破产姐妹  第五季 第十九集

2 Broke Girls S05E19

2019年8月14日 07:39 推荐到豆瓣

兰迪拯救麦克斯的地狱生活


Here's your check.
这是您的账单
Sorry about the entire experience.
并在此对您整个用餐体验致以歉意
You're gonna have to take it the rest of the way.
得麻烦你手伸过来拿了
I slept funny last year.
我去年睡落枕了
You know, I happen to be a massage therapist,
我刚好还是个按♥摩师呢
and I happen to be broke, so what do you say
而且还刚好一穷二白 要不这样吧
I get that crick out of your neck as your tip?
我帮你把脖子弄好 当做小费行吗
I miss being able to just say no.
我好怀念我有骨气直接拒绝的时候
Hold on, I have to run this by a person who's been poor longer.
稍等 我得向我贫穷界的前辈请教一下这事
Sadly, that guy over there is offering me a massage as a tip.
有件惨事 那男的想用按♥摩来抵小费
Sadly-er, I'm considering it.
更惨的是 我真心在考虑
Sadly-est, you were here when that old woman punched me
最惨的是 当时那个老太捶我奶♥子一拳
in the breast and then asked for change, right?
然后要求找零的那会 你亲眼目睹了不是吗
We're not doing great.
我们就是这么悲催
There's got to be somebody doing worse than you two.
世上绝对有人比你俩更惨更可怜
Like that guy who got left on Mars last year.
比如去年被遗忘在火星上的那男人[电影]
Question, girls.
姑娘们 提问
I'm making a healthier menu.
我想要设计更健康的菜单
Should I advertise no trans fat,
我应该写上不含反式脂肪吗
or does that sound like I'm trying to keep out Chaz Bono?
这是这样会听起来像不让查兹·波诺进
no trans fat
有不含反式脂肪或胖变性人不许进的意思 而查兹·波诺就是个胖变性人
Not now, Han, I have a massage scheduled.
现在没空 阿憨 我预约了做按♥摩
All the stress of acting like you're working
"假装"在工作的压力
starting to get to you?
终于压垮你的小身板了吗
I just had what she's having.
她一人"得到" 我"鸡鸡"升天
Max, are you busy right now?
麦克斯 你现在忙吗
- No, I'm at work. - Cool.
-当然不 我在上班 -那就好
I'm gonna call a staff meeting.
我要召集大家开员工会议
I used to call my driver to
想当年我是打给司机[召集]
pick up sushi during Gilmore Girls,
让他在我看电视剧时去拿寿司外卖
but now I call staff meetings at a diner.
而我现在是在餐厅召集开员工会议
Only I can call staff meetings at the diner.
只有我可以在这餐厅里召集开员工会议
It's one of the perks of the job.
是我这工作的亮点之一
Well, it's the perk of the job.
是我这工作最赞的点
Well, it's okay.
好啦 是还行
The staff meeting is about the dessert bar
这是我跟麦克斯要在小蛋糕窗口
Max and I are opening in our cupcake window.
新开的甜品吧事务的员工会议
If you want, Han, you can call the meeting,
如果你真想要的话 阿憨 你来召集开会吧
but I can't imagine you'd be petty enough
但我觉得你不会可悲到
to take the thrill away from Caroline.
连这点小快乐都要从卡洛琳那里夺走
Staff meeting!
员工会议
See, this is what happens
你看 这就是
when the mother cat refuses to lick the runt.
母猫不舔小猫 小猫身心不健全的样子
Okay, so I'm checking on the dessert bar assignments
我要检查一下我给你们每个人
I gave everyone.
布置的任务
Earl, did you call your cousin
厄尔 你打电话给你亲戚
at that liquor distributor about getting us a discount?
问酒供应商能不能给我们折扣的事了吗
Now, why would I call him?
我为啥要打给他
I owe him $10,000 and a kidney.
我还欠他一万块加一个肾呢
So that's a "Not yet."
所以就是"还没完成"
I haven't done my thing, either.
我也还没做我的部分
Caroline, with all your money from Hollywood,
卡洛琳 你从好莱坞拿到的钱
you could pay other people to do this stuff...
