Hello to you and thanks for joining.
大家好 谢谢收看
This is exciting, isn't it? Eh?
很激动 是吧
Now, let me get you up to speed.
现在我来给你讲讲我的血泪史
Previously in my life,
几天前
my mother tried to marry me off...
我妈疯了似的要把我嫁出去
Someone please marry my daughter.
来个人快娶了我女儿吧
I'm not asking for money.
我不是在要钱
I'm literally giving her away.
我只是想把她打发走
She was upset because I'd just told her
她现在很绝望 因为我告诉了她
how I blew my inheritance.
我是如何花掉我的遗产的
I bought a joke shop.
我买♥♥了家整盅玩具店
No, I love it.
不 我很爱它
Although I am worried
不过我一直担心
that hiring my oldest friend to manage it was a mistake.
雇我最好的朋友管理它是个天大的错误
And that is how we will take this franchise global.
这样就能把我们的连锁推广全球
It's a bit much, isn't it?
有点过了 是吧
I mean, we're just a little shop that sells...
我是说 我们这个小店只是卖♥♥
Shush and submit.
闭嘴接受
And today I'm over-excited
今天我激动得不行
because apparently Gary Preston's back from his travels.
因为Gary Preston旅游回来了
He's lovely.
他可是极品
But I always make a cockup if I see him.
但是每次见他我都把局面搞的一塌糊涂
Well, there's never any cockup involved,
不过他也从来没有硬得一塌糊涂
if you see what I mean.
你懂的把
How naughty!
你真坏
Oh, but the last time I saw him...
但是上次我见他的时候
Come on. Got to dance to this one.
快来 这首必须跳
Say nothing.
什么都不要说
We'll speak no more of and let's crack on with the show.
废话少说 好戏开始了
Morning, Stevie. Afternoon.
早上好 Stevie 是下午好
It's nearly lunchtime.
都快午餐时间了
Oh, the trains are a nightmare. It was a hellish journey.
火车就是梦魇 带我游了圈地狱
You live upstairs.
你就住楼上
There were leaves on the carpet.
但是地毯上好多叶子
That's a good one. What's up with you?
这回答多好玩 你怎么了
It's delivery day!... You aren't gonna help
今天是送货日 你都不来帮忙
Right, you can make a start with the chocolate penises.
好 你可以先从巧克力鸡鸡开始
Sorry. Every time!
不好意思 每次都这样
They're like willies, but chocolate.
它们很像鸡鸡 但是巧克力做的
Stevie, they're funny.
Stevie 它们很好玩的
They're like willies but chocolate.
长得很像鸡鸡但是巧克力的
Chotolate willies.
巧克力棒棒
Stevie, chocolate you can eat in a shape of willie.
Stevie 棒棒形状的巧克力你可以随便啃
Nothing from you.
还没反应
Quite realistic, aren't they?
做得挺逼真的 是吧
Not really, no.
哪有那么像 不像
Aren't they?
不像么
Can we just concentrate?
你能不能专心点
But it's nearly lunchtime.
但是都要吃午饭了
I'm meant to be having a reunion lunch with the girls.
我想去跟闺蜜们小聚一下的
You hate the girls.
你很讨厌她们啊
I know. But as Tilly says,
对啊 但是Tilly说
when you're dumped in a boarding school dorm aged nine,
当你九岁的时候就被扔进寄宿学校
you'll bond for life, even if you hate each other.
即使想掐死对方也会一辈子黏在一起
Or in my case, get embarrassed
在我看来 每次和那些有各种奇葩的
being out with people with public school nicknames.
外号♥的同学出去就尴尬的想死
In my class, Milly, Tilly, Bella,
我们班有 米粒 蒂莉 贝拉
Bunty, Hootie, Pussy, Puggle and Podge.
邦迪 猫头鹰 骚包 傻疯子和死胖子
No, you're right. I'm not going. Good girlie.
对 你说的对 我还是不去了 好姑凉
Work, not shirk.
多干活少偷懒
Or do you want our business to fold?
还是你想我们的商店倒闭
My business.
是我的商店
Right, I'll get it.
好吧 我来签收
Could you sign there, please?
麻烦你在这签名
There you go, sir.
