破产姐妹  第一季 第六集

2 Broke Girls S01E06

2019年7月18日 14:30 推荐到豆瓣

推销蛋糕店


Here you go Earl.
给 厄尔
Table 12 throwing down a credit card on a patty melt.
十二桌的客人就点了个肉饼还要刷卡
They really need those eight airline miles?
他们是有多需要这八英里呀
Where they going... New Jersey?
难不成是想飞去新泽西吗
Credit cards are the downfall of America.
信用卡是美国没落的原因
Well, credit cards and Kim Kardashian.
应该说信用卡与金·卡戴珊
I like her big ass as much as the next man,
我跟普通男人一样,都喜欢她的大屁♥股
but don't go give the damn butt a franchise.
但把屁♥股拿出来卖就不对了
Max I can take a lot.
麦克斯 我自认承受力强
Please keep your sex life to yourself.
你的性能力自己知道就好
I handled it when I lost my fortune
我身败名裂的时候 我挺住了
and I handled it when I lost my fortune.
我身败名裂的时候 我真的挺住了
You said that twice.
你说了两遍
Because I think it bears repeating.
因为我觉得这值得再三强调
But this is too much.
但是这个 我实在挺不住了
That couple that just left...a $50 check
刚走的那对情侣消费了五十块
a $1.47 tip.
却只留下一块四毛七的小费
47 cents?
四毛七呀
Uh I wasn't even aware they were still making pennies.
原来还有在铸造这么小面额的硬币啊
I smiled and bent over backwards giving them service...
我笑脸迎人 卑躬屈膝 难道我的服务
all for $1.47?
就值一块四毛七吗
This makes me the lowest paid hooker in New York.
我就这么成了纽约最廉价的妓♥女
All right give me that check. I'll handle this.
好啦 把账单给我 我来搞定
Was something wrong with the service my girl over here gave you?
我同事的服务有什么不周到的地方吗
No. Tipping's an option.
没 给你多少小费是我的自由
So is me spitting in your food.
在你食物里吐口水也是我的自由
You might want to remember that the next time
下次用硬币打发服务员时
you leave a waitress pennies.
麻烦记住这点
I'm sorry. I didn't know.
抱歉 我并不知情
This was our first and last date.
这是我们初次 也会是最后一次约会
Sorry dude.
抱歉 伙计
Looks like this little tip
这个故事告诉你
just lost you the chance to give her your little tip.
舍不得银子上不着妞呀
Max come in sit down.
麦克斯 进来坐下
There's something we have to talk about.
有件事我们要好好谈谈
This can't be about my drinking.
应该跟我的饮酒问题无关
I don't have the money to be a real alcoholic.
我穷得买不起酒当酒鬼
Can you sit in that chair please?
你能坐到那张椅子上吗
I never sit in that chair.
我从来不坐那张椅子
Well today we're doing things differently...
今天我们要与往常不同
breaking our patterns. Hold up.
要打破常规 等等
Did you join Scientology?
你加入山达基教了吗
And I went to Starbucks and got you a coffee
我还去星巴克给你买了杯咖啡
and a vanilla bear claw.
和一个香草味的熊爪面包
A Bear Claw? Awesome! I'll sit anywhere you want.
熊爪面包 太棒了 你要我坐哪都行
My life is not where I want it to be.
现在的人生不是我想要的
That $1.47 tip was a wake up call reminding me
那一块四毛七宛如警世钟 点醒我
that life will always undervalue you
人生会低估你的价值
if you let it.
如果你听之任之
Yes I've been knocked down
没错 我是被生活打击了
but now it's time to fight back and grab life by the balls.
但现在是时候还击了 我要掌握人生
I don't know if life likes having its balls grabbed.
我不知道生活是否喜欢被你"掌握蛋蛋"
Some guys do but those are usually the ones
有些男的喜欢 不过通常都是
who want you to spoon them.
也喜欢叫你抱抱他们的娘炮
I'd like to explain my vision for our future by walking you through
我想靠着这个来告诉你 我们未来的展望
My vision board.
梦想拼图板
Oh no. It's a simple tool.
不是吧 这个工具很简单
You're a simple tool.
