Here's your grilled cheese.
And can you just move your coloring materials, sir?
I was born during the Great Depression,
and I never saw anything as depressing
as that grown-ass white boy
coloring in the damn coloring book.
I was born during a Def Leppard concert...
And that is the most depressing thing I've ever seen.
I'm gonna go school him.
Or, in his case, pre-school him.
Max, be gentle.
I think he's in the middle of his terrible 32s.
Excuse me, OshKosh B'gosh.
I have a question about your coloring book.
Oh, they're for adults.
Helps with stress.
You know what else helps with stress?
And even if someone could get past
those boner-killing overalls...
you ain't gonna have any of that if you keep this up.
Not to mention, how stressful can your life really be
if you are carefully shading a unicorn's ass
3:00 P.M. on a Tuesday?
Pickup. Veggie wrap.
Oh, my God, he's having sex.
Oh, Caroline, don't be such a prude.
Oh, good, it's Sophie.
I was worried he was at that bagel again.
Who says that a pregnant woman can't have sex
on the kitchen floor of a diner?
The Health Department, Sophie.
Oh boy, sex makes me thirsty.
She just blew right past those cups.
Sophie, having sex with you pregnant
is even hotter than having sex when you had the bird flu.
Yeah, well, you know, I'm just as sweaty,
but I sneeze less.
Sophie, you're really not letting
this pregnancy slow you down.
You've already had more sex just today
than Caroline's had all year.
You're not even in maternity clothes.
Well, I don't need to wear one of those frumpy potato sacks.
Yeah, because I'm a hot potato!
Earl, what are you looking at?
I have no idea.
All right, Max...
It's time to have that uncomfortable conversation again.
Okay, but I thought you said it was a hard no
on having sex in front of the today Show window?
Oh, come on.
My month here is almost up.
I have to get back to L.A., and we need a plan.
We have a plan.
I use the NuvaRing I found at the Burlington Coat Factory.
They really are more than great coats.
Max, let's get real.
Max doesn't like to talk about reality
unless it's reality TV.
Like the Cops New Orleans episode she was on.
It's the only time Fox has ever aired a nipple.
Uh, who ordered the Korean boy band?
Uh, can I help you?
I'm looking for Han Lee.
'Bout yay big.
'Bout yay stupid.
You're looking for Han?
Just Han, or are you trying to collect the whole set?
You kind of look like this Korean pop star named Bong.
Well, my bong is from Korea.
Uh, Han is not here.
Well, if you see him,
just tell him Hwang came to say,
if he doesn't call me back, he's got three strikes
and no balls.
Oh, he knows that.
Oh, my God, do you think Han may be in some sort
I'm really worried.
Oh, J. Crew sale!
So, after we pay the painters, the electrician, the plumber,
等我们付完刷墙工 电工 管道工的钱
and, of course, the bribes to the inspectors,
we have just enough money left for what I like to call
a little "cash cush."
If that's cash we use for kush, I'm excited about it.
We can't spend that money, so pretend it's not there,
like you do with recycling bins.
The rats are using our tarp as their Superdome again!
I'll get the rat mallet!
No, don't get the rat mallet!
It's a talking one, get the gun.
Well, if it isn't Crouching Loser, Hidden Virgin.
Girls, I'm in a bit of hot water.
What happened, you fell into a tea cup again?
No, I'm in deep trouble!
You've never been in deep anything.
Well, wait, is that why those scary-looking guys
came into the diner looking for you
and made some threats?
I remember something about a strike and no balls.
Something about no balls?
You monsters didn't get the precise wording
on a threat to my life?
I was a little distracted, Han.
J. Crew claimed to have a 50% off sale,
but then I clicked on the link, and it was an "Up to" 50% sale.
Mostly on men's suiting.
Oh, do send me the link
so I can select the suit I'll be buried in!
Because you two can't take a damn message!
All right, Han, what is going on?
好了 阿憨 到底怎么回事
Are you really in trouble?
What was that?
Help me, strong, big man!
That wasn't gunshots, Han,
it was just a car backfiring.
What's going on?
Well, there's no easy way to say it.
I have a pretty substantial gambling problem.
But Han, that's almost interesting.
Yeah, and I'm almost history!
In case you weren't following,
I'm in a lot of debt!
Han, my man, I'm here for you.
Tell us what it is.
Poker, ponies, football?
I didn't even know you played tennis.
Yeah, well, it's a vicious sport.
And I lost most of my money on those Williams sisters.
Never trust a big butt and a smile.
You're telling me!
I thought the bad one was the good one.
How much do you owe these people?
Well, with the initial debt and the interest.
