Welcome to the Williamsburg diner.
My name's Max, 'cause the hospital
wouldn't let my mother name me "Oops."
Uh, I've been out of town all summer.
Anything new? Let's see.
Well, Facebook went public,
and Edward Snowden went private.
爱德华·斯诺登 揭露了美国政♥府"棱镜计划" 潜逃在外
Kim and Kanye had a baby, so now
there's another Kardashian to not "keep up" with.
Paula Deen is out, gay marriage is in,
宝拉·迪恩 美国知名美食节目女主持 因种族歧视语言而被电视台不续约处分
And a teacher in California is out
for letting her students get it in.
Justin Bieber got a hit and run,
Chris Brown got a hit and run,
Rihanna got hit and still didn't run.
Oprah gave Lindsay $2 million,
Cunnilingus gave Michael Douglas throat cancer,
and Michael Douglas gave guys everywhere
another excuse not to do that.
Egypt went crazy, Amanda Bynes went crazier,
埃及与2013年八月的抗♥议造成数百人死伤 亚曼达·拜恩斯 女童星起家 近来行为各种失控
and the NSA checks our phones like a crazy ex girlfriend.
Oh, and Texas hates women, Florida hates blacks,
德州通过了一系列歧视女人的法案 佛罗里达发生协警错杀黑人少年案件 被判无罪
And everybody hates everything with the exception
of Angelina Jolie, who is totally awesome.
I meant on the menu. Anything new on the menu?
I have no idea. Let me check.
Hey, Caroline, anything new I should know about?
The royal baby smiled at the queen.
I meant at the diner.
Oh. I think we're maybe washing the forks now?
Let me check.
See, Max, one quick change,
麦克斯 你看 衣服一换
and we went from polyester and pitiful to powerful and proud.
Just like superman.
Except that superman changed in a phone booth,
Not a stall that says, "For a good time, call Max."
Well, if you have a problem with it, why did you write it?
'Cause I didn't have enough eyeliner to write,
"For an interesting time, call Caroline.""
Look. Look, Earl, we're wearing our
"Max's Homemade Cupcakes" T shirts again.
See the logo?
Well, actually, I try never
to look you ladies in the "chestal" area.
It keeps things on the up and up.
Oh, Earl, you are one in a million, literally,
'cause 999,999 men have only looked me in that area.
Well, I got to go home.
I'm binge watching Dharma and Greg on Hulu.
Oh, I missed so much growing up in Korea.
What, like puberty?
Max, in my country, I'm average height.
麦克斯 在我国家 我是中等身高
And in my mind, I'm still rich,
and my health care plan isn't Flintstones chewables.
So who wants to go in the back
and see how amazing our brand new cupcake shop is?
Bring down the enthusiasm, Rachael Ray.
Right, we're not supposed to get all excited about this opening tonight.
Last time, we made a big deal,
and the shop didn't do so well.
Ha! That's like saying the people
near the nuclear explosion didn't do so well.
Girls, I am so proud of you two,
getting back up on that horse.
After my first jazz record didn't sell,
I turned to a life of drinks, drugs, and loose women.
我就开始喝酒 吸毒 玩骚货的生活
Funny how sometimes things just work out right.
But how can you be opening your cupcake window right now?
It's 2:00 A.M. Our hours are 2:00 to 4:00.
We're targeting the "post bars" demographic.
Drunk Williamsburg guys.
That's my target when I'm by myself
And now my target at the new shop.
Funny how sometimes things just work out right.
We have no big expectations about the opening tonight.
It's a soft opening.
What's the difference between a soft one and a hard one?
You want me to show him?
Thanks, but we're cool.
Seriously, it won't take me a minute.
It's fine, Oleg.
Just so you know, I'm already there.
Get ready, this room's had an amazing transformation.
Rachael Ray? I mean, it's fine, whatever.
瑞秋·芮 还行啦 随便吧
Han, before we go in, close your eyes.
I want you to get the full effect.
Yeah, and I want to trip you.
She's kidding. No, she's not.
Yeah, I'm not.
Han, I promise, I won't let her trip you.
Now, close your eyes.
What? Now, I thought she was going to hit me.
She was not. Yeah, I was.
Okay, no more blind eye bull crap.
Just show me the damn smelly back room.
