破产姐妹  第一季 第十八集

2 Broke Girls S01E18

2019年7月21日 02:05 推荐到豆瓣

尴尬的爆料


Max, can you watch my tables while I run to the restroom?
麦克斯,我去个厕所,你帮我盯一下
I already am. I've been watching model girl pretend she's eating for 30 minutes.
早就在盯了。我盯着那个假装吃东西的小模特30分钟了
Oh, she's nice. She always tips on what she would've eaten.
她人很好呢。不管吃不吃,该给小费不会少
Guess what, everyone? I have a secret.
大家快来猜猜看。我有一个小秘密
You're a woman trapped in a man's body? No.
你是女儿心,男儿身吗?不是
You're a man trapped in a woman's body?
你是男儿心,女儿身吗
You're a little boy trapped in a little girl's body?
你是男童心,女童身吗
I am a man in a man's body.
我是男儿心,在男儿身里
We're not talking about your night life.
我们对你在男人身里还是身下没兴趣
I have discovered something when going over the employee applications.
我在翻查员工简历时发现了件事。
Okay, perhaps I never worked at the Waldorf Astoria,
好吧,其实我没在华道夫·阿斯多里亚酒店工作过
but I did work with this guy, Waldorf, in Astoria.
但我的确跟华道夫,在阿斯多里亚市工作过
It's not you. Tomorrow is Caroline's birthday.
跟你无关。明天是卡洛琳的生日
Why wouldn't I know that? She tells me everything about her life.
为什么我会不知道?她什么鸡毛蒜皮的破事都告诉我
I know so much about her cycle, I'm feeling pressure to impregnate her.
我就是太了解她的生理周期,以至于不搞大她肚子,我感觉好罪过
I can do that for you.
我可以代劳哟
It's weird. Why wouldn't she want to celebrate her birthday? She celebrates everything.
太奇怪了。她怎么会不想庆祝生日呢?她什么屁事都要庆祝一下
Heads up, everybody. I just refilled the paper towels. Who's a team player? What, what?
给大伙通报一下,我刚把厕纸补上了哦。谁最有团队精神,是我,是我
Max. You know what we have to do.
麦克斯。你懂我们该干什么吧
Aw, man. I knew this day would come.
靠,我就知道会有这么一天
All right, what's the least amount I can do to keep my job?
好吧,我最少得"牺牲"多少才能保住饭碗
Just tell me when it's over. And when it starts.
搞完了,记得告诉我。开始前,记得打个招呼
It's time to talk about Caroline's birthday. You have to throw her a party.
我是来跟你讨论卡洛琳的生日。你得给她办个派对啊
I'd rather you just have your tiny way with me.
还不如让你这只"小鸟"办了得了
I don't like birthdays. I don't even know when mine is.
我讨厌生日,我连自己的生日都不知道
My mom narrowed it down to a two-week window in June.
我妈最多也就把范围缩小到六月的某两周
But you are Caroline's BFF. And it is BFF's job to throw friend a party.
可你是卡洛琳的超级死党啊。超级死党就要帮朋友办生日派对
Han, I don't have enough money to throw a party.
阿憨,我不够钱帮她搞派对
I don't even have enough money to throw a baseball.
我甚至连搞个棒球玩的钱都没有
You have money. You be her BFF.
你有钱,你当她的超级死党啊
I already have a BFF-- Jamarcus.
我已经有超级死党了,他叫杰马克斯
And my last birthday, he threw me a sick surprise party.
我上次生日,他帮我办了个超♥屌的派对
You must think BFF stands for "Barely Freaking Friends",
超级死党可不是死要面子的意思
because there's no way you're down with someone named Jamarcus.
你哪可能跟叫"杰马克斯"这帅气名字的人当上朋友啊
Oh, really? Then why did we exchange ATM pin numbers?
你确定咩?不是死党,怎么会告诉对方银行卡密码啊
I'll just crop that, and we'll be good to go.
我把那里去掉,一切就搞定了
Max, Edwin's ready to show us the design for our new website. Come see it.
