破产姐妹  第六季 第十三集

2 Broke Girls S06E13

2019年8月15日 06:16 推荐到豆瓣

做临时演员得知兰迪心声


Previously on Broke Girls...
《打工姐妹花》前情提要
Oh, no, Max! My wallet! It's gone.
惨了 麦克斯 我的钱包丢了
All of our cash and our credit cards were in there.
我们所有的现金跟信用卡都在里面呢
I need to get to Texas to see my boyfriend.
我真的得去德州见我男朋友
There has got to be a way we can work something out.
肯定有办法能解决
We'll do anything.
我们什么都愿意做
Just another lonely night here in Texas...
又是一个在德州的孤独夜
with all my new best friends!
跟我的一帮新朋友共度
I'm driving to Texas if y'all want a ride.
我正好开车去德州 你们想搭顺风车吗
Shotgun! I'm sitting next to RuPaul.
我要坐前排 我要坐鲁保罗旁边
No. I'm sitting next to RuPaul!
不 我要坐鲁保罗旁边
All right.
好啦
So, this is where Randy and the other movie people are staying.
所以这里就是兰迪跟其他电影人住的地方
He's been here. I smell abs.
他曾在这里待过 我闻到腹肌的味道
Ugh, I smell us.
我闻到了我们的臭味
When did I have a hot dog?
我什么时候吃过了热狗啊
I shared one with you while you were sleeping. You're welcome.
我在你睡着时跟你分吃了一根 不客气
Let's ask that clerk if he's seen Randy,
问问那个柜台人员有没见过兰迪
and when the outdoor sprinklers go on so we can freshen up.
以及自动浇水机几点启动 我们好洗个澡
Hi. How can I help you?
您好 有何能为您效劳
BTdubs, if you're going for that tossled,
对了 如果你们是故意打扮成
justcrawledoutofaditch look,
刚从坑里爬出来的张牙舞爪样
you nailed it.
简直完美
I'm not gonna ask what you just crawled out of,
我就不问你是刚从哪爬出来了
because I'm too tired to be mean.
我累到没力对你毒舌
So, Richie,
所以呢 里奇
my associate and I would like to know
我与我同事想知道
what room Randy Walsh is staying in.
兰迪·沃尔什住在哪间房
And I see you have a very strict "No pets" policy.
我还注意到这里严格执行"禁带宠物"规定啊
Yes, Randy Walsh's room. Of course.
好的 兰迪·沃尔什的房号 没问题
Looks like he is in room number...
他的房间号码好像是...
what hotel clerk in the world would give out a guest's info
世界上哪有酒店柜台会泄露住客信息
to two dusty randos?
给两个脏兮兮的怪咖啊
Um, I'm more than just a dusty rando.
老娘可不只是脏兮兮的怪咖
I'm his dusty exgirlfriend.
我可是他脏兮兮的前女友
Also, well played.
另外 我服了他
He has friend potential.
他有值得当朋友的潜质
Not helpful friend.
不是能帮忙的朋友
Just "tell you what not to wear" friend.
是"会吐槽你不该穿啥"的朋友
Well, it's still early, so hopefully Randy hasn't left...
时间还早 兰迪应该还没出发...
oh, my God, free cookies!
天啊 有免♥费曲奇
And cucumber water!
还有黄瓜水
With berries!
还加了浆果
My nanny used to make me water like this
我的保姆以前也会在
before the town car would take me to preschool.
大轿车送我去读幼儿园前给我做这个
You had a town car?
你家有大轿车吗
My mom was called the town car.
我妈当年就人称城市公交车[大轿车]
She sat four comfortably.
能让四人"做"得舒舒服服
Can't believe I have to take a van to set with other people.
真不敢相信我得跟平民一起坐面包车去片场
I was in Speed.
我演过大片《生死时速》呢
You were on speed.
你还嗑药[生死时速]
And you were in rehab.