Let me turn off the lights for a more dramatic impact.
What? I didn't do anything.
It was me.
He now knows what hard is.
I cannot believe my eyes.
I felt the same way when I first saw you.
Original tan, original tile, original too.
What do you think, Oleg?
"Nice"? All you got is "nice""
This place was like great adventure for rats!
They were waiting in line to bite us.
Caroline, show them your bite marks.
I'd rather not. Nice?
It used to smell like the place poop comes to die.
Or death comes to poop.
And look what we did! We created the greatest,
coolest, chic est cupcake shop, and I love it!
But you know, no enthusiasm. Just a soft opening.
And, Han, this was all possible
because you gave us the space rent free.
Rent free? Now, refresh my memory.
When exactly did I say "rent free?"
On the 27th, 4:15 P.M., you said,
"I don't care about that dump, you can have it for free."
burn it to the ground, for all I care."
I knew learning English would come back to bite me in the ass.
Soone's already knocking?
That's a really great sign, Max.
Time to open.
Look, girls, I'm blowing this party horn for you.
Thanks, Sophie, but we didn't want to make a big deal,
it's a soft opening.
Oh, I love a soft opening.
Hello, Sophie. Oh, hello, Oleg.
你好啊 苏菲 你好 奥列格
Sorry, Sophie, about this uncomfortable meeting.
If we had known you were going to surprise us,
We wouldn't have invited Oleg.
Yeah, I was there when you two broke up
and I'm still suffering from PTSD.
"Post traumatic Sophie drama.""
There's no drama.
And the award for the best drama goes to...
not us. Right, Oleg?
绝非我们 对吧 奥列格
Yes, we're friends now.
See, girls, I cheated on her,
So she smashed in my car windows.
and my apartment windows.
And your stereo and your flat screen.
And my brother's flat screen and his daughter's computer.
Yeah, she surprised me.
She wasn't supposed to be home.
We got it out of our systems. Good night, friend.
这些都是过眼云烟了 晚安 朋友
Good night, friend.
That is one lucky horn.
Honey, look. Look, some customers.
宝贝 你们看 有客人
Hey, cool guys!
Come over here and eat something from the girls' soft opening!
That is so not the way I would've gone,
But I'll take it.
What have we got here?
Welcome to Max's Homemade Cupcakes.
In England we call 'em "fairy cakes."
Fairy cakes? Damn it.
Why are the hot ones always gay?
Here you go darling, give us the whole lot.
给 宝贝 整盘给我们吧
Oh, my God!
卡中之王 不设透支上限 不接受申请
A black American Express card?
I haven't held a black one in my hands in years.
I would've guessed you hadn't held a black one ever.
Sorry, it's our first night. Cash only.
抱歉 今晚刚开张 只收现金
Oh, wow. He is really out of it.
What is he on? Besides me later?
Do not know, but am jealous.
And now I'm really jealous.
I'm sure he'll be fine.
Oh, I'd say he's more than fine.
I'd say he's my next boyfriend.
Roland, mate, wake up.
罗兰 兄弟 醒醒啊
He's not breathing.
I can't wake him, call 911!
Let's all just calm down.
I have seen this happen a lot.
One summer I had a part time job
as a lifeguard at a crack house.
He'll come to in a second.
Called that wrong.
Max, the guy who died in front of our shop last night
was a rock star.
He used to date Kate Moss.
No offense, but dating Kate Moss
is like a law in England.
Everyone has to do it when they turn 21.
His name was Roland Gass, and he has two gold records.
I can't believe I've never heard of him.
Your go to jam is the soundtrack from Newsies.
Yesterday a rock star, and today he's gone.
You never know.
That's why I ordered us breakfast
from the fancy breakfast place on the corner.
You ordered from Magna Cum Latte?
Every day when I pass by it, I think two things:
one, I wish I had a gun.
And, two, someday I'm gonna order breakfast to be delivered
二 有一天要跟它们订早餐 让它们送
with one of their fancy ass croissants.
Who knows, tonight I could do too much heroin
and die an unexpected death.
But at least then I'd die doing something my mother loved.
You're right, Max. You only live once.
你说得对 麦克斯 人生只有一次
And you only live till the next time you say "Yolo."
Oh, no. More bad news.
