Come on, Max! Class is starting.
快来 麦克斯 课程要开始啦
I saved you a spot next to me.
Be right there. Strapping in the girls.
Lefty's a little cranky this morning.
Thanks for getting these work out bands
out of the Equinox dumpster.
I was already in there.
I had a meeting with my accountant.
We're not doing great, by the way.
We're gonna do resistance work with them.
I'm already resistant.
I'm almost at violent.
Do what I'm doing.
Let my crack stick out?
And pulse, and pulse, and pulse.
屁♥股动起来 摆动 再摆动
Let me just get rid of that pulse for you.
Come on, Max, the heart machine at Rite Aid said you were
and printed you a prescription for a wheelchair.
On the count of three.
One, two, three.
一 二 三
Is there a bed on me?
Get my wheelchair.
Check out Barbara's new ride.
We need help.
SUVAnd not just because Barbara has a luxury SUV before I do.
I'm gonna cool down with a bagel.
No, I just came down here to bring you your mail.
And Barbara wanted to show off her car
because you girls are poor.
Overdue cell phone bill, electricity
Sophie, this mail is from a month ago.
What? It's mail, not cottage cheese.
怎么 信又不怕放 又不像茅屋起司
Oh, wait. I think there might be a little cottage cheese in there.
Got any of that for my bagel?
Oh, my God.
The movie they're making about my life is coming out.
Is it called Good Will Boring?
And Max, we're invited to the press junket
to promote the movie.
In two days?
I don't even think my hair girl could help you in time
and she's got three hands.
Sophie, I hope it's not too late to RSVP.
I was waiting for some news about the movie.
I thought it went to the wrong person.
Like my 20s.
Come on, Barbara. Let's cruise the playground
走吧 芭芭拉 咱们去游乐场绕街
and make fun of babies in Chevy Volts.
Uh, can Barbara drop me off at Equinox?
They throw out the expired Clif Bars at 3:30.
Oh, Han, Max and I have to do press for my movie,
so we can't work tomorrow.
I get it. Why break your six year streak?
I guess with all your movie money,
you two can move on and I can hire two waitresses
who don't use my office as a gambling hall.
Han, Caroline already spent all the movie money
on the dessert bar.
Also, I need your office in 20 minutes.
We're interviewing a new roulette dealer.
Well, can you at least tell people
not to put cigarettes out on my family photos?
There's a giant hole in my grandma.
Ooh! They just sent a cast list.
Guess who's playing me?
She is a very big
hold on, let me read what she's a very big.
If it's bigboobed, they did zero research.
Tess is from Australia. She's a rising star
and got her start in the romantic comedy G'day Kate.
Max, you're being played by Vanessa Robinson.
Not a name, but that's what they do.
She's on my favorite Disney show,
That's So Vanessa Robinson.
How do they expect a Disney goodytwoshoes to play me?
She won't be realistic playing high or drunk
or fighting the bear from The Revenant.
Ooh, Max, who's playing me?
I'm being played by a woman?
Calm down, not a woman. It's an 11 year old girl.
And she's probably more upset about it than you are.
An 11 year old girl couldn't own a diner.
Hey, guys. I picked up your lunch.
There were two other orders from customers in here.
Bobby, Tess Walker is playing me in the movie about me.
From G'day Kate!
Oh, yeah. She's Kate, right?
Or or the one that says "G'day" to her?
Either way, she's not as pretty as you.
Ohh, you know exactly what I tell you to say.
Ooh, the fries are good from not here.
Oleg, try these.
It says here you're being played by Pete Chilton.
My gosh, he's the one who played the serial killer
in that funny movie we saw.
I hope the penis is accurate.
This is a full frontal role, right?
It is here.
Oh, it doesn't look like there's a Sophie character.
Oh, but there is one named Pearl,
a Black Polish woman who works as the diner's cashier.
They combined me with Earl?