你完全能付钱请别人做这些事情
and also replace the transmission on a 2012 Yaris.
还能帮某人的12年款雅力士换变速器
We have to save all our movie money for the dessert bar.
我们得所有的钱都省下来给甜品吧
Believe it or not, my boobs can't get us zoning permits.
而我的胸部居然没法帮我们搞到区域许可证呢
But they did get us kicked out of an architect's office.
但它们成功让我们被赶出建筑师办公室
Oleg, did you talk to your connection at City Hall
奥列格 你跟你在市政厅里的人
about expediting our liquor license?
谈过加快审批我们酒水许可证的事了吗
Yes, she told me, "Don't ever sneak into my home
有啊 她跟我说"不许再从
through the bathroom window again."
我浴室窗口溜进我家"
Oh, this is rich.
真是妙哉
Now you two see some of the hell I go through
现在你们俩终于知道我经营小生意
as a small business owner.
经过怎么样的地狱般磨难了吧
No, you go through hell 'cause nobody wants to
不 你会有地狱般的磨难是因为
see your small business.
没人想看你裆中的"小生意"
Staff meeting over!
员工会议结束
small staff meeting.
小员工会议
Max, your boyfriend is a lawyer.
麦克斯 你男朋友是个律师
When you're at his hotel tonight,
你今晚去他酒店的时候
can you ask him to look at our liquor license?
能请他帮忙看一下酒水许可证的申请表吗
Also, could you fill an ice bucket with mini shampoos
然后 你能倒满一冰桶的酒店小瓶洗发水
and bring it home?
然后带回家吗
No on both counts.
两件事都不行
You're not using Randy for legal advice.
不许你找兰迪做法律咨询
And as for the shampoo, they switched to a pump
bolted to the wall,
而洗发水现在改成固定在墙上的壁挂式
'cause I was getting greedy.
因为我上次太贪心了
Hey, Randy.
兰迪
Hey, Earl.
你好啊 厄尔
Saw your rant on Twitter last night.
看到你昨晚在推特上发的抱怨文了
And I agree;
我也同意
what self-respecting Sizzler runs out of Sprite?
一间自重自爱的自助餐店雪碧怎么会缺货
I put that on Twitter?
我写到推特上了吗
I thought I was writing an email to my brother.
我还以为我是给我兄弟写了电邮呢
Hey there, beautiful.
你好啊 小美人
So I thought we'd try something different tonight.
我在想 我们今晚应该换点不一样的
You on top?
换你来上面吗
No, I'm not talking about changing our whole power dynamic.
我说的不是换我们整个权力结构
I'm talking about staying at your apartment.
我是指去你的公寓住
So, you on bottom?
所以你在下面吗
'Cause that's where I live.
毕竟那可是我的巢穴
No, really.
我是说认真的
We're living in a fantasy world, that hotel room.
我们那个酒店房间就像是梦幻之地
I mean, a really sexy fantasy world,
我是指很香艳的梦幻之地
with people cleaning up after us
而且事后还有人帮我们打扫房间
and a maid who knew you from high school.
还有个高中跟你同校的家政人员
Boy, was she surprised to see me naked and alive.
她看到我没死加全♥裸时简直吓呆了
I know I always am.
像我就每次都吓呆了
And Max, I've been to your apartment.
麦克斯 我已经去过你公寓了啊
It wasn't that bad.
没那么糟啊
Uh, okay, fine. We can stay at my place.
好吧 行 我们可以住我家
But it's BYOC.
但请自带一侦
Bring your own carbon monoxide detector.
自己带一氧化碳侦测器
Well, here we are.
到啦
Slum, sweet slum.
窟 温馨的贫民窟
She says that every time she walks in here.
她每次走进这里都这么说
It's usually to scare the crack addict out of our kitchen.
通常是为了吓走跑进我们厨房的吸毒毒虫
Allen, are you here?
艾伦 你在里面吗
All right, well, this is it.
好啦 就是这样啦
What do you want to do now?
你现在想做什么
We usually go to sleep so death comes sooner.
我们通常都是睡觉 这样死亡来得快一些
You guys, I can handle an apartment.
