Girls, I have made a big decision.
You're having a sex change?
I totally support you, but be careful, Han.
Han 我举双手赞成 不过得小心点
Female to male is very tricky.
Well, you would know.
He must have already started on the hormones.
Now, here's my big decision.
We're moving from those icky glass ketchup bottles
to modern, new squeeze bottles.
Wow, that is some fresh, outside the box thinking.
哇哦 真是推陈出新 打破常规啊
It's like being an intern at Apple during the summer of '76.
That's right. Call me "Han Jobs."
没错 叫我"Han Jobs"吧 (Han意指自己像乔布斯)
Oh, I will only call you "Han Jobs."
哦 你也只能叫"Han Jobs"(Han Jobs谐音hand jobs 讽Han只能打♥飞♥机 找不着女人)
I can't believe everybody else is gone,
and we're stuck here doing this.
Eew, this has a really toxic plastic smell.
Give me that.
Max, are you huffing a ketchup bottle?Max
Mm hmm. I'm hoping it kills the brain cells
that'll remember I'm stuck
doing ketchups on a friday night.
Max, give it to me!Max
Whether you believe it or not, you're above that.
And you know what? We're above this.
Forget this. Let's go out.
I mean, I'm newly single, and you're not picky.
I'm ready to let my hair down
and have one of those crazy
yet fiscally responsible kind of nights.
You mean steal other girls' drinks
when they go to the bathroom?
Seriously, what can you do in Williamsburg
if you have less than $20?
Hang out on the sidewalk and look good till you turn 35.
Then turn to your friends and say, "I have to move home."
Hey, you know what?
The Raveonettes are playing the Lorimer Lounge.
Raveonettes Lorimer Lounge(丹麦摇滚组合)要演唱
We got a little tip money and lot of deeds.
So let's just watch the magic unfold.
I haven't seen the Raveonettes live
since I saw them in Denmark.
That is crazy because I first heard of them
when I was dry humping a guy named Mark in his den,
Wow, my life has really changed.
The last time I was in an alley behind a club,
I was in an SUV with one of the Olsen twins.
注释：Olsen twins 双胞胎电视明星
I still don't know which one.
Hey, speaking of the Olsen twins,
I once woke up next to a garden gnome.
Well, so much for our plan.
Yes, we've still got "doze," but no tickets.
There's gotta be a way for us to get in.
What up, ladies?
Hi. Moo. Whatever.
嗨 "哞" 神马的
You need tickets?
Well, Bessie, we might be interested.
You can have 'em for free if the blonde one milks me.
How bad do you want those tickets, Caroline?
Ha, not that bad.
Bye. Moo. Whatever.
拜 "哞" 神马的
Sorry, Max, but I can't come back
from pulling a strange man's teats.
You think that, and then you do it, and it's not so bad.
既然已经想了 就动手做吧 没那么恶心的
Wow, New York without money is like no magic.
There's magic all over the city with or without money.
You just have to make your own.
Oh. Purse beer.
Sorry there's no purse nachos.
I ate them all.
Best I can do is, uh,
the cheese dust down near the birth control.
Okay, this is ratchet.
We're just standing here like a couple of Beckys.
Where's your magic now? Oh, you wanna see magic?
说好的奇迹呢? 哦 你想见证奇迹吗?
Let me in, dumbos.
Abra ca damn dabra!
妈咪 妈 咪 哄!
You know, I don't know what that trash bin said to you,
but you make a cute couple.
I think it'd be a shame to break up
before you got to see what your kids would look like.
Well, it's been a rough couple of years for us,
What with me considering grad school
and him being a trash can, but what can I say?
It's love. I understand.
Americans love their garbage.
How else would you explain
the Real Housewives of everything?"
You're welcome for Euro Disney, by the way.
My name's Graham. I'm with the band.
Max. I'm with the blonde.Max
You two can come and hang backstage if you like.
Your boyfriend can stay outside and get trashed.
Hey, ratchet ass becky, we're in.
嘿 意淫妹 我们可以进去了
Earl, I'm worried.Earl
I haven't seen Max since she leftMax
with that guy last night.
I've called her a million times. She picked up once,
and she was either having sex or fighting a bear.
Don't you worry. Max can take care of herself.
I once saw her push a truck out of her way with her mind.
Pardon my appearance,
but I was just in the park
running after the high school boys' track team.
I told her it was fine with me.
I know she will never catch one of them.
Oh, says you.
I'm going to the prom with Brandon.
Yeah, if his...if his dad will lend him the car.