麦克斯,艾德温把我们的网站设计好了。快来看看
Dude, you and the webmaster have been talking "business" every day for a week.
兄台,你天天跟网站大师谈"公事",谈了整整一周
Is something going on there? Shouldn't the web be mastered by now?
是不是有猫腻啊?网站也早该"大湿"了吧
It's strictly business.
我们是纯公事
All right, but it's costing us $200. Might as well get something out of it.
随便吧,不过既然花了200块。"捞点油水"回来也不错啊
Maybe let him browse your Yahoo?
要不让他"上上"你的"呀呼"
Looks like he might have a big ol' hard drive with a lot of ram.
他貌似有个超多"内存"的生猛"大硬"盘哦
Yeah, he's cute, but I don't want a relationship right now.
他是不错,可我现在不想谈恋爱
And I don't do one-night stands.
我也不搞一♥夜♥情
All right, so don't stand. Lay down.
那好,别站着,躺下搞好了
That's not me-- the next morning, doing the walk of shame.
我不喜欢。隔天早上,步履沉重,满脸羞愧地离开
I always see those girls with their messed-up sex hair,
我鄙视那些顶着一夜激♥情后的乱发
carrying their heels, clutching their coats to hide last night's outfit.
一手提高跟鞋,一手拉紧大衣盖住身上前晚的衣服
Going into Kinko's to use Google maps so you can figure out where you are.
走进金考印刷店,用谷歌地图定位自己身在何处的女人
You really put the "ho" In "Kinko."
金考都让你用成"精拷"了
Oh. Sorry, Sophie. We're closed.
抱歉,苏菲。我们关门了
Oh, no. I'll be quick. I just want a cupcake to go.
别啊,我很快的。我打包个小蛋糕就走
I'm on my way to 24 hour fitness. Ya, and I put it on the cupcake holder on the treadmill.
我要去24小时健身房了。我要把小蛋糕放跑步机上激励自己
Uh, Max, my town car is parked out front and I was wondering if you wanted me to wait
麦克斯,我的加长轿车就停在外面,要不要我等你们一下
for you and Caroline to give you a ride back to our building.
让你们搭我顺风车回家
Oh, no. It's okay. We still have to clean up and take the garbage out.
不用了,没关系。我们还得留下打扫,把垃圾拿去丢掉呢
Oh, looks like the garbage is taking itself out.
貌似垃圾把自己丢出来了
The game continues. Here is my number.
爱情游戏继续。这是我的电话
I invite you to call me when you realize what a catch I am.
诚挚邀请你来电,想通要谈,拨打热线,立刻上门
Or any time you are drunk and willing.
喝醉约炮,一通电话,使命必达
Max, I'm going to need the doggy bag as well. Not for the cupcake. To puke in.
麦克斯,我还想要个小垃圾袋。不是要装蛋糕。是要吐
So I'll get this finalized, and then I'll stop by the diner tomorrow
我会把一切搞定,明天再来一趟餐厅
so you can sign off on the layout before we go live.
等你验收完效果,网站就能上线啦
This is so exciting. Oh, wait, Edwin. Shoot.
好兴奋好期待啊。擦,等等,艾德温
I forgot to show you the new pricing chart.
我差点忘了给你新的价目表
It's cool, I can draft it up right now and upload it when I get home.
没事,我可以立马处理,然后回家就把这上传了
Yeah, webmaster. You work pretty fast.
网站大师,你挺"快"的嘛
But I bet you can work slow, too. And really fast again.
我猜你也懂得怎么"慢慢搞"...然后再"快快搞"的吧
I can be done in a minute.
我一分钟就能搞完
Ooh, not what you want to hear.
啊哦,最不想听到的话
Max. It's fine. We can wait.
麦克斯。不用急,我们可以等
You know what? You stay here. I have to go to the store and pick up stuff for your-- my what?
这样吧,你在这等。我得去买点东西,给你的...我的什么
Your cupcake business that you're making me do with you.