你们别这样 这区区公寓我不在话下
Don't let my broad shoulders, stubble, and Adam's
apple confuse you;
别被我宽阔的肩膀 胡渣与喉结所迷惑
I am, in fact, a man.
我真的是纯爷们
Coming up straight ahead is the kitchen.
接下来我们正前方就是厨房
But I don't have to tell you that.
但不说你也知道
You can smell the gas.
因为你能闻到瓦斯的味道
Fun fact: those paper towels you see aren't actually paper,
有趣小知识 这些纸巾其实不是真的纸
but they do cause cancer.
但绝对会致癌
Ooh, let me guess: the Grim Reaper?
我猜猜 是死神来敲门吗
No, the Grim Reaper comes on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
错 死神都是周二跟周四晚来
Hey, girls.
姑娘们
And Randy. Oh.
还有兰迪迪
Someone's been taking his handsome pills.
某人一直有在吃帅气药呢
Well, they make them in chewable now.
他们现在有做咀嚼片版本
Makes it a lot easier.
比以前容易吃下去
Oh, Randy's here?
兰迪来啦
Hey, hey, hey, bro.
你好呀 兄弟
We should hang upstairs later.
我们等会应该一起在楼上玩
We can eat pizza and watch dirty movies.
我们可以一起吃披萨然后看三♥级♥片
It's not delivery; it's diporno.
不是外送加急 是变态加三级
That's a hard no.
确定一定以及肯定拒绝
Girls, we need to store some stuff in your place.
姑娘们 我们有些东西想暂放你们家
Oleg and I are baby-proofing our apartment.
我跟奥列格要在公寓装婴儿保护措施
My mom baby-proofed our house for me.
我妈也为了我装了家庭婴儿保护措施
She put a club on the steering wheel.
在我们住的车上的方向盘加了方向盘锁
So in this duffle bag, I have--
在这个行李袋里 我放了...
He's opening it!
他要打开了
Randy, close your eyes!
兰迪 快闭上你的眼睛
Relax.
放轻松
It's just swords
只是剑
and sex toys.
跟性♥爱玩具罢了
Oh, I think one of them's both.
其中一个好像两者兼是啊
Are you referring to sex-calibur?
你是在说我们的亚射王石中出剑吗
Oh, I love this one.
我好爱这一把
This is the sword we used
这把剑是我们用来演
when we were playing Bonan the Barbarian.
"屌♥王柯南"时所用的道具
《蛮王柯南》是2011年的电影
And you know what?
而且你知道吗
It's good to give to the less sexually fortunate.
把它们送给那些不那么"性运"的人 挺好的
Yeah.
是的
The sex toys are for you, Caroline.
这些性♥爱玩具就是给你的 卡洛琳
I'm good, I had a massage.
我不缺 我刚享受完"按♥摩"
What are you doing?
你在干嘛
This is how all the great ninjas eat their bagels.
厉害的忍者们都是这么吃贝果的
Where's Randy?
兰迪呢
Did he go back to the land of not-expired milk,
他回去没过期牛奶
and not-expired honey?
与没过期蜂蜜之地了吗
No, he's stronger than I thought.
没 他比我想象中还坚强
Much like that little person I arm wrestled at
Chelsea Piers.
跟我在运动娱乐场里掰手腕的侏儒差不多强
I love it here.
我很爱这里
I just took the grayest shower of my life.
我刚洗了灰常棒的澡
Did you just say "grayest" or "greatest"?
你刚才是说"灰"常还是"非"常
No, I said gray.
我说的是"灰"
I was being kind.
我不想说得太毒
It was brown.
其实是大便色
All right, well, come on, your sword bagel is ready.
来吧 剑砍贝果准备好了
God, I do miss having sex.
天啊 我还真的好想念做♥爱
Also, what is the deal with--
对了 那是怎么回....
Oh! God! Oh!
我♥操
Ugh, I just stepped on something painful.
我踩到了让人很痛的东西
Really painful!
超级痛
Is there a nail sticking up through the floor?
地板上是有突出的钉子之类的吗
Oh no, he stepped on Nail Patrick Harris!
