美剧 | 废柴舅舅（2014） | 导航列表
I had an amazing dream last night.
We were having a picnic by a waterfall.
You made us ham and pickle sandwiches
and I told you they tasted better than Pret,
which you thought was funny even though I wasn't joking.
You said I looked handsome and I sang you a song with my guitar,
which was weird because I didn't remember bringing a guitar,
but that's dreams for you.
Then we made love in loads of positions
but mostly doggie style cos I know that's your favourite.
I woke up after that. Now all I remember is the pain.
I miss you, Gwen.
I can't go on without you
And that's why...
I've decided to kill myself.
Hi, this is Andy, leave a message after the...
嗨 我是Andy 请在"呕"声后留言
Andy? Are you there? Pick up.
If you're listening to this and not answering,
I disown you as my brother.
That's it. I'm hanging up in ten, nine,
就这样 我要挂了 十 九
eight, seven, six, five,
八 七 六 五
four, three and a half, three, two, one...
四 三点五 三 二 一
This better be good. Shit! Thank God you're there.
What took you so long? Nothing.
Just watching porn. OK, TMI.
看毛♥片♥呢 好吧 别说了
Right, can you pick Roly up from school for me? Who?
是这样 你能替我去接Roly放学吗 谁
Errol? Your nephew. Oh, right, Errol.
Errol 你外甥 噢 对 Errol
Uh, yeah...No! Shit, Andy.
呃 不行 我去 Andy
When have I ever asked you for anything?
Exactly, so why start now?
Because I've called every responsible person I know
and they're all busy. Come on, please, I'm begging you.
没人有空 拜托了 算我求你了
I'm actually going to hang up now. Andy, wait! Wait!
我真的得挂了 Andy 等一下
Wait, please. Please.
Listen, I've just got out of class and there's no way I can pick him up
听着 我刚下课 绝对来不及去接他
and get him to football on time.
So he misses football. Big deal! Yes, it's a huge deal, actually!
那就错过训练呗 有什么关系 有关系 很有关系
He misses football and his dickhead dad finds out,
it could ruin the custody case. Oh, come on.
Have you really got anything better going on?
Hey, little fucker.
Hi, there. Can I help?
Uh, hello, Miss. I'm here to pick up Errol.
呃 老师好 我来接Errol的
I'm his uncle.
Really? I've not seen you before.
You could just be some weirdo looking to steal young boys, for all I know.
Sorry, I'm joking.
Your sister called to say you'd be coming.
I couldn't resist. Roly, your uncle's here for you!
我忍♥不住逗逗你 Roly 你舅舅来了
I didn't know Roly had an uncle. Are you two close?
Yeah, yeah. We're like best mates.
I'm like a second dad to him.
Take him out for pizza all the time...
I thought he was allergic to wheat.
He is, but I know a little place that is wheat-free all the way.
Right. He reminds me a lot of myself at that age.
I mean, not as good looking, obviously. Obviously.
Takes his time packing, doesn't he?
So, what do you do? I'm a musician.
Oh, musical family. Roly's quite the piano player, isn't he?
噢 音乐世家 Roly钢琴弹得挺好的 是吧
Is he? I mean, yes, he is..
是吗 我是说 没错 是的
I mean, I taught him everything I know, so he should be.
So, what do you do?
I'm a teacher. Oh, yes, of course.
我是一名老师 噢 对 是的
Hey, mate. Up top!
嘿 哥们 击个掌
That is classic Roly. He is always missing the high five.
My name's Andy, by the way. Melodie.
对了 我叫Andy Melodie
Melodie? That's got a nice ring to it.
Bye... Bye, then.
Come on, I haven't got all day.
"Hi, Uncle Andy."
"Thanks for picking me up."
"I'm sure you've got lots of more important things to be getting on with."
Why couldn't Mum pick me up?
Because she's dead. I've come to take you to identify the body.
That's not funny.
Well, I'm only a chauffeur, I'm not a bloody comedian.
Do you mind? I'm allergic to cigarettes.
Since when? Since my whole life.
So, Roly... Don't call me that.
呃 Roly 别这么叫我
Fine, Errol. Are you any good at football?
好吧 Errol 你足球踢得好吗
You don't have to do this. Do what? Make small talk.
你不用这么做的 做什么 硬聊
We could just not talk. Fine.
That's absolutely fine by me. We'll just sit in silence.
We'll just sit here in silence, not talking.
OK, what are you doing?
I'm counting how long it'll take you to start talking again.
Yeah, great. OK, brilliant. We don't need to do small talk.
好 很好 那就别聊那些有的没的
Let's jump straight into the big stuff.
Do you have a girlfriend?
No. You have to be in love to have a girlfriend.
Let me tell you about love.
When you're in love, it feels like you're walking on water,
and then you realise,
"Oh, hang on, I'm not walking on water,"
"噢 等等 我不是走在水面上"
"I'm actually drowning."
Then a shark bites off your foot and you go, "AH! AH! MY FOOT!"
然后有条鲨鱼咬掉你的脚 你叫道"啊啊 我的脚"
Then another shark comes along
and it goes straight for your cock and balls!
And you're going "Save me! Somebody, save me!"
你大叫"救命啊 来人啊 救命"
Then a seagull plucks you out of the water and you think,
"I'm saved! I'm saved!"
and then he drops you on to the jagged rocks
and you explode like a rotten watermelon
and there's blood and guts and broken bones everywhere
and you think "Well, at least it couldn't get any worse."
And then that is when the hyenas come along and eat you up
and you know what you end up being then, Errol?
Do you know what you end up being then?
Just a steaming pile of hyena shit. That's love.
You want to lighten up, mate.
Get some of that down you. No, thanks.
喝点酒吧 不了 谢谢
As your uncle, I command you.
Uncle! What's so funny about that?
When's my birthday?
Fine! I'm no good with dates and details
but I'm good at the big stuff.
What's my middle name?
Come on. This one's easy.
Is it Errol?
You think my name's Errol Errol?
All right, fine.
美剧 | 废柴舅舅（2014） | 导航列表
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