你硬拉我入伙的小蛋糕生意
Get home safe. Um, hey, where do you live, Edwin?
路上小心。你住哪里呢,艾德温
Hell's kitchen. Oh, cool.
地狱厨房。挺好
You're going to want to take the "C" down, transfer to the "L," and if you get lost,
到时候你就坐C号线,转L号线就行了,如果迷路
there's a Kinko's on 6th and 14th.
6街与14街交叉口有间金考印刷店
That's embarrassing. Max was just trying to--
真不好意思,麦克斯只是...
Yeah, I work on complicated web programs. I think I cracked that code. She wants us to hook up.
复杂的网站编程都难不倒我,破解她的潜台词易如反掌。她想撮合咱俩嘛
Yeah. I'm sorry.
是啊,真抱歉
Why are you sorry? That's all I've been thinking about.
干嘛抱歉?这也是我日思夜想的事
Yum, yum. Oh, my God. They are so hot.
美味,真美味。老天啊。天雷勾动地火啊
Don't give me that look.
少这么看我
Oleg. Caroline. What are you doing here?
奥列格。卡洛琳。你怎么在这儿
What are you doing here?
你又怎么会在这儿
I live here, and I'm just coming out from going to get coffee.
我住这里,我刚出去买杯咖啡
It was delicious. I drank every bit of it.
太好喝了,我一滴都没剩下
Outside. That's why I don't have a cup.
在外面就喝光了,所以现在手里没咖啡
But you're wearing the same outfit from last night.
可你还穿着昨晚的衣服呢
You're wearing the same outfit from last night.
你也穿着昨晚的衣服啊
And you have messed-up sex hair.
你顶着一头激♥情过后的乱发
You have messed-up sex hair.
你也顶着一头激♥情过后的乱发
Webmaster? Sophie? She called me up and we made hand love.
网站大师吗?苏菲吗?她打给我,我们"手交"了
But I thought Sophie hated you.
苏菲不是很讨厌你吗
Well, she doesn't hate my hand.
她又不讨厌我的手
But you cannot tell anyone. That was her one condition.
你不可以告诉别人哦。那是她的条件之一
That and a copy of my recent blood tests signed by a medical professional.
还有就是由合格医生签名的近期验血报告
Deal. And you can't tell anyone about me, either.
没问题。你也不许跟别人透半句口风
Especially Max. I'd never hear the end of it. Deal.
尤其不能让麦克斯知道。她会没完没了的。没问题
Pinky swear? Actually, never mind.
拉钩约定吗?算了,还是别了
I don't know where your fingers have been.
我不知道你的脏手还摸过什么
I just told you where they've been.
我不是才告诉你它们摸过什么吗
Max, I'm so excited for this party.
麦克斯,我好期待这个派对啊
I wore my loose clothing so I can dance all night.
我穿了宽松衣服来,以便彻夜热舞
God, I cannot take this party pressure.
天啊,派对的压力快让我崩溃了
I'm just going to go in the back and run a can opener across my wrist.
我要去后面用开罐器割腕自尽了
Oh, Max. I'm sure you did a great job.
麦克斯,你肯定行的
You know, as long as you have a DJ, some champagne, and a psychic.
只要有DJ,有香槟,外加个灵媒就行
No, no, and no.
没DJ,没香槟,没灵媒
I got some balloons, a hummus tray, and possibly Earl. He still hasn't confirmed.
只有气球,鹰嘴豆泥,还有不一定来的厄尔。他没给我准信
You don't need psychic to know that this is going to be a horrible, horrible party.
不用灵媒,也知道这肯定会是个坏坏的派对了
Well, thank God Caroline has new boy toy. She might not mind as much.
幸好卡洛琳有了新的小男仆,她应该不会太介意
What are you talking about?
你说什么呢
Yeah, I saw them kissing in front of the diner last night.
我昨晚看到他们在餐厅外面接吻了
Yeah, I sat there and watched for an hour.
没错,我坐在那里看了整整一小时呢
They were really going at it, hot and heavy.
