That was like our tenth gay guy tonight.
Let's hope our gay buzz lasts longer than Adam Lambert's.
亚当·兰伯特 《美国偶像》选秀节目上的知名参赛者 是已出柜的男同性恋 曾引起一阵讨论热潮
Oh, it will. I'm all over it.
And by "it," I mean I'm all over Grindr.
Max, why are you on that app?
You're not a gay man looking for anonymous sex.
Don't put me in a box!
You told me to find ways to drum up business.
Well, I'm drumming it up by showing off
This guy's "bid'ness."
I pretended to be a rough and ready Puerto Rican guy
who still likes to cuddle.
That there's gay chum, my friend.
Ooh, I hooked a big one. Get the net.
你看 钓上大鱼了 拿好渔网
Hi. Was a muscular Puerto Rican guy just here?
When is there not?
Would you like to purchase a delicious cupcake while you wait?
Well, maybe, while I wait.
My phone says he's right here.
Here, this is on the house,
Because the muscular gay guy, that's him.
It's cool that you're transitioning,
but you really should let people know you're not Puerto Rican.
He said he was 22 and butch, so I'm mad too.
Earl, I need my checks for tonight.
Sorry I'm late.
I was ten minutes early for my shift,
so I thought "well, I have 20 minutes to kill,"
and I wandered into this cool surf shop
And saw this guy polishing a surfboard.
A surfer here?
You don't hang ten in Williamsburg,
You hang yourself.
I'm with Max, the only waves we get in Brooklyn
are heat waves and crime waves.
Earl, you never go out to the beach?
I'm ain't gonna get eaten by some shark.
ain't nobody got time for that.
The chances of you being bit by a shark are, like, 0.0001%.
Not if you're black.
Sharks are racist as hell.
That's why they call them "great whites."
Marc, the surfer, and I really hit it off,
And he is so cute, like a young Matthew Mcconaughey,
马修·麦康纳 美国男演员 曾有传言做了植发手术
but with real hair.
So nothing like Matthew Mcconaughey.
I hope he texts me. I love surfing.
I never go in the water, 'cause I know if I start drowning,
I'm not gonna fight it.
When I used to summer in St. Barths,
there'd be these sexy Italian surfers,
and they'd invite us to sunbathe on their boards.
I mean, they robbed us, but it was amazing.
Caroline, if you're looking for that kind of guy,
I have a cousin who loves the water.
It's the only place he can move his legs.
Oh, sweet. No thanks.
挺好啊 但不用了 谢谢
Well, think about it.
You'll be at the front row of every concert,
and he doesn't move around a lot when he sleeps.
Here, give old ironside my number.
What? I love music, and if he bugs me,
the city has one of those free vans that'll take him home.
It's the surfer asking me out to dinner!
And he thinks he can get us into the hot, new spot,
Harlow and daughters.
Oh, that's that trendy restaurant that replaced
a perfectly good Hot Dog On a Stick.
Good night, broke ass divas.
Good night, brokeback waiter.
I'm gonna go get a massage,
And then, who knows? Maybe give one.
Oh, who am I kidding? I'm coming back here pregnant.
Luis, can you work for me tomorrow?
Absolutely not, no.
Oleg's working, and I'll ask him to wear his fishnet tank top.
Dinner with a cute guy
who has connections to the "A" list place?
I'm living my old life.
Did your old life have one of these?
Caroline, what is my number one diner rule?
Don't tell anyone the meat isn't real?
Come on. If you can see it, it's real.
哪有啊 你们眼能见 就是真的啊
Don't tell anyone you buy the shrimp
out of your friend's trunk?
He lays down a blanket! No.
Max, he got us the reservation!
I'm going to dinner at the new "it" place.
Ooh, the "it" place!
"Let's have dinner at the 'it' place.""
How come this isn't the "it" place?
This isn't an "it" place.
It's more of an "it" hole.
Okay, so how do we become an "it" place?
First, burn the place down, start fresh.
Then you create hype by making it
impossible to get a reservation.
You basically refuse to let anyone in.
Can I be the first?
Okay, I've put my date purse together.
I've got my gum, my gloss, and a $20 bill
放了口香糖 唇蜜 以及一张20块钞票
to make it seem like I have money,
which I will return to the register at the diner tomorrow.
Well, you're welcome to use my date purse.
It's a ziploc with a cigar and a change of boxers.
And my phone is fully charged,
so I can call an uber car to take me home.
An uber car?
