Good evening, ladies.
Max, what are you doing?
I know this neighborhood is a circus,
but our window's becoming a freak show.
Max, I don't think that bearded lady earlier
was doing it on purpose.
It's more of a menopause thing.
He can't afford a cupcake.
He can't even afford two wheels.
Hi. What can I get you?
I'll take one vanilla.
That'll be $4.
tonight I'll be paying with a poem.
We're paying with a poem, madam.
I pull. Shadows push.
I was a child then.
I was a child then.
Spit it out.
Hey, you want a poem?
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Get a job!
And another wheel!
That felt good.
I get why you do that.
Wait till you get actual fist to face contact.
That's a real high.
Welcome to the Williamsburg diner, Deke.
Where'd you hear about us? Kitchen Nightmares?
美国真人秀节目 知名大厨戈登·拉姆齐 帮助失败餐厅重振业务
Okay, Max, let's get to it.
We have to decide what we're each gonna make
for our pastry school homework.
Or true to form, I'll blow it off,
beat you up, and take yours.
Of the top of my giant head, I'm thinking sticky buns.
Deke's dark sticky buns.
We're talking about dessert, not what's going on in your pants.
Well, I would've baked brownies
until I remembered I smoked all the ingredients.
Oh, my God, guess who texted me again.
Dame Judi Dench?
英国老牌女演员 获奖无数 新007电影中的M夫人
Dame Judes texts me all the time.
More like "Damn, Judi Dench."
Oh, hi, Deke. Didn't know you were here.
on the phone with Max talking about pastry school,
and now here at the counter talking about elder sex
with a beloved star of stage and screen.
You're like What?
Denzel Washington trapped in Channing Tatum's body?
查宁·塔图姆 曾任男模特的美国演员 身材很棒 丹泽尔·华盛顿 美国知名黑人演员 十分有才
I get that a lot.
this is the fourth time Chef Nicolas
has texted me outside of school.
And this time he sent me a video. Look.
Then, Caroline, you spoon the fat from the pan...
It's him making breakfast with his shirt open.
What do you think it means?
That he doesn't have a fear of bacon splatters.
He's totally flirting with me, right?
Totally. Chef Nicolas is hot for ya.
He has to double up on aprons when you're around,
Know what I'm sayin'?
Deke, this is just private best friend stuff between girls.
You know, that you're not a part of.
Can I not be a part of it?
And since Chef Nicolas is your teacher
and I work at the school,
I'd appreciate it if we kept this just between us three.
And me. I saw it over your shoulder.
Doesn't hold a candle
to my series of pantless meatloaf videos.
Meatloaf. Pick up.
Okay, okay, Max, if you have time to lean,
好了 麦克斯 有时间靠着休息
you have time to clean.
And if I have time to give you a punch,
we have time to have lunch.
Max, should we help him find his mom?
Oh, no, now there's two of them.
Now, come on. This is a diner, not study hall.
快干活 这里是餐厅 不是自习♥室
I call it "spiritually dying,"
but working's a good word for what we do here too."
We could figure it out tomorrow night over some drinks.
Couple of white wine spritzers. Know what I'm sayin'?
That you're a recently widowed woman on a girls' trip in Boca?
Well, I already ate my water, so I'm good to go.
I am out the door.
Hi, I'm Deke. Bye, Max.
我叫迪克 再见啦 麦克斯
Oh, he's your friend?
For a minute I thought he was that kid
I had out of wedlock with Linda Evans.
Okay, why are you in here not working?
And why are you doing it without me?
Look, I've been texting with Nicolas.
He wants me to meet him for a drink after his dinner tomorrow.
After his dinner. You know what that means.
That he thinks he doesn't have to buy you dinner
before he makes you his slampiece?
After dinner is a booty call.
Or as they say in France, "A call du bootay."
So I need you to hang out with me,
because if I don't have anything else to do at that time,
I won't be able to resist him.
I don't see it.
Maybe because he never pulled a knife on me,
but to me he's, like, asexual.
Yeah, like a sexual object.
Okay, well, I told Deke I'd help him with his homework,
so you can hang out with us.
Hang out with Deke?
I didn't even like The Muppets on TV.
But fine, it'll it'll keep me busy,
Because Max, when Nicolas looks at me,
因为呢 麦克斯 每当尼可拉斯看着我
it does something to my insides,
and I want this to be a relationship
before he does something to my insides.
If you keep talking about your insides,
I'm gonna kick you on your outsides.
Okay, so as far as my dessert homework goes
He just texted me again.
"Ou es tu?" "Where are you?""
And he used "tu" not "vous."
We've gone there.
Then why are you still here?
Because I can't go there, Max, I'm not ready.
Oh, wax situation?
Guys don't care about that.
So as far as my dessert goes, I went all out
and actually did some real research.
You googled desserts with dirty names?
And it was harder to pick one than I thought.
I mean, you got your bundt cake, your lady fingers,
"Kum" and "quat"
It was right there the whole time. How could I not see it?
So I dug deep, and I have the winner.
I don't know what that is, but she sounds like a whore.
It's a traditional French wedding cake
with vanilla cream filled profiteroles
dipped in hand made caramel.