Sophie, I always love when you wear that outfit.Sophie
It makes me wanna xana do you.
Pip pip and cheerio.
Max, thank god. I was so worried.Max
Wait, why do you look extra pretty?
Probably the new shades I didn't pay for,
Or the hours of him going downton on my abbey.
Hold up. No spoilers.
I haven't started season three yet.
Earl, you watch that show?Earl
Yes, I do.
I enjoy any show where the help is white.
So you slept with that guy?
Oh, I really slept with that guy.
You go, girl.
Don't stop till you get enough!
I'm surprised you spent the night.
Don't you usually leave before they realize
there's nothing in their wallet?
Last night you were complaining about no magic.
Then I woke up this morning to a view of the park
and hot cinnamon rolls.
Now I'm back at the diner but full of cinnamon rolls.
Boom. Magic. Suck it, David Blaine.
这就是奇迹 承认吧 魔术大师
Well, at least you had fun. The only fun I had last night
was when that cow dude passed out on his feet,
and I tipped him over.
So are you gonna see him again?
And I realize you haven't heard these words
since you lost your money, but you're invited.
So you're asking me to be the third wheel
on a two night one night stand?
So I guess a private plane and two tickets
to the Grammys in L.A. Won't do it for you either?
Cause, bitch, we're invited!
The Grammys? That's so exciting.
Oh, and my self esteem could really use
being mistaken for Taylor Swift right now.
Which tells you how low my self esteem is.
The guy is sending a private plane for me.
A private plane!
That's how good I am in bed.
We're going to the Grammys! What is all of the excitement?
Han, we need the weekend off. We're going to the Grammys.Han
The Grammys? On the real real?
Do you think you'll meet 2 chainz?
That's my boi!
No, he can't be your boi, he's my boi.
不不不 他不是你的最爱 是我的最爱
2 chainz is the man. He sings my anthem.
2 chainz是真汉子 唱出我的心声
We represent the lollipop guild?
I'm talking about his ode to big booty hos.
Birthday song is my song.
No, birthday song is my song.
Every morning in the shower I rap
all I want for my birthday is a big booty ho ##
我想要的生日礼物就是个翘屁♥股 嗬 #
Wow, that actually makes you look whiter.
I'll give you the weekend off
if you get him to sign my concert t shirt.
Well, we're never gonna meet him, but done.
好吧 虽然我们不可能遇到他 但是就这样说定了
All my dreams are coming true!
This is so exciting.
I am finally going a plane ride.
Max, you've never been on a plane?Max
I've never been on a plane.
Max, even snakes have been on a plane.Max
Good morning, madame. Welcome aboard.
It's a lovely day for a flight, yes?
I am Agnes, and if there is anything that you need at all,
you can just let me know. Hmm?
Please don't lag behind.
I just got French bombed, and I have no idea what she said,
but I think we should tip her.
Oh, my god.
I can't believe...
I'm back on a private plane.
Max, thank you so much for having sex with that stranger.Max
Aw, it was my pleasure.
Welcome aboard, I am Agnes.
I can take those for you.
Do you have luggage?
Agnes 我是Caroline 她是Max
Oh, thank you. I'm not Angelina Jolie.
哦 谢谢你 我可不是Angelina Jolie
I get that a lot.
You speak french very well.
这是一堆法语 实在不好意思编.. 故不译了
That's all I know.
And every time you ice me out with her,
that's what's coming your way.
Okay, so how does this work?
Do we need tickets? Where do I sit?
Because I don't wanna embarrass myself
in front of French Stewart.
Max, there are no seat assignments.Max
You can sit anywhere.
Oh, cool. Like a.a.
I love a g5.
This reminds me so much of the plane we used to have.
Wait, Max, this plane looks very familiar.
Max, this was my plane.
Well, it's my plane now.
Wait, if this was my plane... Which it isn't.
等等 如果这架是我的飞机的话... –要是不是呢
There'd be something I hid down here for emergency.
Money? Gold? Kettle corn?
是钱? 金块? 还是好吃的?
Yep. My channel lip gloss.
Abra ca damn dabra.
You were a billionaire,
and for an emergency, you hid lip gloss?
Just in case something went wrong.
I wanted to look good if I was going down.
You know they don't care what you look like
as long as you go down.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I'm glossing like a rich gal.
This has gotta last me two years.
Would you like a towel?
Max, they're free.
Oh, like the doughnuts at A.A.
Jeez, that's hot!
You should warn a bitch.
So sorry. It's her first time on a plane.