According to my google alert for Max's Homemade Cupcakes
You have a google alert for our business?
I only have a google alert for "Oprah goes topless."
I'm not saying it's gonna happen,
but I'm saying, if it does,
I'm gonna be the first one to know.
Look, it's online that Roland Glass died in front of our shop.
And now my phone just died. It's an epidemic.
Oleg, what are you still doing with the arrow from our shop?
I thought you said that was hung.
No, I said I was hung.
And I can't put it up now
with that crowd of people in front of your window.
There are people in front of our window?
Dude, is this where my man Roland died?
Yeah, right over there.
Then I'm gonna put this here next to paddington bear.
I caught this at his last concert.
And I also caught this.
So, like, what, dude? He just dropped to the ground?
Actually, he hit right here first, smiled, then fell.
他是先撞到这里 笑了 然后才倒下
He smiled? Dude.
Max, can I see you over here?
Sorry for your loss. And dope hat.
Thanks. I found it in a dumpster.
Max, what are you doing?
Don't tell them he hit our counter.
We need to distance ourselves from the entire event.
This spells disaster for our new business.
Dude, can I get three dozen cupcakes?
Or it spells success.
I have beaucoup friends coming here for the midnight vigil.
How much are your cupcakes?
That's a lot.
Dude. Roland would've wanted it that way.
* Knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door **
敲呀敲 敲开天堂之门 *
And he hit right here before he fell.
And as he fell, he looked up at me and smiled.
That'll be $7, cash only.
Mira, can you break a 50?
Yeah, what do you need?
Change for a 50. Got it.
一张50块 给人找钱 好的
I mean, why, God, why?
* Knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door **
敲呀敲 敲开天堂之门 *
Ten, ten, ten, ten.
* Heaven's door **
Max, we're almost sold out in here.
I need more cupcakes from the kitchen. Got it.
I'll come right in.
Same split as before. 30 cents on every dollar you sell.
What a waste.
You know how much money we could make if we sold pot?
Oh, you want in on that too? Same split.
Oh, man, that hippie patchouli smell
is worse than the poop was.
Han, shh. These people are in mourning.
阿憨 小声点 人们在哀悼呢
Show some respect.
Me? Me show some respect?
What will you two do next,
sell cupcakes at the diabetes wing at the children's hospital?
How dare you doubt my sincerity?
I personally have shooed a homeless man
away from peeing on that shrine twice.
I don't care what I may or may not have said
on the 27th at 4:15 P.M.
Your business is booming, and now I want rent.
No way, Han. That man could've overdosed anywhere.
But God made him overdose in front of our window as a gift.
And, yes, we are accepting that gift because you only live once.
没错 因为人生只有一次 所以我们接受这份礼物
This isn't "yolo", It's "hodo""
He only died once.
I'm surprised you aren't selling "hodo" T shirts.
How dare you again?
We are simply providing some comfort food
to people who need comfort.
And, I might add, we are doing it with the utmost respect.
* Knock, knock, knocking on the Apple store's door **
敲呀敲 敲开苹果专卖店的大门 *
That's it, your business is booming,
I want rent. 200.
A month, and it's a bargain for my beautiful space.
This space is only beautiful because we made it beautiful.
Yeah, show 'em your bite marks!
Max, I'd rather not.
You will pay me $200 a month,
and there is nothing you can do to change my mind!
Show him your bite marks! Fine!
A rat bit her ass?
No rent, Han. That wasn't the deal you made us.
不许收租 阿憨 当初我们可不是这么说的
This is not personal, it's business.
I want a slice of grief pie!
Show him your front bites!
No! That's too personal.
Sorry you had to do that. So am I.
It's healing nicely. Don't lie to me.
I think it's nice of us to add our flowers to the others.
You're acting like you didn't steal them.
Max, it's the thought that counts.
And I thought it'd be cheaper to pull them out of someone's garden.
Wait, where's the shrine?
Look, Han moved it over to the diner door.
That insolent charlatan!
Whatever that means.
* Knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door **
Can you believe this, girls?
He's cashing in on a man's death.
And in his honor, tonight we are serving
Chicken a la Roland!
At a mourner's discount of just $8.
Looks like Jiminy Cricket turned to the dark side.
I also have rock star pudding.