Said the only person here not in pastry school.
Oh, cool. I didn't know what it was.
Maybe I can help.
I happen to know Nicolas loves a pear tarte tatin.
Ta ta tan! No.
I thought I'd distract myself by going out with you guys,
but it feels like the day in high school
I hung out with the smokers for street cred.
And I used to hang out with rich geeks like you
when I needed lunch money.
I'm texting Nicolas.
What? You said you didn't want him to think you were
up for a wham bam, thank you, mademoiselle.
才跟过来的 真谢谢你啊 这位小姐
You're right, Max. I shouldn't text him.
你说得对 麦克斯 我不应该找他
He just texted me again. What's one drink?
It is? Yeah, you better text him.
We need a grown up to pay for the drinks.
I'll just say I'm with friends, and he can join for a drink.
Isn't that what people do? I forget.
I haven't been a person or done anything in so long.
Or done a person in so long.
I won't let it get that far.
And by that I mean you won't.
I'll give you a signal and then you'll say we have to go.
What's the signal? Full penetration?
No, before that.
So just the tip?"
I think I'll just wink.
I can't pretend to talk.
I hope his tongue is wearing protection.
Are we making you uncomfortable?
No, no, it's just that I usually like to fast forward
through the kissing parts when I watch porn.
Come on, relax, Max. We're just having some fun.
别这样 麦克斯 我们就开心一下而已嘛
It's just that you're our teacher,
and your spittle is all over her mouth.
We're not in class. Do you see batter or bowls?
Well, we're hoping not to see any balls.
I see the outline of one of 'em.
Just don't think of me as a teacher right now.
Well, I'm kind of learning a lot.
You know, for someone who wasn't gonna have sex,
She's having sex.
I haven't felt this awkward since my mom had sex
with my prom date in the limo and made me drive.
Your mom sounds cool.
Come on, you can't leave. We just got here.
别这样 你不能走 我们才刚到呢
Well, she's about to get there, and I don't wanna see it.
Well, we can make out.
You wanna make out? With me?
No, a comedy make out.
You know, like...
Well, you make it look so tempting.
Come on, it'll be hilarious.
Let my mouth be your tongue's panic room.
And Chef Nicolas could use a few pointers.
Yeah, he's really bad at it.
All right, why not?
It might even get their attention.
On the count of three.
Did they look?
No, he's busy rounding third.
Max, what's happening?
He's licking your face.
Leave them alone.
Deke seems to know what he's doing.
Well, hate to comedy make out and run,
but, well, I'm already mentally at Yummy Donuts
trying to binge eat this image out of my mind.
Hold on, Max. The signal.
等等 麦克斯 信号来了
See, this is why I don't do girlfriend.
Come on, we have somewhere to go or be, something like that.
走啦 我们得先走 去办事之类的
We have to go.
See you later.
'sup with you?
Sorry, I have to get this. It's my wife.
抱歉 我得接个电话 我老婆打来
Oh, I totally forgot to tell you.
You're terrible at making out.
Well, I never had a father to teach me.
Hey, big Mary.
Hallway lunch. Love that for you.
This could've been your walk of shame right now
if I hadn't stepped in, winky.
Yes, last night got a little out of hand.
Oh, it was pretty much in your hand.
No, it was not, Max.
Yes, there might have been a tasteful graze,
just to figure out how European he was down there.
Good news, it's not wearing a floppy beret.
So we are right on track for a perfect fairy tale romance.
Yeah, the princess and the penis.
See you at the diner, Max. Au revoir, mes amis.
餐厅见 麦克斯 再见 朋友们
I have to kinda tell you something
that you have to promise you kind of
definitely won't tell Caroline.
Are you about to tell me that when she speaks French
it makes you want to slam your head
through that plate glass window too?
Heh. Well, the thing is he's married.
He's married? How do you know?
He's not wearing a ring, and he doesn't seem dead inside.
His wife called him after you guys left.
How could he do that?
And not tell Caroline.
What a jerk.
I'm telling her right now.
Wait, wait, wait, Max, do me a favor.
等等 等等 麦克斯 帮我个忙
Can you just wait until after I turn in my croquembouche?
I'm already on thin ice with "au bon pain in my ass."
au bon pain是一家美国连锁咖啡厅 pain in my ass 则是有"让我很烦"的意思
He's married, and Caroline has this weird thing in her head
that she has to marry someone who isn't married.
Bonjour, Bebe. Ca va?
早安 碧碧 你好吗
I'm not really good with any languages.
They think it's because I got hit by three cars.
FYI, if you ever get hit, just stay down.
提个醒 如果你被车撞 别立刻起身
Well, guess what.
I got you and me salads. Girls' lunch.
Well, I usually just have Peanut butter
and crackers in the dark.
I hear so much about salad I've always wanted to try it.
Sure. Sit. Have some salad.
You and me, me and you.
Getting to know more about each other.
So Bebe, tell me everything about Nicolas.
He's the best.
He has the heart and eyes of a dog.
So Nicolas, where do you think he is?
He just said he had a lunch date.
Did he use the word "date,""
or are you just using the word "Date"?