请不要介意 对了 请给我们端两杯香槟吧
We only are waiting for one more passenger,
and then we'll be departing.
Ooh, the last time I had champagne
was at a Filipino wedding I crashed at a DoubleTree.
Another passenger? I wonder who it could be.
Probably my mother.
Every time something great is about to happen to me,
she shows up and ruins it.
In 20 hours, we went from beer in an alley
to DOM on a plane.
That's pretty magical.
Yeah, this could not get any better.
Max, it did just get better.Max
That's 2 Chainz. I can't believe it.
那是2 Chainz 真是不敢相信啊
Good morning. How y'all doing?
Monsieur Deux Chainz, good morning.2 Chainz
Coffee, water, champagne?
咖啡 茶水 还是香槟?
No, I'm really tired. I just wanna crash.
不用 我很累 想睡一会(也有"坠落"之意)
Not the plane.
Do you have any sleepy time tea?
sleepy time tea"?"
That is so gangster!
Oh, we're moving.
Max, buckle your seat belt. We're about to take off.Max
I'm a little scared.
What's it gonna feel like?
Oh, that's it? That feels familiar.
Guess I have a private plane in my nightstand.
I can't believe this.
I'm standing in a flying living room eating ham.
That's prosciutto from Italy.
It's ham from right over there.
And I'm about to go ham on this ham.
It's been two hours.
When is 2 Chainz gonna wake up? I want a picture.
2 Chainz什么时候会醒啊? 我想拍张照
You want him to wake up for a picture?
I'll handle that.
Nothing. Do it again.
Wow, that sleepy time really knocks you out.
He must have two bagged it.
He's totally out. Let's just do it.
Wait, we're just gonna take his picture,
nothing else, right? Yes.
不干别的 对吧? 对啊
Okay, 'cause I can see how these things
can get out of hand.
Okay, I'm first. No, no, no, I'm first.
好吧 我先来 不不不 我先来
It's my plane. Well, actually it's my plane.
Was your plane. It's mine now.
I had morning sex for it with a leg cramp.
Wait, do another, do another.
New facebook default.
In fact, this is my new default pic for everything
including my tombstone.
Since you did boobs, I'm gonna put my booty in his face,
cause all he wants for his birthday is a big booty ho.
Closer. I can't get both of you.
I never get tired of waking up like this.
Oh, Mr. Chainz, I am so mortified.Chainz
I didn't wanna bother you. I was just gonna be cool.
Oh, that ship sailed with the butt pic
and then crashed with "Mr. Chainz."
I just wanted a picture because I am such a huge fan.
And I wanted to wish you luck tonight at the Grammys
because your music means a lot to me.
And I totally related when you said
When I die bury me inside the Gucci store ##
当我死了 把我埋在Gucci店 #
True. # When I die #
对 # 当我死了 #
bury me inside the Louis store ##
Unh. # All I want for my birthday #
额哦 # 我所有的生日愿望 #
is a big booty ho ##
All I want for my birthday is a big booty ho ##
我所有的生日愿望 就要个翘屁♥股哟 #
Hey, what's the party, players?
嘿 歌手们 派对可好?
I heard "booty" and I heard "ho",
so I had to do a pop in.
Always some weird white guy coming to crash a party.
Stop. No way.
I can't believe it's you flying this plane.
Caroline, it's been so long since I've seen you.Caroline
Bring it in. Oh, Max, this is Bill.
The pilot. The pilot?
Why is he walking around?
Brace for crash! Brace for crash!
It's okay, it's on autopilot.
Autopilot. That's how I live my life.
Pilot Bill is an old pal.
He used to fly my friends and I around in college.
Yeah, good times.
This is my friend, Max,
and it's her very first time on an airplane.
Hey, mine too.
Listen, Max, why don't you take a stroll down thereMax
and check out the cockpit?
If it's anything like the gay bar
on 14th street, I'm not dressed right.
It is so good to see you.
And, God, I'd forgotten how beautiful you are.
Oh, thank you, pilot Bill.
Bill 嘴真甜 飞行员
You know, I never thought I had a chance with you before
because you had so much money and I was 20 years older,
but now you're broke and I had a facelift,
so we're kinda on the same level.
Oh, a facelift?
That's why your face is so tight and pink?
I thought maybe you were in a fire.
But you look good.
Sure, let's go out. Great.
可以啊 我们约会吧 太棒了
I'm gonna grab a coffee.
I'll be right back.
What you doing going out with a guy like that?
Well, here's the thing,
You don't tell the pilot flying the plane you're on
That you don't wanna go out with him.