I mean, if I wanted to be combined with someone,
I wouldn't have given up a liver
to be separated from my twin.
Hey, they made me a woman?
I haven't been a woman since I was trying to outrun
the mob with Marilyn Monroe.
Oh, holy crap, Caroline.
Your ex Candy Andy's a character in the movie
and he's gonna be at the press junkie.
Junket. You're a junkie, get it right.
是餐会 你才是毒会[虫] 别搞混了
And Candy Andy? Why is he in the movie?
Shouldn't he be old enough to go by Candrew Andrew at this point?
Bobby, before you get crazy jealous,
he is very handsome
and I went places with him sexually
that I had never been before.
Butah, anyway, I'm with you, now, and he's married.
但无论如何 我现在跟你在一起 他也结婚了
That's cool, I'm just I'm just not a jealous guy.
很棒啊 我... 真的不是会吃醋的那种男人
I am confident in our rock solid relationship.
Well, that's very annoying.
All these reporters and photographers remind me
of when I lost my baby teeth.
Oh, my father left a summer home under my pillow.
美国♥习俗 把换下的乳牙放在枕头底下 会有牙
I left my baby teeth in the octagon with Ronda Rousey.
This would be a great opportunity to plug our dessert bar.
Let's do a lap and start whispering about ourselves
to get a buzz going.
If you think I don't already have a buzz going at 11:00 A.M.,
then you don't know me.
Oh, my God, that's the Sophie and Earl mashup.
She was the football coach on Girl Meets World!
This is getting real!
I'm Daisy. I'm with the PR team.
Maybe you've heard of me. Kylie Jenner threw
a full can of Sprite at my head last year.
That's why my pupils are so big!
Daisy, don't worry. I am not high maintenance.
黛西 别担心 我这人不难搞
How can I be sure that all photos of me
are taken on the north side of my face?
Uh, what does it mean when you don't have pupils?
You guys are so cute.
Oh, I know you haven't seen the movie,
so I'll give you a quick rundown of what happens
for press questions.
Uh, let's see. You lose your money.
Sad, sad, sad. And then you meet this one.
Sad, sad, sad.
You are so cute.
It's not as much about the two of you anymore.
The storyline came off a little lesbionic,
which is kinda last year.
I just came off a little lesbionic.
Maggie won't stop calling me.
Oh, my God.
There's Tess. Oh, she's flawless.
She's the perfect me.
Tess, It's me! You, Caroline!
苔丝 是我 你 卡洛琳
Oh, and the young lady playing you hasn't shown up yet.
Oh, that's what the real Max should've done.
You're so cute. No, she went real method
in researching the role of you.
And now she's real into drugs.
I'm so upset. You just can't tell
because I'm heavily medicated.
Hello, unattended bar.
Caroline Channing in person.
Oh, this must be what it was like
when Julia Roberts met Erin Brockovich.
Or the other way around.
Oh, and this is Brent, the actor playing Candy Andy.
Should it be awkward between us
since you're playing one in a long string
of two exboyfriends?
Thanks for having a tragic life
so I could fall in love on screen.
Uh, see, I think audiences would much rather see me
wind up with, let's say, a working class,
blue collar contractor, maybe named Bobby.
You're so cute. No, it was pretty obvious
你真萌 但是不行 因为很明显
to everyone you should wind up with Candy Andy.
Yeah, I thought so, too.
I do not go by that silly name, Max.
It's Candrew Andrew.
You look great.
Oh, sorry, ooh.
You two are like me and my eighth grade
Just can't keep your hands off each other.
Max, you ruined Mr. Brillstein's life,
and, like Mr. Brillstein, Andy is married.
Oh, uh, well, actually I'm divorced.
There's your M. Night Shyamalan twist!
好莱坞知名编剧 导演 制片人 很喜欢在电影
But don't let him direct the rest of the movie.
Oh, how about a picture of you two for the photographers?
You look great together.
I'm sorry your marriage didn't work out.