你还进过勒戒所
And then I rebuilt your career,
然后我帮你重建了事业
and now you have to take a van.
所以你现在得坐面包车
Max, look! It's Randy.
麦克斯 看 是兰迪
And that guy from the reverse mortgage commercials.
还有那个反向抵押贷款广告的人
Ugh! Oh, God!
天啊
He can't see me all gross like this.
不能让他看到如此肮脏的我
I thought your grossness is
我还以为你的肮脏
one of the things he likes about you.
正是他喜欢你的点之一
Mm, it's complicated. He likes me to start out clean.
情况有点复杂 他喜欢的是把我从干净变脏
I am getting really good
我越来越熟悉
at bathing in public restrooms.
在公共厕所洗澡的这门技术了
And I want it to end!
我希望这种日子赶紧到头
Well, your hobo skills are not complete.
你的流浪汉技能还没出师
You need to practice peeing in an alley.
你还得多练习在巷子里撒尿的技术
You're still splashing on your shoes.
你到现在都还会溅到鞋子上
Now come on. Let's go find Randy.
走吧 我们去找兰迪
Fine. Let's go ask that concierge
去问问那个柜台小哥
if he knows where it is.
知不知道他去哪里
Hey, remember us?
还记得我们吗
The dust bunnies from before?
之前的两坨行走尘土团
I know who you are.
我知道你们是谁
I've been following you two around with a wet vac.
我一直拿着蒸汽吸尘器在你们后面清理呢
Bit of an attitude from someone who's got
你态度有点不太好啊
two giant horns coming out of his head.
你自己还是个头上长一对大角的人呢
You're bringing horny to a whole new level.
发骚[有角]这事被你提升到了新境界
Can you please tell us where the movie set is?
你能告诉我们电影片场在哪吗
Oh, of course. Absolutely. No problem.
当然啦 没问题 妥妥儿的
Just go out the lobby, make a left on Main, then a right
先出大堂 左转到主街 然后往右转
on There's No Way In Hell I'm Telling You That Street.
去到"下辈子都不可能告诉你在哪街"
Uh, was that a left or a right
你再说一遍是左转还是右转去
on No Way In Hell I'm Telling You That Street?
"下辈子都不可能告诉你在哪街"
Look. My friend came all the way here
听我说 我朋友大老远跑来
to surprise her boyfriend.
想给她男朋友个惊喜
How would you feel if someone stopped you
如果是你被人阻止
from seeing your boyfriend?
跟你男友见面 你会有何感受
Excuse me? Boyfriend?
不好意思 什么男朋友
I'm not gay.
我可不是基佬
This is Texas, not the Flaming Saddles Saloon
这里可是爷们的德州 不是位于
on th Avenue and nd Street in New York City.
纽约第大道与街交叉口的燃烧马鞍同志酒吧
Where you've definitely never been.
那个你绝对没去过的地方对吧
Please just leave my lobby, all right?
请你们离开我这大厅了好吗
There's enough sad wannabes around here
这里已经有够多想应征
with the extras casting...
临时演员的可悲人士了
which reminds me
说到这个
I need to get to extras casting.
我也得去临演试镜了
We don't need him, Max. I have a great idea.
我们不需要靠他 麦克斯 我有个好主意
We'll get cast as extras in Randy's movie.
我们当兰迪电影里的临演就行啦
That way you can see him,
这样你就能看到他
and audiences everywhere can see me.
而各地的观众就能看到我
Ah, Caroline, that's genius!
卡洛琳 这招太绝了
While we're waiting, I'll call Han
我们等待的期间 我得打给阿憨
to check on the dessert bar's progress.
看看我们甜品酒吧的进度如何
Wow. I have an acting career and I own a dessert bar.
我有演艺事业还拥有一家甜品酒吧
And to think just moments ago
再想想 就刚刚
I was tossing water from a sink to my privates.