I mean, it's not like he's dating anyone.
No, why would he be dating anyone?
Exactly, why would he be dating anyone?
Yeah, I mean, he's married.
You know, salad tastes just like lettuce.
You are not going to believe this.
Kendall Jenner is applying to colleges?
Come on, Max, no.
拜托 麦克斯 有可能吗
Nicolas is and get ready married.
尼古拉斯 听好了 已经结婚了
I kissed a married man. I'm so mortified.
Please don't ever tell anyone I kissed a married man.
Okay, I won't tell anyone.
Tell anyone what?
Caroline kissed a married man.
But don't tell anyone.
All right, I want to go on the record
that I didn't know.
Kissing a married man has never been in my life plan.
It's not on my vision board or in my dreamscape.
I am not that kind of person.
But she is the kind of person who has a vision board
and says "dreamscape," So let's judge her on that.
I won't judge you, Caroline.
I once went out with a married woman.
I didn't know she was married
until her spouse came and beat me up.
Lesbians are strong.
Listen, married, not married, don't be so American.
You know, in Poland, the wedding vows say,
"Do you take this woman..."
and maybe some others?"
Well, not Polish, and not a lesbian yet.
So I'm very upset.
And, Max, why are you just standing there?
Why haven't you said anything?
I kind of knew.
Wait. You kind of knew he was married?
You kind of knew and didn't kind of tell me?
What kind of friend are you?
I just found out myself.
Well, then why didn't you tell me?
I was going to, but then Deke asked me not to
until he handed in his homework.
And also I thought you might cry.
Oh, and you didn't want to upset me?
Nah, I didn't want to deal with it.
'cause when you cry, you don't just cry once.
It's like a six cry thing.
You've got the first shock cry, the silent cry,
the ugly cry, the cry because you're crying,
the cry after you say you're not gonna cry anymore,
and then the final cry, which is probably my fault.
Well, you're wrong, Max, I'm not gonna cry over this,
你错了 麦克斯 我这次不会哭
because I haven't gone far enough down the road.
Yes, I was just beginning to think about our future,
but I'm not that invested.
Then what's this?
My dupe pad. That's right.
And look what I found written on the back.
"Caroline and Nicolas Saintcroix.""
"Mr. And Mrs. Saintcroix.""
That's just being silly. Every girl does that.
Oh, man, this is heavy.
I know, very heavy.
We're back here, and I have to deal with the fact
that I was dry humped by a married man.
No, I think he meant his dessert is heavy.
But yeah, you got a lot going on.
So what do you want us to do?
Should we throw down? Mess his ass up?
Kick him in the face?
Or just ignore it so I don't get kicked out of school?
No, I'll deal with Nicolas later.
'cause I've always wanted to kill a French person.
Thanks, but stay out of it. I've got this.
谢啦 但你别管了 我能处理
I'm gonna rip him a new one.
Bonjour, Caroline. Bonjour, Nicolas.
早安 卡洛琳 早啊 尼古拉斯
That wasn't a rip. Wasn't even a tear.
Go, go, you two.
Got a big, hot bundt here.
Go, go, don't be late.
You sure that's a croquembouche?
'cause it looks like a coyote poop tree.
Caroline, can you watch the phones for me
while I give Chef Nicolas this note from his wife?
You know what? I'll give it to him.
I have something I have to say to him anyway.
Oh, for next girls' lunch, have you ever had sandwiches?
'cause I'm thinking of trying one.
You have got this. You have got this.
You broke up with a Kennedy cousin.
You can do this.
Caroline, do you need something?
I just wanted to give you this phone message you just got.
From your wife.
From your wife. Juliette.
I know her name. You're married.
Yes, you just got a message from my wife.
I feel like something's getting lost in the translation here,
So let me be clear. It's over between us.
Why? Because you're married.
Again, I know that. But why?
What what do you mean "why"?
Why? Because you are married. Vous est marie!
And note, I did not use "tu"
because we are back on the more formal "vous" terms.
Look, Caroline, my wife is in France,
and we have an understanding.
Well, I'm having a hard time understanding any of this.
And whatever arrangement you and Juliette have,
it's over between you and me.
You are very cute when you're angry.
Actually, you are very cute all the time.
Cute and sexy.
From the moment I saw you, I wanted to...
put my lips onto yours.
Caroline, you are a smart, sexy, delicious woman.
And now that I've kissed
Do you have something in your eye?
No, no, no, no, no.
It's never you!
I'm sorry, what is happening?
Chef Nicolas, uh, you need to get back in there
Because the Chef with the neck tattoo
is trying to pass off a store bought tiramisu.
There is one every year.
Are you okay? What did he say?
He said he's married, and it's confusing,
and I'm delicious.
Okay, well, he's married, it's confusing, and you're delicious.
好吧 他已婚 事混乱 你可口
So you're Mrs. Delicious Saintcroix.
So it's over, right?
Yeah, of course it's over. No drama, no more crying.
当然结束了 没有大吵大闹 没有哭哭啼啼
I would never be with a married man.
Yeah, that's more my thing.
Oh, my God, Max,
you know what I just realized?
I once said I would never be a waitress.