惨了 他踩到钉子·帕特里克·哈里斯
美国知名同性恋男演员 名字中的尼尔与钉子拼法近似 已入行多年
Oh, I forgot to warn you about that stupid nail.
我忘了警告你有钉子了
It's been there forever. I just know to avoid it by now.
在那里很久了 我都习♥惯自动避开了
Everyone does; that's why we named it
大家都是啊 所以我们才叫他
"Nail Patrick Harris."
"钉子"·帕特里克·哈里斯
Are you okay?
你没事吧
You look like you're in a lot of pain.
你看起来好像很痛啊
Do you want to roll the dice
你想碰碰运气
with one of the pills in the couch?
吃一颗从沙发里挖出来的随机药丸吗
I'm fine. It's not that bad.
我没事 没这么严重啦
Okay, well lift up your foot. Let me see.
把你的脚举起来 我看看伤口
Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God!
天啊 天啊 天啊
Randy?
兰迪
This is bad.
这严重了吧
I think we have to take you to Hapitalito.
我们得带你去医淤安院看看
Well, I must be losing consciousness.
我一定是要失去意识了
That sounded like gibberish.
你的话我听起来像胡言乱语
No, you heard me right, I said Hapitalito.
没 你没听错 真的就是医淤安院
That's our healthcare provider.
那是我们的医疗保险提供者
It's a guy with a shopping cart filled with Band-Aids,
是一个推着一推车邦迪的人
and most of them aren't used.
而且里面大部分都是没用过的好货呢
Max, I have insurance.
麦克斯 我有医保
Well, I don't think he takes insurance,
我觉得他那边不接受医疗保险
but if you have old TCBY cards,
如果你有旧的冻酸奶店的卡
five is good for "Uno surgeria."
五张可以换"一次手术"呢
Well, maybe it stopped.
可能止血了
I'm Carrie! I'm Carrie at the prom!
我是嘉丽 被泼了猪血的嘉丽
电影与小说《魔女嘉丽》中 杀人魔女主角在舞会上被人泼了一桶猪血
Caroline, come on, we have to go.
卡洛琳 好啦 我们得去医院了
I'm already covered in blood. Just leave me to die.
我已经浑身是血了 就让我自己死去吧
Oh, calm down!
冷静点好吗
If this had happened with any of my regular type of guys,
如果是我平常约会的那个等级的男人
you'd be halfway to Hep C right now.
你现在已经差不多得丙肝了
Help! Help!
救人啊 救人啦
My apartment tried to kill my boyfriend!
我的公寓想谋杀我男朋友
He's gonna die!
他要死了
I'm not gonna die, Max.
我不会死的 麦克斯
Although, this CVS bag you tied around my foot
不过我被你用药房塑料袋绑住的脚
has completely cut off the circulation.
勒太近完全影响我的血液循环
And the ten-foot receipt's caught in the wound.
而且袋子里那3米长的收据要跑进伤口了
My boyfriend needs medical attention.
我的男朋友需要接受治疗
Oh, really?
是咩
I thought he was here for a sensible pantsuit
我还以为他来是想买一套看起来精明干练
at a reasonable price.
价钱又合理的裤装的呢
Oh, I recognize you
我认得你
from the last time we were in here.
我们上次来这里时你也在[第1季第16集]
I wasn't attracted to you then,
我当时就不被你外表所吸引
but I see you've added balding and a beard to the mix.
你这一次还加入了秃顶跟大胡子呢
Ha, ha, I remember you too.
呵呵 我也记得你呢
The devil wears Target.
穿着超市货的恶魔
We need a good doctor,
我们需要好医生
so he better not be from America.
所以最好不是来自美洲的医生
'Cause he has insurance.
他可是有医疗保险的人
Show him the card, Randy.
兰迪 把医保卡给他看
Could I touch it?
我能摸一下吗
Oh, good for you, a PPO.
不错啊 医疗保险是好的那种呢
You know, I cleaned up some PPO right there.
就那块 我也清理过"屎"好的那种
Come on, this is serious!
别闹了 这很严重
He might have "Tetris"!