我还在从洗手台泼水洗我私处呢
Can you call it a whore's bath if you never have sex?
如果你没做过爱 还能称呼那为妓♥女澡吗
Can you please tell them to keep it down?
你能请他们小点声吗
A simple "no" would've done.
你说个"不行"就够了啊
You don't have to insult my sweater!
不需要羞辱我的毛衣吧
And hello, Max.
最后 你好啊 麦克斯
There's more banging going on in there
对面施工传来的"啪啪啪"
than season one of The Affair.
比第一季的《情事》里还多
It's really ruining the fine dining ambiance in here.
真的很破坏我店里的高档用餐环境氛围
What's that, doc?
你再说一次 医生
Is it on my testicle or just near it?
是在我蛋蛋上还是在蛋蛋附近而已
Come on!
搞毛啊
And now they woke up Barbara.
他们还吵醒了芭芭拉
And I don't have the DVD of Amy Adams' last movie
而且我没带艾米·亚当斯最新的电影光盘
该美国知名女演员在年的电影有 《夜行动物》
《降临》《蝙蝠侠大战超人: 正义黎明》
to put her back to sleep.
来让芭芭拉睡着
That's the last straw. I'm going over there.
骆驼被这最后一根稻草压死 我要过去了
I can't stand the sound of a crying baby.
我受不了婴儿哭的声音
That's why I'm waiting a couple years to have my own.
所以我要再等几年才要个孩子
Hey! Oleg.
奥列格
Come on. Your daughter just got woken up with that heavy noise.
拜托 你闺女刚被对面的噪音给吵醒了
You should be going over there.
你难道不该过去处理一下吗
Uh, I'm kind of in the middle of taking
我正忙着做这个
a "Which Friends character are you?" quiz.
"你是哪个《老友记》角色"的小测试呢
Ross?
罗斯吗
Well, maybe you should be doing some more manly things
或许你该多做点爷们的事
so that when Barbara sees your picture,
这样芭芭拉看到你的照片时
she doesn't say "Mama."
才不会叫"妈妈"
She calls me Mama?
她居然叫我妈妈吗
I'm going over there.
我现在就过去
I'm not Mama. I'm Dadushki!
我才不是妈妈 我是大爹爹斯基
You're being a dadoucheski.
你应该是大傻♥逼斯基才对
James jostled Gene gently.
詹姆士 推挤 基恩 轻轻地
James jostled Gene gently.
詹姆士 推挤 基恩 轻轻地
James jostled Gene...
詹姆士 推挤 基恩...
Somebody help. I think my robot's broken.
谁来帮忙一下啊 我的机器人好像坏了
It's an acting exercise, Max.
麦克斯 这是演员的暖嘴运动
It stretches out the mouth.
有助于拉伸口部肌肉
Uh, I think all those teeth do the trick.
你的大牙就够拉伸你的嘴了吧
I just want to be prepared.
人家只是想准备充分
I mean, maybe I'm not just on this journey for you.
也许我来这趟不只是为了陪你
Maybe I'm supposed to be discovered as an actress.
或许这也是我被发掘成为女演员的旅程
Maybe something's finally about me.
可能我终于能当一回主角
Everything is always about you.
你所有事情都要永远硬当主角好吗
You call Christmas "The Day Caroline Gets Presents."
你把圣诞节称为"卡洛琳得礼物日"
And we're only auditioning
我们来试镜
so I can get to the set to see Randy.
是为了让我在片场见到兰迪
Not for your acting career.
不是为了你的演艺事业
Also, you don't have an acting career.
另外 你才没有什么演艺事业
Well, shouldn't you be practicing
你不用练习一下
what you're gonna say to Randy?
你见到兰迪时要说的话吗
I mean, your original plan to "jump dem bones"
你原来的"骑上金箍棒"大计
might not fly on a movie set.
在电影片场可能不太好使
Hey! I got words.
我有准备台词好吗
I was thinking something along the lines of,
我本来是计划说类似...