你的头脑也很简单
You start with a thin white board...
首先找一块白色的平板
Your thin, white, and I'm bored.
你又白又平,我快无聊死了
Keep going. I can do this all day.
继续啊 这种话我能扯一天呢
I have a bear claw in me.
我有熊爪撑腰
I've been making vision boards for years
我从小就开始做梦想拼图板
and I always achieve my goals.
而且总能靠它实现自己的目标
And you think it's that crazy little board
你认为真的是靠这个愚蠢的小白板
and not your father's billions?
而不是你父亲的钞票吗
Max it works.
麦克斯 它真的管用
You put up pictures and inspirational words
把人生中想要实现的目标和图片贴上面
of things you want in your life.
再加一些鼓舞人心的话
See? I have success a cupcake business
瞧 我写了"成功" "小蛋糕店"
and a picture of a beautiful new bed.
而且还贴了张新床的美照
Ah the ones at the asylum look different than that
你进疯人病院后的床可不是长这样
so don't get attached.
别太指望有这床
Sleeping on that couch is holding me back.
睡在那个破沙发 让我的人生毫无冲劲
I never get a restful night's sleep
我从来没睡过一天安稳觉
and I need a good nine hours.
我真需要好好睡上九小时
What you need is a good nine inches.
你需要的是好好睡"上"九英寸吧
That should be on your vision board.
这应该贴在你的梦想拼图板上
It is... on the back.
我贴了 在后面呢
Nice.
很好
Now unless you're willing to switch the bedroom
所以除非你愿意每隔一周
every other week...
跟我换床睡
No,that sounds Mormon
不要,好像摩门教轮流睡
Then I want to install a murphy bed in here.
那我只好在这装一张折叠床了
The bed folds up against the wall during the day
白天这床可以折起来靠在墙上
so you'd still maintain your signature Williamsburg
好让你保持你威廉斯堡风格的
"I don't care about anything chic or nice" decor.
"我不在乎任何时髦或美好事物"的装饰物
Who's going to build it? 'Cause it's not me.
那谁来装啊 我肯定不干
I'm already being taken advantage of
我当保姆已经
at my babysitting job.
干很多不相干的活了
Peach has me lugging things back and forth
琵琪为了那对双胞胎的首次生日会
to help with the twins' first birthday party.
让我帮她搬东西
I've been sorting through clown resumes for a week.
我都帮她徵选适合的小丑一周了
Peach is throwing a birthday party?
琵琪要举办生日会吗
Did you ask her if we can cater the desserts?
你有没有问甜点能否由我们来提♥供
She hires fancy people with real companies.
她请的是花俏有真实店面的人
We're not a real business.
我们都还没开业
See? This is what I'm talking about.
瞧 这就是我所说的
You mock the vision board but look...
你嘲笑梦想拼图板 但是瞧
here it is our cupcake shop.
就在这儿呢 我们的蛋糕店
I don't think we can both fit in there.
太小了挤不进啊
Max you have to start imagining what our life can be.
麦克斯 你得去畅想我们的未来
You deserve a cupcake shop and I deserve a new bed.
你应该拥有小蛋糕店 我应该拥有新床
All you have to do is dream it.
有梦最美 希望相随嘛
No all you have to do is do it.
不 是心动不如马上行动
And for you to build a Murphy bed
至于你要装一张折叠床
it'll take a miracle.
则需要奇迹
So unless you have Jesus or
除非你的小板上有写英文或
Jesus on that board...
西语的"耶稣"
Not going to happen.
否则别痴心妄想了
Who is it?
谁呀
It's Jesus...
耶稣
From Williamsburg hardware.
我是威廉斯堡家具公司的
We got your do it yourself Murphy bed.
送"自己动手丰衣足食"折叠床来
See how I made that happen?
瞧 梦就是这么圆的
Vision.
心想事成呀
So which one of them has the nine inches?
那哪个人的老二是九英寸
Guess what I did today?
猜猜我今天干了啥
Jesus?
干了耶稣吗
What do you think?
你觉得呢
I think the bed still isn't built.
我觉得床还没装好
No but it's almost finished.
没错 但是也快完工了
Notice anything different about me?