Yeah, me too.
My fatherinlaw had box seats to the Rangers.
You look beautiful.
You have my lipstick on your mouth.
Oh, well, maybe we wear the same shade.
That'll be sixehh, $.
Hey, Earl. Don't get up.
No chance of that, unless they start
making Viagra for the entire body.
Uh, Caroline's not here. What do you need?
Actually, I wanted to talk to you guys.
Even though she told me never to do that.
You guys wanna see a nipple that looks like Fred Flintstone?
Now I see why.
If this is an Amway pitch, I've fallen for that twice.
Let's just say I am way in debt.
No, it's thisthis Andy guy.
What can you tell me about him?
Is he good looking? Rich?
Does he have Amazon Prime? I'm dying, here.
Oh, I thought you weren't the jealous type.
好莱坞喜剧男演员 以小胖子形象走红 有一度
But you're sweating like skinny Jonah Hill trying to be funny
or fat Jonah Hill trying to be serious.
Well, I am the jealous type.
I just wanted to look cool in front of Caroline.
I don't care what I look like in front of you guys.
You have nothing to worry about, Andy.
I mean, Bobby.
Much like the copy of TV Guide
Earl is currently reading,
Candy Andy is old news.
Ooh, there's another episode of Facts of Life tonight, you know?
Wouldn't you like to finish that sentence for me, Earl?
Since you don't have your own character in Caroline's movie.
Yeah, you're right.
I got nothing to worry about.
I should get going.
I mean, Bobby.
Look, did you see this picture
of Caroline with Candy Andy?
Look, he's got his arm around her at a junket.
Is that hand on her lower back or upper butt?
Hey, man, it's a good thing you're not the jealous type.
Especially since he has his hand right on her ass.
Hey...I was gonna say that!
Can you at least give me one thing of my own, Earl?
I'll be in our booth.
I'm from the New York Times.
Ha, what the hell are you doing here?
I have a question for Tess.
In G'day Kate, you married a kangaroo for a green card?
So this is super weird, right?
Looking at them, being us.
Andy, I can't talk now. I have to promote my dessert bar
安迪 我现在不能说话 我得推♥广我们酒吧
and answer all these questions.
You know how reporters get
when they have a fascinating subject.
Caroline, no one's asked you anything
and they already told you to stop raising your hand.
Max, the actress playing you isn't here.
It's been reported she's been on a downward spiral
ever since she got into the role.
Her behavior is disgusting,
and I very much approve.
This is for Michelle, the young lady playing the Han character.
What drove you to the role?
My mom said I had to start helping out in this family
if I wanted unlimited data.
And for Janelle, portraying Pearl,
how did you prepare to play a Black man
and a largerthanlife Polish woman?
Two dialogue coaches and a lot of wigs.
And I stopped showering the minute I got the role of Oleg.
Caroline, I have a question for you about us.
A Q & A is not the place for questions.
Well, fine, I won't ask you, then.
I'll just tell you.
I miss you and your adorable crooked smile.
I mean, look at the Hollywood us.
We could be the real version of them.
Just, you know, I wouldn't wear guyliner.
Caroline, fate brought us together for a reason.
I mean, we had a really good thing.
I think we should give it another shot.
Caroline Channing, you said you own a dessert bar now?
Guess I'm down to two wishes on that magic lamp.
So what do you think?
I think that girl might be dead.
But what about me and Andy?
I mean, you don't think it means something that we tested well.
Hey, I test positive for stuff all the time.
I'm not allowed to donate or get blood,
but other than that, it's cool.
Ugh, Andy and I do look great together.
What if America knows more about me than I do?
Then I feel worse for America than I already do.
II don't know why any of this matters.
Andy knows you have a boyfriend.
I didn't tell him.
Why didn't I tell him?
And boom goes the Shyamalan.
Hey, Max, they don't have chocolate milk, I asked.
Ugh! How do they expect me to wash down my scrimps?