他可能会感染"俄方块"呢
她想说的应该是破伤风tetanus
He's got the beloved Russian puzzle game?
他得了受人喜爱的俄罗斯方块游戏吗
Are you sure he doesn't have a case of the
你确定他染上的不是
Super Mario Brothers?
超级马里奥兄弟吗
Well, there's a lot of people ahead of you,
前面还排有很多人呢
so why don't you take your boyfriend's boo boo
麻烦你带着你男人与他的小伤伤
and sit down?
去那边坐下
Fine.

But he better not die, 'cause if he does,
但他最好没死 因为要是他死了
I'm gonna take those buttons
我要把你的那些别章
and pin them to your sack.
统统别到你蛋蛋上
Promise?
不许反悔哦
Damn it!

I guess we're gonna be here forever.
我们估计要在这等一辈子了
The exact amount of time Caroline's shower took.
就跟等卡洛琳洗澡的时间一样长
Oh, so it's my fault your boyfriend
所以你男人像演血腥片
Freddy Krueger-ed all over me?
喷了我一身血 也怨我吗
Caroline, I am so sorry.
卡洛琳 真的很抱歉
That's okay, Randy.
没关系 兰迪
You can make it up to me.
你可以补偿我
Right now!
就现在吧
I just so happen to have our liquor license
application,
我刚好拿着酒水供应许可证的申请表
if you want to take a look-see.
你要不要帮忙看一下
Do you also want to be pinned to that albino's sack,
Caroline?
你要不要也别在那个白化猪的蛋蛋上啊 卡洛琳
Okay, coming through.
伤者要来了
Okay, let me clear a path.
我先帮你清出一条道
Now I know how my grandma Dorothy felt.
现在我知道我桃乐茜奶奶是什么感觉了
Oh, good, you're back.
太好了 你回来了
Randy, are you okay?
兰迪 你还好吗
Oh, I'm fine.
还好
Did some shopping after you left the ER.
你离开急诊室后 我买了点东西
Like my new bag?
喜欢我的新袋子吗
If you need a clutch to match,
如果你需要手拿包来搭配
I have something similar in Ziploc.
我有款式类似的塑料密封袋哟
Because the nail was rusted
因为那颗钉子生锈了
and the open wound touched our floor,
他的伤口又碰到我们的地板
they gave Randy an IV of antibiotics.
医院给兰迪开了抗生素点滴
And not even a whisper of Vicodin for old Maxie.
却连一片止痛药都不给姐们儿
Well, Max, one of us has to go to work
麦克斯 我们总得有一个人去工作
and pretend both of us are there.
然后假装两个人都在那
Well, it's gonna have to be you.
那肯定是你去啦
I can't leave Randy here.
我不能把兰迪扔在这里
It's like a haunted house, but the dangers are real.
这里像闹鬼的屋子 危险可是真实存在的啊
Max, you're going to work.
麦克斯 你去工作吧
I'll be fine here.
我自己在这没事
I had a time-share with Sean Penn.
我曾跟西恩·潘分时使用过同一套度假屋
好莱坞尽人皆知的暴力分子 媒体曾爆出麦当娜因遭其家暴而离♥婚
I'm not going anywhere.
我哪儿也不去
It's my fault you got nailed in my apartment,
是我不好 害你在我家被"搞"成这样
and I'm staying here to protect you.
我要留在这里保护你
You're going to work.
你得去工作
I'll be okay.
我一个人没事
But you're very cute when you're worried.
你担心的样子真的好可爱
Like when you thought the hotel didn't get Cartoon Network.
就像你以为酒店没有卡通台那时一样
All right, fine.
好吧 我去
But call me if you need me to come back.
但如果你要我回来 一定打给我哦
I'll tell Han I'm working the rest of my shift from home.
我会跟阿憨说 我在家上班
Oh, my God!
天啊
I just remembered I didn't tell Randy
我刚想起我没告诉兰迪
about the pothole in my bedroom.
我房间有个坑
Max, relax.
麦克斯 别紧张
I haven't seen you this anxious
我好久没看你这么紧张了
since the Dominos pizza tracker went down.
上次是因为你看不了外送披萨的进度
Look, woman!