发现我有什么不一样吗
I have answer.
我知道答♥案
You had boob job.
你隆胸了
Your "B"s have turned into "C"s
你的罩杯由B升级到C了
and for that I give you an "A."
对此 我要给你一个A
No I had my uniform altered.
不 我把制服改了
Yes life dealt me a bad uniform
没错 人生扔给我一套不合身的制服
but with a little vision
但是发挥一下想象力
I can shape it the way it works best for me.
我可以把它改到最能展现我身段的样子
That should be a tip in your inspirational book
你要是写励志书 可以写上这个
which I'm guessing is called
温馨小贴士
cutting pictures out of magazines
"从杂志上剪图片"
isn't just for serial killers anymore.
"再不是连环杀手的专利"
And this is exciting... look.
还有一件高兴的事 瞧
The other really important thing I did today...
今天我做的另一件重要的事
made us business cards.
就是给咱们印了名片
Now you can give one to Peach
现在你可以拿去给琵琪
and throw our hat into the party ring.
让她把咱们列入候选名单中
You're her babysitter. You already have a connection.
你是她的保姆 还能走个后门
Yeah a connection to her babies' asses.
对啊 直通她宝宝的"后门"
See? That's your limited vision.
瞧 这就是你不敢做梦
Plus Peach is interviewing this gay guy
再说了 琵琪正在面试一个基佬
who used to work for Martha Stewart.
人家以前可是为玛莎·斯图尔特工作呢
I mean gay Martha Stewart... we can't top that.
又基又认识玛莎·斯图尔特 怎么跟人比啊
Just give her the cards. We have to start somewhere.
就把卡片给她嘛 我们必须得开个头
See? "Max's homemade cupcakes."
瞧 "麦克斯自制蛋糕"
And look... "Max Black owner/baker."
还有 "麦克斯·布莱克 店主兼糕点师"
"Owner/baker"?
"店主兼糕点师"
That's pretty cool.
挺酷啊
See? There it is.
瞧 这就是
It's real.
梦想照进现实
But the name sucks a big one.
但是这名字太恶心了
"Homemade"... it sounds like homeschooled
"自制" 听起来像在家自学
like we're churning out cupcakes
我们像是在生产
that aren't comfortable around other people.
孤僻不合群的蛋糕
Or it sounds delicious.
也听起来很美味啊
And the cupcake on the card has a cherry on it.
而且名片上的小蛋糕还有颗樱桃
My cupcakes don't have a cherry...
我的"阴桃"早在我十三岁的时候
haven't since I was 13.
就被人"破"掉了
If you could really get under his shoulder blades...
好好按♥摩他的肩胛骨
that's where he carries all his stress.
有助于舒缓他所有的压力
Don't say your real thoughts.
把真话憋回去
Don't say your real thoughts.
把真话憋回去
Max we're using our spa voice today.
麦克斯 今天要用水疗馆的声音说话
Use my spa voice? Okay.
我去水疗馆的声音 好吧
I can't afford this.
"我付不起水疗啊"
I want you to make sure the twins
我要你确保他们俩
drink lots of water after
在按♥摩之后喝大量的水
you know to flush out the toxins.
因为要排出体内的毒素
Toxins?
毒素
All they drink is breast milk.
他们平时就喝人奶
I can't be sure what the woman I buy that from
我又不确定我雇的那个奶妈
puts in her body.
吃的都是无毒产品
We're all so tense about the birthday party.
我们超级紧张这场生日会
If everything isn't perfect
如果一切不够完美
how will they live with the shame?
他们这辈子就要在羞耻中度过了
Um Peach um...
琵琪
Speaking of the... the party
说到生日会
uh I I started this um thing
我创这家... 店
and it's probably dumb but...
可能有些不自量力 但是
I don't need it. Like I'm fine.
其实不必 我无所谓
I don't need it. It's just more like...
真的大可不必 这更像...
like a... like a... Favor.
更像...帮个忙
Um but uh the thing is there's the cards
事情是这样的 这是我的名片
so I was thinking may... "maybly"...
我想或..."或能"
"maybly"? What's that? It's not a word right?