他们天雷勾动地火,一发不可收拾
You know, like the Showtime network in the good old days.
尺度就跟昔日美好的重口电视台一样
Oh, great. Now I have to invite him to the party, too?
这下可好,还得多请个人来参加派对
I only got a six-pack of Capri Suns, so people are going to have to share.
我只准备了六包可沛利果汁呢,现在得排排坐,分果汁了
Congratulations, it's official. Our website is now live.
恭喜我们,我们的网站正式上线了
Congratulations, it's official. You're a whore.
恭喜,我们的卡洛琳正式浪荡了
I hear you got your Kinko's card punched. What?
听说你到金考印刷店"报到"了。什么
Don't "what" me. I know you hooked up with the webmaster. Pick up.
少跟我装蒜,我知道你跟网站大师搞上了。上菜
Oleg, you told Max?
奥列格,是你告诉麦克斯的吗
What's happening?
什么情况
Our deal's off. Oleg had sex with Sophie last night.
你做初一,我做十五。奥列格跟苏菲昨晚上床了
No... It wasn't sex. Just hand stuff.
没有啊。我们没上床,只是"上手"而已
Yeah, and nothing above the waist. I'm a lady.
腰部以上也没让他侵犯,我可是位淑女
I got all hot and bothered watching Caroline and big Han.
人家看卡洛琳跟"大憨"激♥情四射后忍不住嘛
Okay... You know, I really think this is between Caroline and me.
好吧...这是我跟卡洛琳之间的私事吧
You mean between Caroline, you, and your strippers. Strippers?
你是说你跟卡洛琳,还有你的脱衣舞♥女吧。什么脱衣舞♥女
I have seen this man in a strip club.
我在脱衣舞厅里见过这男的
Han, you were in a strip club?
阿憨,你还去过脱衣舞厅啊
Earl took me.
厄尔带我去的
Damn it, Han. You're going to sell me out after I spotted you $100 in ones.
我靠,阿憨,我没抖出你装大款的事,你还敢出卖我
You went to Spreaders without me?
你们居然撇下我去"开腿见喜"
Why would you take Han to a strip club?
你怎么会带阿憨去脱衣舞厅啊
Yeah, is his lap even big enough for a dance?
他的小短腿能让人坐上去跳艳舞吗
Earl, I'm so disappointed in you.
厄尔,我对你太失望了
That's it. I'm not going to your party. What party?
够了,老子不参加你的派对了。什么派对
Damn it, Earl! It's supposed to be a surprise for her birthday.
我靠,厄尔。这可是生日惊喜派对啊
Who told you it was my birthday? Han.
谁告诉你我生日的?阿憨
Damn it, Han! I didn't want a party and I don't want to celebrate my birthday this year.
我靠,阿憨!我不想要生日派对,我今年不想庆祝生日
Well, too bad, because your BFF is throwing you a big blow-out.
那惨了,你的超级死党为你准备了个超级派对
Oh, Max. Now I feel bad.
麦克斯,我对不起你
You feel bad now, wait till you see the party.
别急,派对开始,就知道是谁对不起谁了
Caroline's birthday. Woot, woot.
卡洛琳过生日啦,呜呼,呜呼
Thanks, but you don't have to say that after everything.
谢谢,这些话不说也没差啦
Max... I know you had limited budget, but music is free.
麦克斯,我知道你预算不高,但是音乐是免♥费的呀
Yeah, well, I'm a douche.
是啊,可是老娘就是不爽放
Speech! Speech! I can't carry this party much longer.
致辞!致辞!这派对我独木难支啊
Okay, I'd like to say something.
好吧,我来说几句话
Wait, wait. Can't we wait till we cut the cake?
等等。不能等切蛋糕完再致辞吗
Cake? People are still doing that?
蛋糕?这年头大家还吃蛋糕啊
Yes. Our livelihood depends on it.
是啊,我们不就是卖蛋糕维生的吗
There's only one party as bad as this one. That's the Donner Party.
世界上比这个还糟的派对只有一个。唐纳派对
And even they had better food.
