♪ People keep saying that I’m doing it wrong
♪ Then I say it feels all right
♪ I really do try Really do try, really do try
♪ There's a million things that I could change
♪ But maybe it's all right
♪ This is my life This is my life, this is my life. ♪
咱们今晚吃中国菜吧 可好吃了
Can we have Chinese food tonight?Chinese food is fun.
想都别想 晚上我们吃披萨
No, we're having pizza.
我早就想好了 所以我们吃披萨
I've planned pizza,so we're having pizza.
-不改了 -当然可以改
- Can't change it now. - Well, you could,
你不订披萨不就行了
by not ordering pizza.
我们可以吃滑溜溜的蘑菇
We can have those slimy mushrooms.
看着跟死掉的鼻涕虫一样 大爱
They look like dead slugs.I like them.
不 勃勃 我把所有重要的事情都计划好了 我们晚上就吃披萨
No, Amber, I've got all the toppings planned already. We're having pizza.
随你便吧 那我们用筷子吃总行了吧
OK, but can we use chopsticks?
全体注意 这里有一便士
Wait, wait. Everyone wait.There's a penny.
我要攒600镑
I need to save up £600.
我奶奶常跟我说 珍惜每一分钱
As my nana used to say,if you look after the pennies,
就会变成万元户
the pounds look after themselves.
好棒哒
Oh, that's nice.
如果火梨每天攒一便士
So, if Holli saves a penny every day,
等她攒到600镑的时候应该需要...
she'll have £600 in, like...
差不多要16♥4♥年
Roughly 16♥4♥ years.
操♥我♥奶奶的 怪不得她穷得叮当响
My fucking nana.No wonder she's skint.
-你攒那么多钱做什么 -就不告诉你
- Why do you need to save up £600? - That's private.
-请律师打官司么 -还是买♥♥只孙红雷
- Is it for a lawyer? - Is it for a pit bull?
-都说了这是秘密 - 是不是要隆胸
- It's for a secret. - Is it for a boob job?
你确定这是你的第一反应
Seriously, that's your first guess?
睁大眼睛看看她的胸
Have you ever looked at Holli's boobs?
可是我也在存钱隆胸啊 我还有个专门的储蓄罐
Well, I'm saving for a boob job. I've got a boob job jar.
-存了多少了 -差不多7镑了
- How much you saved? - Hmm, about £7.
买♥♥支笔插着玩吧
That could pay for the pen.
就是那种他们先利用你
You know, the pen they use to draw on you
完了插死你的那种笔
before they start cutting you up.
火梨 我们去自动售货机下面找找
Come on, Holli, let's look for money under the vending machine.
有一次我在底下找到了50便士
I found 50p under there once,
第二次只有一只死老鼠
but the next time,there was just a dead mouse
再然后 里面就只有一只臭烘烘的死老鼠
and the time after that, there was a really smelly dead mouse.
-别忘了晚上在我家吃披萨 -我会去的
- Don't forget, pizza at mine tonight. - I'll be there.
-你怎么跟你父母说 -课外象棋比赛
- What did you tell your parents? - After-school chess tournament.
-他们就那么信了 -当然了 他们很相信我的
- And they really believe that? - Yes, they trust me.
而且现在我申请了个假的傻子·考尔脸书帐号♥
Especially now I've set up a fake Saz Kaur Facebook account
假装把密♥码♥泄漏给了他们 这样他们就可以偷摸登进去
and leaked them the password so they can secretly check up
看看我的日常活动
on all my fake activities.
能帮我在图书馆拍几张
Can you help me take some fake pictures
假的比赛照片么
of me playing fake chess in the library?
我老爸老妈肯定高兴死了
My mum and dad are going to love this one.
你这样做不觉得内疚么
Don't you feel bad?
为什么要内疚 我这是在哄他们开心
No. I'm making them so happy. Why would I feel bad?
天啊 小宝宝快把我的大奶蹂躏得不成型了
Oh, geez, that baby's destroying my jelly bonkers.
不停地吸啊吸
Suck, suck, suck.
感觉自己的乳♥头♥像是一块被嚼得没味的口香糖
I've got nipples like lumps of old chewing gum.
有个小宝宝一定很开心吧
Must be nice having a baby, though.
当然了 她这么出众必然是遗传了我的优良基因
Ah, she's wonderful, and I did the right thing passing on my genes.
但是我还是牺牲了自己那美丽动人的阴♥道♥
But I've also sacrificed what was once an extremely beautiful vagina.
对吧 薇娃
Haven't I, Viva?
吓尿了 她刚才就要给你看下♥体♥了
Thank God. She was just about to show it to you.
这附近的人差不多都看遍了
Everyone round here's had to have a look.
隔壁的Burton吓得都抽抽了
Mr Burton next door had one of his episodes.
小基基你来干什么 今天是闺蜜之夜
Rocky, what are you doing here? It's girls' night, remember?
薇薇 你的男朋友现在这么不受欢迎啊
Hello, Viva. Your boyfriend's turned up unexpectedly.
来亲亲
It's romantic.
么么
Yeah, it is romantic.
-别想用肉体迷惑我 -我有话要和你说
- But it's still girls' night. - I need to talk to you.
你说吧
Sure.