You just keep flirting with him until we land.
I gotta make it to the Grammys.
So, Max, you've really never been on a plane before?
Well, technically it's my second time
嗯 硬要说的算的话 这是第二次
If you count rock o plane ride at the carnival.
Guess I was rockin' that plane too hard,
Cause halfway through the ride,
My mini 747 fell off its gears, and I crashed to the ground.
There would have been a lawsuit,
But the carnie paid me off with a snow cone,
And also no one cared about me as a child.
Well, go ahead, put your hands on the wheel.
嗯 来吧 去抓方向盘吧
Give it a spin. No, I'm good.
转一转 免了 这样就好
Wow, we are really up there.
I have never been this high.
And trust me, I have been high.
Yeah, I hear that.
No one liked to get high more than me.
I did everything... Pills, weed, coke,
什么都玩过... 摇♥头♥丸 大♥麻 可卡因
And what's that called when you crumble the coke on your weed?
Anyway, I loved to get high.
But that's all way behind me now.
I've been clean and sober
Ever since that Denzel flight movie came out.
It's still in the theaters.
Yep, saw it last week.
Maybe I will put my hands on the wheel.
You know, just in case.
It's the carnival ride all over again!
I broke the plane! I broke the plane!
Okay, everything's under control.
Just sit down, sit down. Put your seat belt on.
坐下就好 坐下 系上安全带
And, uh, Caroline, here's my cellular.
Of course, you can always still get me at my mom's, so...
当然啦 你也可以去我妈妈那儿找我 所以...
Go save the plane!
We'll be fine.
I was not meant to die as the second banana
in a cross country booty call.
What did she say?
I have no idea.
I heard "love" and "why now?" so just in case.
I should tell you I took $10 out of the cupcake fund
For a big mac and never told you.
I should tell you I took $100 out of the cupcake fund
To keep my hair this naturally blonde.
Okay, everybody. We got a bit of a situation.
好了 各位 这里出了点情况
Looks like my new girlfriend's friend broke the plane.
No, I'm just kidding. We had some engine trouble.
没有啦 我开玩笑的 引擎出了点问题
We're going to have to make an emergency landing in Kansas.
Why don't you keep us in the air?
How about you go give the pilot a little love?
Okay, thank you.
Well, good news.
We're not stranded here.
I just got off the phone,
and according to my new boyfriend, captain facelift,
Your new boyfriend, the Brit, is flying us home tomorrow
on a commercial flight. Coach.
I don't do coach.
And I am pretty positive 2 chainz would have taken us
On that other plane they sent if you hadn't rapped for 30 minutes
In that corn field after we landed.2 chainz
I don't care what you say.
I burned that corn field up.
Here, let's eat something.
They delivered the food.
Slim jims, cheez its, pizza pringles,
瘦不拉叽的火腿 奶酪 披萨味的品客薯片
and two ham and cheese sandwiches.
Ham? Where's the prosciutto?
There is none.
Because we're at a motel in Kansas.
And the lady at the front desk called me a snob
For ordering the pizza pringles.
I can't believe I'm not at the Grammys,
And I'm stuck here eating a lousy vending machine sandwich.
Well, it's better than doing those ketchups in the diner.
And crash landing in a corn field with a rap star
with our heads still attached... That's pretty magical, right?
而且咱们还没掉脑袋 这已经是奇迹了 对吧
Yeah, and 2 chainz did say
对啊 而且2 chainz确实说了
he enjoyed meeting us and that we're two fine, big booty hos.
That's pretty magical.
Han's gonna be so jealous when he finds out
Han 要是知道我们遇见2 chainz
I met our boy.
Oh, my god, we forgot to get Han's t shirt signed.
哦 老天 我们忘了帮
Or did we?
When you don't have enough money to fix your own mistakes,
You've gotta make your own magic.
Max, it's 2 chainz with a "z" not an "s."
Max 2 chainz的最后一个字母是"Z"不是"S"
Damn! The one time I know how to spell something,
妈的! 唯一会的一个词 还让我拼错
And it comes back to bite me in the ass.
Ooh, it's starting.
Ready to go to the Grammys?
Don't get any Ham on the dress.
We have to return these to get our money back.
You think beyonce's saying that right now?
Hey, if we can make our own magic,
We can make our own Grammys. The Grammys...
Max black, who are you wearing?Max black
Who are you wearing? My roommate's rent.
You're right, this is pretty magical.
But wait, I think it can get better.
Way more magical.
You know, this kind of feels like the private plane.
Yeah, the one I have in my nightstand.