人家吃的都比咱们好
I'd like to say happy birthday to a very pretty lady who I just had the pleasure of meeting,
我想祝这位美若天仙的姑娘生日快乐,与她相遇真是三生有幸
and I think I'm going to be seeing a lot more of her.
希望未来能对她有更深入的了解
I'll go get us some more drinks.
我去帮咱们再拿点饮料
Okay. Get rid of him. What?
好的。帮我甩掉他。什么?
It was a one-time thing.
我跟他只是一♥夜♥情
I thought you weren't that kind of girl.
你不是不搞一♥夜♥情的人吗
I realized it had almost been a year since I had sex,
我突然想起我有将近一年没有被男人"滋润"过了
and I decided I rather not be that kind of girl.
一夜风流总比饥渴难耐好吧
But I don't want a relationship.
可我不想跟他谈恋爱
Hey, I get it. Hit it and quit it. Hit it, don't babysit it. Max, please.
我懂。"打"完就跑。打完了,就别留着了。麦克斯,别闹了
Fine. How am I going to make him go away?
好啦。我怎么才能把他弄走啊
It's not going to take a lot to convince someone to leave this party.
这派对烂成这样,劝人离开有难度吗
I'd like to ask everyone to raise their cocktail, but I can't.
我很想请大家都举起鸡尾酒,可惜无法实现
So raise your Capri to the sun.
只好请大家向日举起果汁
For a very special lady who I'm sure I will be seeing more of.
敬一位与众不同的女士,我相信我会对她有更深入的了解
Get rid of him. It was a one-time thing.
帮我甩掉他,我跟他只是一♥夜♥情
So was that the worst party you've ever been to?
这是你去过最烂的派对吗
That was the worst party anyone's ever been to.
是个人都会这么觉得吧
So with the webmaster, how was the sex?
跟网站大师搞上,那方面如何
Pretty good. But then he did that thing where he pretended he was going to choke me.
不错啊。直到他跟我玩窒息式性♥爱,假装想掐死我
When did guys start doing that?
男人什么时候开始玩这招了啊
I don't know, but if I knew that was his thing,
我不知道,早知道他会这么玩
I would've asked him to choke me at the party.
我真该叫他在派对上掐死我
How did you get rid of him? What did you say? Did you let him down gently?
你怎么帮我甩掉他的?你跟人家说了什么,有好好跟人说吗
No, I told him to hit the pike. It's a one-night stand. Guys get that.
没,我让他有多远滚多远。反正就是一♥夜♥情嘛,男人懂的
So that's it? He wasn't upset?
就这样吗,他没伤心吗
Guys don't care. One-night stands-- they come, they go. Literally.
男人才不在乎。一♥夜♥情嘛,来完就走了。就是这么一回事
But what if he wants to see me again?
要是他以后想再续前缘怎么办
Relax. It is not going to come back to haunt you.
别紧张啦。他才不会回来对你死缠烂打
Unless you start feeling an itch... Or a kick.
除非你感到生理有需要或肚里有动静
Well, thanks for dumping him. And for the... I'm going to go ahead and call it a party.
谢谢你帮我甩了他。也谢谢你那...那个所谓的"派对"吧
I knew you wouldn't want me to use any of the cupcake money, and I was broke.
我知道你不会想我用咱们的开店基金,我自己又没钱
So I guess I am your BFF-- your broke friend forever.
所以我现在算是你的超级死党了吧,超级死穷鬼党
Max, it really doesn't matter what you would've done.
麦克斯,其实什么派对都没有用
The only thing I really wanted for my birthday was to see my father.
我唯一想要的生日礼物是见我老爸一面
And he's in prison, so that didn't happen.
而他又在牢里,所以没戏
I may not be a good BFF, I may not throw a great party,
或许我不是个好死党,或许我不懂怎么办好派对
but I do know where to find a free bus to prison.
可我知道去哪里坐免♥费监狱巴士
Hey, everybody. We got a birthday girl onboard.
大家好,车上有个小寿星哦
Sit yo ass back down!