You can't afford a fancy town car.
Yesterday, you used an english muffin to exfoliate.
Yeah, and then I ate it.
Plus, it's on our joint credit card,
which means every time you make a dumb purchase,
you owe me a joint.
I don't want to have him take me home
and give him the wrong idea.
Oh, please do give him the wrong idea.
Stay out all night with the surfer.
ride his half pipe.
That's not surfboard, that's snowboard.
Perfect, 'cause I'm snow bored with this conversation.
What do you think? These things on full display?
I hate to be that roommate,
but I didn't say you could borrow my breasts.
What? It's just a push up bra, chicken cutlets,
a little tissue, and some tape.
You know, natural.
Just go on your date already!
Nancy and I have been really looking forward to you leaving
so we can walk around naked and do some lines of cat nip.
Ooh, that must be him.
Don't worry, he's not coming inside.
He better not, cause we can't afford a baby.
Oh, it's just Sophie.
That was the name of my talk show in Poland.
Oh, how I wish I could have been a guest on that show.
No, there were no guests. It was just Sophie!
Oh, you getting ready for your big date, Caroline?
How did you hear about my date?
Oh, well, your voice travels.
Yeah, I hear everything that does and doesn't happen
down here and down there, so...
So let's just say I'm very glad that you're going on a date.
Oh, and I got you a little present.
Cinnamon mints, for your first kiss.
Oh, that's so sweet, Sophie.
Yeah, and I got you a big grab bag of condoms.
I got all sizes.
I got magnums, I got super magnums,
I got regular, and...
"He's got a great personality.""
Here you go.
Usually, a "great personality"
is the only birth control I need.
Thank you, but I am a lady,
and I won't be needing these until our third date.
Well, you better hurry up and get dressed.
Sophie, I'm already dressed.
And I like what I'm wearing.
Well, just put on a little makeup.
I'm fully made up.
Oh, well, you know, maybe when you do your hair.
Okay, I'm a little behind on my hair.
My boobs were a bigger project than I thought.
And I like what I'm wearing, and I don't have time to change
'cause he's already 20 minutes late.
20 minutes late?
That's a no show.
You've just got stood up.
You got stood up somethin' awful.
I did not get stood up. I've never been stood up.
In fact, I wouldn't even know if I was being stood up,
because that's how little I know about being stood up.
Am I being stood up?
No, you are not. Guys are always late.
I once waited three days for a guy.
But he showed up with the ransom money,
and you don't see me living in a fridge anymore.
Nobody got stood up.
So I'll just sit here and text while we wait...
You know, forever.
And then, finally, when it dawns on you,
we can call our friend oleg, and he can go put a hit on him.
You know what, maybe he thought we were meeting there.
I'm calling the restaurant to see
Yes, hi, has a Marc Faison checked in yet?
He has not.
What about now?
It's just that he was supposed
Well, I'm busy too.
Don't be so snooty,
You used to be a Hot Dog On a Stick.
Just a heads up, if he doesn't show,
I'm still getting naked.
Ooh, there he is!
No, it's from Amazon.
Someone's sending me a copy of He's just not that into you.
Yeah, I'm here for you, girl.
Well, I got stood up.
Remember where you are, Max.
This was the day Caroline Channing got stood up.
Well, screw him for standing you up.
And from now on, never trust a guy
who surfs anything besides porn.
Oh, look, Harlow and Daughters
Has a real old timey, general store kind of vibe.
I guess they take "Throwback Thursday"
really seriously here."
I mean, it's 1840.
Yeah, I wanted to take you back to a time
before you were stood up.
Thank you for making me take the reservation, Max.
I mean, otherwise, I was just gonna
get in bed and be depressed.
You were in bed and you were depressed.
Don't rewrite history just 'cause these folks have.
I mean, we are smack in the belly of Williamsburg ironic chic,
and I want to smack it.
Look, they even have a country clothesline
Hung with baby clothes.
We should get this for Han.
I mean, that is the most pretentious thing I've ever seen.
Hi, welcome to Harlow and Daughters.
I'm the host, Brian Brian.
No, that is.
Yes, hi, um, Brian Brian.
We have a reservation. Faison, party of two.
我们有订位 费森 两人
Is your whole party here?
Well, I don't know how whole I could ever hope to be,
as I'm illegitimate.
Yes, we're both here. Thank you.
是我的 我们俩都到齐了 谢谢
So both you and Mr. Faison are here?
Yes, I'm transitioning. Ask around.