"Howdy, Dudey."
"屎兄 泥嚎啊"
You know, 'cause we're in Texas
你懂的 在德州说话要用德州腔
and he was kind of a doody for blocking me.
而且他这么拉黑我的确是挺屎的
Okay, extras, since this is a zombie movie,
临演们 这是一部僵尸片
I'm gonna need to see you act like zombies.
你们得演僵尸给我看
But don't touch me. My entire body's an erogenous zone.
但请别碰到我 我全身都是敏感带
Zombies? I didn't prepare for that.
僵尸 我没准备好演这个啊
You also didn't prepare for being a celibate poor person,
你也没准备过当一个禁欲的穷人啊
but you're knocking that out of the park.
但你现在还不是当到飞起
Excuse me, sir...
不好意思 先生
if that is your real name.
如果这是你的真名的话
We're from the diner next door,
我们是隔壁餐厅的人
and you need to keep the noise down.
你最好小声一点
It woke up a baby
有个小婴儿
and the man who lives in booth two.
以及住在二号卡座的人都被你吵醒了
Sorry for the loud noise.
抱歉吵到你们了啊
If there's one thing New York's known for,
毕竟要说纽约最出名的事
it's quiet construction.
就是"安静施工"了吧
Listen. You may think you're
听好了 你可能觉得
some sort of authority figure with that tank top,
自己穿个背心就是啥权威人物之类的
but you're not.
但你并不是
What you are is fired.
你就是一条"炒鱿鱼"
Was anyone recording that for baby Barbara?
有人帮我录这段给芭芭拉宝宝了吗
Well, that escalated rather quickly.
一瞬间就一发不可收拾了啊
Take your gorgeous tank top
请带着你超好看的背心
and get the hell out of here.
滚出这里好吗
Fine. I don't need this.
行 我不需要受此屈辱
My dance company got a grant from Pfizer.
我的舞蹈公司刚获得大药厂的拨款呢
Knock, knock. Who's there?
叩叩叩 谁在敲
Not a door.
反正没有门能被敲
The girls are gonna kill me
姑娘们要是回来
if they get back and the dessert bar isn't finished.
发现甜品酒吧还没重建完毕 不得杀了我啊
Well, Oleg will do it.
奥列格可以做啊
He says he can nail anything.
毕竟他能搞定一切
I was talking about Jersey skanks,
我说的是"搞"定新泽西的骚货们
but sure, I'll give it a try.
但行吧 我试试搞定这个
You're in.
录取
Go wait next to the corpse extras.
去尸体临演旁边等
Next.
下一个
Hi. My name is Caroline Channing,
你好 我叫卡洛琳·钱宁
and I will be singing "Hamilton"
我要带来一曲"汉密尔顿"
from the musical of the same name.
来自同名的音乐剧
Hold off on that.
嘴下留人
I'm not quite ready to kill myself.
我还没打算要自杀
Are you sure you don't have any nonzombie parts?
你确定没有任何非僵尸的角色吗
Maybe a cheerleader?
比如拉拉队长之类的
Or a socialite who lost all her money
或者一个失去万贯家财
but not her looks or her will to succeed?
但没失去容貌与向上之心的名媛
But she has lost everyone's interest.
但她让所有人失去了兴致
Uh, fine.
行吧
Here we go with a zombie.
我要演僵尸啦
Here I come! I'm a zombie!
我来啦 我是僵尸
God, I want to go back to casting commercials for
天啊 我想回去帮连锁餐厅广告征人了
Applebee's.
You just have to be white and a little fat.
演员只需要是微胖的白人
Or I can do...
我也可以演...
Not a zombie. Not anything.
这不是僵尸 连屁都不是
Hey, are those sodas up for grabs?
那些汽水是可以免♥费拿的吗
Yeah.
是的
Ohho! Root beer!
还有沙士
Now, that's a zombie!
