Well, hello to you my old chums.
老朋友们好啊
What a veritable thrill to see you all again.
再次见到你们真是万分激动
Particularly you, cheeky!
尤其是你 小坏蛋
Let me get you up to speed.
给大家汇报一下我的最新动态
Previously in my life,
之前呢
the gorgeous Gary upped his sticks to Hong Kong.
型男Gary背上行囊飞去了香港
Which I've been fine about.
我完全可以接受
I mean,I don't think it's weird making fruit friends.
我觉得和水果做朋友很有爱
Things only ever went wrong when I was with Gary anyway.
反正和他在一起事情会变得很糟
This is the place, come on!
就是这了 快点
Ooh, it looks great!
看起来不错
Say nothing. Shush, please.
拜托 什么都不要说 好不好
No, I'm fine.
我没事
Tired, but that's because I've been
只是很累 床坏了我一直
sleeping on a lilo because my bed broke. Too much action!
睡在气垫床上 因为床上运动太激烈
And if I have been down,
就算我一直很难过
I definitely turned a corner last night.
那昨晚也肯定是转折点
**Is there any way that I could stay*
*我怎样才能留下来
**In your arms*
*在你怀里
It's too high, Daniel, and it's unnaturally high for a man.
太尼玛高了Daniel 男的唱这么高是要逆天啊
Right, let's jolly on with the show.
废话少说 好戏上演了
Hello, Stevie. Oh, dear.
你好啊 Stevie 神啊
Oh, your new stock keeps bringing in these posh girls.
你新上的货很吸引这些潮女啊
Are you disparaging Stevie's boutique corner? No...maybe.
你是不是藐视Stevie精品角角 不是 才怪
I don't know what disparaging means.
我不懂啥叫藐视
Mocking. Oh, then yes.
就是笑话 那还用说
"Yah, I'm going to see Hugo, Wills, Milly,
欧要和Hugo Wills Milly
Billy and Bella so need a new trinkety necklace."
Billy Bella见面 所以需要新的潮气脖链子
Hello.
侬好伐
Are you making fun of me?
你在笑话我么
No, no, what do you mean?
木有 木有 侬为啥子这样说
This is how I speak.
俺揍酱紫讲话
So, do you need any help?
侬需要棒忙伐
It's quite tricky.
下巴都要掉了
Anything you'd like to try on?
侬要湿湿俺们的东东伐
No, fine, thanks.
不用了 谢谢
Have you looked in the mirror recently?
你最近照镜子了么
Come on, you've got to get your act together,
拜托 Miranda你要振作起来
Miranda. Stop wallowing.
不要再萎靡不振了
I have stopped wallowing. I've told you,
我振作了 我告诉你了
I've moved on. Good.
我走出阴影了 这才好
So you won't want to see
所以你肯定不想看
Gary's postcard that came this morning.
今早收到的Gary的明信片
A lovely postcard written in Gary's lovely, fair hand.
Gary纤纤玉手亲手写的明信片哇
The lovely shiny hands lovely shiny G
那纤纤玉手 玉手
Oh, dear! Do you concede? Yes, I concede. Thank you.
神呐 服不服 好吧 我服 谢谢
"Hey, really enjoying life out here so far.
你好啊 这边生活很好
"Plans all a bit up in the air. Thinking of you all. Love G."
有些事情还没决定 很想你们 爱你们的G
That's it? After three months he sends me that?
这就完了 过了三个月就这几句
Right, well, forget him. Seriously.
好吧 忘了他 真心的
Good girly. I will move on. I will be a new me.
好样的 我要出击了 我要重生了
Get fit,lose weight. A new me shall reigneth.
健健身 减减肥 崭新的我就驾到了
Like a phoenix emerging
就像凤♥凰♥涅槃
from the ashes of my old life and flapping off.
往日成灰扑腾向美好未来
Behold! I am woman. And Phoenix. Both.
睁大双眼 人凤合体
But not in a mutanty way.
不过不是人♥兽♥杂交
And yes, I have indeed lost my train of thought.
不过我开始想象这个奇葩景象
Oh, no, it's Tilly.
Tilly咋来了
Buongiorno peeps. Ugh, Stevie,
侬们好啊亲 Stevie
looks like there's a tramp in the shop.
貌似有个要饭的在这
Where? Oh, the tramp is me.
在哪 你在说我啊
You have majorly let yourself go. Slackarooni cheese.
你绝对是放任自流了 看这一身奶酪
So, Queen Kong, I bring good tidings of great joy.
金刚娘 我带来了好消息
Stinky Von Tusse is in town
Stinky Von Tusse进城了
and she wants to luncheonate at the new Sushi place.