You can have a drink,
and I'll call you when your table is ready.
Thank you, thank you, Brian Brian.
谢谢 谢谢 布莱布莱恩
I'll be right over.
Go use your new boobs to get us a seat at the bar.
Hi, I know what "wait by the bar" means.
I've been working in restaurants
since your clothes were in style.
It means I'll seat you when your
Brian Brian, Bri Bri, B.B., come on.
布莱布莱恩 布莱布莱 小布布 别假了
You and I both know there's no guy coming.
My friend got stood up, so please don't make things worse.
Just take out your cool, little hunting knife
and cut us some slack.
This is where I'd tip you with cash or offer you sex,
but I'm kinda broke and you're kinda gay,
so just be nice.
We don't really need to bring my sexuality into it.
I understand, it's hard to be out 100 years ago.
Right this way, Mr. Faison.
Wow, that was quick. They're so nice here.
Yep, just regular folks,
sitting around designer pickle barrels.
All right, here's your table. Have a seat. Sure, where?
这是你们的位子 请坐 坐哪里
On these Amish birthing stools we're all calling chairs?
Stick to the gay jokes.
Our wifi password is on the ox hide.
Your waitress will be right over.
Max, a waitress will be right over,
and it won't be us.
Look, dirty sawdust floors.
If we got a bag of wood chips,
our apartment could be the new "it" place.
Hello, my name is York.
Hard to believe, but a man named Brian Brian
has been dethroned.
York? That's fun.
"York" as in "New"?
York as in York. Just York.
So what's this bit?
Okay. Well, um, York,
we'd like to start with some drinks.
Having a girls' night out.
All the single ladies put ya hands up!
Yeah, you can't force it.
Our special libation this evening
is "The small pox.""
It's absinthe, cloves, orange bitters
是将苦艾酒 丁香 桔子苦汁
hand muddled in a mason jar.
Was that drink directed by Wes Anderson?
Can we just get two of your "Ye olde" cheapest beers
as soon as possible?
Because Dr. Quinn, I need some medicine, woman.
源自电视剧《Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman》 讲述的是1867年一位女医生的故事 跟服务员的造型是同一年代
York, does the special soup have any garlic?
Oh, my God, no way!
What? Is someone making soap?
No. No garlic?
You still think the surfer's coming.
Well, he might.
See, I was supposed to have a date with this guy
You don't care. So, the soup?
Actually, I'm just taking drink orders right now.
Wow, who loved you?
Eh, I'm guessing she never went to a father/daughter dance
with her mom's weed dealer.
You don't know, Max. Maybe he lost his phone
你又不知道 麦克斯 或许他手机丢了呢
and he didn't have my number, so he's on his way running here.
You think he's just gonna rush in soaking wet
and be like, "Oh, I'm so sorry. The traffic was terrible.
然后跟你说 "抱歉 堵车了
The waves were bumper to bumper."
This is not a Katherine Heigl movie.
Fine, he's not coming.
And I'm not getting into the Katie Heigl thing.
Not here, not now. Let's just enjoy our acorns.
Ooh, "Blocked number."
Maybe it's him. Hello?
Hang up. He's not coming.
Our drinks are right there.
I can see them over yonder, on ye olde bar.
It's been an hour, where is our waitress, Lizzie Borden?
Probably in the back deciding
which words to pronounce weirdly.
I'm starving. Bust out those chicken cutlets.
No wonder they don't have any bad Yelp reviews.
No one's ever tasted their food.
Hi. Um, our drinks?
And did you ask the chef about the soup?
You know, I haven't had a minute.
She hasn't had a minute?
What's she been doing, dancing with wolves?
I mean, have you ever?
I know, can you even?
Byron and I have been here forever,
and have yet to see our dandelion chickpea foie gras.
He's hypoglycemic and I'm Lila.
And I'm pissed. I'm getting our drinks.
Would you get us some wine? Oh, sure, what kind?
能给我们拿点白葡萄酒吗 当然 要什么
A chardonnay for me,
and Byron will have a sauvignon blanc. Max, no,
拜伦要白苏维浓 麦克斯 别去
they'll kick us out and
And what? What, Caroline?
You won't be here when he arrives?
Dear lord, the man is not coming!
I know that, Max, and he's not coming because he died.
我知道 麦克斯 他不会来是因为他死了
He died, that's the only reason I can accept.
What's up? How we all doin' tonight?
Not so good.
My girlfriend just broke up with me.