那才是僵尸啊
Amazing walk and moan. You're hired.
走路姿势跟叫声太棒了 你被录取了
What?
什么
But she's not an actor.
可是她不是演员啊
She can't even pretend to laugh at my jokes.
她连假装我的笑话好笑都演不出来
You thought that was funny?
你觉得刚才的话好笑吗
No! Boo.
没有啊 骗过你了吧
Bad news, Bon Bon: I can't be in your movie today.
坏消息 邦邦 我今天不能出镜了
Carlos won't work my shift at the desk.
卡洛斯不愿意替我前台的班
We broke...
我们分...
we had a fight.
我们吵架了
Looks like you got the part.
看来角色是你的啦
Congratulations on me running out of people.
我手边没人了 恭喜你啊
All right, everyone on the van.
好了 大家上面包车
We got to get you to set and makeup.
得带你们到片场以及画妆
Oh, wait, Bonnie. Am I going with,
等等 邦妮 我应该是走
Here I come. I'm a zombie."
"我来啦 我是僵尸""
or ...?
还是...
They're both good.
两种都很好啊
Why do you get to be a hot zombie?
为什么你就能演性感僵尸
I look like dead David Spade.
而我看起来像死掉的大卫·斯佩德
男演员 发型与卡洛琳有些类似
So, David Spade?
所以就是大卫·斯佩德本人
And I have this gross axe wound in my neck.
而且我脖子上还有这个很恶心的斧头伤口
Oh, I thought that was a second mouth.
我还以为那是第二张嘴呢
I was worried it was gonna start telling stories
我本来还担心那嘴会开始说起
about how rich it used to be.
自己当年多有钱的故事
I've been working on my zombie's backstory.
我已经构思好我的僵尸背景故事了
She's a teacher named Jill
她是一位名叫吉尔的老师
with an online gambling addiction
沉迷于网络赌博
and an interest in women she's never acted on.
喜欢女人 却从未采取任何行动
So, as your lawyer, can you please stop asking me
作为你的律师 你能不能别再管我要
for a drunk driver's license?
醉酒驾照了
It's not a real thing.
根本没这玩意
Neither is a cocaine permit.
可卡因许可证也不存在
Oh, my God, it's Randy. Hide! Hide!
天啊 是兰迪 快藏起来
Hide? Like Jill is doing with her feelings
藏 就像吉尔把邻居莎拉的好感
for her neighbor Sarah?
藏起来那样吗
Will you run lines with me?
你能和我对下台词吗
Sure.
当然
You want to take it from, "You can take my brains,
你要从这句开始吗 "你可以夺走我的大脑
but you can't take my freedom"?
但你不能夺走我的自由"
Max, we came all this way.
麦克斯 我们千里迢迢来到这
You can't just avoid him forever.
你不能一直这样躲着他呀
He's not a Hulu original.
他又不是视频网站的原创剧
Just go tell him what you want.
快去告诉他你想怎么样
And what do you want?
话说你到底想怎么样
Are you planning on moving to LA?
你打算搬来洛杉矶吗
Because when this acting thing takes off,
因为姐一旦在演艺圈走红
they'll want me to live there, too.
他们也会想我搬去那里
Who's "they"?
"他们"是谁
Is "they" all of New York?
纽约的所有民众们吗
Oi! Drop the brains,
喂 把大脑放下
you zombie scum!
你个僵尸渣渣
Yeah, the script says "brightly,"
剧本上面写的是"发音轻快"
not "British."
不是"发音英式"
I mean, I can't move to LA.
我不能搬去洛杉矶
We've worked too hard getting the dessert bar to where it is.
我们这么辛苦才有了甜品酒吧的今天
I can be happy with the longdistance thing.
异地恋我也很知足了
I mean, it's better than nothing,
我是说 起码比没得恋强
and I don't have to shave as much.