I'm told it's in the neighborhood
of a black market kidney.
Those are pretty pricey.
I know, I have two of them.
Han, that's fascinating,
Like when you use a black light at a Red Roof Inn.
You're like an enigma.
Han, how dangerous can Hwang be?
His office is in a karaoke bar.
The only thing he's gonna murder
is the Hall and Oates catalogue.
Han, you have to face this bully.
And this is coming from your biggest bully.
Now come on, do what I say, or I'll beat you up.
听话 按我说的做 不然就揍你
Here we go.
Oh, I just remembered... I need to get my sweater.
From my home.
♪ Hey I just met you ♪
♪ 这是我们初次见面 ♪
Call me maybe - Carley Rae Japsen
♪ And this is crazy ♪
♪ 我也知道这样很疯狂 ♪
♪ So here's my number ♪
♪ 但这是我的电话号码 ♪
♪ so call me maybe ♪
♪ 有机会要打给我哦 ♪
♪ And all the other girls ♪
♪ 而其他的小妞们呢 ♪
♪ Try to chase me ♪
♪ 也都想倒追我 ♪
♪ But here's my number ♪
♪ 但这是我的电话号码 ♪
♪ So call me maybe ♪
♪ 有机会要打给我哦 ♪
He looks busy.
Let's revisit this in September.
Oh, I see we have company.
Come in, sit down, give me my money.
进来 坐下 把我的钱交出来
Look, Mr. Hwang.
We understand Han has a weakness for pleated white skirts
and over-developed thighs.
Slow down, let me handle this.
I have experience with hardened criminals.
First off, killer Carly Rae Jeps.
Um, do you mind if a sister does, like, five shots?
Look, Mr. Hwang.
Call me by my first name: Hwang.
Your names is Hwang Hwang?
Oh, you think that's funny?
So did Kim.
Kim, show them your mangled genitals.
We're all set, mangled genitals-wise.
Speak for yourself, I'd take a peek at them mangled gennies.
Uh, perhaps we could put an installment plan in place
for the money Han owes you?
How much is it, exactly?
On ladies tennis?
I'm sure we can figure this out.
Yeah, I have a free pass to any AMC Theatre.
I should warn you, though, it does exclude the IMAX.
Keep it, Han.
I've decided to give you a little time to pay me back.
That is so cool of you.
How much time?
Uh, one song.
You better make it a toe-tapper.
'Cause when you're done,
you'll have one less toe to tap.
You're not really gonna take off his toes.
Kim, show him your missing toes.
Come on, Han, it's show time.
来吧 阿憨 你的表演时间到了
I mean, "toe time."
Oh, my God, this is like when they make people sing
on American Idol after they've been voted off.
Hwang, what are you gonna do with another toe?
I mean, you think you need another one,
and then they just sit on the shelf.
If I don't take his toes, then I'm known as the guy
who says he's gonna take toes and then doesn't take toes.
Uh, can I peruse a song book?
It might take a while, I'm very picky.
I already picked you a song.
"Last Dance" By Donna Summer.
'Cause when that toe is gone,
it'll be the last time you dance.
♪ Last dance ♪
♪ 最后一支舞 ♪
♪ Last chance for love ♪
♪ 爱情最后一支舞 ♪
♪ Yes it's my last chance ♪
♪ 是的 这是我最后的机会 ♪
♪ For romance ♪
♪ 为了今夜的 ♪
♪ tonight ♪
♪ 浪漫 ♪
♪ I need you ♪
♪ 我需要你 ♪
♪ by me ♪
♪ 在我身边 ♪
♪ beside me ♪
♪ 在我身旁 ♪
♪ to guide me ♪
♪ 指引我 ♪
What are we gonna do?
You heard Han.
He needs us by him, beside him, to guide him!
他需要我们在他身边 在他身旁 指引他
Should we go and get the cops?
No, by the time they get back,
Han will have one less toe,
if Hwang even stops there.
What if he takes his whole foot?
Han needs all the height he can get.
Didn't you say something about us having a money cushion?
We can't use the cushion.
We need it for the dessert bar in case we have a slow start.
Like we have had with every business we've started before.
You sure? 'Cause...
♪ Don't leave ♪
♪ 求别走 ♪
♪ scold me ♪
♪ 求骂我 ♪
♪ 'cause when I'm bad ♪
♪ 因为我很坏 ♪
♪ I'm so so bad ♪
♪ 我真的好坏 ♪
Leaning towards helping.
Han is annoying, nerdy, bad at sports,
but he gave us a cushion when we didn't have anything.
Max, I want to help Han,
but I also don't want us to wind up with nothing.