Oh, yeah? You like blondes?
'cause I got one who's ready to pop.
No, man, I'm into Asian chicks.
Yeah, who isn't?
Except for Asian guys.
Hey, do me a favor, just wait a minute,
and then come over to my table and flirt with my friend.
Why would I do that?
On the house.
Is that the "Dandelion chickpea and other things
that don't belong in a dish together" thing?
All right, your dandelion chickpea,
a chardonnay, and a sauvignon blanc. Enjoy.
一杯夏敦埃 一杯白苏维浓 请享用
What do you think you're doing?
Waiting on tables. Look into it.
York, York, don't be mad.
约克 约克 别生气
Byron was starving and we're thirsty.
Don't kick us out, we're too weak to go anywhere else.
The soup has garlic.
Oh, then no. The salmon, please.
Bring her the damn soup, she ain't kissing nobody tonight.
And I'll have the free range chicken
that thought it had a chance.
For your help. Byron wants you to have it.
Well, Byron is the only real old fashioned thing in here.
I hope you both survive the winter.
Hey, can I join you?
Ooh, I think that "Can I join you?" was to you.
Oh, sure, have a seat.
You're pretty. You have a good body.
Wow, thank you.
That's actually kind of nice to hear,
because this is hard to believe,
but I got stood up tonight,
and it kind of makes me feel good
when you say I'm pretty and I have a good body.
What are you doing?
Oh, I'm on Tinder. It's the straight Grindr.
I just got a hit. Well, I'm out.
Thanks for the drink.
You paid a guy to say I'm pretty?
And then he blew me off?
Oh, my god. I just realized something upsetting.
What, that we could be enjoying
delicious hot dogs on sticks right now?
No, I'm a "B."
No, you're an "A."
That bra just makes you look like a "B."
No, I mean me, as a woman.
I'm a "B."
You know, all this time, I kinda thought I was an "A,"
but maybe I'm just a "B."
That's why he walked away and why the surfer stood me up.
Caroline, I really want to be here for you right now,
but I gotta get a gin fizz to the prospector in the corner.
Max, am I a "B"? Why didn't he come?
麦克斯 我真的是个"B"吗 为什么他不来
All I know about that surfer is that he is a "D"
followed by three other letters.
I'd spell it out for you,
but I'm literally afraid I'd get it wrong.
Interesting that you didn't say I wasn't a "B."
Look, I don't give myself letters in life.
To me, it is clearly a pass/fail situation.
And you're sitting up,
not drooling on yourself, so pass.
Well, well, well,
where have you ladies been all night?
I don't know, I'd say somewhere between 1846 and 1860.
And it is so great to be back in 1
Well, Han, you did a good job of making this place exclusive.
阿憨 厉害啊 把这地方弄得像是人少的潮店
There is literally nobody here.
It wasn't my doing, there was a possum in the men's room.
Correction, there is a possum in the men's room.
Oh, the ingredients are escaping the kitchen again?
Well, I gotta go to the men's room
and pull out the possum.
Oh, is that what you do when we're not here?
Okay, let's sit down in that authentically
run down old booth and eat something.
Yeah, see, those stains aren't fake, that's real blood.
瞧 这些污渍不是假的 那可是真血
I was right here when that guy got stabbed.
Like I said at the time, "Call me 'honey' one more time,
and I will stab you."
You know what I just realized?
Even if I am a "B," at least I'm an authentic "B."
I don't pretend to be something I'm not.
You do kind of pretend to be something you're not.
Finally, I have some customers.
You know, I've been sitting in the back
watching Oleg shuck his corn all night?
Now, Luis knows how to give service.
Come on, chica, don't set me up like that, it's too easy.
拜托 小妞 不用这样 太没挑战性了
Max, I think I'm gonna let go of letter grading myself
and adopt your pass/fail system.
And sitting with you right here is so not a fail.
Oh, it's just Oleg and Sophie.
Oh, my god! You looked 'cause you thought
it was gonna be the surfer! Epic fail!
Hey, what are you two doing together?
Oh, Sophie and I had some business to take care of.
Oh, yeah. Caroline, we got your back.
没错 卡洛琳 我们支持你
That Mike won't be out there surfing again for quite a while.
The surfer's name isn't Mike. It's Marc.
No wonder he kept screaming, "My name is not Marc!"
Well, I'll tell you one thing,
we may have seen a lot of fake things tonight,
but that's a for real possum.
Wow, Han's possum is bigger than I thought it would be.