屁♥股给我乖乖粘回椅子上
See? Now we got a party.
看吧,有个真的派对啦
This is nice getting out of the city. Kind of reminds me of the ride to the Hamptons.
离开市中心感觉挺不错啊。让我想起去汉普顿度假的情景
Yo. This your first time on the bangbus?
喂。你们第一次上开搞巴士吗
We call it the bangbus because everybody here gonna get banged.
之所以叫这名字是因为乘客都是去牢里跟伴侣开搞的
And in addition 'cause we're on a bus.
而且这是巴士嘛,所以叫"开搞巴士"
Hmm, makes sense. Hey, I'm Shonda. I'm Max. This is Caroline.
言之有理。我叫珊妲。我叫麦克斯,她叫卡洛琳
So you're all going for, like, conjugal visits?
你们都是要去"探亲"的吗
Pretty fancy term for getting shawshanked on a three-legged cot.
这说法还真是文绉绉啊,不就是去"救赎"一下饥渴的肖申克嘛
Shawshanked. I like her.
肖申克的"救赎",我喜欢你这词
I like your hair. Did you just get back from Cancun?
我也喜欢你的发型。刚从墨西哥度假回来吗
No, no. I saved up, and I got these done for my man.
不是不是。这我特地为我男人弄得
He says they make me look like Alicia Keys meets Ed Norton in American History X. How sweet.
他说这发型让我看起来像艾莉西亚·凯斯加在美国X历史中的爱德华·诺顿。真甜蜜
Ah, yo. What's your man in for?
你男人又因何入狱的呢
My man's in for possession of a sweet, sweet ass.
我男人是因为非法持有一对完美小翘臀
He makes that joke every time.
他每次都得说这个烂笑话
He's not my man, actually. He's my dad.
其实我不是去看男人,是去看我爸
Oh, so you're a freak. That's all right. I don't judge.
原来你是变态啊。没事的,我才不会乱批判别人
You see a name tag on me that says "Judy"?
我身上又没有名牌写着"法官朱迪"
Oh, look. We just passed a Carvel.
快看,我们刚路过一家凯菲
What's a Carvel?
什么是凯菲啊
Carvel ice cream. You know, Fudgie the Whale, Cookie Puss.
凯菲冰激凌啊。他们的软糖鲸鱼,饼干猫没听过吗
Come on, how could you not know Carvel? They have them everywhere.
不是吧,怎么可能没听过凯菲冰激凌?他们的冰激凌车随处可见
Oh, wait. Is that that white trash ice cream?
等等。就是穷苦白人吃的冰激凌吗
How dare you! It is not white trash.
你再说一次试试!才不是穷苦白人吃的
And I wouldn't be so high and mighty. You're on a free bangbus to a prison.
而且你也别装什么高贵了。你正坐在通往监狱的免♥费巴士上呢
I'm sorry. I didn't realize you had such a strong emotional connection to ice cream.
真是抱歉哦。我没想到你对冰激凌有如此强烈的感情
Not to the ice cream. The ice cream cake.
不是冰激凌,是冰激凌蛋糕
When I was ten, I asked my mom for a birthday party.
我十岁时,我让我妈给我办生日派对
She said yes but then flaked out and forgot to call anyone.
她答应之后,又睡过去了,没邀请任何人来
I'm starting to understand why you don't like birthday parties.
现在我懂为什么你不喜欢生日派对了
So after I waited on the porch for an hour,
我在阳台干等了一个小时后
I'll stole 20 bucks from her purse,
就去她皮包偷了20块
thumbed it out to Carvel, and bought myself a Fudgie the Whale cake.
拦了一辆冰激凌车,然后买了软糖鲸鱼冰激凌蛋糕吃
Ate the whole thing with a pink plastic spoon,
用一根小粉勺把它全部吃光
and it was way better than any party ever could have been.
那种幸福感,是任何生日派对都比不上的
I heard that. There ain't nothing better than Fudgie the Whale.
我全听见了。软糖鲸鱼冰激凌蛋糕最棒了
I love the chocolate crunchies.