她想去新开的日本快餐吃午饭
Will you come? It's going to be tremendulent.
你来不 肯定会是上好佳的
Stinky was the most brillo head girl ever.
她曾是最棒的主席
Once...do you remember?
曾经有次 你记得不
She Immacked a squirrel!
她把松鼠毛除了个精光
It was the funniest thing.
那是我见过最搞笑的事
You'll come, you'll come?
你来不 你一定要来
No hush, no hush, no hush, no hush up, you have to come.
别想了 出个声 不要推脱 一定要来
So I don't look the saddo in front of Stinkles. Yes!
这样在她面前我就不是土老帽了 太棒了
OK, I am now going to power walk back to the orifice.
好 现在我要暴走离开了
You've got to be more assertive, Miranda.
Miranda你决心要再坚定些
What about the new you?
你不是要焕然一新么
She'll start on Monday.
周一才开始呢
Don't judge me with your little eyes,
不要用你的老鼠眼看我
I've been very depressed.
我绝望了
I've been very depressed!
我真的很想死
Look at the state of me.
看看我这个鬼样子
Watching telly all day with friends made of fruit.
和水果做的朋友看一整天电视
Are you enjoying it, Gordon?
你觉得好看么 Gordon
I look like a tramp.
我就像个要饭的
I've got to go to Tilly's lunch, Gary's gone.
我要去和Tilly她们吃饭 Gary又不在
I suppose it couldn't get worse.
还能再烂点不
Darling, I've left your father and I'm coming to live with you.
亲爱的 我不要你♥爸♥了我来和你住
Oh, Mum. Not again?
亲妈 又来这套
He's bound to crawl back tomorrow. It's nude fondue night.
他明天会来求我的 明晚是裸锅之夜
Don't worry, darling, you won't even notice I'm here.
不要担心啊亲爱的 我就是透明人
Guaranteed I'll be so
我保证30秒之内
irritated I'll have to leave in under 30 seconds.
我会恼羞成怒愤然离席
Set your watches... go.
计时 开始
Have you been cutting your own hair?
这是你自己剪的头发么
Three seconds, already annoyed.
3秒就hold不住了
And look at all this. You should have a bath,
看看这一堆 你应该泡个澡
then get some air,
呼吸一下新鲜空气
have a lovely what I call walk.
散个我所谓的步
It Is a walk.
本来就叫散步
Mum... Sorry, won't interfere.
妈 放心 我不会再多管闲事了
If she calls the remote controls a silly name...
如果她给遥控起个奇葩的名字
You'll have to show me how to work these.
你得教我怎么用这些
Who needs three doobries? Right!
怎么会有三个摇摇乐 受够了
That's it. Why's it so annoying? 20 seconds.
受够了 太你妹讨人厌了 才20秒
Doobries!
摇摇乐
So, forget Monday, look, I'm starting now.
怎么样 为啥要周一 看 这就开始
Are you ready to speak to Heather?
你准备好要会晤Heather了吗
Please go ahead.
没问题
**What have you done today to make you feel proud*
*你今天做了什么值得骄傲的事情
Heather, Miss Heather Small, hello to you. Hello.
Heather Small小姐 你好 你好
Today I have begun the new me.
今天我就要焕然一新了
Mum and Tilly won't know what's hit them.
妈妈和Tilly绝对不知道这个泣鬼神的消息
I'm going to be the kind of woman who
我要成为那种
the kind of woman just leaps out of bed and just does that,
起床后甩甩头发
and their hair looks perfect.
就无屑可击的女人
They then grab a home made muffin
然后从凯思金德斯顿的点点饼干罐里
out of their Cath Kidston polka dot biscuit tin
拿出一枚自家做的小松饼
and head to work, wearing trainers at the bottom of a skirt suit
去上班 西装裙底下穿着运动鞋
to show off they've power walked in.
来展现暴走起风的气势
They have pot plants that don't die on them.
她们懂得打理盆栽植物
Their fruit bowl isn't full of three-week-old
他们的果盘里没有发了三周霉的烂梨
rotting pears because they actually eat the fruit.
因为她们居然吃水果
They have day bags, evening bags and a clutch.
他们白天有日包晚上有夜包还有手握包
They just grab a wheatgerm
她们休息时
smoothie in between work because that's enough
来一杯麦芽奶昔
to keep them going,
就够活了
even though at lunch they jogged, and enjoyed it,
即使是午休她们还慢跑 跑得还很欢乐
because they don't have flesh
因为她们没有多余赘肉
that moves independently to their main frame.
四处撒欢闹独♥立♥
And finally, they have easy access to pens to finish
还有 她们随身带笔