"或能" 什么啊 连个词儿都不是 对吧
I was not saying a word. I'm sorry.
我连话都不会说了 抱歉
I'm done with whatever this is that you're doing.
无论你现在在说什么 我都不想听了
I have to go meet the Martha Stewart queen
我约了玛莎·斯图尔特的御用同志
and hear his party pitch.
听听他的生日会提议
Just remember
记住
at 3:00 the twins have their spray tans.
双胞胎下午三点要做美黑
Well that's exactly how I envisioned that.
跟我预想的一模一样
Let me see what you're drawing Johnny.
强尼 让我看看你在画什么
A rat with a civil war hat.
一只戴着内战帽子的老鼠
Is that your comment on how politicians view soldiers?
你这是在嘲讽政客是如何看待士兵的吗
No it's an actual rat I saw wearing a hat.
不 我真的看见一只戴着帽子的老鼠
See when you tend bar till 4:00 A.M.
在酒吧忙活到凌晨四点
you see a lot of weird stuff.
可以看到很多诡异的事情
And when you waitress till 2:00
当你在餐厅忙活到凌晨两点
you see a loser drawing a rat on a napkin.
你会看见一个窝囊废在餐巾上画老鼠
Now sign it please.
签个名吧
You realize my art won't be worth anything till I'm dead?
你知道我的作品在我死之前都会一文不值吧
Why do you think I keep inviting you here to eat week after week?
不然我老请你来吃饭是为了什么呢
Question...
提问
how does it feel to be the owner
作为餐巾画作的拥有者
of an original piece of napkin art worth roughly...
该如何看待画作比餐巾本身
less than the worth of the napkin?
还不值钱这件事
Well I got to get back to work.
我得回去干活了
Okay bye.
好的 再见
Pick up... table ten.
上菜 十号桌
I watch you over there.
你的所作所为我都看见了
Much sexual tension with deadbeat bartender.
跟游手好闲的酒保偷来暗去
He's not just a bartender. He's a street artist.
他不光是个酒吧 他是街头艺术家
And all I did was bite a piece of celery.
而且我不过是咬了一口他的芹菜
When I think of all the times I asked you to bite my celery...
我求你咬我那根"芹菜"多久了啊
And nothing.
你倒是咬呀
Okay my side work's done and my tables are all caught up.
好了 我的工作干完了 客人也都结账了
So tell me did you give Peach the card?
快告诉我 你把名片给了琵琪吗
No I didn't. Why?
没 我没给 为什么
It was like my mouth wouldn't let me do it.
我的嘴巴不让我这么做
That's crazy.
这太扯了吧
What's so hard about going up to Peach
跟琵琪开口提这事是有多难
and saying "good afternoon Peach."
就直接说"下午好 琵琪
"Exciting news... I started a cupcake business."
好消息 我开了家小蛋糕店
"Here's our card."
这是我们的名片
"Please pass them out to all your friends
劳烦跟你所有的朋友宣传宣传
and help us launch our exciting new business venture."
新店开张 就当帮我们站稳脚跟吧
"Thank you."
谢谢"
That sounds needy
听起来好"求人关注"
like when someone asks you to come to their one woman show.
就像被邀请去听别人的自我剖析
"Somebody date raped me
"我被人迷♥奸了
and I didn't think I'd live through it
我还以为我过不去这关
but I did and now I'm stronger
但我成功度过 内心也变得更强大了"
and uh still needy."
求人关注的心也没变
There is nothing needy about having a quality product
把优质的产品推荐给更多的人
and wanting it out there.
一点都不死皮赖脸
Look at Earl... he has a CD on display.
你看厄尔 他也在卖自己的CD啊
Yeah but he's cool about it.
是啊 但人家是姜太公钓鱼
He doesn't get all late night infomercial
不像那种深夜电视推销节目
and shove them down people's throats.
死命推销逼人购买
Earl?
厄尔
How many CDs have you sold at the diner?
你在这家餐厅卖出了多少张CD
Well in this current economy...
现在世道不好...
It's been pretty light.
销量微薄啊
May I? Mm hmm.
让我试试 请便
Hi.
你们好呀
You guys look like music lovers.
一看你们就是热爱音乐的人
This is the best saxophone CD you will ever hear...