我最爱巧克力碎果仁口味
Bitch, everybody love the damn chocolate crunchies!
白♥痴,谁不爱那个口味啊
Hey, Shonda. Who are you here to see?
珊妲,你是来探视谁呢
Who's available? I'm just cracking wise. You know I'm here to see Squirm.
谁有空啊?开玩笑嘛,我当然是来找蠕爷的
Search her. Damn. Is it my turn again? Next.
搜查她全身吧。靠,怎么又是我。下一位
We're not on that list. We didn't call ahead.
我们没在名单上,我们没预约
Leave it to me. I've gotten into every club I've ever wanted to get into.
我来处理。我没有想进却进不去的地方
Hi. Caroline Channing plus one.
卡洛琳·钱宁,带一朋友
I don't see you on the list.
你不在名单上啊
Really? That's weird. We should be on the list. We're always on the list.
真的吗,怪事。我们应该在名单上啊,一直都是这样
Max, we're not on the list.
麦克斯,我们不在名单上
We're not? I'm going to kill my assistant.
不在名单上吗,我要宰了我助理
Oh, I know. It might be under Deangelo Jefferson.
我知道了。应该是在德安杰洛·杰佛逊的名下吧
Come on, girls. Don't waste my time.
女士们,别浪费我时间了
I'd like to see a manager.
我要见你们主管
There's no manager. It's a prison.
这里没有主管。这里是监狱
Well, then who runs this place?
那这里谁管事
Well, the Aryan brotherhood is getting pretty strong.
雅利安兄弟会最近势力挺庞大的
This is such amateur hour. Give me 50 bucks for the door guy.
真是石头脑袋不开窍。给我50块塞给这看门的吧
Are you seriously trying to bribe an officer of the law while inside a prison?
你不会是真想在监狱里贿赂一名警官吧
That's a federal offense. Is it?
这可是重罪。真的吗?
Probably. Look, I should have you thrown out for even suggesting it. We do not accept bribes.
应该吧。光冲着你们这想法,我就该把你们轰出去。我们这里不收贿赂
Okay, fine. I'll let you take your sweet time searching me on the way in.
好吧,好吧。如果你放我们进去,做全身检查时,我让你检查"到底"呢
These two are clear to go through.
这两位女士可以进去了
Max, you can't do that for me.
麦克斯,你不需要为我这么牺牲
It's really for me. It's been a while. Woot, woot.
我是为了自己,好久没人"碰"过我了。哟呵,哟呵
I'm so excited to see my father after all this time. How do I look?
等了这么久,终于能见我爸了。我看起来如何
You look good. How do I look? Do I still have that freshly felt-up glow?
你看起来挺好,我呢?还有着刚被人"检查"完的光彩吗
Well, that ginger over there thinks you look good. He's full-on staring at you.
那边的红发男对你挺有兴趣呢。他目不转睛地盯着你呢
Well, I should hope so.
没人看才惨呢
If you can't get a dude in prison to check you out, it's time for a makeover.
在母猪都能赛貂蝉的监狱里都没人看,你就该去野猪大改造了
No, he's looking and nodding like he knows you.
不是,他是边打量边点头,好像认识你似的
Never seen him before in my life.
素未蒙面,绝对不认识
Max? Max Black? It's me, Irish.
麦克斯?麦克斯·布莱克。是我啊,爱尔兰男啊
I don't know, dude. I think you got the wrong girl.
你说啥呢,兄弟,认错人了吧
Max, I could never forget that face.
麦克斯,我永远不会忘记你的样子
Trust me, you've never seen me before. Oh, damn! Oh, my God! That's you.
相信我,我们绝对素未蒙面。哇靠!我的天啊!是你耶
So you do remember.
现在记得了吧
Of course. Get rid of him. It was a one-night stand.
当然记得。帮我甩掉他,我跟他只是一♥夜♥情
See, they do come back to haunt you. Shirt on.
看吧,果真是会回来死缠烂打的。衣服穿好
Max, can you believe it? Of all the prisons in all the world, you walked into mine. It's kismet.