Nope. No way, Max. This is our shrine.
这样不行 麦克斯 这是我们的悼念圣坛
Grab a handful of bears.
We're moving the dead guy shrine back?
Wait, let me just light a candle for my dignity.
It died here too.
Max, do you want to be successful or not?
Because if you do, grab one of these poems
that doesn't follow any of the rules of poetry,
and move it back to the cupcake window.
Because this is our death.
I think maybe you're being a little harsh.
"Rock out in heaven. Love, Kevin.""
Oops, knocked over a candle.
Ooh, small fire, small fire.
Fire on my shoe.
If I don't get this out, it's gonna be my memorial service.
Those girls are disrupting the shrine of a dead man!
Look, look, a roach got out of the diner!
Quick, step on it!
Look, hippies, look! Put down those bongs and look.
嬉皮士们 快看 把大♥麻烟枪放下看一眼
They're moving the place where a man died
for their own financial gain!
Hey, that's so not cool, man.
Yeah, come on. Yeah, boo!
对啊 快回来 呸呸呸
He's the not cool one. Yeah, look at him!
他才是那个不酷的人 对啊 看他
Roland Glass died a horrible death
in front of our adorable cupcake window.
See? "Horrible, adorable"?
听见没 "可怕地 可爱地"
That rhyme just came right off the top of my head.
Hey! Hi. Hi.
I told him to stop peeing on the shrine
when it was still over there!
Isn't that right?
Yep. That's the bitch.
Yes! Yes! I'm the bitch!
So not cool, dude. Let's get him out of here.
这样可不酷 兄弟 把他扔出去
That's my wallet!
Ooh, stop! That's not my wallet.
Cast of Rock of Ages, stop!
Put him down. He's cool.
Even with those clothes and that head.
I mean, really.
Are we that desperate for success?
We'd let Han be torn apart?
Caroline Max, I'm thinking.
卡洛琳 麦克斯 我说了我在想
Well, no one's knock, knock,
knocking on our door now.
It's more dead out there
than when there was a dead guy out there.
I'm having second thoughts about how we behaved today.
I mean, how could we have let Han live?
I brought you some rock star pudding to say thank you.
Oh, rock star pudding. What's in it, pills?
摇滚明星布丁 里面都有啥 药
Broken dreams? Tear stained panties?
I'm not as easy as Max.
Said every girl in my seventh grade class.
Look, I was wrong.
No, Han, I was.
不 阿憨 是我错了
We should pay rent.
I wasn't talking about the rent.
Rent? Who said anything about rent?
I was wrong when I said
it wasn't personal, it was business.
After Max stopped me from being torn
limb from limb by the smelly hippies,
I realized, with us, it is mostly personal.
And a little business.
A little business?
What other kind could you have?
Max, let's not be hard on Han.
He's giving us this space rent free.
No one said "rent free."
I came up with a number I think is fair.
$250,000. Yeah, sounds fair.
25万 是呀 真公平
I remembered that was your original cupcake shop goal.
So when you hit that amount, we can talk rent.
Han, that is so sweet.
And I'm not gonna ruin it by bringing up the fact
that she just said "hard on Han."
Really, Han, it's so, so generous.
真的 阿憨 你真是太好了
But I don't know if we're comfortable with it.
What if we offered you a small piece of the business?
I'll wait for the rent. You two are good friends.
A woman finally offers Han a piece,
and he turns it down.
Max. Google alert.
Max, let that go. That's never gonna happen.
麦克斯 别想了 那是不可能的
Not with that attitude.
No, the autopsy says Roland Glass
choked on a Max's Homemade Cupcake.
This is a disaster.
Hey, where's your enthusiasm now, Miss Rachael Ray?
This place is the balls!
And it's just a matter of time
till those sicko hipsters are lining up
for "one of those cupcakes that killed that dude""
Open the window! We're back, baby!
But we can't count on a guy dying every week.
I mean, I have a positive attitude,
but that's too pollyanna.
We don't have to.
That's what's so great about this window.
Who knows what'll happen?
Right, and we won't have to chase business down
because we'll be right here on the street
waiting for it to come to us.
Max, I feel so good about the possibilities.
One night it could be a black American express card,
Max, is it...
Other nights, it's a friendly little visit
from our homeless guy.