这将会是你们听过最好听的萨克斯专辑哦
recorded by our cashier Earl Samson.
由我们的收银员卡尔·萨姆森倾情奉献
He's played with all the greats...
他跟很多名人合作过呢
Coltrane,Hancock, even Bacharach
考尔特兰尼、汉考、巴克拉克
His music career derailed due to a heroin addiction
虽然他因沉迷吸毒而断送了自己的事业
but now he's clean and sober
但他现在已经洗心革面
and at 83 still following his dream.
八十三的高龄 依旧努力追求自己的梦想
Only $9.95 a copy. Who'd like one?
一张只要九块九毛五 谁想来一张
Thank you!
谢谢你们
Earl four CDs.
厄尔 四张CD
Is any of that true?
她说的话有真的吗
Nope. She even made up my damn last name.
没 她连我的姓都是瞎掰的
That girl can sell.
这妞是天生的推销员呀
Oh! Max...
麦克斯
Will you come look at Brangelina?
能过来看一眼布莱洁莉娜吗
I think the spray tan lady went a little too far.
我觉得那个美黑师有点过头了
I wanted them to look tan not foreign.
我想他们看起来阳光点 不是像外籍劳工
They look fine.
看上去还好呀
A little Lebanese
就有点像黎巴嫩人
but that'll clear up in a day or two.
但过个一两天就能恢复"本色"了吧
I'm having the worst day.
今天真是太霉了
Jessica Seinfeld stole the Martha Stewart boy
宋飞的老婆把玛莎的御用同志给挖走了
I am so upset with her.
我对她太失望了
I thought we were pretending to be friends.
假装当姐妹的情谊都不顾了
And now I have no one to do the desserts.
现在甜点也没人给我做了
Hello Peach exciting news...
你好 琵琪 好消息
I have a cupcake business. They're really good.
我有个小蛋糕店 它们超美味
Give these to your friends and help launch
劳烦把名片给你的朋友们 帮我新店
a new business or whatever.
站稳脚跟 或随便怎么着吧
That's it. I did it. Boom!
说完了 我做到了 收工
Okay the bed still isn't built.
好吧 床还没装
But the mattress came and it's so good.
但今天把床垫送来了 超级舒服哟
Oh no... this is not okay.
不行 这样不行
We're not keeping a mattress on the floor.
我们不能把床垫放在地板上
We're poor not crackheads.
人穷不代表要无下限
And you tricked me.
你居然唬弄我
I did my part so you better get this bed done.
我名片都给人了 赶紧把你该装的床装上
Max you gave Peach the cards.
麦克斯 你把卡片给琵琪了
I'm so proud of you. What did she say?
我真为你感到骄傲 她说什么了
No. Shut it. Do it.
别吵 闭嘴 干活
Relax. The bed will be assembled
放轻松嘛 这床在今天之前
and hidden in the wall by the end of the day
肯定会组装完毕 然后收到墙上
'cause I decided to do what cute girls
因为我决定采用美女
have been doing for centuries.
从古到今的惯用伎俩
I asked a guy for help.
找个男人来帮忙
You called a guy?
你找了个男人
Oh is he going to climb up your long blonde hair
他是要顺着你长长的金发
and rescue you from your Murphy bed tower?
爬进你的折叠床城堡中拯救你吗
Wait. You don't know any guys.
慢着 你不认识任何男人
Who did you invite?
你把谁叫过来了
Johnny. No. No no no no.
强尼 不 不 不
Eh I don't want to see Johnny.
我不想看见他
I had a weird thing with him at the diner last night.
我昨晚我跟他在餐馆擦出了尴尬的小火花
I thought you guys were friends.
我以为你俩是朋友呢
I don't know what we are.
我不知道我俩算什么
He was fake interviewing me with a celery stalk...
他拿根芹菜假装采访我
'Cause you're both grown ups.
"成年人"嘛 无可厚非
And when he put it near my mouth
当他把它放到我嘴边时
I thought he wanted me to bite it so I...
我以为他要我咬一口呢 所以我...
You bit it? I bit it!
你咬了 我咬了
That is weird and humiliating and hot.
