I know I've been talking about Bobby all morning,
but another thing I love about Bobby is,
he just gets me.
Can he come get you right now?
Last night, I gave Bobby a little neck action.
Neck action? Oh, racy!
What's next, you gonna lift up your skirt
and show him your knees?
Hey, Caroline, wait up!
Hide me, Max.
Bobby hasn't seen me in my waitress uniform,
or my right profile.
It hasn't been easy.
What is wrong with our uniform?
I call her Carrie
cause she's got a little pig's blood on her
在电影《魔女嘉丽》中 女主角曾被泼猪血 最
and she can't be destroyed by fire.
I got you a macchiato.
And a supportive round of applause
when I told them the name was Caroline.
Bobby, you are so sweet.
This has skim milk, right?
Uh, why are you using Max as a human shield?
Oh, don't worry. I'm used to it.
It's how my mom robbed all those Carvels in the '90s.
I should get going.
So... group hug?
I'm still trying to figure out where to take you on our third date.
I want it to be special.
Also, I'm either caught on Max's button
or she has a tiny, round penis.
Might want to get that jacket tested.
I'll see ya.
You know what that means, don't you?
Going by my last third date,
he comes out of the closet,
and we still date for two years.
It means more neck action, just lower.
Your betweenlegs neck.
You're an adult, Max.
It's called a noonynoo.
And I thought sex was on the tenth date,
after he accidentally says, "I love you."
Everybody knows the third date means sex.
And the fourth date means he gets oddly distant
and crazy busy at work.
Hey, Earl, how's it hanging?
Lower than anyone will tell you, Max.
麦克斯 别说吊了 都垂到地上了
I thought a snake followed me into the bathroom this morning.
What's up with you girls?
Oh, Caroline is going on a third date.
Oh, some betweenlegs neck action is on.
I am really not familiar with this phrase.
And I'm pretty sure this whole "third date sex" rule
isn't really a thing.
Waiting until the third date for sex?
What are you, a nun?
Oh, all right.
Don't talk to Baby Barbara. We're in a fight.
She thought that the Fifty Shades book
was better than the movie.
Sophie, have you ever heard that you're supposed to
have sex on the third date?
Oh, that's a nun thing, right?
I am so glad I don't have to deal with this kind of stuff anymore.
I am officially retired from sex.
Not sure how many of you have heard the news,
but not sure how many of you read "Juggs."
It got too political.
That's why I turned to "Cans."
Max, what are you talking about?
You can't retire from sex.
It's your thing, like Cheetos
or zeroing in on people's vulnerabilities.
What? Sorry, I was distracted by your nose pimple.
啥 没听清 我被你鼻子上的痘痘搞分心了
I just feel like I need to get out of the game.
I had a good run, just ask
But now it's your turn.
Well, when one pair of legs closes,
another one opens.
Yeah, that's what Polish Oprah says.
And you get hanged if you disagree with her.
Max, it doesn't take a genius...
although my Facebook IQ test says I qualify as one...
to know that this whole retirement thing
is about your breakup with Randy.
It also said you had friends.
And we all know you barely have one.
This has nothing to do with Randy.
My sex throne is yours now.
I would maybe put a towel down.
Max, you can't get out of the game
just when I'm getting back in.
I wanted us to have sex together.
Well, clear up that nose zit, and we'll talk.
Speaking of nose zits.
Han, Max is about to give up sex.
Tell her how bad life is without it.
It's actually quite rich.
I was just saying to Mossimo down at the boccie court...
Thank you! I rest my case.
And tomorrow I'm taking golf lessons
thanks to our community board.
Apparently, I don't meet the weight minimum
for Krav Maga.
You know what? I'll go with you.
Retired people love golf.
Just like you lesbians.
Welcome to the club.
Oh, look, we just made a golf pun.
This is gonna be fun!
I hope to God you know what you're doing.
If I am gonna have sex with Bobby, I need new underwear.
My current pair has more holes than the plot of Arrival.
So you came here?
There's no lube aisle.
None of the mannequins are doing each other.
This is a classy lingerie store,
not SecondHand Hose.
I got kicked out of there.
I ate a pair of edible underwear
and I put the box back on the shelf.
Ladies, I'm Rita. Welcome to the Art of Seduction,
女士们 我是瑞塔 欢迎来到魅惑之艺
where seduction begins with...
A shot of tequila
and ends with a shot of penicillin?
Not what I was going to say at all.
What can I help you ladies with?
Uh, she has a third date situation happening.
Do you have anything that says "Grand Reopening"?
I want to be naughty.
But I get cold.
I found your shoelace section, but where is the underwear?
That is underwear,
and you're holding it backwards.
Oh, sure, I see it now.
Let's go to Target.
And, uh, what about you?
Any third dates coming up?
I am retired, sexually.
Took the sock off the door and now I'm wearing it.