Caroline, can we just talk
and maybe spend the rest of our lives together?
You know, keep it casual.
Hey! Mr. Candy guy!
Get your hands off my girl!
Dude, you spilled my drink!
She's my girlfriend.
No, she is not. Who are you?
错了 她不是 你是谁来着
Bobby, you attacked the wrong Andy in a jealous rage.
He's over here.
Hey, how's it going? Should I put my drink down?
Ah, no...I've embarrassed myself enough.
I'm sorry, Caroline. I just couldn't stand
对不起 卡洛琳 我只是无法忍受
the thought of you doing it with another guy
once a week in the beginning.
Bobby, I love that you're jealous
But you don't need to be.
Andy, I have a boyfriend.
A violently jealous boyfriend.
I wouldn't say violently.
I choked you out for a PopTart this morning.
All right. Super awkward right now.
Um, well, I guess I'm gonna have to go
cancel the Mariachi band I hired to serenade us.
Adios, $ deposit.
Ooh, you should bring them by the dessert bar.
I'm having an after party there with the cast.
Mm, well...I guess now you're invited, too.
And here's something else you can use.
When I rent a car, I usually go with the Sebring.
I'm starting to see why they cut most of my scenes.
Once I rented a Tercel. Once.
I gotta take this.
I know it's not ringing, but you get it.
Will the real Han please stand up?
And then leave.
I'll be in my booth.
I'll be in my booth.
I'll be in my booth.
I'll be in my booth.
You just don't get it.
Can I mix alcohol and, like, five red pills?
Ha, would I be standing here if you couldn't?
Uh, this might seem weird or maybe just freaky enough,
but I am very attracted to that part of her that is me.
You know what, Earl? You play your cards right,
你知道吗 厄尔 如果你表现好
you might be screwing yourself tonight.
What's up, girl?
Did I tell you that I got super rich?
Yeah, got injured at Six Flags.
Not even in a cool way.
Tripped on a fat kid, landed on a skinny kid.
Maybe you should go for Tess.
I bet she'll be single soon
since Bobby's jealous rage
sent her boyfriend to the hospital.
I did not. I got his autograph.
He voiced a parakeet in Zootopia.
Cacaw. Ring a bell?
Well, I guess this is goodbye.
I won't see you at the premiere next week.
I'm gonna go drown my sorrows in Paris.
Well, wherever they have the most expensive jewels.
I'm right here.
Guys, don't fight over me
until I have the camera open on my phone.
Well, you're a lucky guy, Bobby.
Justby the way, she is a really horrible...
No, I can't think of anything.
She's pretty perfect.
I'm sure if you tried really hard
you'll find someone willing to date
a very attractive rich guy in the prime of his life.
Now you're making me want to date him.
Well, I better get going.
Helicopter traffic gets crazy at :.
I've been trying to look for Vanessa,
but she probably goes by her gang name, now.
I couldn't find her on my police scanner,
but it did help me avoid selling weed to an undercover cop.
Copy that, Sarge.
All right, Oleg. Let's go.
好了 奥列格 走吧
It's Wednesday, so we gotta take the garbage out
so we can do it under the sink.
Ooh, plumber style.
That's not me.
But my God, he is gorgeous.
I had a dream like this once.
Only I was covered in nougat.
Let's go, one of the Olegs.
All right, bye, Max.
Oh, hi, Max.
Max? Vanessa's here!
Oh, my God. You're gonna be okay.
Just keep drinking. You tried being me too fast.
I just Don't talk, drink.
我... 别说话 喝吧
How are you not dead?
Did you see that?
She's never patted my head like that.
And she even gave me a birthday coupon for one free
Is that jealousy I see?
Max and I are in a strong relationship.
I am not jealous.
Are they in a fullon hug now?
I'm redeeming my coupon.
No? Okay, cut it.
Uh, all right, come on. Who likes helicopter rides?
好吧 走吧 谁想坐直升飞机