这真是又雷人又丢人又撩人
Yes yes and yes. Call him right now!
对对 全中 所以快给他打电话
He can't come over here. Look around!
他不能过来 你看看四周
I have his napkins hanging up everywhere.
我把他的餐巾挂满整个屋子
He'll think I'm Dexter.
他会以为我是嗜血法医
Don't answer that.
别接
Don't you... Come on in Johnny.
你敢 进来吧 强尼
Yes I did it. I need a bed.
是的 我敢 我需要一张床
You are so selfish!
你太自私了
Yes I'm selfish and you're Dexter.
对 我是自私鬼 也好过你个杀人狂
So quick... help me take down the napkins.
所以还是快动手帮我把餐巾都摘掉吧
Oh God there are so many!
天啊 怎么这么多
How come I never noticed how many there were before?
我之前怎么完全没有意识到
I don't know. Same reason you didn't notice
不知道 大概跟你没意识到
your father stealing everybody's money.
你爸骗了所有人的钱一样吧
Really? Really? Now when I'm helping you?
你真要这样吗 我现在可是在帮你哟
You're right. We'll trash you later.
你赢了 那晚点再损你好了
Why don't you just ask him what the celery moment meant?
为什么你不直接问他 那一口芹菜意味着什么
I don't want to ask him.
我不想问
You don't want to ask anybody anything.
你从来不想问任何人任何事
It's not like the business cards.
这又不像名片
What am I going to say?
我要怎么开口
"Good afternoon Johnny."
"下午好 强尼
"Exciting news... I have started
好消息 我开了一家
an oddly sexual celery biting business."
尴尬情欲咬芹菜店"
Be right there Johnny!
马上就来 强尼
Yo.
好呀
So I brought tools... per your request...
根据你的请求 我把工具带来了
and beer I made an executive decision on.
根据自我需求 我还带了啤酒
So that's what you do with my art.
原来你这么欣赏我的画作呀
Just one and I put it up there.
就一张 是我把它放上去的
She doesn't even like it... she's like
她一点都不喜欢 还老说
"why would anyone hang up stupid napkin art?"
"怎么会有人把白♥痴餐巾画给挂起来呀"
Right off my back.
完全不在意
Had a couple of these on the subway.
坐地铁时小喝了几罐
So here's the wood.
床板在这里
You can't help her...
你不能帮她
she needs to learn a lesson about doing things for herself.
她得学学自己的事情自己做
She thinks we're her daddy and we'll go back on our word
她以为我们跟她爹一样 会心软反悔
and she'll get a pony.
一切就能马到功成
Well you can see why she'd think that.
她的确"马"到擒来了
I'm going to see if the horse wants a beer.
我要去看看小马想喝啤酒吗
Hmm maybe put my glasses on him...
没准我帮它带上眼镜后
get crazy up in this piece!
它会跟我一样又晕又嗨呢
When you're out there ask him what the celery meant.
等你俩在外面时 问他那一口芹菜的意义
Get busy princess. Daddy's got company.
快动手吧 小公主 爹爹有客人要"招呼"
Well little lady I reckon a cowboy'd get used to
小姑娘 一个铁汉牛仔
a pretty sweet setup like this.
都会想在此安定下来啊
It's a hard life out on the trails.
这年头讨生活不容易啊
Yeah it's hard for my people too
是呀 我们印第安人就容易吗
since you stole all our land
自从你偷了我们所有的土地
and gave us blankets covered in smallpox
还给我们送来满是天花的毛毯
I do declare
郑重声明
I'm sorry for the disease blankets.
我对给你们带来疾病的毛毯深感抱歉
But they did keep you warm I bet
但它们的确给你们送来温暖
until they killed you that is.
直至你们病死那天
"I do declare" is not cowboy.
"郑重声明"不像牛仔会说的
That's southern belle.
那是南方仕女的口吻
I think you're looking for "darn tootin'"
我猜你是想说"太他妈对了"
or "dag nab it."
或是"靠"
Cowboys did not say "dag nab it."
牛仔从来不说"靠"
Yeah they did.
不 他们会说
"Someone done gone stole my horse dag nab it."
