively and relentlessly.
He doesn't realize he looks like that
and I don't have the heart to tell him.
Miss could we have some menus?
Cause it raises the bar and then I have to smile
and I can't be doing that.
It's exhausting and I have a bad back.
That's Earl we're in love.
Do not talk to him
unless you want to feel whiter than you already are.
Oh and that stain?
Not clam chowder.
Go marry the ketchups.
Marry the ketchups. I'm on it.
Okay. Now divorce the ketchups.
Stop! Stop! Stop!
停 停 停
There's no such thing as divorcing the ketchups.
You've never waitressed a day in your life.
Yes I have.
You expect me to believe you
after watching that whole Temple Grandin routine?
I'm telling Lee. Okay okay
我去跟老板检举你 别 求你了
I may have enhanced my resume.
Enhanced? What are we in Paris?
Please I really need this job okay?
We lost all of our money.
My trust fund was taken for legal fees.
My dad is in jail.
What? What are you Martin Channing's daughter?
Where's the paper?
The guy who ripped off the entire city is your father.
He told us we were having a good year.
You're Caroline Channing.
You're like a billionaire.
Was. Was a billionaire.
They froze all our assets everything's gone.
I only have what I could grab
and I grabbed all the wrong things.
So do you know the president? I've met him.
He's hot. He's the president.
Have you been to Switzerland? Yes.
Do you have a horse? Yes.
Do you know Paris Hilton? No she's a hundred.
认识帕丽斯·希尔顿吗 不认识 她太老了
Excuse me uh two hot chocolate please.
Let me do that please.
I'm a really fast learner.
I went to Wharton business school.
I got 2300 on my SAT.
Can you make a hot chocolate or not?
We split the tips. Give me yours.
You did better than I thought you would.
Listen tonight I thought of a way
we could make some extra money.
They've totally underestimated the price
point on those red velvet cupcakes.
In Manhattan the asking price is at least seven
so we could sell them for seven and then pocket the difference.
Nothing about that sounds wrong to you?
It's not our fault that the idiot who makes the cupcakes
doesn't know their worth.
I'm the idiot who makes the cupcakes.
No one would pay $7 for one of my cupcakes.
Well at least we know you're not adopted.
So how'd you even end up in Brooklyn?
Oh I went on monster.com.
Typed in "place where nobody
from the Upper East Side would ever go ever"
and this diner came up.
You can't wear a fancy leather jacket outside
in this neighborhood.
You have to turn it inside out.
Fur. Cool. Turn it back.
皮草 算了 再翻回来吧
So where do you live?
Our townhouse was taken and bolted up by the bank so...
Is this where I'm supposed to feel sorry for you?
I mean I don't want you to
but just so you know a well adjusted person would.
I'm dead inside.
You make that pretty obvious.
Anyway I'm just gonna stay in the city with a friend.
I live a couple of blocks that way.
I'd walk you to the subway
it's just that I don't want to.
Why is the music so loud?
It's 3:00 in the morning.
It's cool. So what are you doin'?
The band's practicing.
But you're not playing any instruments.
Yeah that's how we practice.
We like listen to other good music
and play it in our head.
It's like the secret.
Well I have a secret for you guys.
Uh you guys better go. We should go.
Sorry guys I still have to make the cupcakes.
Cupcakes? For why? You can just buy 'em at the store.
You can do that in the morning babe come to bed.
起来再做吧 宝贝 现在是滚床单时间
No I can't. I have to be in the city by 10:00.
Fine. You can have three minutes.
Fine you can have eight one for each ab.
好吧 看在八块腹肌的份上 给你八分钟
Stand clear of the closing doors.
Well I can cross that off my bucket list.
注释：bucket list：遗愿; 人生目标清单; 人生清单。
I have a taser!
Oh my God.
I am so sorry.
I didn't think it would hurt so much. It's pink.
It didn't feel pink.
I didn't know it was you.
I thought I was being raped.
That's not what rape feels like.
Did you... did you sleep on the subway?
I had nowhere else to go
and I'm too afraid to sleep outside on the street.
God you're spoiled.
Next stop Greenpoint.
Ugh get your stuff come on!
I'll take you to my place but hurry.
Cause I have to be in the city in 30 minutes.
Oh my god you've been robbed!
This is how it always looks.
Oh my God totally cute!
All right I'll be back at 4:00
and we can go to work together.
boyfriend sleeps till 4:00 yard.
Oh you have a yard.
Looks like a really nice place to relax and do crack.
I gotta go I'm gonna be late for my other job in the city.
You have two jobs?
Yes I babysit for a Manhattan socialite diva.
Now I have a set.
Sorry I'm late.
Oh thank God you're here
there is a bridge and tunnel smell over by the babies
that's stressing me out.
Their diapers probably need to be changed.
Again? I swear the morning nanny just did that.
Motherhood is for reals.
Max remind me what's my Twitter password?