麦克斯,你敢相信吗?世界上有那么多监狱,你却走进我这家。这就是命运
I got rid of yours. You get rid of mine.
我帮过你,现在轮到你帮我了
Listen, Irish. It was a one-time thing. You're a guy. You get that.
听我说,爱尔兰男,当年只是一夜春宵。你是男人,你懂得吧
How could you say it's a one-time thing?
可一夜夫妻白日恩啊
I love you. I blew up that chipotle for you.
我爱你。我为你炸了那间墨西哥餐馆呢
Listen, I appreciate the ink, but I don't really believe in love,
我很感谢你为我纹身,但我不相信爱情
and truth be told, I'm not even a fan of Mexican food.
而且老实说,我根本不爱墨西哥菜
Caroline Channing. This table.
卡洛琳·钱宁,这桌
Max, we have to go. My dad's coming.
麦克斯,我们坐过去吧,我老爸要来了
Okay. Nice to see you, Irish. Your body looks sick.
好了,很高兴与你重逢,爱尔兰男。你的身材看起来酷毙了
Max, hold on. I'm not going to tell you again to back up.
麦克斯,等等。这是最后一次警告
Max, I'm not going to lose you twice.
麦克斯,我不想再次失去你
I said, back up!
我说了,退后
Don't tell me to back up. That's the love of my life.
别叫我退后。她是我一生的挚爱
Come on, dude. Hit the pike.
兄弟,有多远滚多远吧
Calm down. Don't tell me to calm down!
冷静下来。别叫我冷静
Visiting hours are over! Everybody out!
会面时间结束,所有人出去
No, no, no, wait! I can't leave. Damn!
不不不,不行,我不能走。靠
Oh, wait. There's my father. I can see him, he's just coming in. Oh, daddy. Daddy... Hi!
等等,那是我老爸。我看到他的身影了,他要出来了。老爸,老爸,看到我了吗
Well, thank you very much, ladies.
感谢你们俩全家啊,小姐们
My man was barely in when I got pulled out.
我男人才刚"进入",我就被"拉出"了
I would like to apologize to everyone for taking the bang out of the bus,
我想给大家道个歉,害开搞巴士的各位开搞失败
but in my own defense, everyone here knows a little something about crazy guys.
我想为自己解释,在座各位也都懂疯子疯起来的样子嘛
Sit yo ass back down!屁♥股给我乖乖粘回椅子上
Max, sit down before you start another riot.
麦克斯赶紧坐下吧,不然等会又暴动了
I'm sorry. I blew it. I screwed up your chance to see your father. I screwed up your party.
对不起,我搞砸了一切。我搞砸了你见你老爸的机会。我办砸了你的派对
I even screwed up the easiest birthday thing to do, like get a cake.
我连庆祝生日最简单的方式,买个蛋糕都不会
I'm a terrible BFF.
我真是个超烂死党
It's okay. Really, it's fine.
没关系的。真的没关系
With the year I'm having, it's not like you could've made everything better just by getting me a cake.
今年我经历的一切,也不是你随便买个蛋糕就能好转起来的
Well, no. Not just any cake.
的确,普通的蛋糕不行
Just as good as I remember it.
跟我记忆中的一样美味
Best 40 bucks we ever spent. And this birthday turned out to be all right.
我们花得最值的40块。这个生日其实也不错嘛
I did get what I wanted. I got see my father.
我的愿望有实现。我见到了我老爸
It was only for a second, but I saw him. And he saw me. So thank you.
虽然只有短暂的一秒,但的确是见到了。他也看见我了,所以谢谢你
Yeah, and I got to see Irish. Think he might be the one that got away.
是啊,我也跟爱尔兰男重逢了。或许跟他是情深缘浅
Well, the one that got put away.
警察还对他抓住不放呢
You know, you and I are better than BFFs. We're BBFs. Bangbus friends.
我跟你可不只是超级死党哦。我们是搞巴死党。开搞巴士死党


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