"有人偷走了我的马 靠"
I think you're thinking "doggone it."
我觉得你是想说"该死的"
No "dag nab it"... cowboy.
不 牛仔是说"靠"
Do you really think you know cowboy better than me?
你觉得你比我还了解牛仔吗
Which one of us has a horse?
是谁有马呀
Which one of us has assless chaps?
是谁有"无"臀皮裤呀
Should I go inside and help Caroline?
我该进去帮帮卡洛琳吗
No. I'm sure she's doing just fine.
不必 她行的
Can I ask you something?
我能问你个问题吗
Sure.
当然
When you put the sss...
当你把那...
we should get on the horse!
我们上马吧
Okay. Yeah!
好的 好耶
Use three inch lag screw
用三英寸方头螺钉
to secure ledger board to wall studs
把托梁横板固定到墙柱上
"aboot" every 12 inches.
"达"约每十二英寸钉一个
Ooh! Your Canadian voice is so dull
唉 你的加拿大腔真让人想睡
I can't understand a word you're saying.
害我一句都没听懂
There's got to be a video with a better voice.
肯定有声音语调更好的视频
How to build a Murphy bed...Morgan Freeman.
怎样装折叠床,摩根·弗里曼
Interesting bit of information about horses...
发现了一个关于马的有趣事情
they hurt your balls.
它们会让你蛋疼
Yeah mine hurt too.
对 我的也疼
You would think after all these years of riding a horse
还以为男人骑了几百年的马
man would have evolved to have his balls on top
他们的蛋蛋会从下面
instead of underneath.
进化到上面来呢
Life would be so much easier.
好让骑马从此没压力
Well yeah but I don't see a lot of old timey ladies
但是感觉旧时的女人们
wanting to get with the top balls.
不会想跟高蛋人士"交往"吧
Are you thinking about the celery?
你在想那根芹菜吗
No I'm still thinking about my balls.
不 我还在想我的两颗蛋
Now I'm thinking about the celery.
现在我开始想那根芹菜了
That was weird right?
当时真尴尬 对吧
Not weird really... more um intense.
不是尴尬 应该说是 很浓烈
Intense good or intense bad?
好的浓烈还是坏的浓烈
Intense intense.
很浓烈的浓烈
Whoa. Oh. Did I just grab your...
哎呀 我刚是不是抓了你的...
Yeah I don't know. "Maybly."
不知道 "或能"吧
"Maybly"! That's not a word right?
"或能" 什么跟什么啊 对吧
We should... I got to get down.
我们... 我得下马了
Me too.
我也是
My balls.
蛋疼
So take your makeup brush take your mirror
拿出你的化妆刷和镜子
and you want to comb your eyebrows upwards.
把你的眉毛往上刷
What are you doing?
你在干嘛
Okay okay.
好吧 好吧
I thought I typed in "Morgan Freeman."
我以为我输入的是"摩根·弗里曼"
But I'm so tired what came up was "more gay men""
但是我太累了 打成"磨根·基佬曼"
but this Damon guy is a genius.
但这人真的很厉害
If he had a video on how to build a Murphy bed
如果他有出关于如何安装折叠床的视频
it'd already be done.
我铁定早把床装好了
Wait. Where's Johnny?
等等 强尼呢
What happened? Did you ask him?
发生什么事了 你问他了吗
No he left.
没 他走了
Out the back?
后院直接走了啊
Yeah it got even weirder.
对 事情发展得更尴尬了
He grabbed my boob.
他抓了我的胸
Or... he didn't grab my...
应该说 他没有抓我的...
he grabbed my boob.
他的确有抓到我的胸
I just don't know whether it was on purpose.
我不知道他是不是有意的
But I asked like you told me to
我照你教我那样问了他
and now I have a weird boob moment
结果多了个尴尬的胸部一♥手抓
to go with my weird celery moment.
配我那个芹菜一口咬
That is very complicated.
情况的确很复杂
But I'm great with relationship stuff.
不过我对感情方面很有一套
So come on over here and we'll hammer it all out
所以快过来 一起把床给解决了
while we hammer this all out.
然后再一起把你的问题也解决掉
Come on this is where you break down
拜托 现在该是你理智线断了
and finally help me build the bed.