而且省事 不用老刮毛
Well, none of that's Amaterial,
没有一样是正儿八经的理由
but it's how you feel,
不过却是你的真实想法
so just go tell him before he goes off again.
趁他没走 赶紧过去告诉他吧
I'm pushing you with my stub.
我的断臂在推你呢
All right. All right. I'm going.
好啦好啦 去就去
Just to make sure he recognizes me.
为了确保他能认出我
Here you are. You two wander off
你们在这啊 你们俩
more than my stepson's left eye.
比我继子的左眼珠子还爱乱跑
You're late for your scene.
你们要迟到了
Um, I just need two minutes with that guy who just left,
我得去找刚才离开那个男的 我需要两分钟
and a condom if you have one on you.
和一个保险套 如果你有的话
What do I look like? The sound guy?
你把我当啥人了 调音师那种人吗
Uh, and I'm gonna need you to zip that dress up.
我需要你把裙子拉链拉上
This movie's PG.
这电影是家长辅导级
All right, I'll zip up.
好的 我马上拉上
Guess you guys don't want a sequel.
看来你们不想拍续集了
There. The door, much like the man who put it up,
好了 那扇门就像把它装上去的那男人一样
is well hung.
又大又好
Have you ever done anything
你有没有试过做一件事
without bringing up your penis size?
不提及自己的老二尺寸的吗
Sure. My driver's test.
有啊 考驾照的时候
Oh, wait. No.
等等 还真没有
Han, hey, just a heads up.
阿憨 给你提个醒
Man, there's literally no one
老天 现在没有一个人
working in your diner right now.
在你的餐厅是真正干活的
And that's unusual how?
那不是稀松平常的事吗
Well, since I don't have to be at work, I am going on a break,
既然我不用上班 我要去休息
which means smoking a J
也就是我要去抽大♥麻
and taking a nap in the trunk of my car.
然后去我车上的后备箱小睡一会儿
He doesn't even have a car.
他根本没有车好吗
How about that?
怎么样
Earl has superpowers.
厄尔有超能力
The only superpowers he has
他拥有的唯一超能力是
is that he's still alive.
至今还活着
Hey, what's going on here?
到底怎么回事
Fine. The jig is up.
好吧 不用再掩饰了
I can't hang a door.
我连门都装不好
Sophie, my daughter may think I'm a mama,
苏菲 我的女儿可以把我当成娘儿们
but I don't want her to think I'm a liar.
但我不希望她认为我是骗子
This went from zero to Lifetime pretty quickly.
一瞬间就从小事上升到狗血电视剧的程度了
I'm out.
我先闪了
Oh, Oleg,
奥列格
come on... it doesn't matter
别这样 那些都不重要
that you can't build anything or protect us
就算你动手能力差 不能保护我们
or... or... or be a man.
或是...不像爷们
What's really important
最重要的是
is how much you love Barbara.
你有多爱芭芭拉
But she thinks I'm a mama.
但她觉得我是妈妈
Well, she also thinks that Danny Glover is the president.
她还认为丹尼·格洛弗是总统呢
Dadushki!
大爹爹斯基
Oh, my gosh, Oleg, did you hear that?
天啊 奥列格 你听见了吗
Yeah. You just said it.
听见了 你刚说完
No. No, no, no. It was Barbara.
不不不 那是芭芭拉说的
Barbara just called you Dadushki.
芭芭拉刚叫你大爹爹斯基
She did?
是吗
Papa.
爸爸
Papa"? What the hell is that?
"爸爸"是什么鬼啊"
Eh, she's not very bright.
她不是很聪明
But thank God she's pretty like her mamas.
但谢天谢地 她跟两位妈妈一样漂亮哟
Ugh, my gash is itchy.
我的伤口[阴♥道]好痒啊
You should see someone about that.
你应该去看个医生之类的
This is one of the least comfortable harnesses
这是我有史以来上过
I've ever hung from.
最不舒服的吊具
On the upside, it's currently rounding third base.