你知道 我对读书 写字 橡皮擦
You know how I've got, like, an allergy to reading and writing
尺子 作业本 和笔有过敏症
and rubbers and rulers and exercise books and pens?
我觉得这不是过敏
I'm not sure it's a proper allergy.
真的是过敏 我一闻墨水就起疹子
It is a proper allergy, Viva. I get a rash when I smell ink.
现在我意识到自己到底该做什么了
Well, I realise what I need to do.
显而易见 我应该退学
It's so obvious. I've got to drop out of school.
你说啥 你现在正在一步步进步啊
What?! But you're so close.
基基 加油通过考试
Rocky, just...just get through your exams
那你以后就不用再闻墨水味了
and then you'll never have to smell ink again.
-除了签名的时候 -我做不到 薇薇
- Except when he's signing on. - I can't do it, Viva.
我不是那种天生适合搞科研的优等生
I'm not some sort of A-star boffiny genius.
学的那些东西我根本用不上
And most of the information, I'm never going to use, innit?
你的腓肠肌在哪 鬼知道
I mean, like, where's your gastrocnemius? No-one cares.
裸裸啊 那是八年级的知识了
Geez, Rocky, that was year eight.
你现在要是都不知道 你真的是玩蛋去吧
If you don't know where that is by now, you're basically screwed.
要是我退学 你会和我分手么
So, if I did drop out, would you dump me?
会么
Would you?
我真的需要知道
I need to know.
我当然不会说和你分手
I'm not saying that I'd dump you,
但是我觉得你不该这么草率行事
but I really don't think you should rush into it.
我懂了
Right, I get it.
我必须有资格才能和你在一起
I need qualifications to be going out with you.
真抱歉 我不是来自
Well, sorry I'm not Professor Rocky from the University of..
某地有个听说很好的某个大学的裸基教授
..of somewhere there's a university that's good.
学校见
I'll see you at school.
-我们好好谈谈 -让他去吧
- Wait, let's talk. - Let him go.
目前 我们订的披萨只够分四份
At the moment, our dough ball order divides perfectly between four.
要是他留下来 我们就不得不因为分配
If he stays, we could have a dough-ball division dispute
-大吵特吵 -为什么他就不能意识到
- on our hands. - Why can't he see how important it is
保持长♥期♥积极性的重要呢
just to stay motivated a little bit longer?
让他自甘堕落去吧 反正也是一滩烂泥
Let him drop out. He'll probably fail anyway.
裸基给我们开的门 他看起来不开心啊
Rocky let us in. He looked upset,
所以我们给了他三块好让他开心起来
so we gave him three dough balls to cheer him up.
什么
Three?!
那还吃个吊毛
Everything's ruined.
婊鸡老师 我能看看小宝宝么
Can I see the baby, please, Miss Hitchcock?
她在睡觉 所以不行
She's asleep, so, no.
不过你要是愿意可以看我给宝宝准备夜里的食物
But, if you like, you can watch me express the baby's midnight feed.
我能在五分钟内泵出来一品脱的丝韵香滑香气逼人无添加纯天然的母乳
I can pump half a pint of full cream mummy milk in five minutes.
-谁愿意帮我 -我来
- Hey, does anyone want to help me? - I'd love to, please, Miss Hitchcock.
我拿着这头 你拿着那头
I'll do the right if you take the left.
小布布从没失踪这么久过
It's not like Brandon to disappear for this long.
-他的号♥码都打过了么 -我还去他家附近转了两晚
- You tried all his numbers? - And I've been round his house
夜黑风高 空无一人
the last two nights, but it was all dark, cold and empty,
感觉那边除了蜘蛛就没人住
like no-one was living there except spiders.
我觉得唯一的解释就是
And I'm thinking the only possible explanation
他和他妈被证人保护了
is that him and his mum have gone into witness protection.
这应该不是唯一的解释
Probably not the only explanation.
要是他被证人保护应该会提前告诉你的
If he was going into witness protection, he'd have told you.
证人被保护的时候
When people go into witness protection,
是不会告诉别人的 不然会被杀掉的
they don't tell you cos you could go round and kill them.
我们放学后陪你去看看
Why don't we all check it out after school?
我要快去快回 我还要去见埃迪叔叔
I'd have to be quick. I'm going to see Uncle Eddie.
我爸的一个老朋友
He's an old mate of my dad's.
他也许能让我在他的摊位干活
He might give me a job on his market stall
这样我就能攒到600镑了
so I can save up £600.
我也去
I'll come too.
但是我要给我的脸书小号♥上写点东西
But I have to make up something for my fake Facebook account.
辩论社团听起来像是假傻子应该回去的地方
I'm thinking debating society sounds like fake Saz.
而且她还应该是团队老大
I'm thinking fake Saz should be team captain.
裸基
Rocky.
你昨晚吓到我了
You surprised me last night.
我就是这样喽 脑袋里总会跳出奇思妙想
That's me, always coming up with a new twist.
我太消极了
I was really negative.
没什么大不了
I get it, that's cool.
你是我的男票基基 不管怎么样我都依然爱你
You're my boyfriend, Rocky, and I'll still love you whatever.
真的么
Really?
你是说就算我决定退学
So, you're saying you'll still love me