Hi Brad. Hi Angelina.
嗨 布莱德 安洁莉娜
Max I need to tell you something because we're family.
麦克斯 你也是家人 我有话想跟你说
Now get me room temperature water and come over here.
We are victims of the Channing Ponzi scheme.
Me David and Brangelina.
我 大卫 还有布莱洁莉娜
How much money did you lose?
Hold my hands.
But it really scared me.
So do you know Caroline Channing?
No but she lost everything.
She has no money.
Can you imagine having no money?
I mean you wouldn't even have any money.
You should twit that.
And no one will even talk to her.
I heard she went to six different friends' houses
for a place to stay
and they all had to pretend they weren't home.
That's not cool. Yeah.
That's really sad. So sad.
Breaks my heart.
I guess motherhood has really opened me up emotionally.
Max I need to hold one of the babies
bring me one.
No the other one. That's not the good one.
Hello. Oh hi.
Oh I'm so sorry if I woke you up.
Who are you? I'm Max's friend.
Uh don't tell her I said that.
I have a feeling if she heard me call her my friend
she'd stab me.
What are you doin' over there?
Just washing my uniform
trying to make it a little more cute
and a little less crusty.
Oh watch out!
Oh! Sorry oh my...
Do you have a towel or a rag?
Or something? No I... I got it.
之类的吗 没关系 我来搞定
You're getting me wet.
That's the point.
You're Max's boyfriend.
No it's not.
Back up Jersey shore.
注释：Jersey shore：《泽西海岸》(Jersey Shore) 记录一群移民美国的意大利年轻人的生活，主角是一群20出头的意大利年轻男女 (Guidos and Guidettes)，在泽西海边过暑假。这群人敢玩敢秀，才不管别人怎么想。
and that's coming from someone who's homeless
and wearing white after a labor day.
注释：wear white after a labor day:意思是有意挑战社会法则。
And I've seen better.
No you haven't.
Hey. Why didn't you wait for me?
I thought we were coming over together.
Oh. Um I wanted to get here early to marry the ketchups.
Listen I heard something really upsetting about you today.
What did he say that I came on to him?
It's none of my business
but you deserve better than that guy.
Yeah it is none of your business.
Ooh I was just starting to feel sorry for you.
I'm just saying you're worth more than that.
What I'm supposed to believe you about this?
The person who lied on their resume
and lied about the cupcakes... you're a liar.
I'm just trying to help. You know what?
Since you seem to know so much about everything
why don't you take your wharton degree
and your ridiculous coat and figure this all out yourself.
Max.Max wait. Oh look
麦克斯 等等 瞧
The Arcade Fire concert just let out across the street
good luck with that.
She's coming back right?
She's not gonna leave me here alone
with a restaurant full of people?
Let me put it to you this way.
You might as well be a night maid
at the Schwarzenegger house.
You got screwed.
Oh. Oh yeah.
That feels so good.
Now put your tambourine around it.
Hi honey I'm home.
I want you gone by the time I get back.
Babe! Babe I can explain.
You weren't supposed to be home.
People say I deserve better than you.
Who? That blonde girl?
She doesn't know what she's talkin' about.
She went to Wharton
Yo yo. Look at that.
That girl is workin' harder than Stephen Hawking
tryin' to put in a pair of cufflinks.
Here let me help you with that.
I don't need any help.
Everyone needs help sometimes.
This isn't what I ordered.
This is Caroline.
She may have gotten your order wrong
but she does get some things right.
No thank you.
What'd you see in that guy anyway?
He had these muscle thingies.
Ohthose things? Yeah.
I don't know what those are called
but they make smart girls stupid.
I thought your tight ass wasn't coming in tonight
and my heart broke in half.
You know what Oleg?
I needed that.
I need a roommate if you wanna crash.
Not gonna lie the subway's cleaner than your couch.
I just felt myself starting to like you.
Really? Because I really feel like we could...
I knew that wouldn't last.
Tomorrow we can go into the city
and get the rest of your stuff.
Everything's locked up.
What you have nothing that you care about that we can get?
Well there is one thing.
The weirdest thing is that nobody stopped us.
I'm gonna save a fortune
keeping him here instead of in the stables.
When did you put this whole horse in my yard thing together?
I can't help it.
I see an opportunity and I make it happen
like with your cupcakes.
Like what with my cupcakes?
Ready? To open a bake shop
all we need is 250 grand start up money
for the real estate and the basic equipment...
250 grand that's all? Yeah.
Did freakin' Chestnut here kick you in the head
while I was in Starbucks?
Hear me out.
If we both worked two jobs
and made $2000 a week
we could open a cupcake business in a little over a year.
In the past two days we've made $387
and that's a good start.
We can make extra money at other jobs
like publicists advertising executives...
janitors drug mules.
We really need to work on your self esteem.
You cupcakes me business background
us success. What do you think?
I think you have a horse.
I think we have a horse.
Don't get attached.