Let me see him one more time.
♪ So let's dance ♪
♪ 来跳舞吧 ♪
♪ let's dance ♪
♪ 跳起来 ♪
♪ let's dance ♪
♪ 让我们来 ♪
♪ the last dance ♪
♪ 跳最后一支舞 ♪
Can I start over?
I had a bubble in my throat.
Chestnut, we have big news.
And something called mochi.
I let myself in.
Chestnut can talk?
Thank you, God!
What's up, good looking?
I still can't believe
you're dating someone who looks like that,
and can read.
Randy, you will not believe what we did.
We saved Han's life.
Well, not his life, so much as his toe,
but still an amazing gesture on our part.
Long story about a short guy,
we bought the diner.
I had to get something out of it.
I mean, I'm not Mother Teresa.
You bought the diner?
The diner that doesn't show up on Google Maps
for legal reasons?
Why would you do that?
Well, not bought, exactly.
We got Han out of debt in exchange for part ownership.
It's like, we spend five years trying to get out of hell,
we bought hell!
Yeah, no, real crazy.
When I think of impulse buys, I think of Altoids
or a flashlight keychain.
Well, I guess congratulations.
Wait, what is that look on your face?
I've never seen it before.
Are you mad?
Just surprised you didn't think
to talk to me about it first.
What, every time I buy a diner, I have to tell you?
I go back to L.A. in three days.
You couldn't make a plan for that,
but you bought the diner?
That's a commitment.
Now it's done.
I should go tell Chestnut what we did.
'Cause he is gonna laugh.
I know what'll make this all okay.
Some jug snugs?
Yours, not mine.
Well, if we're not gonna do it,
at least put on a shirt.
I am human.
You really think you're gonna have time for us?
Starting a new business and owning the diner?
I had four jobs in sixth grade,
and I still had time to follow smash Mouth around the country.
Not the band, a meth head my mom really liked.
Chestnut had a big reaction to the news, as well.
Where's the poop shovel?
Hey, boss ladies, congratulations!
I heard that you own the diner now.
Which is why I am doing double doobies.
Part! Part owners!
I'm still the boss.
Put that away!
Who's the boss, Tiny Danza?
《谁才是老板》又名《妙管家》 80年代喜剧 男主角名叫" 托尼·丹扎"
Well, I will be again, as soon as I scrape up
the money to pay you back.
But don't worry, from now on,
I'm not gambling on anything
but lunch at Chipotle.
Sophie's back and better than ever!
Like racism in America.
I heard that.
Wow, Sophie, that is some dress.
And there must be one very cold leopard out there.
Oh, I like your style, baby.
I don't need to wear those basic bitch maternity clothes.
I can be maternal without losing that little whisper
that says, "I'm doable."
Yes, you are.
She also made a maternity item for the bedroom.
It's called "The Preglige."
Meet me in the bathroom.
Hey, Earl, I'm heading out.
I guess we'll never get to do that Lethal Weapon reboot
之前说好的重演《致命武器》 警♥匪片 主角是一个白人一个黑人
we talked about.
That's all right, I'm doing a Rush Hour reboot with Han.
没关系 我找阿憨重演《尖峰时刻》好了 警♥匪片 主角是一个亚洲人和一个黑人
What're you doing with that luggage?
Did I get you kicked out of another hotel?
No, I changed my ticket.
Going back to L.A. today.
But that's today.
And that is a ticket to Los Angeles.
Use it whenever you want and I'll be there.
This is empty.
Yeah, everything's done online now.
I just did that for effect.
You'll get an email.
Good luck with your dessert bar and the diner.
I'm gonna see you.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Why are you being so good-bye-y?
I'm gonna visit as soon as things get settled here.
And we'll talk every day.
I'm even better at phone sex than I am at real sex.
I find that hard to believe.
It's the only thing on my resume that's not a lie.
I'll figure it out. We'll make a plan.
I know you think that.
But I think I was right the first time.
Long-distance relationships don't work.
And I think the real distance between us
is where we are in our lives.
I'm three inches away from you.
You better get back to your diner.
I love you, Max.
I love you, too.
Okay, that felt really good-bye-y.
I'm okay, Earl.
This is for me.
I know this is really hard,
but you don't know where this all is gonna end up.
Like you, when you ride the subway on ecstasy.
Are you okay?
I am the opposite of okay.
You know, as the boss, I could let you take a break.
I mean, ten minutes, tops.
If I give you more than ten minutes,
then I'll be known as the girl who says
she's gonna give ten minutes, then doesn't give ten minutes.
I need to talk to the owner.
Oh, that was really painful.
And probably worse than losing a toe.