Cashier number 3, please.
请到3号♥柜台
He's left his candle.
他忘了拿蜡烛
Bollocks!
真该死
Mr Lomax, it's Michael Fry.
洛马克斯先生 我是迈克·弗莱
Social services sent me.
社区服务中心安排我来的
Hello?
有人吗
Hello?
有人吗
Hello?
有人在吗
Mr Lomax?
洛马克斯先生
Hello?
你在吗
Get your claw out of my holy of holies!
别用你的脏爪碰我的至圣宝殿
Big push for me, Emma.
用力 艾玛
Come on now.
再使劲点
Right, push. Ok, here's baby's head.
就这样 用力 孩子的头出来了
Breathe!
呼吸
And I'll pause it there,
先看到这里吧
as some of the dads are
在场的很多准爸爸
looking a little bit green around the gills!
已经看得面露惧色了
I actually prefer this video.
我其实很喜欢这部片子
Because unlike some of the others,
不像其他影片
it shows the sheer bloody pain of it!
这一部展示了最真实的孕产之痛
And as I always say, you gotta split the pod to get the peas out.
就像我说的 不掰豆荚 焉得豆子
I won't be showing you the rest of this now.
剩下的部分咱们就不放了
There are copies available both on video and DVB, x certificate.
本院提供它的录像带及数字视频广播 是限制级的
But I would ask you not to
但是我会建议你们
fast forward through the contractions, please,
不要将宫缩的过程快进播放
because after all, you can't do that in real life.
因为那在现实中 是无法做到的
So anyway, after hours and hours
好了 在经历了漫长而又难捱的
and hours of screaming agony,
撕声裂肺的尖叫之后
this is what you get.
你们的结晶品诞生了
Here he is.
就是他
This is Freddy. How do you know it's a boy?
这是弗雷迪 你怎么知道是男孩
Because he's my little Freddy and that's what I wanted.
因为他是我的小弗雷迪 由我说了算
So,
因此
when you're going to pick up baby,
当你要抱起宝宝的时候
it is most important that you support the head, like thus.
一定先要像这样支撑住他的头
And cradle him into the crook of your arm,
然后轻置于臂弯之中
being very careful with the top of his head,
要相当小心保护他的头顶部位
because this area here is what we call soft spot.
因为这里正是我们称之为"软点"的部位
The fontanelle. What's that, Miriam?
是"卤门" 你说什么 米丽亚姆
Oh, my name's Kate.
噢 我叫凯特
Oh, I'm sorry.
哦 抱歉
I thought you were Dr Miriam Stoppard.
我还以为米丽亚姆·斯托帕德博士驾到呢
So if you'd all like to
接下来大家可以
help yourself to a dolly from the baby box.
自己从婴儿篮里拿一个娃娃
Dad, would you like to hand them out?
这位准爸爸 愿意帮忙分发一下吗
And then we can take it in turns holding the baby
然后我们就可以轮流抱着宝宝
and practice putting on one of these new fangled modern nappies.
练习一下替他穿换这种时兴的新式尿布
There!
坐好
We've run out.
都发完了
Use this one.
用这个吧
Don't touch him!
别碰他
I'm bleeding! And he might have brain damage.
你把我抓出血了 你可能伤到他的头了
What did I just tell you about supporting their head?
我刚刚不是才说过要支撑住头部吗
Poor little mite. Come on, Freddy. There, there.
可怜的小家伙 别怕 弗雷迪
It's only a doll.
不过是个玩偶
Not for much longer.
就快不是了
Not for much longer.
用不了多久了
Hello there! Do you need a hand?
你好 要帮手吗
Are you trying to be funny?
你是在耍我吗
I can manage. Thank you.
我应付得来 谢谢
Trevor. Mr Jolly's here.
特雷弗 开心果先生来了
Jelly!
我是果冻
What? Jelly.
什么 是果冻
I'm Mr Jelly! Totally different act.
我是果冻先生 是另一个小丑
Wanted him, didn't you? Mr Jolly.
想找他 对吧 找开心果先生
This is always happening to me. Why can't people read?