这个给你 先生
Did he just call me sir?
他刚刚是不是叫我先生
He just called me sir.
他刚刚叫我先生
It's fine when they're not really looking,
如果要他们没看我 只注意到身高
notice the height, call me sir,
叫我先生 还可以理解
look up, "Oh sorry, madam".
但他们抬头看我之后会说 "对不起 女士"
That happens.
这个时常发生
He looked straight at me,
他刚刚直勾勾的看着我
still thought sir was the right option.
居然还认为我是纯爷们儿
Right, that's it. As a girl,
好 受够了 作为纯女生
I am going to my girlie lunch.
我要去我的少女午餐会
Tell you what, why don't you get these out?
你为什么不袒胸露乳一下下
That might help.
这样好些
Miranda.
Miranda
Good morning, Mum. How are you?
早上好 妈妈 你怎么样呢
Are you engaged yet?
你订婚了么
Not since you asked last night, no.
从昨晚你问了到现在 还没有
And I said "Good morning, Mum. How are you?"
我刚刚向你问好了
Don't get emotional. We're not Spanish.
不要那么多愁善感 我们不是西班牙人
So, news just in.
号♥外号♥外
Call me Fiona Bruce.
叫我Fiona Bruce
Fiona Bruce.
Fiona Bruce
Benji has at last split up from that ghastly fish woman.
Benji最终还是和那个可怕的卖♥♥鱼女分手了
Right, I've said it before, I will say it again.
好 我说过好多次了 我再重申一遍
I'm not marrying my cousin.
我不会嫁给我表哥
It didn't stop Uncle John and Aunt Liz.
John叔叔和Liz婶婶是不会放弃的
They're very happy.
他们很乐意
Yes, but their son isn't.
是 不过他们的儿子不乐意
Far too fussy.
太挑剔了
This is Surrey. No-one minds.
这是萨里郡 没人在乎的
Such fun.
太搞笑了
This isn't our delivery. This is a load of baby stuff.
这不是我们的货 这都是宝宝用品
Right. This very much needs sorting out.
这急需解决
Right. I'm off.
没错 我走了
Well, my lunch is very important.
我的午餐会很重要
It's what us elegant girls about town do.
这是我们这种都市优雅小女生做的
Don't you mean elephant girls?
你是说大象老妈子吧
I amuse myself.
只是消遣而已
Well, at least I'm not too small
至少我没有矮到
that I can't get on all the rides at Thorpe Park.
连索普公园的木马都上不去
Well, at least I don't have to go to specialist clothes shops.
至少我不用非得去特制♥服♥装店买♥♥衣服穿
Where are those jeans from?
你的牛仔裤在哪买♥♥的
Sorry?
听不到
Big And Long. Yes.
肥姐高妹店 对吧
Well, doesn't mean I can't be feminine.
那也不意味着我没有女人味
Look at that. Yeah, working it.
瞧好了 婀娜多姿吧
It's all about the recovery, isn't it?
华丽起身才好看 是吧
How can a man think a woman is a man?
一个男的怎么把一个女的认成男的呢
I mean, I do have a penis, but that's chocolate. ...
我的确有个鸡鸡 但是巧克力的
Actually that would look wrong in public, wouldn't it?
实际上在公共场合有点不雅 是吧
No way. It's Gary Preston.
不会吧 是Gary Preston
OK. Calm. Compose myself.
好 淡定 亮个相
Smile.
微笑
Miranda? Hi. How are you?
Miranda 你好啊 你怎么样
Are you OK?
你没事吧
You look like you're in pain.
你看起来很痛苦
No, no, I'm fine.
没事 没事 我很好
It's just trapped wind.
刚刚岔气了
Ah, that's better.
好多了
So, Gary, what are you doing here?
Gary你在这做什么
I work here. I'm the new chef.
我在这上班 我是新主厨
Started last week.
上周开始的
Oh, wow, my shop's next door. No way!
哇塞 我的店就在隔壁 这么巧
It's great to see you. It's been ages.
见到你太高兴了 好久不见了
Have you been eating chocolate?
你是不是吃巧克力了
To be precise, it's actually coc... co... cockolate!
严格来说 实际上是 鸡 鸡可立