听着 妹子
Randy came to New York to see if our relationship could work,
兰迪来纽约是为了看看我们有没有戏
but we never should have left that hotel.
但我们压根不该离开酒店
It's like when you go to Vegas and wander off the Strip
就像当你去赌城 离开繁华的长街
and wind up in a residential neighborhood.
最终来到了居民区一样
You can't come back from that.
你绝对缓不过劲来
It's how I wound up living two years in someone's shed.
结果我就这样在某人的棚子里住了两年
I suppose the motivational newsletter
看来我早上发的激励内刊
I sent out this morning didn't do any good.
没有起到任何作用
I don't even know why I bother publishing
我甚至不知道我♥干嘛费劲出版
What's Going Han?
《餐厅小事我"憨"你》
I like the comic strip about the fat squirrel.
我喜欢那只胖松鼠的连环漫画
That picture was me!
那画上的是我
It can't be you; he had nuts.
不可能是你 人家有松果[蛋蛋]
And that lady at table four ordered
四号桌的女士点餐好久了
before she started knitting that sweater she's now wearing.
她连上衣都织好穿上了 你们还没上菜
Oh, good, it's Randy.
太好了 是兰迪
Hey, I forgot to tell you,
我忘了告诉你了
you can't drink the tap water within five minutes
冲完马桶五分钟内
after flushing the toilet.
不能喝自来水
Well, can you make yourself throw up?
你能自己催吐吗
Pickup: breakfast burrito.
上菜 早餐玉米饼卷
Randy called our landlord
兰迪打给我们的房东
to complain about Nail Patrick Harris!
投诉钉子·帕特里克·哈里斯
I'd rather see him host something than Ricky Gervais.
我宁愿看他主持 也不愿看瑞奇·热维斯主持
以毒舌闻名的英国谐星 曾四度主持金球奖
We get it: you're mean, you fat bastard.
我们知道 你最毒舌啦 你个死胖子
Randy called the landlord?
兰迪居然打给房东了
But we're illegal subletters!
但我们是非法转租客
We're squatters there!
我们是非法占用者
And over most toilets.
对于大部分厕所也是
Come on, Caroline, we have to get to the apartment
走吧 卡洛琳 我们得赶在房东到之前
before the landlord does.
回到公寓
You're leaving?
你们要走了吗
The tollbooth operator who won Powerball
中了大乐透的那个公路收费员
stayed at their job longer.
在岗位上坚持的时间比你们更久
Randy, we got to go!
兰迪 我们得赶紧跑路
I'll start packing! You saddle up Chestnut.
我来打包东西 你给栗宝装上马鞍
Yeah, I know the drill: one pair of shoes,
好的 我懂规矩 一双鞋
something you can carry on your back,
一些你可以背着的东西
and a sun hat for Guatemala--
一顶遮阳帽 以防危地马拉的...
I mean, wherever we're headed.
我是说 无论去哪里啦
Randy, you better drink up the rest of the that IV fluid,
兰迪 你最好把剩下这点点滴喝掉
'cause carrying that around is just gonna slow us down.
因为拖着那玩意跑路 会跑不快
Max, what in the hell is going on?
麦克斯 你这是干什么
Why are you freaking out?
干嘛一惊一乍的
I called the landlord about a nail,
我打给房东投诉钉子
not the FBI about your passport...
又不是打给联邦调查局举报你的护照
Frank Delaport.
弗兰克·德莱波特
Randy, we're not on the lease to this apartment.
兰迪 我们的名字不在这房子的租约上
Okay, I'm ready.
好了 我准备好了
I just need ten minutes to saddle up Chestnut.
我需要十分钟 来给栗宝装上马鞍
It'll give me time to practice my accent.
正好用这时间练练我的口音
We're totally screwed now.
真是被你搞死了
Thanks a lot.
多谢"帮忙"啊
This is why we should have stayed in the hotel.
所以我们应该待在酒店
You could have screwed me there and I would have loved it.
你可以在那里"搞死"我 我一定超享受
Max, I just didn't want you
麦克斯 我只是不想让你
to live with a nail sticking out of your floor,
生活在地板上突出一根钉子的环境
and I knew you wouldn't fix it yourself.