这种事老找上我 你们不识字吗
It doesn't matter.
都无所谓了
You're still a children's entertainer, aren't you?
你不也是哄小孩的小丑吗
No, I'm Dr Harold Shipman.
难道我能是哈罗德·希普曼医生吗
Course I'm a fucking children's entertainer!
我他妈的当然是个哄小孩的小丑
You think this is a tattoo?
难不成你以为这是纹身吗
We were hoping for a princess party.
我们在办一个小公主派对
Is that something...? I've got one act
你有没有... 我只会一招
and one act only!
凭一招走天下
Mr Jelly and his hundred hands.
果冻先生和他的百手戏法
There's not 100. There's 16, all in that bag.
当然没百只 只有16只 都在袋子里
Kids never count, they're all too thick.
孩子们从来不会数 他们太笨了
I do balloons, magic, bubbles, stories.
我能玩气球 变戏法 吹泡泡 讲故事
Princess stories?
有小公主故事吗
Can do, if the princess has hooks instead of hands.
也有啊 不过是铁钩手公主的故事
I need a sturdy table,
我要张结实的桌子
pair of pliers and WD-40.
一副钳子还有润滑喷雾剂
That sounds a bit dangerous around children...
那些听起来对孩子有点危险...
I'm not spraying it on them!
我没说要来喷她们
I'm spraying it on these. You don't get that with Mr Jolly!
我要喷这只钩手 开心果先生可没这招
Thank you.
谢谢
Where am I going?
我要往哪边走
Shit, you made me jump, man!
该死 老兄 你吓了我一跳
They sent me to read to you something.
他们派我来帮你读些东西
I'll be the judge of that.
这由我说了算
I know all about you, Michael Fry.
我知道你的底细 迈克·弗莱
Little tealeaf.
小毛贼
What was it,
犯的什么事
you get caught with your fingers in the pick and mix?
顺手牵羊时被抓了吧
Something like that.
差不多吧
So it was either this or digging up roads, was it?
不来我这就得去出苦力 对吧
You're not daft, are you? I got caught, so...
你还不算笨嘛 我被抓了 所以...
Here,
给你
have a plum.
尝个李子吧
No, you're all right, thanks.
不用 你客气了 谢谢
They're off now, aren't they?
不太新鲜了吧
Yeah, a little bit. Thought they tasted a bit sharp.
是有点 我还以为只是有点酸
Bin still here, is it? No, it's...
垃圾桶还在这吧 不 它在...
I'll do it.
我来收拾吧
It's that blackie cleaner. She tries to trick me.
一定是那个黑鬼清洁工搞鬼 她总想耍我
You can't make head nor tail of her.
真是完全搞不懂她
Did they tell you what your duties are?
他们跟你说清楚来这里做什么了吗
They said I had to read to you, do your paperwork.
他们让我要帮你阅读 整理文件
And the rest!
还有别的
Do you like Tony Hancock?
你喜欢托尼·汉考克吗
Dunno who he is. Good. That's what I told them.
没听说过 很好 我告诉过他们
I don't want his name mentioned in this house again.
我不要在这里再听到有人提他的名字
Not after what he did to Sid James.
自从他那样对待席德·詹姆斯之后
Sit down.
坐下
There's some letters. Want me to read them?
这有些信件 要我念一下吗
Is there anything from NASA?
有美国航♥天♥局的来信吗
No... NatWest?
没... 有威斯敏斯银行的
Damn! They won't be told!
混账 没有一点长进
How many more lives must they gamble with before they listen?
还要赌上多少条性命 他们才听得进去
Go on then,
念吧
how much have I got?
看我有多少钱
2,576,319.
2,576,319镑
Pence? Four.
便士呢 4便士
Good.
很好
Lot of money, in't it, tealeaf?
很多钱 是吧 小毛贼
I bet you're wondering how I came by it.
你一定很好奇我是怎么弄来的
Let's just say I deal in certain
我只能说是销♥售♥某种
commodities.
商品
Very valuable commodities.
价值连城的商品