Come on, Max, we both know you're not
别闹了 麦克斯 我们都心知肚明
really retired from sex.
We are two young, sexual beings.
Where are you supposed to wear this?
That's a purse.
Uh, if I'm not retired,
then why did Larry Flynt send me a gold watch,
thanking me for my years of cervix.
How about this teddy?
I just need simple underwear.
I want a nice presentation for my noonynoo.
Look, it doesn't matter what you wear.
With a body like yours, it's not gonna be on long.
Ah, see, Max? She likes my body.
看到没 麦克斯 她喜欢我的身材
Tastes have changed since I got out of the game.
And these panties are great to bounce in.
The frills on the back really accentuate the twerk
when you're doing the Swingin' Linda.
must have a bunch of back problems.
Oh, my God. Do I have to do that?
Whatever happened to lying down?
That's a guy's job now.
Skanks like us ruined that for you.
She's not wrong, but
I teach a burlesque class around the corner.
You should come.
It can, uh, really help you get in touch with your body.
Oh, it's okay, I'm already very in touch with my body.
Oh, yeah. She's real in touch.
This one's keeping Duracell in business.
Max, I wish you had gotten something at the lingerie store.
That saddle looked really good under you.
Most things do.
Did! I'm retired!
We both know your retirement isn't gonna last.
You're like The Rolling Stones,
but with more of your own blood.
改自鲍勃·迪伦歌曲Pay in Blood歌词
Do I look like someone who will
ever have sex again?
It's like looking in a funhouse mirror.
Without the fun.
I just came by to say our tee time is tomorrow at :.
We're in a foursome with Mitch and Bill.
Whatever you do, don't mention
the Gulf War in front of Mitch.
Even when you say "Golf,"
really hit the O.
Max, come on, don't you want to unretire
麦克斯 别这样 你难道就不想
and have a real foursome again?
Like you used to, on my bed,
while I'm trying to read?
I like this sexless existence.
I don't know what you've been complaining about.
And besides, I can finally let myself go,
So because you got hurt by Randy,
you're never gonna have sex again?
No, I'm never having sex again
because I have no idea how to take off these pants.
Bobby! What are you doing here?
I couldn't wait till tomorrow night to see you.
I got this from a gay wedding; they were
throwing them out
cause they were the wrong shade of red.
My God, this is just like The Bachelor.
Except I'm not getting HPV from a lagoon.
Hey, don't worry, Max. I didn't forget you.
别担心 麦克斯 我没忘了你
The grooms were throwing those out instead of rice.
Well, that's going on my Pinterest.
So tomorrow night's our big third date.
That's what people keep telling me.
I've got something real special planned.
I think you'll be very impressed.
Oh, I'm sure I will be,
but it takes me a little while,
and I'm quiet when I am.
Hey, don't worry.
I'll do all the work.
Well, I'll pitch in a little.
It's gonna be big.
See you tomorrow night.
Big and exotic? What is it, a parrot?
又大又外来种[异国风] 什么玩意 鹦鹉吗
If it's a cockatiel, then I'm back in the game.
At least I have that really sexy underwear.
Hey, girls. I heard the word "underwear."
Some old lady left her panties back here.
Oleg, those aren't old lady panties,
Are you bringing them to an old lady?
Perhaps this gentleman's wife?
Oleg, these are sexy.
What makes you a panty expert?
Besides my official license plate from the state of arousal
and my degree from Idu U?
I have to go to that burlesque class.
I don't know, you should see if
they have night classes at Idu U.
How are you gonna dance in those golf clothes?
How are you gonna dance looking like a slutty poodle?
Let's just pick out our props.
I've been sanitizing for this all morning.
I was once dropped into a lake in a trunk just like this.
Those dock goons did not expect to see this gal again.
Ooh, feather boa!
I haven't worn something with feathers
since that pigeon flew into our fan.
I brought this from home.
I got it on my third Carnival Cruise.
Oh, let her have it!
Girl's going on a third date.
Ooh, that's a gay first date.
My first date was a Hall & Oates concert.
Yes, I'm old.
Let's get started. It's time to get sexy!
Yep, according to my "Hustler" watch,
Can't be right. Feels earlier.
I was screaming at you for three blocks to wait up.
But then sidewalk Caroline turned out to be a lamppost.
Sophie, what are you doing here?
Well, I saw the card on the board in the diner,
and I wanted to spice up Oleg and my sex life.
Yeah, I mean, we haven't done it in front of
The Today Show window in weeks.
I can't believe they didn't cut away
when Matt Lauer threw up.
Last time I did it, you could
still bring cocaine in your carryon.
In this class, we are going to go deep
and unleash our sexual goddesses.
Mine got me kicked out of the army.
They asked; I told.
Let's dive in!
Everybody get behind your chairs.
I'm gonna show you the routine and then I'll break it down.
I'm so excited.
I'm about to lose control
and I think I like it!