我也知道你自己不会去处理
What is that supposed to mean?
这话是什么意思
It's like you don't realize
就像你没有意识到
you don't have to live like this.
你根本不用活成这样
Oh, great.
太好了
It's like I'm in a relationship
感觉就像跟我高中的
with my high school guidance counselor.
辅导员在谈恋爱
Again.
历史重演
You know, your life can be a whole lot better
你的人生可以比你想象中
than you think it can be.
好一百倍
Why don't you just hammer the nail in?
你何不直接用锤子把钉子敲进去
Because we are used to it.
因为我们习♥惯了
We just ignore it, like the rain in my bedroom.
无视它就好了啊 就像我房间漏雨一样
I knew my apartment would be too real for you,
我就知道我的公寓对你来说太真实
and now it's not even gonna be my apartment.
而现在这甚至不再是我的公寓了
All right, Max.
好了 麦克斯
I put the double saddle on Chestnut,
我把双马鞍装上了
filled the satchel with trail mix.
小背包里装满了什锦干果
That should get us to the George Washington Bridge.
那应该够咱们撑到华盛顿大桥了
Nobody has to go anywhere.
你们谁都不用跑路
Not even your friend, the giant pinata.
那个巨型皮纳塔也不用跑
一种纸糊的驴形或马形容器 里面装满糖果玩具 在派对上让人打爆取乐
- Let me deal with this. - But...
-我来跟他说 -但是...
we've never met this guy!
我们从未见过房东
All we know about him
我们只知道
is that even the guy in 2A is afraid of him,
就连住在2A那家伙都怕他
and he was married to Kirstie Alley.
那家伙可是柯斯迪·艾黎的前夫呢
美国女演员 是科学神教的信众 她旗下的减肥产品也曾因不实广告而被起诉
I can handle myself.
我能应付得了
Hand me my fluids.
把我的点滴递给我
That sounded not manly.
听上去真不爷们啊
Hey, sport, thanks for coming.
老兄 谢谢你赶过来
He can't talk his way out of this.
他肯定谈不拢
He's wasting his time.
简直是浪费时间
He might as well be trying to teach shapes to
Kendall Jenner.
他还不如试着去教肯达尔·詹娜认图形
新晋超模 来自全美著名的金·卡戴珊名媛家
族\N智商见仁见智
No, no, you listen!
不不 你听我说
Well, Randy's dead.
得 兰迪挂掉了
No matter how many boyfriends I bury,
不管我埋葬过多少男友
it's never easy.
心还是很难过啊
I can't believe we're getting kicked out like this.
真不敢相信我们要被这样扫地出门
In my fantasy, I bought the building
我曾幻想有一天 我买下这栋楼
and opened a sadness museum.
然后开一家悲剧博物馆
Okay, that's it.
好了 说完了
Took care of the landlord.
我把房东解决了
You killed him?
你杀了他吗
I'll call Oleg; we'll get his friend's truck
我打给奥列格 借他朋友的皮卡
and take it from here.
剩下的事咱们办
Okay, first, I believe that you have
首先我相信你们做过
and would cover up a murder.
也有能力掩盖一桩谋杀
But nobody's dead.
但没人死亡
I just explained to him the situation,
我只是跟他解释了一下情况
and you're not getting kicked out.
你们不会被赶走
All right, which one of us has to marry him?
好吧 我们谁得委身于他
I'll go get my wedding sweatpants.
我去拿我的婚礼运动裤
I just explained to him that I'm a lawyer
我告诉他我是个律师
who sustained an injury on his property.
在他的房子里受伤了
Then I mentioned the faulty wiring, the gas leak,
然后我还提了电线乱接 煤气漏气
the various wildlife living here,
各种野生动物在这安家
and, oh-- that I'm a lawyer.
最后又说了一遍 爷可是律师
The word "lawyer" makes people crap their pants.
"律师"这个词能直接把人吓"屎"
It's like the juice cleanse of professions.
就像法学排毒果汁 让你屎了又屎
And that is why you get the next two months rent-free,
于是他免了你们俩下两个月的房租
and you are now officially on the lease.
