美剧 | 最危险的动物（2020） | 导航列表
I've had the fear of abandonment
as far as I can remember.
There is a primal wound that adoptees have.
If you weren't loved enough to be kept,
how can you...
expect someone else to love you,
if you can't love yourself?
We told Gary he was adopted early in life.
We had him since he was three-and-a-half months old,
so he was ours.
My parents, my adopted family,
they were my biggest supporters.
But feelings of insecurity
were there from as early as I can remember.
When we were teenagers,
I noticed Gary really starting to struggle with his identity.
Even though we've had a fairy tale childhood,
there's still a wound that
I don't think heals until you know where you came from.
Your self-confidence and self-esteem
tells you that you weren't loved enough to be kept.
And part of that is what's driven me to be successful
at almost everything I've done.
What contributed to my business success
certainly didn't help me with personal relationships.
I've been married five times.
I wasn't gonna let somebody leave me again and hurt me.
I would always leave first.
I have had trust issues all of my life,
and the only time that I didn't feel that,
for the first time in my life,
was the day Zach was born.
Maybe he wouldn't see the flaws,
and maybe he would love me...
just because I was Dad.
Zach has a son now, so I'm a grandfather.
What'd you do?
But, I still have this continual need...
for that reassurance that you really are loved.
So, thank God I have Kristy.
She is my rock.
She is my support
because as hard as I try,
that fear of abandonment never goes away.
And then, you know, I think about my birth parents,
and who they might be today,
and what led them to give me up.
Prior to the '70s,
all adoptions in the state of Louisiana were closed adoptions.
So, I'd given up trying to find my biological parents.
And then one day, after 39 years,
And I never could've imagined
what I was about to uncover.
I'd remember Dad saying,
"A lady from San Francisco
"contacted your mother,
claiming to be your real mother."
I'll never forget how he said "real mother."
我心想 等下 我有个真的母亲 她就在这
It's like, wait, I have a real mother, and she's right here.
I was kinda scared to tell you,
and we knew that you wanted to know.
And we never kept secrets with y'all.
When they told me, Mom...
put her arm around my waist,
and she squeezed me...
and said, "I will always be your mom."
This was 2002, the eve of Mother's Day.
And because it's Mother's Day, I'm feeling guilty.
But, I knew I had to speak to her.
This is Gary Stewart,
and I think you may be my mother.
And, if so,
I would like to wish you,
for the first time in 39 years,
a Happy Mother's Day.
It was like a thousand prayers answered,
or maybe a million prayers answered.
And I said to Gary a number of times
in the initial conversation about,
"I'm not try-- I don't need anything.
"I don't want anything.
I really only wanted to know that you were okay."
And I got on a plane and flew to San Francisco
to meet her for the first time.
Seeing him walking towards me and...
It was a memory I will never forget.
That first hug. It just came so natural,
and we spent the entire next week together.
It was almost time to go home,
and I just felt the time was right to ask my mother...
who-who was my father.
And she said, "Well, honey.
"It's been a long time,
"And I've spent my life
"Trying to forget that time.
But, I think his name was Van."
"I was young,
and we were on the run."
Hearing this, I couldn't imagine how
she couldn't remember who my father's name was.
The desire to know who my father was overcame me,
and that's when I decided I had to find him.
I never could've predicted what I would ultimately discover,
and over the next 12 years,
the desire to find my father would totally consume me.
After I met my mother,
we talked quite often over the next year.
But the more questions I asked her about my father,
the more she said she didn't remember.
I didn't wanna hear, "I don't remember."
I had too many questions, and there were not enough answers.
And he would ask me the same question over and over again,
and I really couldn't convince him that
I wasn't able, and maybe didn't even want,
to remember a lot of it.
I think that Judy remembers everything.
美剧 | 最危险的动物（2020） | 导航列表
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