从好的方面看 它包住了我的"三垒"
Jealous!
羡慕嫉妒恨
Oh, Richie! How did you get here?
里奇 你是怎么来这里的
I thought you had to work.
我以为你要工作呢
Not that acting isn't work.
不是说演戏不算工作
Just ask my fellow thespian, Natalie Portman.
不信问问我的悲剧演员同事 娜塔莉·波特曼
知名女演员
You look like a thespian in that shirt.
你穿上这衣服就一整个悲剧
Funny story: I actually got here
说来好笑 我其实是坐
on the None of Your Beeswax Express.
"关你屁事"快线过来的
He did it again.
他又玩这个哏了
Turns out it doesn't get old.
事实证明 怎么玩都不会腻
Okay, zombies. Three minutes till we shoot.
好了 僵尸们 还有三分钟开拍
Let me see you wriggle and moan.
让我见识一下你们的蠕动和呻♥吟
Bonnie, am I moaning because I am horrified
邦妮 我呻♥吟是因为
at what I've become?
我对变成僵尸感到恐惧
Or because I'm in pain from hanging on this meat
还是因为我被挂在肉钩上 所以痛苦地呻♥吟
hook?
She must be going to ask the director.
她肯定是去问导演了
Here comes Randy. How do I look?
兰迪来了 我看起来怎么样
Like a piece of meat.
像一坨烂肉
I'll take it.
就当你是赞美了
You were hilarious in that last scene.
你上一场戏太滑稽了
I think everybody's really happy they didn't get
我觉得大家一定很开心他们没有请艾迪·墨菲
Eddie Murphy.
Eddie Murphy?
艾迪·墨菲
知名喜剧演员 著名作品《随身变》中一人分饰
许多角色
I was wondering why I had to play my whole family at dinner.
我当时就好奇 为什么我吃饭时非得演我全家人
This is a comedy?
这是喜剧片吗
Well, it's a good thing I'm so versatile.
幸好我是全能型演技派
I think I'll make Jill clumsy.
我可以变身笨拙搞笑版吉尔
Ugh! Where'd they go?
他们去哪儿了
Yeah, meditation has totally changed me.
冥想让我改头换面
I'm not as angry.
我不再易怒
Hey! Don't look at me!
不准看我
Yeah, you do seem calmer.
是啊 你看起来平静多了
I wonder why they demanded your lawyer be on set.
真好奇他们为什么要求你的律师必须陪你拍戏
Dude, when we get back to LA,
兄弟 等我们回洛城
there's someone I want to set you up with.
我帮你介绍个妹子
Oh... I need to hear this. Push me.
我得听听这事 快推我
She's hot. But I'm just not dating anyone
她是个辣妹 可我现在不跟
who drives a Prius right now.
开混合动力车的妹子约会
I don't know.
我不知道
I'm in a weird place right now,
我现在处境奇怪
and I don't just mean Texas.
我不是说身处德州这地方
You're not still seeing that girl in New York, are you?
你不会还在跟纽约那妹子约会吧
What girl in New York?
纽约哪个妹子
Me!
我啊
Did your brain get eaten already,
你的脑子是被吃了吗
or is Jill just an idiot?
还是吉尔就是个蠢货
She is just overwhelmed.
吉尔只是生活压力太大
She has three kids under the age of five
她有三个不满五岁的孩子
and car trouble.
车子还有问题
We broke up.
我们分手了
We were Facetiming so much
我们总是视频
I felt like I was dating my iPhone.
感觉就像跟自己手机约会
The other night at dinner, we split an appetizer.
有晚在餐厅吃饭 我和手机分食了一道开胃菜
Play dead!
快装死
Yeah, Max is incredible,
没错 麦克斯是超级棒
but we're just in different places right now.
但我们现在天各一方
No, you're not.