而且把你们的名字正式加进租约
We're on the lease?
我们成了租客
We're legit?
我们是合法的了
I have never been legit.
我这辈子从未合法过
According to my birth certificate,
根据我的出生证明
I'm actually a Cabbage Patch doll.
我其实是一个卷心菜娃娃
Thank you so much, Randy.
非常感谢 兰迪
I'm gonna go tell Chestnut the good news.
我要跟栗宝分享这个好消息
Chestnut!
栗宝
How about that?
怎么样
Your new name doesn't have to be Pablo.
你不用把名字改成巴勃罗了
Thank you.
谢谢
I don't know what she would have done.
我不知道她会怎么样
She is not made for the streets.
她在外面可活不了
She's not even made for polyester.
她甚至穿不了聚酯纤维的衣服
This is awkward.
好尴尬
Just trying to get a horse out of a tiny doorway.
我在努力把一匹马弄出一扇小门
All right, up.
好了 起来吧
I have to get back to the hotel.
我得回酒店了
Have you seen my protective bootie?
你看见我的防护短靴了吗
Wait, why are you taking your booties back to the hotel?
慢着 你为什么要穿短靴回酒店
Well, you're obviously not comfortable with me being here.
显然我待在这里让你不舒服了
No one's comfortable being here.
谁待在这里都不舒服啊
It's here.
这里可是个鬼地方啊
Look, Max.
听着 麦克斯
I wanted to stay here
之前我想来这里
because I wanted to see how you live.
是因为我想看看你的生活环境
Now I know you live on an Indian food burial ground.
现在我知道你生活在一个专门倒印度剩菜的地方
You know what? You're right.
好吧 你说得对
My life can be better.
我可以生活得更好
We don't have hammer money yet, so...
我们还没有买锤子的钱 所以
You know what time it is?
你知道现在什么时间吗
It's hammer time!
锤子[行动]时间
Well, that's the end of Nail Patrick Harris.
永别了 钉子·帕特里克·哈里斯
Are you kidding?
开什么玩笑
With charisma like that, he's not going anywhere.
他的魅力如此独特 肯定跑不了
I think we just got through our first fight.
我们顺利度过了我们第一次争吵
And only one of us had to go to the hospital,
我们俩只有一人进了医院
so I think that's pretty good.
所以我觉得算是相当不错了
I think that is pretty good.
我也觉得相当不错
You know what else I think?
你知道我还觉得什么吗
I love you.
我爱你
I love you too.
我也爱你
That is so sweet.
真甜蜜
I'll give you two some privacy.
我给你俩留点私人空间
I'll be in my room.
我去我房间待着
Caroline...
卡洛琳
Even as a mime, you're still hot.
就算跟她一起耍白♥痴 你还是爆帅
While you were at work, I filled out your application
你上班的时候 我帮你把酒水许可证的
for the liquor license.
申请表填了
Randy, I love you too.
兰迪 我也爱你
Sorry, the walls are thin, and I was listening.
抱歉 隔墙有耳 我在偷听
Hey, girls.
姑娘们
And Randy. Oh...
兰迪迪
I'm gonna need my duffle bag back.
我来拿回我的行李袋
I hate to be an Uzbeki-giver,
我也不想送人了还拿回来
but I really miss my vibrating pearl.
但我真的很想念我的"电动"珍珠
Are these supposed to be doing other things?
这些珍珠难道还有别的用途吗
Oh, no, does this mean you want your swords back?
别啊 那你也要把"刀"拿回去吗
'Cause I was gonna butter some toast later.
我打算晚点用来给面包抹黄油呢
I'm sorry, Caroline.
抱歉 卡洛琳
We really missed our sex toys.
我们真的很想念我们的性♥爱玩具
It's not as exciting when I just put double-A batteries in Oleg.
当我把电池塞进奥列格时 完全不够来劲儿
That's weird.
真是奇了怪了
Sophie's the one with sex toys, I'm the one with the
boyfriend,
苏菲有性♥爱玩具 我有男朋友
and Caroline's the one who's wet.
而"湿嗒嗒"的却是卡洛琳


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