终于愿意帮我把床装好的最佳时机
No this is where I go to my already built bed.
错 现在是我回我已装好的床上躺着的时机
And after Peaches today and...
在琵琪家的事以及
whatever that was out there with my boob
刚才我胸的那件破事之后
I'm not showing anyone my cards anymore...
在外给人名片 私下吐露心声
business or personal.
这两样我再也不干了
What is happening out here?
你在外面搞什么啊
That's the kind of pounding that's supposed to happen
这撞击声应该是等你到了床上
after you're in the bed.
"活动"时才发出来的
I can't do it.
我做不到
I tried. I really did but I can't.
我努力过 尽全力了 还是做不到
I guess I can't do anything without my father's money.
果然没了我爸的钱 我只是个废物
You were right.
你说得对
Trying is embarrassing.
尝试只会自讨没趣
So I'm not going to try anymore.
所以我还是死了这条心算了
I'm sick of it.
我受够了
I'm going to sleep on that horrible couch
我的余生就睡在这张可怕的沙发上
and get bad tips and cry
就拿着卑微的小费 含着泪
every waitress day for the rest of my life.
度过我当服务员的每一天
Daddy please.
老爸 求你了
God you're a baby.
天啊 你真是个死小孩
Okay I'll help you... this one time only.
好吧 我来帮你 但是下不为例
And we're not going to bond when we do it.
干活时别妄想能成为生死之交
We're not going to high five when we finish.
完工后也别想跟我击掌欢呼
And I don't want to hear two months from now
也不想以后还得听到你说
"hey remember that night we built the Murphy bed?
"还记得我们装折叠床的那晚吗
That was awesome." None of that. Got it?
真是美妙的一夜" 通通不行 知道吗
We need the power drill
我们得用到电钻
1/4 inch bit some masonry screws
四分之一英寸钻头 带槽螺钉
and a bear claw.
还有熊爪面包
Now delete "eyebrows"
删掉关键词"眉毛"
type in "Murphy bed" and let's build this mother.
输入"折叠床" 然后开工解决这小混♥蛋
I can't believe we did it.
真不敢相信终于完工了
Yeah it looks pretty good.
是啊 看起来挺好
Oh Max.
麦克斯
You put the bakery up on your vision
你把蛋糕店放在你的梦想拼图...
beam.
柱上了
Say anything more and I'll take it down.
再多说一句 我就拿下来
Do you know this number? That's Peach.
你认识这号码吗 是琵琪
Why would she call you? It's about the cupcake business...
她为什么会打给你 肯定是蛋糕店的事
my number's on the card.
那名片上留了我电话
Put it on speaker.
开免提
Hello?
你好
I found your card in my baby's room.
我在婴儿房发现了你的名片
I have no idea who you are or how it got there
我不知道你是谁 也不知道卡哪来的
but I'm throwing a birthday party in a week
但我下周准备开一个生日会
and I thought cupcakes might be fun.
我觉得小蛋糕应该挺有意思
Oh they are.
是啊
People love cupcakes.
大家都爱小蛋糕
They bring a sense of whimsy and nostalgia.
它们能勾起大家的各种情怀
That's enough.
够了
Why don't you tell me
你不如直接告诉我
some of the other events you've done?
你们承办过什么活动
Oh well we're a start up company.
我们的店才刚起步
Oh no I need a real business.
不行 我要的是真正的店
Bye bye.
再见
Well there you go...
这下你满意了吧
complete waste of our time.
完全是浪费时间
See? Trying is embarrassing.
瞧 尝试的后果就是自讨没趣
No. That was great incredible.
不 这很好啊 简直太棒了
What? She hung up on you.
什么 她都挂你电话了
Yes. But it proves one thing.
是 但这也证明了一件事
The cards... they worked!
这些名片 果然有用
This is so inspiring.
这太激动人心了
First we build a Murphy bed next a cupcake business
我们成功装上折叠床 接着还有生意上♥门
then Max...
麦克斯
Who knows what else?
谁知道接下来会有什么好事呢
Uh adjust the springs?
帮我调一下弹簧嘛
No, that's perfect
不要,这样挺好


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