It's not even my birthday ♪
♪ 今天不是我生日 ♪♪
Birthday Cake(Remix) Rihanna/Chris Brown
But he want to lick the icing off ♪
♪ 不过他想舔掉蛋糕的奶油 ♪♪
I know you want it in the worst way ♪
♪ 我知道你想用最赤♥裸的方式大快朵颐 ♪♪
Can't wait to blow my candles out ♪
♪ 你已经迫不及待要吹灭蜡烛 ♪♪
He want that cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake ♪
♪ 他想要吃我的蛋糕 ♪♪
It's not even my birthday but...♪
♪ 今天不是我生日 ♪ ♪
You know what? I don't need to have sex.
I'll just play golf with you.
Uh, I play golf to get away from my wife.
Well, I'm exhausted.
I need a nap.
After I dance is when we usually lose most of the class.
Now, before I teach you the actual moves,
I want you to just feel your body
and let it go.
Who wants to give it a shot?
Oh, I do! I do!
I want to put the "ass" in "class."
Sophie, if I wanted to see your ass,
I'd get up early and watch The Today Show.
I'm stuck, but you know what?
I swear to God, I can make it work.
I'm, uh, scared to ask this,
but who's next?
Is it okay if I try?
That was probably the only act I could follow.
I didn't think these pants came with a boner.
I don't know where that came from.
You know how they say the rhythm is gonna get you?
It got me!
Well, I gotta go.
It's ass past two.
Well, your ass isn't getting past me.
Ooh, now that I can dance,
I'm sassy too.
Let's tease. And tease.
Did I do that? Did I do that?
And tease. And tease.
I did do that. I did do that.
And pump. And grind.
And pump. And grind.
That's how I got to this country.
Except I was also rowing.
Why aren't you participating?
Like I told that guy in sweatpants last week,
you can't just sit here and watch.
Well, unlike that guy,
my days of sexy moves are behind me.
From now on, the only balls I'll be smacking
are on the golf course.
You're really gonna give up on who you are
because of Randy?
She went through a breakup,
and she swore off sex,
and I'm worried maybe deodorant.
Oh, yeah, that's
probably my bag of dirty diapers in my purse.
I'm putting them in my baby book.
This is what this class is all about.
Taking all that pain and anger
and making it sexy.
I thought this was about making my booty clap.
We'll get there, Gavin.
So tell me about this guy, Randy.
Uh, there's nothing to say.
It's not about him.
Are you sure?
Did he bring you down low?
Oh, sure he did. Real low.
Shake you up?
All shook up.
Hey, get your ass out of my face, razor hips.
Did he spin you around
and slide right out of your life?
Like a greasy McNugget!
Show me that nugget.
I would, but I can't take these pants off.
Max, come on.
You can't let one bad experience ruin everything.
Otherwise, I'd never use our bath mat again.
It's hot for no reason.
Yeah, I'm double parked! Come on, dance already!
对啊 我都违章停车了 快跳一个啦
Fine! If it will get me out of here.
That's right, get it out there!
Bump, bump! Grind, grind!
Duck, duck, goose! Wink!
Ooh, yeah, bounce, baby, bounce!
跳起来 宝贝 跳起来
God, this is so real!
Maybe I am shut down 'cause of Randy.
See, you needed to get that out. Do you feel better?
瞧 你需要说出来 感觉好点了吗
No, I got a splinter in my face.
Well, if you'll excuse me,
I have a golf lesson to get to.
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, Max out.
She won't tell anyone
she learned those moves here, will she?
I was the best, right?
Because it matters to me.
Hide your husbands. Hide your wives.
Max is back.
I'm out of retirement
and these pants, as soon as I can get them off.
Oh, my God, you slept with Han?
Let me find that machete you gave me
in case this ever happened.
No, she slept with our golf pro.
Once again, I was left holding my putter.
Yep, I'm back,
and I have the grass stains on my head to prove it.
See? That class helped everyone.
Except Sophie... by the time I left,
she had three more chairs on her.
Sophie got sexified.
Oh, my God.
Between those moves and that sexy neck brace,
it's too much for me to take.
This is what I get for telling that genie
I wanted to live to be .
could I see you in the walkin freezer?
And if you don't mind, could you add a limp?
You know what the sexiest thing about it is?
The limp is real.
What's going on, man?
Hey, I was just on my lunch break,
thought I'd stop by and almost see you.
Well, it was nice dating you.
This is my uniform. I know, it's...
Hot. Really, really hot.
You look like a sexy pencil.
But I bought all this really sexy,
very zipperheavy underwear to wear on our third date.
Why would I see your underwear on our third date?
Doesn't that happen on the tenth?
That's what I said!
You people are animals!
But what was all that talk about
our date being big and exotic?
I was gonna take you to this Moroccan place.
They don't have chairs. We sit on pillows.
That is exotic.
You might want to hold off on the sex.
You two might be related.