屁 才不是
I wish I could say the long distance thing
我也希望我能说异地恋
was gonna be enough for me,
对我来说足够了
but it wasn't... it wasn't ever gonna be.
但其实不然...永远都不会够
It just can't be enough.
恋爱哪有够的时候
Like you with compliments about your hair.
就像你喜欢听到关于你发型的赞美
You like it, though, right?
你喜欢我的发型 对吧
You know, I'm doing everything I can to get over her.
我用尽一切努力想忘掉她
Blocked her on my phone, went to therapy,
手机屏蔽她的电话 去做心理咨询
watched all seasons of Grey's Anatomy,
看了整整季《实习医生格蕾》
then realized I'd only watched minutes of one episode.
结果意识到我只看了一集的分钟而已
So, yes or no on my hair?
所以我的发型到底好不好
It's great.
很赞
But I'm not ready to meet that girl with the
但我还没准备好去见那个开混合动力车的妹子
Prius just yet.
I mean, I'm all for good gas mileage.
的确 我很赞成省油的观念
Just not yet.
但现在还不行
I get it. You're gay now.
我懂了 你现在喜欢男人了
I wish!
我倒想呢
All right, two minutes, everybody.
好了 还有两分钟 各位
Let's do this thing quick, 'cause this movie sucks.
咱们争取一次过 因为这部电影烂死了
Max, why didn't you say something?
麦克斯 你刚才为什么不说话
That was your chance.
那可是你的大好机会
Ugh, you heard what he said to that fake sheriff.
你也听见他对那个假警长说什么了
The long distance thing isn't enough for him,
他无法满足于异地恋
and he needs to move on.
他需要重新开始
It's only fair that I let him.
我不应该阻止他
Call me stupid for being a romantic
叫我傻货吧 我是个浪漫主义者
and thinking love could conquer all.
相信爱能战胜一切
Stupid!
傻货
I'm sorry, Max.
很遗憾 麦克斯
What are you doing?
你在干嘛
Do you have to pee?
你想尿尿吗
Because I find if you go in your pants a little
因为我发现如果你先尿一点在裤子里
and then a little and then a little,
然后再尿一点 再一点
it's not that noticeable.
就不会那么明显
I was gonna give you a hug.
我是想给你一个拥抱啦
All right, bring it in.
好吧 来抱吧
You okay? No.
你没事吧 有事
My relationship is really over,
我这段感情彻底没戏了
and I'm starting to lose feeling in my downstairs.
而且我下面快失去知觉了
Yeah.
是啊
Ugh. I'm sorry I dragged you across the country.
很抱歉拽着你跑了大半个国家
You didn't drag me anywhere. I wanted to be here with you.
不是你拽着我 是我想陪着你
Let's go home, Max.
我们回家吧 麦克斯
I'll tell Bonnie we're quitting.
我会告诉邦妮我们不演了
and we'll tell the press it was exhaustion.
我们就跟媒体说 因心力交瘁而退出
No. We're not going anywhere yet.
不 我们哪儿不去
We came all this way. At least one of us should
我们好不容易来到这 至少其中一人
get what they want.
应该得到自己想要的
You are gonna be in this movie.
你一定要演成这部电影
Max!
麦克斯
I won't forget about you when I'm big.
等我成了巨星后 我不会忘了你
I mean, I'll definitely see you less.
虽然我绝对会因此而少联♥系
What's that? Get rid of the blonde zombie?
什么意思 不要那个金发妞僵尸是吗
Oh, thank God.
上帝有眼
What? Why?
什么 为什么
Was it my "Mow, mow, mow, mow"?
因为我的呻♥吟声吗
Bonnie, wait. I... I can also write.
邦妮 等等 我还能创作呢
Check this line out:
听听这句台词
Freezed to meet you."
"见到你很鸡冻""
Cut me down, Bon Bon. You can't split us up.
把我也放下来吧 邦邦 我们俩分不开
Believe me. I've tried.
相信我 我试过了


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